Between Desire and Denial: Chapter 25
Dimitri doted on me for the rest of the week even though I reminded him we were keeping it friendly over and over. I had to be the rational one even if he wasn’t. We were friends who’d indulged in benefits. But we were stopping that now. The only time we touched was at night when I found myself cuddled against him.
I couldn’t resist it. At least not until the bed came.
On Friday, Dimitri went to the office, and I tried my best not to get nervous about the grill out that night. I also tried my best to stop thinking about him and about how he’d interacted with Knox, how he’d smiled at me after, how he hadn’t stuttered at all about being a father.
I needed to be rational. So, I went back to the dating app.
Me: Sorry I didn’t respond before.
Mr. Perfect: I figured you had moved on, that I’d offended you somehow.
Me: No. I’ve just been busy.
Mr. Perfect: Gotcha. Seeing someone now?
Me: No. I’m not.
Mr. Perfect: You sure? Normally what happens when you stop talking to someone on a dating app.
Me: No one serious.
At least, I was trying to make myself feel that way. I got up to shower and then worked on getting ready for the infamous grill out while he messaged me back.
Mr. Perfect. Tell me about this not-so-serious person. Why isn’t it serious, and how can I make sure we get to that point.
Me: Well, with him, it just can’t be. We’re not compatible. Plus it would ruin friendships.
Mr. Perfect: I highly doubt that, Flower Girl. Highly. I think you’d be compatible with everyone. And you sure it wouldn’t make friendships better?
It was an odd thing to say, but I wasn’t very invested in our conversation at this point anyway. Kee was calling and I answered right away to tell her all about how this grill out was going to be the absolute worst.
“There’s just something about seeing everyone you grew up with and not having a job, a real boyfriend, a freaking path, even,” I said into the phone.
I walked over to the package I’d set on my dresser earlier that day and I opened it up as I listened to Kee. “You have a job. You’re my assistant,” Kee corrected me. “And Dimitri is acting like your boyfriend in front of everyone, right? I’m still mad I heard about that from him, by the way.”
She knew we were pretending for the sake of Dimitri’s investment. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s been a whirlwind here.”
She sighed. “Well don’t stress yourself out. Just remember, no one knows you’re faking it there. And they don’t have to know.”
“But I know,” I whined because every girl should be able to whine to her best friend about things that shouldn’t matter. It’s what friends were for. “I know I’m destined to live a life of being single.”
“Are we going to mope this whole phone call? You’re talking to guys. You sent me pics of them.”
“I know.” But Mr. Perfect wasn’t giving me the butterflies the way Dimitri did, not that I could tell her that.
“So focus on a couple of those guys.”
I heard Pink yell out from the background, “Or every one of the guys.” Then Kee was scolding her, saying I didn’t need to sleep around.
“Well, I am still messaging a guy. So, we’ll see.” I opened the package and stared at the calligraphy pen I pulled from a thin black box. “And I’m starting a new hobby. Calligraphy.”
“Calligraphy?” Kee sounded confused.
“Yeah, I got the ink and the pen. Something my mother used to do.”
“She’s doing calligraphy?” I heard Pink blurt out. “As a hobby? See. She’s bored. She’s filling her time with arts and crafts. She needs men.”
“I do not.” I rolled my eyes and took a moment to hold the pen between my fingers and feel its weight. “My mom used to do it and I figure why not try, right?”
“I didn’t say it was a bad idea,” Pink clarified softly and then chuckled. “I just think you need dick in your life too.”
“Well, maybe Mr. Perfect will provide that.”
“Oh, is this the dating app guy?” Kee asked. “See, you got Dimitri and the dating app. You’re way better off than most of the women there. Plus, you may be trying to leave me after you finish your thesis, but you’re still my assistant.”
God, my life was a hot mess. I thought back to how my stepmother told me to be a lawyer and wondered if she’d been right. “Keelani Hale, you’re taking a year off. You have a whole damn PR team and marketing team that—”
“I still trust you and Pink more than any of them though.”
My friend was forever loyal. And loyal friends were to always be valued over pride and ego. I opened the ink bottle on the dresser and grabbed a notebook from my nightstand to test out the pen. I drew friend on it and smiled at the curve of the ink. “I trust you guys more than anyone too. I told you, you can text or call me at any time for advice, and I’ll fly out to do your hair whenever you want free of charge. Or you guys can fly here and—”
“I have been wondering a bit about this weird-ass community Dimitri is so obsessed with. Wonder if it’s as fucked-up as the gated community I grew up in.” Pink cackled before she said, “But seriously, Bane is acting weird about it too.”
“Why?” I asked, because Bane was her enemy but also maybe her lover, and he was a man of mystery who intrigued every single person who encountered him.
“Probably because he knows how toxic ours was, and now he wants more toxicity in his life. He’ll probably try to buy it out from under the Hardys.”
“Good luck,” Kee grumbled. “Even if Dimitri isn’t answering me half the time, I know how invested he is in Paradise Grove. Which makes me curious. What are you two doing over there other than faking a relationship?”
“Nothing,” I blurted out as I dropped the pen and screwed the ink bottle back on tight. I needed to finish getting ready for the grill out anyway. I grabbed my purse and shuffled through it to find my lip gloss so I could put some on as I looked at myself in the full-length mirror next to the dresser. “We’re not doing anything at all.”
And of course that was the exact moment Dimitri came to stand in the primary bedroom’s doorway. I saw him leaning against the frame looking like a tall drink of water in the middle of a desert with condensation dotted across the clear glass and maybe some ice cubes thrown in. I was suddenly hot and thirsty. “A suit?” I whispered to him.
He smirked at my lie and then whispered back, “It makes a lasting impression.”
“He didn’t answer when I called him yesterday,” Kee told me. “And he hasn’t called me back. It’s unlike him.”
“He works a lot,” I murmured as Dimitri pushed off the doorframe and came to stand behind me. I was fiddling with tying my green halter crop top. It was a knitted fabric that had tiny gold strands threaded throughout. It was as close to the forest theme as I was getting and I was happy it matched my bikini bottoms along with bringing out the gold flecks of my eyes. Supposedly, we were all supposed to dress for her pool too. With loose wide leg pants over my bikini and sheer cardigan cover-up to match, I felt confident enough.
But then Dimitri’s hand slid under the cover-up and around my waist, I gasped, and he took the phone as I heard Kee say, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, Kee,” Dimitri said as his hand moved over my stomach. I could barely make out what he was saying as my body reacted to his calloused hand, how it felt so rough but so gentle against my skin. We hadn’t been touching like this, hadn’t been putting our skin right up against one another’s. “We’re going to a grill out. So, we need to go and get ready.”
He paused for a moment, just his thumb moving up and down on my hip now. And I almost whimpered, “Dimitri …”
“I haven’t gotten back to you because I’m working, but we’re fine. I’m taking care of your girl.” More silence. Then, “Should I be?” He chuckled and I looked up at him with question. “I’m kidding, Kee. She’s safe with me.”
He frowned at her next question. “Well, I fly out of town tomorrow. So, you can imagine. And she’ll call you all next week. Just don’t worry so much.” Another pause, then he said their best friend phrase, “Not if, always when.” Finally, he placed my phone on the dresser next to the mirror.
“I love that phrase,” I told him because I saw how good of friends they were, that they’d become family over the years.
He chuckled. “Really? You used to repeat it every time I said it to her like you thought it was ridiculous.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I thought it was nice that she had a friend like you. You’ve always provided unwavering support to her.”
“I always do for people I care about.”
“What did she ask you?” I said softly.
“If I’m taking care of you in more ways than one.”
“Oh,” I whispered and tried to step forward, but his hand was still at my waist and held me there suddenly. “Well, like you said, I’m safe with you, right?” I almost squeaked out.
“Safe like I’m going to protect you from getting hurt forever, or safe like I’m not going to touch you all night?”
“Both?” I squeaked, trying my best not to lean into his touch.
“My hands are already wandering all over you, Honeybee, and we’re not even in public yet. So you should probably change if you don’t want me touching you all night.” He took a deep breath, then slid his hand away, like he was employing restraint just for me.
I felt instantly colder, like I was missing something that should have been on my skin always. “Actually, tonight would be a great time for you to be touching me to make things between us more…believable,” I said, as I pulled my hair up in a bun. “We should really look like we’ve been together awhile for everyone to witness.”
He stuck his hands in his pockets, his eyes scanning me again, as he sucked on his teeth. “If I don’t mind touching you, just tonight, Olive?”
“That’s what I said.” I looked in the mirror at him and his green eyes were ablaze with hunger now.
“I’m dying to touch you every single night. You get that, right? You realize that every day I spend nearly all day talking myself out of it.”
“Dimitri—” I started.
“Please tell me you’re going to put on another shirt.”
I grabbed for my small purse and frowned. “What for?”
“Are you serious?”
His jaw worked up and down, up and down before he dragged one of his big hands over his face. “I’m positive that if you don’t cover up a bit, I won’t be making a good impression on anyone tonight.”
“You’re a big boy.” I patted his chest. “You can control yourself.”
“I’m aware. I’m just not sure other men will and I’ll end up mauling all of them.”
“I can take care of myself.”
“And yet, when you have a boyfriend like me, I’m inclined to take care of you instead.”
I rolled my eyes. “There will be tons of other women there to look at tonight. Melly normally invites all her friends. You’ll see. Your eyes—and every other man’s—will be glued to them.”
“You’re the only woman who holds my attention, Olive Monroe. I don’t think it’s ever going to stray from you again.”
I chuckled at that. He was about to be reminded that there were much prettier women in the world than me. “I think you’ve been cooped up too long.”
He sighed. “I’m starting to think you don’t have a high enough opinion of yourself.”
“I have a realistic one,” I told him as I slipped on my wedge heels and pointed to the door.
“Realistic? Have you looked in the mirror lately, Honeybee?”
“I just was.”
“So, then you must not be looking.” He stopped me and turned me back toward the mirror. “Really look at yourself, because some god took extra time on you.”
“Dimitri, I’m standing at about five four to your what? Six foot four or something insane.”
“Little over six six.” He smirked.
“And do you work out every day for like five hours?”
“I work out enough.”
“Right. I go for a light jog or walk only to spy on the neighbors and my family.”
“I’m starting to think you’re as nosy as Lucille.”
How dare he. “I’m doing it for you.”
“Keep telling yourself that.”
“Anyway, I appreciate you trying to make me feel confident, I do. But it’s not like I’m fighting off the masses.”
“You seemed to have a lot of matches the other day.”
“To hook up,” I told him. Didn’t he get the point of the app?
“So you just want to hook up with them?” He narrowed his eyes. “They’re not worth it.”
“Oh my God. That’s beside the point.”
“Do you really think Kee would want you going out and taking a chance—”
“You told me I should be taking chances and enjoying dances.”
“What fucking dance are you seeking?”
“Well, hooking up normally leads to a great—”
“Don’t finish that sentence,” he ground out.
I blew a raspberry and waved him toward the door. “Let’s get walking before I decide these heels and this party aren’t worth it.”
His eyes were on my legs. “The heels are fucking worth it all right. The party? I’m not sure.”
When we walked into Melly’s backyard that night, I expected her to have gone all out because every person who volunteered to host a grill out normally did. But even I stood there with my mouth open for a minute. Her backyard was larger than most as she had the woods behind it, but she made sure to showcase the expansive estate nestled among the lush trees. Lights were threaded in the woods, illuminating a path with a sign pointing into it saying, Enjoy the enchanted woods.
Women dressed like fairies held champagne trays and one sauntered up to us immediately, her task obviously to greet guests. “Welcome to Fairy Land,” she said and waved at the glasses she held. Smoke flew in front of her wand over our drinks and somehow they sparkled into the night. I took two because I knew I would need them.
Dimitri shook his head and smiled down at me. “She has enough for both of us.”
The fairy fluttered away, but my attention was on him. “I don’t have enough. You should have taken one. You’re going to need it.”
He chuckled. “I enjoy a party.” He shrugged as I watched him take in everything. The pool’s sleek curves were lit up by an ever-changing colorful light, and there were five waterfalls cascading into it. A transparent floor was seamlessly suspended over the water, and people walked across it, oohing and aahing at how it held them.
“Eep! You both made it.” Melly’s high-pitched voice could be heard from the house as she barreled across her patio to come hug Dimitri. She had to stand on her tiptoes to meet his tall frame, and she folded into him perfectly, her shimmering white pearl fairy dress much more revealing than mine. “Do you like the theme?”
Dimitri nodded and I agreed with him. “Sorry we didn’t dress up much.” I shrugged. Women were dressed to the nines, but the men hadn’t really indulged. I saw Jameson from the corner of my eye as Melly rambled on about how she had a live band for the whole night. Jameson rolled his eyes, and I snickered.
But Melly kept going on and on. She had Dimitri’s full attention because why wouldn’t she? She was a tall, beautiful brunette who knew how to flaunt what she had. And then she snatched even more of his attention as she said, “We are holding a little impromptu meeting about some of the points that will be addressed at the next board meeting soon. I’ll put in a good word for you, okay?” She placed a hand on his arm, and my body instantly wanted to rebel and lash out at her. She was touching what was mine. Didn’t she know that?
But I took a deep breath. This is what we were here for, to engage with the community. Even so, Dimitri stepped back and put his arm around me. “I’ll be at the board meeting. In three weeks, correct? I’d love an invite to yours, too, if possible.”
“Oh, that’s just a couple of us girls. We get together every now and then. But I’ll speak highly of you, promise. If you’d like, we can catch up on your plans for the condo and office building in a bit. I think that’s the biggest concern right now, correct?” The woman had an uncanny knack for ignoring me, and so I knew inserting myself here would do us no good.
I tried to step away quietly, but Dimitri’s hold on my waist tightened even as he continued to talk with her. “I hope it’s of no concern once I let everyone know how rentals will work. And the office building will be the same, but I don’t believe we’ll be renting it out much at all. Most everyone working there will be a part of the HEAT empire.”
“Oh, I know that,” she said like they’d been partners in his business for years. “We just have to convince everyone else, right?” Her laugh was so soft and perfect as she leaned into his side.
“Of course.” He shrugged.
“Now, I have to mingle.” She waved at another guest. “But catch me for a dance later so we can talk about this more, okay?” She fluttered her eyelashes.
That’s when I stiffened, and I knew Dimitri felt it. “I probably won’t,” he admitted to her with no remorse on his face. “I intend to dance with my girlfriend all night.”
Melly quite literally said “Oh” as if she was surprised to find me there. “I’m sure Olive won’t mind letting me sneak you away for a dance or two though.”
“It’s fine.” What else could I say?
“She wouldn’t mind, but I mind letting her sneak off with another man.” Melly looked as if she’d been turned down in front of all her best friends. Maybe she had. Rina and Willa were actually right beside her. They were tall and skinny and stunning in their own ways. Just as Melly was.
Neither of them, like Melly, made any attempt to say hello to me even though we’d all been in high school together. “Well, either way, we’ll see. Olive, so glad you could make it too. Watch your step next to the pool tonight.” She bustled away, and her friends followed as Dimitri kissed my forehead.
“You’re laying it on too thick,” I murmured to him.
“No. I think it’s just right. You’re mine around here. They need to know you deserve the same amount of respect I do.”
“They don’t give me any respect at all, and they never will. Melly is a lost cause, hence her pool remark.”
“What happened with the pool?” He frowned.
“Melly used to live with her parents a few blocks over. They had a pool too. She invited Olive over and then pushed her in during prom pictures her senior year of high school,” I heard Knox say from behind me. I turned to see him standing between my stepmother and my father. He stood tall with a small smile on his lips, and he winked at me like he and I had a secret to keep. “They’re assholes.”
There it was. My brother exactly the way I remembered him. I pulled him in for a hug and he let me. Something was different about him tonight but also completely the same as he used to be. I might have held onto that hug a little longer and squeezed him a little tighter. “It’s really freaking good to see you tonight, Knox.”
“You just saw me.” He laughed softly. “Don’t be dramatic.” But he patted my back like he understood and let me hug him extra.
It may have been dramatic, but I didn’t just mean it was good to see him here at the party, I meant it was good to see him looking aware, looking like he could handle socializing, looking like he wanted to be out in public.
When I pulled away, my father hugged me and said he was happy to see me too in a clipped tone. His tense jawline led me to believe otherwise as he and Dimitri eyed each other up.
My father was a tall, good-looking man. His dark wavy hair and bright brownish eyes the same color as mine had always landed him acting roles when he was younger, especially with his charming smile. Now, as a director, I think he held most people’s attention and respect. It was what made his career and what broke his family. Women had always thrown themselves at him, and he never resisted. Not when he was with my mother and not now with my stepmom.
It’s why I still couldn’t look him in the eye with respect, even when he tried to be consoling and sweet to me. I never forgave him for not being there for us at the end of my mother’s illness, and maybe he never forgave me for not forgiving him.
“Good to see you, Dimitri. Olive tells me you two are sharing a house for the time being.” He extended his hand to shake Dimitri’s.
Dimitri shook it but said, “Well, we’re sharing more than that, Mr. Monroe. She’s been my girlfriend for quite some time.”
“Right. It’s not something either of you has mentioned over the last year to anyone in Paradise Grove or it seems I would have heard about it?” There was question in his tone.
I watched Dimitri smirk, and a gleam shimmered in his eyes at the challenge my father threw his way. “She was traveling with my best friend, Kee. We wanted to make sure it was serious before we moved in together and let family know.”
“I’d still like a call from you, Olive, with news like this. You should respect me enough to do that.”
Knox sighed and groaned, “Dad.”
I tried my best not to explain myself immediately. It’s what I would have done had I still lived at home. I would have tried to smooth things over and take care of everyone. Now, it felt futile. Knox was already struggling, and I’d already left.
Dimitri didn’t have me contemplating what to say for long. “Respect goes both ways.”
Dad narrowed his eyes at Dimitri and turned to my stepmother. “Why don’t we go get a drink? We can rehash family business another night. This one is for fun. Right, everyone? Olive, call me this week.” He held my gaze before he nodded to Dimitri, then he turned to Knox.
They exchanged a glance, but Knox shook his head. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen that look in my father’s eyes, and it wasn’t the first time he tried to quietly throw his weight around. He grabbed Knox’s arm, but my brother, although he’d lost muscle, still yanked it away from my dad.
“Knox,” I said softly, because that look I’d missed—the one where he was sort of himself—died right there as he stared at my dad.
My father glanced around and then waved him off before smiling big and turning toward the bar with his wife.
There was silence between the three of us now even though the party’s loud music and laughter filled the air. The tension was louder than any of the surrounding revelry. My gut twisted at thinking of what Knox and my father might have been going through. “Knox, can you—”
“Don’t. Just … let’s talk a different day.” A frown wrinkled his forehead as he stared at our dad.
“Dad’s probably just stressed.” Why was I making excuses?
“Doesn’t matter.” He glanced away, and I saw the moment he recognized two men I’d never seen before. He perked up like suddenly he had more energy. Normally I would have been happy to see him excited, but this was too much. He waved to them before he turned to me and hurriedly said, “He’ll forget about it tomorrow when he’s packing to be on the set of another movie.” I took a deep breath and Knox patted my shoulder. “Go enjoy the enchanted woods, Olive Bee.”
I cleared my throat as I watched him hurry off. “I’m going to go make sure he’s okay,” I said to Dimitri, but he caught my arm and pointed.
Esme was beelining toward Knox on a mission. “I think she’s about to do that for you.” I chewed on my cheek, not sure if I should intervene. “He’s got to make his own decisions.”
“He’s making the wrong ones, and I wasn’t there before to steer him in the right direction.”
“Sounds like you were a kid growing up too, Honeybee.” He nudged my shoulder. “And you’re here now. When he inevitably falls further down the shithole he’s digging, we’ll be there to get him out.”
My eyes snapped away from Knox to Dimitri’s as he said we. “Oh, you don’t need to be a part of this. It’s my problem to—”
“Your problems are my problems.” He smiled down at me, and I wasn’t sure if this was just for show or not.
I shook away the thought and sighed as I looked on at the whole town packed in Melly’s backyard. “Sorry. Everything here is so much more complicated than you probably thought,” I whispered. “My father is …”
“Don’t be sorry for someone else’s actions. They aren’t your responsibility.” Dimitri pulled me close to whisper, “Now, want to dance on that ridiculous dance floor?”
“Nope.” I couldn’t shake those terrible memories of falling in no matter how long ago it was.
Dimitri stared at me as the melody of the band swelled with a slow song. “Come on. I’ll hold you close. Won’t let you fall overboard. I promise.”
“I’ll pass.”
He hummed. “But Olive, aren’t you the least bit interested in the experience?”
“Seriously? I’m not that curious about everything,” I grumbled, but now I was thinking about it and wondering a little. “Maybe you could go out there and tell me?”
He shook his head. “I go only if you go.”
I glanced around and didn’t see Melly or any of her friends. And the people standing on the clear plastic were doing just fine. Yet, I didn’t like how the platform only covered about three-quarters of the pool. Sure, there was a bit of a clear ledge so people wouldn’t fall in, but years ago, that wouldn’t have mattered. My fall back then had been epic.
Still, I couldn’t pass on the opportunity and sighed. “Let me put down my purse.” I walked over to the lounge chairs and realized half of the guests were now in swimsuits. It was unusually warm for springtime, sure, but Melly had also been squawking about how the pool had been “heated to perfection.” My being in a bathing suit was a smart decision in case I did fall in anyway. I shimmied out of my pants and coverup and went to go meet Dimitri at the edge of the shimmering water.
When he saw me, he stalked off the dance floor and started marching me back to the lounge chairs. “No.” He shook his head. “Absolutely not.”
I halted as I chuckled. This man made me feel like my ego should have been bigger, like I was worth it even if I didn’t have a job, didn’t have anything to brag about at this virtual high school reunion masquerading as a grill out. “Stop it, Dimitri. Don’t worry about what I’m wearing, and let’s go dance.”
“You’re in panties and a bra, Olive.” He pulled me over to the side of the backyard. “How the hell am I not supposed to worry about that?”