SWNOVELS Bender: Chapter 7
We converge on Sienna’s apartment for our first official Girl’s Night. Mare, the makeup artist that Sienna and I worked with for the Venom product line reveal, is there when I arrive. She looks perfect, as always, with her curly black hair piled high on her head and makeup that looks like a TikTok filter come to life. Utilizing cosmetics in that special way is truly an art form. I could never make myself look as good as she makes me look. Silver stars dance on the outer corners of her eyes, matching the golden sparkle of her eyeshadow.
“We’re waiting for one more,” Sienna informs us. “Let’s open a bottle of wine while we wait.” All of us are doing pretty well for ourselves, but nothing beats a cheap bottle of rosé.
Only a few minutes pass before there’s a knock at the door. Sienna runs to get it and returns with a woman who I presume must be Lara. She’s got kind of a nerdy vibe going, including chunky plastic-rimmed glasses, a black t-shirt advertising a band I’ve never heard of, and black skinny jeans.
“Oh my gosh.” Mare bounces to her feet and grins. “You were definitely a theater kid.”
Lara smiles awkwardly and clutches the strap of her cross-body bag. “Guilty.”
“I already like you.” Mare pours a fourth glass of wine and hands it to Lara. “Come on, let’s sit down and find out what our marching orders are for the evening. Sienna has a plan.”
The three of us migrate to my friend’s extremely comfortable couch with our glasses, while our hostess stands before us, giving orders with all the confidence of a Roman general.
“Have any of you heard,” she asks, producing a few platters of appetizers, “of the Goodwill Challenge?”
Lara groans as Mare and I exchange a perplexed glance.
“Never heard of it,” I say, digging into the spinach and artichoke dip. “But I’m not sure I’m going to approve of any challenge that involves the Goodwill. Unless we’re making donations, of course.”
It’s Lara who explains. “She’s going to make us go to Goodwill and pick out new outfits before we go out on the town.”
Sienna lifts a finger and turns up her nose like she’s a schoolteacher about to set the record straight on a fact her students have gotten wrong. “Correction: we will be picking new outfits for each other.”
“Oh, dear,” I mumble as I chew. I thought I looked fierce in my peasant blouse and distressed boyfriend jeans when I left my apartment.
“What do you have to complain about?” Mare asks. “You could wear a burlap sack and look amazing.”
“Says the woman who looks like a magical elf,” I counter.
Mare interlaces her fingers under her chin and smiles impishly. “Guilty as charged. I’m freakin’ adorable.”
Lara shakes her head. “I guess I’m in, so long as there’s no actual burlap involved. Too itchy.”
“No burlap, but there might be pastel in your future.” Sienna takes a sip of wine. “So here are the rules. We draw names. You must choose an outfit for the name you draw. The person must wear the outfit for the rest of the night. And I, as the hostess this month, get to choose the places we go in said ensembles.”
“Is there a budget constraint?” I ask.
“What do we think?” Sienna waves to us. “What’re people comfortable with?”
Lara, who I think is secretly into the idea of all this, says, “How about thirty-five bucks?”
“Sounds good to me,” I agree. “And here enters the donation part of the evening. I’m already feeling better about this. It’s kind of like embarrassing each other all in the name of altruism.”
Mare nods. “And we should be kind to each other.”
“We’ll see about that.” Sienna holds out a cup with four slips of paper inside. “We’ll draw names, but keep it a secret until we do our outfit reveals, okay?”
I draw second, and I grin when I get Mare’s name. I’m going to make this girl look like a magical forest creature if it kills me.
* * *
Since Sienna’s plan for the night is inevitably going to include cocktails, and a lot of them, we take an Uber to the closest Goodwill. We’ve only had a glass of wine each, but the sense of impending chaos leaves us all giddy. There has been more than one statement directed toward Sienna about how payback can be a bitch. Lara’s already getting more comfortable with me and Mare, and judging by the evil way the two of them are giggling, I suspect they have diabolical plans for their intended victims of what is sure to be a fashion crime.
“Wait,” Mare says before we part ways. “We should know everyone’s sizes, right? I’m usually a small or a size eight. And I’m short enough that I can fit into roomy youth clothes, as long as they’re not too tight on the girls.”
“Ten or medium,” Lara pitches in.
“Small or extra small, usually in the six range,” Sienna says. “But it’s gotta be tall.
All three of them turn to me, awaiting my answer. There was a time when it would have bothered me to say the words aloud, but in the same indifferent tone that they’ve all used, I say, “Somewhere around a size 20 or an XXL.”
Nobody bats an eyelash as we scramble in different directions. If I wanted to cheat, I could see who makes their lonely way to the far end of the store, but I don’t bother. I’m too busy combing the racks for the perfect outfit for Mare.
Half an hour later, we all converge on the dressing rooms. We take turns trying on our outfits. Mare screeches with delight when I hand her the dragon onesie I found in the kid’s section. It has a hood with googly eyes, and it fits her like a glove.
“I genuinely love this,” she says, bouncing on her toes with excitement. “It’s my new favorite thing. I’m not even going to re-donate.”
Mare has picked Lara’s outfit, and sure enough, it’s a neon pink knee-length dress that’s about the furthest thing from monochromatic. She’s also brought a pair of scuffed men’s work boots, galaxy-patterned leggings, and an eye-searing green button-down sweater.
“This is kind, Mare?” Lara asks as she poses for us. “Really? I look like a walking advertisement for paintball.”
“Kind… of fun! Come on, theater kid, live a little!” Mare does a little dance in her dragon outfit. “Other colors besides neutrals exist in this world.”
Lara has no room to talk, though, given that she’s decided to stick Sienna in an ugly Christmas sweater featuring a festive velociraptor, paired with a leopard-print skirt and zebra-print leg warmers. Mare laughs so hard that she has to sit down, which only encourages Sienna to do a Jazzercise-style workout dance. The staff eye us up from afar.
“Don’t get us kicked out before I get to try on my outfit,” I say.
“Oh, just you wait. I’ve got plans for you.” Sienna points to the dressing room door. “In you go.”
With a deep sense of foreboding, I step inside. This means Sienna is dressing me, and she’s the most devious one of the bunch.
It’s hard enough to find things in my size that I’m braced for some sort of baggy grandma dress. I am not, however, prepared for the shiny silver sports bra, athletic booty-shorts, and oversized faux fur coat resembling Alabama road kill that Sienna hands over the changing room door.
“Dear God,” I mutter as I wrestle the shorts into place. My ample butt cheeks threaten to bust loose. “These poor shorts can barely contain my… assets. I look like a hooker, and not one that costs five thousand dollars.”
“There’s more.” Sienna hands over a pair of slip-on sandals and knee-high Halloween-themed socks. I look absolutely ridiculous, but it all fits, which means that Sienna gets her way.
“Don’t worry,” Mare says as she loops her arm through mine. “We’ll just drink until we can’t feel the embarrassment.”
Lara examines herself, then shakes her head. “I’m not sure there’s enough alcohol in the world to make that happen.”
* * *
When we catch our next ride, Sienna sits up front with the driver so that she can be all secretive about where we’re going. The rest of us are clueless until we pull up to the curb in front of Sparrow + Wolf.
“No!” Mare cackles and claps her hands. “This place is so fancy. Nobody’s going to know what to do with us! Ugh, I can already feel my street cred slipping away. They’re probably gonna make TikToks making fun of our outfits!”
“Only because we’re out of their league,” Sienna says as she shepherds us to the front door.
Thank goodness there’s no dress code like a lot of the restaurants and clubs in town, or even a guy at the door because we would be tossed out on our ears otherwise. The bartenders take one look at us and clearly decide we’re going to be a fun crowd. One of them drifts over and tries to hold back his laughter as he asks, “What can I get for you ladies?”
Sienna wiggles her eyebrows as she leans across the bar toward him. “What do you recommend?”
He winks. “Ever had a Kum Again?”
“Never.” Sienna crosses her arms over her Santa-hat-wearing velociraptor and makes a show of eying up the bartender. “But since coming even once can be elusive, we’ll take a round of those to start.”
Over our first round of drinks, we talk about the company Lara and Sienna are working for. Over the second, Mare tells us a story about her brother, who’s a stunt double. By our third round, we’ve branched out in the cocktail department: Sienna tries something called a Resting Fish Face, and Mare—who has lousy taste in men—tries a Son of a Peach. After some internal debate, I settle on a Violet Beauregarde.
“I’ll just have a Kum Again… again.” Lara giggles.
When our drinks arrive, Sienna turns to me. With as much solemnity as anyone can exude while wearing an ugly Christmas sweater in mid-October, she asks, “So, did he text you back?”
“Oooh!” Mare presses her palms to her cheeks and stares at me. “Are you seeing someone? Tell me, tell me, tell me.”
“Well, I, uh…” I feel the heat creeping up my neck. “Kinda. I went on a date with Marco Rossi.”
“The hockey player!?” Mare throws her hands in the air. “Wasn’t that the dude who was having, like, an episode during our Venom show?”
Sienna nods. “The very same.”
“What’s his name again?” Lara pulls out her phone.
“Marco Rossi, R-O-S-S-I.” Sienna cranes her neck to see Lara’s phone. “Yup, that’s it.”
“Oh, wow.” Lara’s eyes pop wide. “Yes, yes, very smashable.”
“Thanks, I hate that.” I shudder. How have humans come up with so many ways to make something as excellent as sex sound so gross? “And yes, he did reach out. We’ve been texting.”
“I can’t remember the last time I dated anyone seriously,” Mare complains. “I mean, there were a couple of times when I thought it was serious.” She scrunches up her face and pouts. Between her sparkly makeup and her dragon PJs, it’s a little hard to take her seriously, but the rest of us nod in agreement. We’ve all been there.
“So what’s the deal?” Sienna asks.
“I haven’t seen him since the other night, but we’ve been in touch. We just talk about our days and stuff, we’ve just been busy and our schedules make it hard to connect.” I shrug. “He has a game tonight, actually.”
“Which the Venom won.” Lara is still scrolling through her phone. “According to this fan post, most of the guys are at Distill right now, celebrating their victory.”
Sienna leans over again. “Hold on. Which location?”
Lara pokes around a little more. “Looks like they’re right down the street.”
Sienna immediately flags down the bartender. “We’re gonna need to cash out our tab, please.”
“No.” I reach for her arm, imagining a recreation of the Grease scene where Danny surprises Sandy at the pep rally. “Please. Don’t make me face him tonight. Not while I’m dressed like an extra in a Macklemore music video. I kind of like this guy. What if this ruins everything before it even gets off the ground?”
“If he can’t love you in a slightly musty fur coat, he doesn’t deserve you at your Versaciest,” Sienna says. “Besides, that ass in those shorts? He’s gonna lose his mind. Tonight, girlfriend, you’re bringing the juice.”
“Because I look like a Fashion to Figure reject,” I mutter. “Come on, Mare, back me up.”
Mare claps again and shimmies on her barstool. “Fi-el-d trip! Fi-el-d trip!”
So much for having my back. Remind me never to get liquored up with these three ever again.
“I want to see him in person.” Lara squints at her phone. “This has to be touched up, right? Do dudes even use filters? Like, he’s not actually that hot, is he?”
We all throw a wad of cash in to pay the tab, and I’m swept up in the maelstrom of their excitement. I’d push back harder, but Sienna does have a point. I’m not interested in a guy who only wants the edited version of me. If there’s going to be anything between us, he’d better be prepared to take me as I am… glitter bra, booty shorts, and all.