SWNOVELS Between Never and Forever: Part 2 – Chapter 20
I’d regret this in the morning. I knew that. Yet, the alcohol had liberated me, and I wanted every inch of him right then and there. He needed to lose control like I needed to be free of being good.
He thought he could keep a lid on this. Screw me out of his system and leave, but I wanted to dig deep into our souls and find a way to exorcise each other from the hell we’d been trapped in over the years. He struggled with letting me in, but I saw the moment he surrendered to it. His shoulders relaxed, his grip on me loosened, and he stood up rather than continued to stroke my core.
“Wait,” I stuttered out. This wasn’t the exact plan. I still wanted to get off.
He turned toward his dresser, slowly opened it, and grabbed something from it before turning around with a smirk. “Be patient, Kee.”
Then, he pulled from his drawer a silver egg with a thin chain attached. “What’s that?”
“What I like.” He said it simply, no embarrassment or hesitation.
“Exactly what do you like?”
“To indulge women.” The words rolled slowly from his tongue as if he was giving me time to understand.
I narrowed my eyes, my stomach twisting. “Have you used that on someone else?”
He chuckled. “You’re as jealous as I am. For that reason, I can honestly say with this one in particular, no. I haven’t.”
“Show me so I can feel it, Dex. Show me so I know.” My eyes were on the small ball, my body humming with curiosity, and my pussy clenched like suddenly it needed to be filled. “I think I might like it.”
There was desire and a plea in my voice. I couldn’t hide it if I tried. I trusted him in a way I probably shouldn’t, and I knew that this was what I wanted from him, needed from him.
“Fuck me,” he murmured, and then he placed the ball back in the drawer and shook his head. “Kee, knowing you’re so much more inexperienced is a mindfuck for me, you know that? I’d teach you everything, but I know you’re going to take all that knowledge with you.”
The words he didn’t say echoed loud and clear in that room. When we left each other.
“So, let’s do what we want now, then.” I wasn’t holding back. Not this time. I glanced over his body and murmured, “Why are you always dressed and I’m not?”
“You’re learning. Not me.” He pointed to his dresser where a large mirror hung behind it. “Get up and go put your hands on the dresser.”
I scooted off the bed and walked slowly past him to do as he asked. He came to stand behind me, and I looked at how tall he was with his chest to my back. I was almost a whole head smaller than him but seemed to fit perfectly there. He wrapped his arm around my waist, and we took a step back together. Another. And another until my arms were mostly outstretched and I was bent at the waist the way he wanted me to be. My ass was on display for him. My legs flexed a bit as he pulled me up so I was on my tiptoes. He massaged my cheek and murmured, “I like control, Keelani.”
“So, control me.” I breathed out once, then twice.
“I intended to before I knew you were a—”
“I’m not anymore.” I knew he was going to say I was a virgin, but that didn’t matter. Our past didn’t matter now. I looked over my shoulder to glare at him. “You’ve fucked enough women, Dex. I’m sure of it. You can learn to treat me like the others you’ve been with.”
“You’re nothing like the others I’ve been with,” he growled.
But I could be. Didn’t he understand that? “Well, I want to be. I want to understand my sexuality, what I like and what I don’t. I want to experience things I haven’t, Dex. So, just…control me.”
His jaw ticked as I looked at him through the mirror. “I’m not saying I want you like anyone else. Jesus, Kee. You’re asking for a lot. A lot more than what I gave you the first time. You need to work up to—”
I didn’t need any of that. I pushed my bare ass against his hard cock and rolled it. He growled at the sensation. “I need you to show me what it’s like to crave something.”
“You don’t need that right now.”
“If you won’t, I’ll ask someone else, Dex.”
“You’re my fiancée. You’re not asking another man to do a thing to you.”
“I’m your fake fiancée. I won’t be seen with anyone else. But if we want to do stuff privately—”
His firm grip became bruising as he gritted his teeth to say, “You do anything privately or publicly with another man, and I’ll make it my sole purpose in life to obliterate him.”
I hummed and arched my back so we both saw every curve of my naked frame in that mirror. “If I can’t learn from you, who will I learn from?” I wanted to push him, he had to know that.
“Open the top drawer,” he growled out, and I felt the shift in his mood.
His eyes simmered with darkness as he caught mine in the mirror. I froze the second I pulled that top drawer open. I knew what would be in it. Still, my heart lodged in my throat. Lined in velvet were tools he used when he fucked women. A small whip, vibrators, anal beads, handcuffs, ropes.
He let me stare at it quietly as if he wanted me to take it in. “Now you see what I’m into?”
I was getting a better idea. I pushed him further. “This it?”
“Well, that black chair in the corner of the room is a sex chair. Made for fucking you at every angle possible,” he told me, and suddenly I realized why he hadn’t sat down on it with me the night I lost my virginity. “Now that you understand, you can close it, Kee.” He rubbed my pussy again and slid one finger in. “I don’t normally lose control in the bedroom. But I’m happy to make you lose control real quick. It’s how I live my life now.”
“Now?” I whimpered at how he slid another finger in and then moved them back and forth over an extremely sensitive spot. “What about before?”
“Before, I was a kid. Before, I made mistakes.” He curled his fingers in me like he wanted me to stop talking about it, which I did because he was immediately easing my tension, immediately tapping into my libido instead.
“Close the drawer,” he murmured against my ear. “I’ll still make you feel good. But it’s better if we go slow and—”
I didn’t want to shy away from it. “You used these on other women?”
“Yes.”
I gasped as his thumb grazed my clit. “With your ex?”
“Kee—”
I stared at that dresser drawer, too many emotions flowing through me as he pleasured me. My hands were white-knuckling the wood now, and I was panting even as I told him, “Get rid of anything you have in that drawer, Dex, if you used it with another woman.” I shouldn’t have been this jealous. Not this fast. Not with this much vehemence.
“Maybe you’re even more jealous than I am.”
“No. I’m holding myself to specific standards. I’m not sharing toys with other women. I don’t want them here if I’m going to be here.”
“We’re not using toys,” he ground out, and his nostrils flared.
“We are.” I picked up the ball he told me he hadn’t used on anyone. “Only ones that are mine, though.”
“You know, if we even contemplate doing this, heartbreaker, you’re not going to make the rules. I am.”
“But you’re going to listen to my requests?” I lifted a brow as I looked at him in the mirror and then rolled my pussy hard into his hand. “Because I’m going to have them.”
“Jesus, you’ve always been a demanding little thing.”
“No different than how bossy and controlling you are.”
His jaw worked up and down as he stared at me in the mirror. But then he snatched the ball from my hand and ground out, “We’re going to be the death of each other. I’m going to drag you to hell, Kee, and neither of us will be able to save the other from the fire.”
I nodded and then whimpered as he took his time dragging that cool metal on my inner thigh. “Better with you than someone who doesn’t understand.”
“Understand what?” he asked as the metal met my center.
“I don’t know, Dex. Understand this. Wanting and needing you and hating you for it.” I was past the point of caring anymore how far we were taking things. I wanted to feel everything with him. I wanted our wounds ripped open.
He didn’t respond to what I was saying. His gaze was on my pussy and how he worked it so slowly. Back and forth over my entrance again and again to the point that I bucked against him. “Patience, Kee.”
One of my hands fisted against the dresser. “How do you use it on me? Just do it.”
“I use it by letting you feel the metal first.” He dragged it slowly to my clit then, and when he reached it, I gasped at the sensation. “Tell me how it feels.”
I breathed in and out fast, unsure if I could handle something so new to me so soon after losing my innocence. My body vibrated, spiraling in a new direction.
“Tell me,” he said again with a firmer tone this time.
“Like your piercing. Cold, heavy, powerful.”
“Yes. Exactly.” And then he took his time sliding it back toward my entrance and into me so that my walls clamped down around it. “You’re so wet, heartbreaker, you’re overflowing when I put it in you.” The sound that vibrated through him traveled to me and rattled my bones, my heart. “Fuck, you’re too perfect.”
I wiggled at the new sensation of feeling something so cool and then how it warmed in my body but seemed to weigh my pussy down and cause an ache there, like I was nearing ecstasy but it was just out of reach.
“You feel how your body holds it, Kee? Like it wants to be fucked and full all the time.” He pulled on the chain to reposition it, and I whimpered as I wiggled against his hand.
“I want you, Dex.”
“Not now.” He stepped back. “This is a good start. A good way for me to see if you’re ready for more with me.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m ready for anything.”
“Then prove it.” His eyes hardened, that green darkening like his soul was turning to stone. “Take a few days with this. See how you feel with that in. Maybe after a concert or two—”
I straightened away from the dresser then. When I did, even my breasts felt fuller, more weighted, and definitely more aroused. I was turned on to another level. “A concert? That’s weeks away and…” Should I admit that my body literally wanted to beg for an orgasm now?
“If you can’t handle it—”
“I’m capable of handling whatever you throw at me, Dex. People have underestimated me time and time again.” The anger I felt at his words was amplified too.
And when our eyes met, the war between us was almost palpable. Hate and pain and love and brutality clashed there in that room.
“I never underestimated you, Kee. If anything, I overestimated what you could handle with me. I expected you to stay, remember?”
“I came back,” I whispered out.
“It was too late.” No man could peel away the layers that Dex did when he looked at me like he was at that moment. I couldn’t hide from his gaze, couldn’t stop the connection between us even if I wanted to. “And still, you’re standing here, fucking beautiful as ever, and I might just fuck you if I don’t leave. I might lose control. I need to know, when I do, that you’ll be able to handle it. So, we’ll see. Go to your mic checks tomorrow. Go to rehearsals. Three hours a day. No more. See how you handle having that in you throughout. Cleaning supplies are in the drawer.”
“And what? That’s going to prove I can handle you?”
“It’ll be a start.” He rubbed at his chin and took a step back from me. He was always distancing us from each other. I knew it was self-preservation and him controlling every aspect of the situation, but I’d started to spiral.
I’d experienced things already so new and blindingly good that I couldn’t understand how I’d let my record label do what they’d done for so long. “I’m going to prove myself, Dex. Prove to you that I’m exactly like I was but not at all who I used to be. I’m going to prove I can handle this venue, and I’m going to prove to everyone that I can make it singing my own songs.”
“Heartbreaker, you think I’m doubting you?” He tilted his head.
“I know you are. But after we’re done with this first step, you’re doing what I want. And that means you’re cleaning out the items you’ve used with other women. If you’re going to be a jealous, possessive ass with me, you can expect it in return.”
“I’m the jealous one?” he balked.
“I didn’t go out with your brother tonight. I went out with Olive—and that was it. Maybe next time you should check your cameras if you want to be right.” With that, I grabbed my clothes and walked into the bathroom, ball still clenched tight enough in me that I felt every stride I took. I felt his words too.
“Don’t tempt me into watching your every move, Kee, because God knows I’d enjoy it.” He slammed the door behind him, and I stood there thinking I was twisted in the head because I knew…
I’d enjoy it too.