SWNOVELS Beyond His Control: Chapter 6
My heart stops the moment my eyes land on Noah.
I never thought I’d see him again.
But here he is, in the living flesh … standing right here in my apartment, and in the room I tried so desperately to keep hidden. My sacred secrets have been laid bare.
A scowl forms on my face. “What are you doing here?”
I don’t know why I ask. Of course, I know why he’s here. But I’m not about to go with him willingly.
“How did you get in?” I ask, my body shaking as he takes a step toward me.
“We have your keys, remember?” He lifts them with a single finger and jingles them around as though it’s a bone and I’m a dog about to play fetch. Fuck no.
“You stole them from me the day you took me,” I growl back.
He makes a face. “To keep safe … for when it would be needed.”
“You mean for when I’d flee,” I hiss. “You knew I was going to run. You knew I’d never want to stay there.”
He clutches the keys tightly now and stuffs them back into his pocket. “Correct. But I didn’t take into account your ability to move people. Your mother … she created an opportunity for you, and you took it.”
The mere mention of my mother has me on edge. “Don’t you talk about her.”
“Gotten attached?” he muses. “Of course.”
“Shut up,” I hiss.
“She sacrificed everything for you,” he says.
I cover my ears with my hands. “I don’t want to hear it.”
“But you should,” he says. “Because of her you escaped, and now you’re here to do what? Live alone?”
“I had Emmy,” I bark back, unable to stop myself from engaging him. “But you stole her away too.”
“Are you saying you actually grew fond of her?” He raises a brow.
“Don’t change the subject,” I say, pointing at him. “You ordered that guy to take her, didn’t you?”
His nostrils flare. “No, the helper I enlisted acted on his own accord.”
I frown. “So he’s gone rogue?” I snort and laugh it off. “I can’t believe this.”
“Trust me when I say he will be punished for not following orders,” he says.
“I don’t care about your helper!” I yell. He doesn’t understand. “She was my friend. She came here willingly, knowing what the risk was, just to see my world. To live here and be happy. The smile on her face was everything.” Tears well up in my eyes. “And now she’s gone. She’ll never see this place again. She’ll never experience true freedom ever again.”
“She didn’t belong here, and you know that,” he says.
“Screw belonging! She loved it here!”
“Did she really? Or was she just in awe, like a child when they see things for the very first time?” he says, approaching me. “You of all people should know this world, beyond the community, isn’t always as happy as it seems.”
He eyes the pictures on the wall and the tiny shoes standing on the shelf, and then bores his eyes into my soul. Misery flows through my veins.
He knows about my child.
The baby that I lost.
“Don’t,” I hiss. The pain is too much to bear.
I don’t want to think about it anymore, about this scar on my belly, about that baby I never had … because there is a living human being growing inside me now. I have to make the smart choice and not succumb to my emotions. I don’t want to hurt the baby.
With his hands up, he steps even closer, and I back away until I’m up against the bathroom door.
“I’m not here to hurt you, Natalie,” he says.
I shake my head. “I don’t believe you.”
He’s so close that I can feel his breath on my skin. My pulse races. He leans in, his lips puckered, and he kisses me hard. I feel broken, powerless, yet the endorphins rush through my veins, clouding my mind.
No. I can’t let him do this.
I shove him away, and I slap him right across the face.
He stands there, momentarily frozen, while I stare at him in disbelief.
He kissed me, and I slapped him for it.
“I …” I can’t even say anything without stammering.
He touches his face where it’s turning slightly red. “I deserved that.”
My face scrunches up. “I don’t—”
“Yes, you did wanna slap me, and it’s fine. You don’t have to apologize. I can take it.” He places one hand on the door behind me as another reaches for my face. I flinch as he touches my cheek. “But I want to know. Do you really hate me so much?”
The way he looks at me, so full of adoration, shakes me to my core.
“Tell the truth,” he murmurs.
I close my eyes and let out a sigh. I’ve been so caught up in running that I never had a chance to think about what I was leaving behind; the unspoken feelings still lingering between us. But I can’t let them blind me either.
“I’m …” I don’t even know what to say.
He cocks his head, and a gentle smile appears on his face. “It’s okay. It’s okay to be mad.”
As he comes closer, my body yields to his touch, craves his warmth, and I fall for the trap so easily. With his hands snaked around my back, I cave to his embrace willingly.
I shouldn’t, but I’m unable to resist the pull. It’s always been there, from the very first time I met him, and now there’s a baby growing inside me that carries his DNA.
Noah
“I’m so confused,” she says.
I completely understand. Anyone would be if they were in her shoes.
I place a kiss on her forehead. “It will be okay.” I touch her belly, and heat flows through me. Is my child still in there? God, I hope so. I pray he’s all right.
“Is our baby okay?” I ask.
She bites her lip. “I think so. I bled today, so I went to the hospital. They said it was a minor bleed, and that he was still in there, and that there was no need to worry.”
A breath of relief escapes my mouth. “But he’s alive.”
“Or her,” she says.
It’s enough for me. I trust her. I’m in awe of her strength, and the willpower she’s shown. I would’ve expected her to try to get rid of it, but she didn’t, which proves she cares about the baby … and about us even though she might not admit that out loud.
I place a hand on her shoulder. “But you are worried.”
She nods again and rubs her own arms. “I don’t know what to do. I didn’t want to keep it, but I can’t get rid of it either.” She sighs out loud. “I don’t know why I’m even telling you all this. You’re the …”
“Enemy?” I raise my brows.
“I didn’t want to put it like that, but you’re here to take me away again.” She eyes me from underneath her eyelashes as though my mere presence threatens her.
I don’t blame her. I did come here to claim her and bring her back. But a part of me understands things aren’t as easy as they seem, and I think she knows that too. Nothing in this world is black and white. If I take my wife back to the community, my son or daughter will grow up resenting me for what I did to their mother. But I can’t let her stay here either, knowing she’s carrying my child, my future heir.
She suddenly jerks herself free from my grip and walks off. “I’m not coming with you. Don’t think you can convince me. Did you send those guards after me? And those dogs?” she hisses, searching through her kitchen drawers. “Answer me!”
“That was my father, unfortunately,” I reply. Well, partly. The other half was my decision.
She scowls at me, and says, “I shouldn’t have come back here. You know where I live, you’ve seen the room … you know my past now, all my secrets.” Goose bumps erupt on her skin, and I can’t help but feel as though she’s in desperate need of someone she can trust. And that person … isn’t me.
Because in her mind, I will always be the bad guy.
Right then, she pulls out a knife. “Leave.”
She points the knife in my direction, but the tears are welling up in her eyes again. It hurts just to look at her. She’s in so much pain from being alone in a place she’s no longer at home in.
“You don’t belong here anymore. These people haven’t been through what you’ve been through, so they’ll never understand,” I say.
“Shut up,” she yells, the knife shaking in her hand. “I don’t wanna hear it.”
“I think you do. You want someone to listen to you, to hear you, to know your story, and I do. I know every inch.”
“You were the cause of all my misery and heartache!” she yells. “You ripped out my heart and stomped on it for fun!”
“Natalie … You have to understand I’m trying to change things at the community, and I can only do that when I have you by my side. You have to come back home with me.”
“No!” she yells. “There’s no place for me there or anywhere. I don’t have a home. I don’t need a home.”
“Everyone needs a home, including you,” I reply.
“This baby …” She holds her belly with her free hand. “Deserves a better place to grow up in.”
I can’t even respond to that because I know deep down that she’s right.
“Now get out,” she says, holding the knife firm while her tears flow freely down her face. “Leave!”
I step back and open the door again. She may think this is going to work, but I will always come back for her. “I won’t let you go.”
“I don’t care!”
A wicked smile spreads on my lips. “We both know I’ll see you again soon.”
Then she slams the door in my face even though we both know I have a key.
But I also know she’s only going to come with me if she knows the full and honest truth.
It’s time.
“I just want you to know …” I call out through the door. “The reason all of this happened. Why you had to leave the community and why I had to bring you back. I want you to help me overthrow the community’s leadership and bring it to an end.”