Big Bad Alphas

I finish up in the bathroom and change into my clothes, trying to go about my nighttime routine normally. I hear many footsteps coming up the stairs as assume it is the group preparing to go to bed.

A few moments later Eric comes into the room, and I close the bathroom door before he notices. I hear him moving around, probably changing himself.

Taking a deep breath, my eyes find my own in the mirror, causing me to sigh. My head tilts to the side. “She’s not like you,” I whisper to myself, repeating his words. “She’s been with someone.”

My fingers grasp onto the thin straps of my plain nightgown before inching them down my shoulders, my mind always telling me that it will be his someday. His fingers will be pulling the straps down, leaving me bare.

My heart beats hard, and my hands become shaky before sliding the fabric off of my body completely. With my hair damp on my neck and sticking to my back, I stare at myself. The gown lays pooled at my feet, almost yelling at me to cover myself back up, to pull the straps back over my shoulders.

My fingers clear the stray hairs from my face.

My eyes shoot to the door when the handle starts to turn. “No!” I shout and quickly crouch to the floor to snatch up my nightgown. In my fit of panic, I fall to the floor and yank the fabric up my body the best that I can.

Looking up, I see the door cracked open.

Breathing heavy, I struggle to my feet and spot my red face in the mirror.

“Isabella?” Caroline’s voice calls from the other side. “It’s only me. I just wanted to know if you had any, uh, feminine products?”

I swallow and bend down to grab them from under the counter. Opening the door, I see her standing in the bedroom with her arms crossed. She sees me and relief takes over her face. “Oh thank god,” she mutters. “I thought I was going to have to run all the way home and grab stuff. Do you mind if I borrow something to sleep in also? I don’t have anything here.”

“Sure,” I mumble and wearily walk to the guest room as she follows.

“Why do you still keep clothes in here? I mean, you two sleep in the same bed and all, you shower in there, you even get ready in there.”

“I don’t know. I didn’t want to barge in when we first met, and I guess I haven’t thought about it,” I explain while searching for clothes. “Here.”

She takes them and smiles. “Thanks.”

I watch her as she walks all the way to the room at the end of the hall before going back into the bedroom. When I do, I find Eric walking about, getting ready. He looks to me and asks why my face is flushed. I brush it off.

Getting in underneath the covers, I gaze up at the ceiling and collect myself. “You said that every night we tell each other a secret.”

Eric comes out of the bathroom, and I can tell he has freshly groomed his face, as he probably did not have the time to do so when he was away. “Yes?”

“Well, I want to hear yours.”

He nods and turns off the bathroom light. “Anything specific?”

“Who.”

“Who?” He repeats before turning off the bedroom light, leaving us in darkness. The windows are the only thing illuminating the room, letting me see his face.

“Olivia right?”

The realization comes to him. “We should not talk about this now.”

Looking away from him, I bite the inside of my cheek. “Who else but Olivia?”

“Isabella, please. This is not the right time.”

“When is?” I turn to look at him.

He gets into bed, and I make sure to leave a significant amount of space between us. “Why do you want to talk about this?”

“Never mind. I don’t. Let’s just go to bed; I’m tired.”

Morning comes quickly, and I find myself waking up before Eric, which is unusual. He must be taking a break from work today.

I leave the bedroom and slowly make my way into the kitchen. Caroline and Lucas are eating breakfast together, and they both greet me while I give them a half as enthusiastic ‘good morning.’ I pour myself a glass of orange juice and try to distract myself from their playfulness and flirting.

Lucas gets a phone call from his Alpha and takes it in the living room. Caroline turns to me and watches. “What’s wrong with you? You look, well, sad.”

“Just tired, that’s all.”

“Don’t try to pull that with me.” She stands up and comes over to me. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”

“Do you know how many people Eric has been with?”

Surprised, Caroline hesitates. “Why do you want to know? Can’t you ask him yourself?”

I shake my head. “Can you just tell me.”

Her brows furrow. “I mean, I don’t know if I can recall exactly who because I wasn’t around when he, ya know.”

“But you know people?”

“I feel like telling you will just make you even more upset, Isabella. Why do you want to know all this, why does it matter now? You’re his mate.”

“Never mind.”

Lucas comes back into the room, and I slip out before Caroline can question me more. Why can I not let this go? Maybe I need a break from this all; maybe I should visit Kendra like I planned. I am sure Eric will understand as long as I do not sneak off this time. We can catch up, and she can tell me how mom is doing and if she is being taken care of. Kendra would be so happy to know that I am coming to see her, as I ruined her joy by abandoning the plans last time.

“Isabella?”

Looking to the stairs, I see Eric coming down. “Yes?”

“I noticed you left. You never wake up before me.”

Not knowing what to say to him, I simply nod.

“This is not happening,” he starts. “I’m not going to let you close yourself off again.”

I want to say something in return, to ease his worries. But I am guilty.

Since I am guilty, I sit down and watch as he joins me. “I don’t mean to,” I tell him quietly. “Something’s are just difficult to go about. Everyone is scared of judgment.”

“Why would I judge you, Isabella?”

“Because I’m not like you,” I admit. “Or Caroline, or Olivia, or Lucas—”

“And why does that matter?” He asks me, peering into my eyes as if he is stripping off every piece of armor.

I want to get up and run someplace where I can be alone, where his eyes cannot stare me down and yank the truth out of me. “Because I made it matter.”

“Why?”

“Because sometimes I get to my head, because I wonder if I’m enough, if I’m doing things right,” I whisper, not wanting Caroline or Lucas to hear my confession. “Because I still worry about Talia being right, or about Olivia taking you from me, or about my sister hating me for leaving her, or about my mother hating herself because my father died, or if things in the woods are watching me, or your father saving me from a rogue, or if you weren’t my mate and Landon got me. Am I doing things right? Am I the cause of all my problems?”

Taking a deep breath, I glance up at Eric.

His hand soothingly rubs my back, moving in circular motions. “You cannot hold onto these things anymore. If you do not let them go, they will consume you even more than they are now.”

“I try,” I mumble. “I’m supposed to be helping you; I’m supposed to be the one who has it all together.”

“Why do you have to be that one?”

“Because I’ve always had to. Someone had to.”

“Isabella, you do not have to pretend to be that person anymore. You do not have to suppress everything anymore,” Eric tells me seriously. “Please be open, tell me how you are feeling. If something is bothering you, next time tell me then and there, okay? Now I’m going to hold off asking about my father saving you from a rogue until later because I am sure it would just make me never want to leave again.”

“Okay,” I mumble. “Your father isn’t that bad, I mean, he did save me, and he was respectful at dinner. Why don’t you try and fix things?”

Eric’s hand leaves me. “Someday, maybe.”