Big Bad Wolfie

Jason's POV

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. This is all hitting me really f*cking hard and really f*cking fast. "Should we talk about things?" I asked Maria more aggressively than I meant to.

She looked up from her meal and locked eyes with me. She sighed but put the burger down and gave me her full attention. "Do you want to?" She asked me.

"No, but we need to," I gritted out, trying not to take the stress out on her.

This is all my fault, I shouldn't be mad at her for it.

"Of course we need to talk about it, Wolfie. Just not right now. We need to talk when we're not exhausted, starving, and injured."

I shook my head, "You're right." Then my attention shot back to her, "How's your abdomen?"

She shrugged and glanced down at the wrap job one of our pack doctors did, "Finally healing after some rest," she said. She glanced up at me, "thanks for that, by the way."

I nodded, "No problem."

"I liked holding you." Did I say that out loud?

She giggled.

A smile tugged to my lips.

"And I liked being held," she grinned shyly.

I couldn't help the matching grin that grew on my face as well.

"Now eat, it'll sober you up and food is good."

"Hey, I am perfectly sober," I lied.

She snorted and shook her head, "Sure mister," she deepened her voice and put an over exaggerated frown on her face, "We should talk about all our problems right this instant," she mocked me.

"Hey, I do not sound like that!" I defended, holding back a smile.

She put her hands on her hips. "I do not sound like that!"

"Oh yeah, very funny, very mature," I nodded in feigned agreement.

"But of course," she crossed her legs, leaned back in her chair, and stuck her pinky out from her plastic cup, "I am the epitome of maturity."

She jumped when her chair started tipping back, spilling some of her soda as she almost flipped.

I started laughing hysterically at her antics, the irony of her last comment and her chair almost flipping being too much for me.

She breathed heavily with wide eyes, "That wasn't even an ironic joke, that for real just happened," she said, sounding like she was coping with it herself. My laughter boomed louder.

She clutched her chest with one hand while the other clutched the table for safety, "My life just flashed before my eyes."

I shook my head as the laughter continued.

I know I don't have the right to feel this.

But I can't help but think it.

I f*cking love this woman.

'... Yeahhhh... Even I don't think you're allowed to say that.'

Shut up Ki.

Maria sighed.

We had finished our food and now we're just awkwardly standing outside the restaurant I picked for us.

Neither of us know what to do next.

"So... Did you like the food?"

"Oh, yeah," she nodded.

"Good, good."

"How'd you like your meal?"

"It was nice," I answered.

"Cool," she smiled and nodded.

"...Yeah."

"Do those look like storm clouds to you?"

She looked behind her where I gestured. "Um, maybe."

"It might rain soon," I tilted my head at them.

'Are we actually talking about the weather right now?'

Hush!

"Yeah," Maria nodded.

"Or maybe not," she shrugged.

"Maybe not," I nodded along.

'This is so painful to watch.'

"How about that airline food," Maria started.

"Oh-"

'Jason! End this sh*t show of awkwardness right f*cking now, or I'm running both of us off the nearest cliff!'

"Can I take you somewhere?" I blurted out.

'Oh sh*t. . .'

'Are you gonna-

Yes.

She looked surprised at my randomness. "Um... Sure."

"Okay, great," I took her arm and started walking without thinking. But the way she stiffened in my hold stopped me in my tracks.

... I'm such an @ss.

'You're just excited.'

No, I'm just an @ss.

I let go of her immediately.

... I should have never gotten into the habit of just grabbing her like that.

'I feel it too... The shame.'

'Why did it feel okay before?'

Because we tricked ourselves into believing she's the enemy.

There was silence in my head for a second.

'Oh.'

'Well, don't do it anymore.'

Well, nah sh*t.

"Wolfie?" Maria questioned, looking slightly concerned with how I stopped talking or moving.

'Should we be mad at the nickname?'

I don't think so.

'Good. I don't wanna be mad at her anymore.'

I looked up to meet her eyes, "I'm sorry," I told her looking straight into them.

She looked back at me and I could tell she knew I meant for more than just zoning out just now.

She only nodded her acknowledgment.

"Can I take you on a date?" I asked, taking both her hands gently in mine.

I don't feel so bad about this touch.

She laughed kind of unsurely, clearly caught off guard. "I thought you were taking me somewhere."

"I am," I jumped to reassure her, a little too eagerly. I chuckled awkwardly at the sight of her slight surprise. I cleared my throat. "I mean, I still am," I said more calmly, "I was just asking if you'd like to make it a date."

'She's gonna say no. It's not like we've earned it.'

"Um" she started, but before she could shoot me down.

"I kinda wanna start over," I bleated.

She blinked at my outburst.

"I mean, I know we can't. But I think a date would be a good way to... I know I messed up and I suck for it but... Can we just... Ugh," I became frustrated when the explanation wouldn't come to me. 'Oh I know the explanation, "so we can pretend I don't suck",' Malaki mocked me.

Like half of this isn't his fault.

'She's never gonna go for that, you idiot'

"Hi, nice to meet you," Maria said as she stuck her hand out for a hand shake. "I'm Maria, but you can call me Mari," she smiled.

My jaw dropped.

This woman is the best being to have ever walked the universe.

'Do not cry, Jason.'

I felt the tears of relief and gratitude burn the back of my eyes.

'Jason!'

Relax! I'm not gonna cry.

'Thank the goddess. Now close your mouth and say something before you mess this up for us!"

"You're amazing," I said dumbly as I shook her hand, still a little dumbfounded.

Ki facepalmed himself.

'Smooth.'

Maria giggled adorably in response and even snorted at the end.

Okay, it may not have been smooth but it was worth hearing that beautiful sound.

I smiled at her in complete awe of her ability to forgive me even a little.

Enough to go on a date with me.

A sad smile appeared on her beautiful face, probably reading me like a book.

"We had a rocky start," she squeezed my hand that was still in hers. "I wanna get to know you." Her smile morphed into something brighter. "The real you." 'F*ck if we're "allowed" to say it. I love this woman too.'

I grinned brightly at her answer. "I couldn't agree more," I said to both Maria and Ki.

'Yeah, too bad the real you is kinda annoying too.'

Y'know what, I was gonna let you out when we got to where we're going, so you two could meet properly too, but not anymore!

'Wait, no, Jason!"

Goodbye.

I hung up on him in my head and pushed him to the back.

When I came back to the real world Maria was looking at me fondly.

I like this look.

"What I would give to know what you and your wolf talk about," she chuckled.

"Haha," I laughed it off.

It's a lot of you in compromising positions, so I doubt you would really wanna know.

"Oh c'mon, you're not gonna tell me what you two were just saying?" She laughed as we started walking to where I wanna take her. "It looked kinda heated," she smirked and elbowed me playfully as we went.

I chuckled and shook my head at her antics. She's adorable in this new light I'm allowing myself to see her in. "I was just messing around with him about not letting him out tonight to meet you."

"Oh," she said, but something in her voice made me waver.

I glanced over at her and found her glaring all of a sudden. It wasn't hateful, but it showed her frustration.

But about what?

"What's the matter?" I frowned in concern.

"It's just... You wanna let Malaki out?" She reached up to touch the mark on her neck.

My muscles tightened and my stomach ached a little.

"Oh," I mumbled in understanding.

'... She's still mad about that?' Ki's voice came from the shadows, softer than I've ever heard it.

"You're still mad about that?" I asked gently for Malaki.

Maria looked slightly surprised by my question. "It's not that I'm still mad, it's just... Haven't we already met? Him and I?" She rubbed my mark even more.

"I-I," I'm at a loss for words.

'Well, Please just say something, Jason!"

"Technically yes, but, but you met him while he was out of control," I tried to reason.

"Twice?" She looked at me doubtfully.

Ki winced in my head.

'Oh no.'

"Well... Yeah twice but... It wasn't really him," I struggled to explain.

"Then, who was it?" She asked, seeming so confused. "You?"

"No!" I disagreed quickly. "It's just - he just... He lost control," I sighed.

Malaki's whines got louder and more distraught.

"Oh... Like how I lost control?" Maria questioned slowly, clearly uncomfortable with bringing it up.

"Yeah! Just like that! Well, kinda. . . Sorta," I ran my hand over my face. Not really.

Why is this so difficult to explain?

I know Ki didn't mean to hurt his mate. That's not the kind of wolf he is.

So why is it so difficult to defend him?

"You know wolves," I sighed, that being the best explanation that I could come up with.

Actually, I don't."

I looked to her.

Sh*t, she's right.

I opened my mouth to explain further but nothing came out.

The same thing happened the next few times I tried.

I sighed again in defeat. "I think you're going to have to talk to Malaki to understand."

'What if she doesn't want to understand! What if she hates me! What if -'

"Okay."

Ki's mouth hung open.

"You're saying he's not actually a vicious @sshole, right?" She confirmed.

"Oh, he is a vicious @sshole," I shook my head in protest.

'Jason!'

"But he's a nice viscous @sshole."

She laughed kind of nervously at my response.

"Don't worry, Maria. He's not gonna give you another reason to hate us. Right, Ki?" I made a show of asking him out loud.

'Right. Never. I'm never gonna do one thing to hurt her ever again—'

"He says right."

'Grrrr.'

There was still uncertainty in her eyes.

"He cares about you, Maria."

She met my gaze.

"We both do," I smiled sadly.

"And we're gonna prove it to you!" I nodded with determination and picked up the pace to our destination for our date.☐☐☐☐☐☐☐