SWNOVELS Best Fake Fiancé: Chapter 20
WHEN LEVI PULLS UP in the driveway, Daniel and I are sitting outside on the porch steps, coffee in hand, talking about nothing, watching the sunlight slowly soak through the forest that surrounds the house.
I’m on my feet before Levi’s truck comes to a stop. Daniel takes my coffee mug. Levi’s truck stops. He gets out.
Daniel leans down and kisses me. I put one hand on his shoulder without thinking, a brief, chaste kiss, and then it’s over.
“Ballet Monday?” he says.
“Sounds good,” I say, and I walk toward Levi’s truck, managing to climb into the passenger side without flashing him.
“Thanks for the ride,” I say as soon as we’re both inside, seatbelts buckled. “I know it’s early, I just totally forgot that I didn’t have my car here, and we didn’t want to wake Rusty up, you know?”
Levi puts the truck into gear, and I swear there’s a quick, sneaky smile hiding under his beard.
“Naturally,” he says. “I imagine she’d have a lot of questions.”
I steal a quick glance over at Daniel’s oldest brother. Just because he tends to be the quietest, the last one to typically get involved in family arguments, and the least likely to interfere, doesn’t mean he’s the least nosy.
There’s a part of me convinced that Levi somehow knows everyone’s secrets, all the time, he just doesn’t say anything.
“Are you trying to tell me you’ve got questions?” I say, leaning back in the seat, my arm resting on the window ledge.
He’s giving me a ride home at sunrise. I probably owe him some answers. I think I can handle that. This isn’t really a secret, right? We’re supposed to be engaged, after all, though I think Levi is one of the ones who knows it’s a ruse.
Shit, I’m gonna need a flow chart to keep track of who knows what.
“I’m probably the only person right now who hasn’t got any questions at all,” he says, downshifting to go around a sharp turn. “Unlike Rusty, I know what it means when a woman is still at a man’s house at six o’clock in the morning.”
“Right,” I say. “So… how are the trees?”
The answer to that question is surprisingly complex and interesting. Most of the trees are well. Some of the trees are in trouble. He’s trying to convince the Forest Service to do slightly more prescribed burns this year than normal, to clear out the brush, and just as I ask how many acres they usually burn, my phone rings. It’s my sister.
“Sorry, one sec,” I tell Levi. “Hey, Betsy.”
“What happened?” she asks.
“I’m fine, it’s nothing,” I tell her.
“You called me at five-fifty in the morning,” she says. “That’s not a nothing time, Chuck.”
“Is that Elizabeth?” Levi asks.
“Is that Daniel?” Elizabeth asks.
I nod at Levi.
“It’s Levi,” I tell Elizabeth.
The line goes dead silent for at least five full seconds.
“It’s Levi?” she asks.
I’ve never heard my sister sound more astonished. I just start laughing.
“Surprise!” I say.
“What?” she hisses into the phone. Another silence.
Then: “Charlotte Alexandra, are you fucking with me?”
“Of course not,” I say. “It’s Levi. It’s six in the morning and I am currently with one Levi Loveless. Hand to God, Betsy.”
Levi glances over at me, one eyebrow raised, an entertained half-smile on his face.
“Tell her I say hi,” he says.
“Levi says hi,” I tell Elizabeth.
“You’re definitely fucking with me,” she says.
“Elizabeth, she’s fucking with you,” Levi says, raising his voice slightly. “I am merely your sister’s conveyance. Our relationship is platonic.”
“He’s giving me a ride home from Daniel’s,” I say, still laughing. “That’s why I called you, but your phone went to voicemail.”
Next to me, Levi is just shaking his head.
“I see,” Elizabeth says. “Just so I’ve got everything straight, you were at Daniel’s at five-forty-five this morning?”
“Technically, it’s his mom’s—”
“Charles.”
“Yes.”
“I see. You want to get breakfast in an hour? Mountain Grind?”
“Sure,” I say. After a few more exchanges, we hang up, and I look over at Levi.
“Sorry for involving you in that,” I say. “Sometimes I can’t help but mess with her, she can be such a know-it-all.”
There’s that slight smile again as the truck comes to a stop and Levi looks left, then right.
“Oh, I understand completely,” he says. “You know my family. Some of them rather well.”
I blush, laugh, and change the subject.
WHEN WE GET to my house, Levi insists on walking me to my door. I accept, because I’ve learned it’s pointless to argue with a Loveless man on matters of chivalry.
I make some more coffee, shower as fast as I can, put on new clothes, and head back out to the Mountain Grind. It’s only about six blocks away, so I walk, but I’m somehow still ten minutes late.
Elizabeth’s sitting by the window, messing with her phone, two cups of coffee in front of her, a plastic number eleven in a stand. She doesn’t say anything as I sit, just pushes one of the cups forward.
“Thanks,” I say, and start on my third cup of coffee of the morning.
“I got impatient and ordered already,” she says. “I hope you wanted a breakfast burrito.”
“That sounds magnificent.”
She takes a long sip of her own coffee, and I take the moment to marvel at my older sister. It’s seven in the morning, and she’s wearing mascara and a necklace along with her jeans and shirt.
How does anyone accessorize this early? I just feel lucky that my shoes match.
“You boned him, right?” she asks. “Please don’t tell me you were up all night just talking or something.”
“What’s wrong with that?” I ask, ignoring the first part of the question for now, just to fuck with her a little more.
“You’ve wanted his dick for like ten—”
An older woman I don’t recognize turns and looks at Elizabeth, and she looks away, toward the window, clears her throat.
“—like ten years,” she finishes, her voice considerably lower.
“It hasn’t been that long,” I protest.
“Charlie,” she says, leaning in. “Did. You. Bang. Daniel—”
“Yes,” I hiss, also leaning in.
“Atta girl,” she says, and holds out one fist. I bump it with mine. “That was the first time, right?”
I just sip my coffee and lean my chin on one hand.
“I bought you breakfast,” she says, narrowing her eyes. “Come on.”
“Yes, first time,” I say. “We went cake tasting yesterday and he picked me up and I forgot I didn’t have my car there…”
I sketch the vague details: no car, sleeping Rusty, Levi to the rescue. She won’t stop grinning like the cat that ate the canary, so by the end of my story, we’re both giggling.
“I hope he finds your underwear,” she says. “At least they don’t have a dog, that could be a disaster.”
I take a moment to imagine a golden retriever, running through Clara’s back yard, my panties held aloft in its jaw.
“I probably should have found them, but I was kinda panicking,” I admit. “They’re there somewhere, right? Oh, God, tell me Rusty won’t find them.”
“Daniel is very responsible,” Elizabeth assures me. “He’s probably found them already. He does his own laundry, right? Tell me his mom doesn’t still do it.”
I just shake my head as the waitress comes over and delivers us food: an egg sandwich for Elizabeth, a breakfast burrito for me.
“He’s twenty-nine,” I say.
“That doesn’t guarantee shit,” she says, mouth full. “There are some man-children out there, Charlie. Years ago, before Jeff and I got married, I dated a guy whose mom packed him lunch every day at thirty-one. He had to go by her house on the way to work. How that was easier than just making his own lunch I’ll never know, but I broke up with him when he told me that.”
I dump hot sauce on the burrito and take a big bite, suddenly starving after not eating much but cake in the last twenty-four hours.
After a moment, she nods at my burrito.
“It about that size?” she asks, pure mischief in her eyes.
“What?” I ask, my mouth full.
“His dick,” she says, like it’s perfectly normal thing to ask.
I nearly spit my burrito out.
“You teach children with that mouth?” I hiss once I swallow.
“No, I swap it out for an appropriate one, like Mr. Potato Head,” she says calmly. “This is my getting-breakfast-with-my-sister-after-she-finally-fucked-a-guy mouth. Also, last time you had a boyfriend, you were way more forthcoming.”
“That was like two years ago, and also, you got me drunk,” I say. “Besides, you know Daniel, I can’t just tell you about his dick.”
“I’m just wondering if it runs in the family,” she says calmly.
I’ve got my mouth open for another burrito bite, and I freeze that way.
“See? I can fuck with you, too,” she says, and takes a bite of her sandwich, then takes her sweet time chewing it. I narrow my eyes, waiting. She’s the same age as Levi, but there’s definitely no way, right?
I’d know, right?
“I went for drinks with some of the other teachers a few months ago,” she finally explains. “Did I ever tell you about Jennifer? Super sweet girl, new to town, teaches first grade?”
Things click into place.
“Seth?” I ask, and Elizabeth nods.
“Really nice, total oversharer,” she says. “Very enthusiastic about her fling with Daniel’s little brother. Great dick, apparently.”
I make a face at my burrito, because I like Seth a lot but really don’t want to know about his dick. I’m aware that it’s well-traveled, and frankly, that’s more than enough information.
“I thought he swore off girls in town,” I say.
For the record, I didn’t really think that Elizabeth had first-hand knowledge of a Loveless dick, but she did still scare the hell out of me.
“Yeah, but Jennifer’s really cute,” she says, licking egg off a finger. “And apparently a little bit of a freak. Besides, did anyone believe that?”
She waggles her eyebrows, and I snort.
“She didn’t get his name tattooed anywhere, did she?” I ask, and Elizabeth laughs.
“No, she seemed pretty clear that they weren’t a thing,” she says. “At least he’s getting better at choosing, right?”
“Right,” I agree.
“You have to tell me something about last night,” she says. “I got you that burrito. And coffee.”
“I thought that was from the kindness of your heart,” I tease, taking another bite.
“You’ve got me confused with some other sister,” Elizabeth says, her mouth full. “That’s a bribery burrito.”
“I had a nice time,” I say, deliberately baiting her.
“A very nice time?” she asks, grinning, both eyebrows raised.
“A very nice time twice,” I admit, heat rushing to my face.
“Hell yes,” Elizabeth says. “I knew Daniel was a gentleman.”