SWNOVELS BELIEVE LIKE A CHILD: Chapter 5
Alessa’s bedroom, Rhonda turned to her. “What happened tonight? Did you and Carl fight?”
Alessa explained how the boy had forced himself on her while making out.
Rhonda was incredulous. “What a piece of shit!” she said. “He’s going to be so sorry he did that to you!”
“It’s okay, Rhonda,” Alessa replied. “I don’t care about the sex part. I’m worried about getting pregnant. He didn’t use protection.”
It enraged Rhonda that Alessa defended Carl. Rhonda wanted to tell Carl on Alessa’s behalf that if he ever forced himself on her friend again, she would kill him. She also wanted to confront him about the other girls he was messing around with at school that Alessa didn’t know about.
Instead, Rhonda alleviated Alessa’s worries about being pregnant, assuring her it wasn’t a big deal. “Even if you do get pregnant, there are still things you can do about it,” Rhonda explained.
With Rhonda by her side, Alessa put the evening’s events, along with Carl and Uncle Danny, away in her mind for the time being.
The two teens were listening to music on Alessa’s radio when Rhonda remarked, “Your Uncle Danny is kind of creepy. Whenever I’m around, he looks at me weird. He always has a mean expression when he is looking at you. What’s up with him?”
“He’s a miserable prick,” Alessa blurted out with more anger in her voice than she had intended to reveal. “I ignore him and you should, too. I don’t give a shit what he thinks. My family is screwed up.”
Rhonda laughed as she thought about her own family—her mother. Zoe was a good person, and Rhonda loved her. But she had peculiarities, too, starting with all the men she brought home. That was how Rhonda had sexually matured way ahead of her time and become promiscuous as a young teenager. Zoe was open about sex, and her daughter had never felt uncomfortable about being sexually active. She knew about birth control, abortion, adoption, and all the other things women far older than her usually knew of. Rhonda had never needed to worry about getting pregnant because she had been on the pill since she had started her period at twelve. Zoe had advised her, “Don’t tell boys you’re on the pill because they won’t want to wear protection, and you always want them to wear protection.”
Rhonda scrunched her brow and tilted her head to the side. “I don’t get it. What’s the point of me being on the pill then?”
“Good question, sweetie.” Zoe explained, “The pill may prevent pregnancy, but it doesn’t prevent disease.”
Alessa knew that her friend’s knowledge and experience of sex went far beyond her fourteen years. She envied Rhonda for having a mother who cared enough about her daughter to teach the things she needed to know. Even if the “things” involved methods of having protected sex.
On Sunday night, Alessa was lying in bed trying to sleep, when she heard Uncle Danny creep into her bedroom. She thought about how she adored him as a small child. Now he was the most despicable creature in the world. She stared at him, watching the shadow of darkness make its way to her. When he was standing next to her bed, Alessa’s skin crawled. She could see the thick carpet of hair on his belly. Alessa averted her eyes to the ceiling of her bedroom, mentally trying to escape her hell. Everything about Uncle Danny repulsed her—his look, his smell, his touch. That he breathed at all enraged her.
“You know,” Alessa ventured, “I think we need to stop this. I could get pregnant. How would I explain that to Mom?”
Uncle Danny sat on the edge of the small bed. “You will never need to explain anything because I’m sterile. So if you ever get pregnant, it certainly won’t be by me. Do you think I’m stupid or something? I know what you’re trying to do. You’re looking for a reason to break this thing off. Well, listen good, you will always belong to me until you move out of here or I die, whichever comes first. Don’t start any shit with me. I’ve been good to you all your life. I’ve bought you things and paid for the stuff you needed. If it weren’t for me, your mom and dad would’ve lost this house. You remember that, girl.”
With that, he rose to his big cinderblock feet and thumped out of the bedroom. Alessa lay there and thought to herself, What the hell does “sterile” mean? She would ask Rhonda at school.
***
“Hey, Rhonda,” she called out when she saw her friend the next morning.
“Hey, what’s going on?”
“Nothing’s going on. Just another stupid Monday. I hate Mondays.”
Rhonda moved up close to prevent anyone passing by from overhearing what she had to say. “When is your period due? You need to watch the date because you need time to make a decision. I mean, if you’re pregnant.”
“It’s due in a week. By the way, do you know what it means when a guy is sterile?” Alessa asked.
Rhonda giggled. “Yeah, it means they can’t get women pregnant because their fish are dead.”
“Their fish are dead? What does that mean?”
“Their sperm doesn’t have whatever it takes to get a girl pregnant. Why? Who’s sterile?” Rhonda asked, barely suppressing her curiosity.
“No one we know,” Alessa quickly replied. “I heard my parents talking about one of their friends last night and they said he was sterile, and I figured you would know what that meant.”
The bell rang, and they both rushed to their first-period class.
As Alessa rushed down the hallway, she was relieved to know her uncle couldn’t get her pregnant. This explained a lot of things about his actions. Her thoughts wandered to Carl. She would have to wait a week to see if she got her period. If she didn’t, she would take care of it. For now, she would try to put it out of her mind and avoid Carl at all costs. She didn’t want to see him and was finally annoyed with him for what he had done. Even though he had been nice to her afterward, she couldn’t risk it happening again. Besides, she had wanted it to be special, and he had taken that away from her, too.
A week later, Alessa got her period and squealed with delight when she saw Rhonda in the cafeteria at lunch. The two girls hugged, and Rhonda told her she would give her two condoms if she wanted to do it with Carl again. Alessa agreed that it was a good idea to have condoms but silently doubted that she would use them with Carl. Since that night, Alessa didn’t miss him. She no longer had the desire to be with him and hoped he wouldn’t make the breakup harder than it needed to be.
Alessa avoided Carl the entire next week. Finally, he approached her at school. “What’s going on? Are you avoiding me? I said I was sorry. What the hell do you want from me?”
“Nothing. I’ve been busy lately. That’s all,” Alessa said.
They stood in the hallway next to her school locker, looking at one another awkwardly. Both knew their fling was over. Carl was relieved. He liked being with whoever he wanted and not having to sneak around, worried Alessa would find out. Alessa herself had no feelings about the matter. She wanted to be free of him, too. She hadn’t been a prude. They had been enjoying themselves until Mr. Can’t-Hold-Back-Any-Longer had lost control and satisfied his desire.
Unable to handle the tension between them another second, Carl said, “Well, I guess I’ll see you later.”
As Alessa watched him walk away, peace settled over her. She was not confrontational nor was she accustomed to saying what was on her mind. Not even to those who hurt her most. She was raised to silently accept whatever garbage people dished out to her.
She saw Rhonda in the cafeteria and told her about what had happened with Carl.
Rhonda listened attentively, waiting to hear the whole story. “Whatever, he can go pound sand. You don’t need him anyway. Besides, it sounds like you’re glad that you two aren’t dating anymore. On to bigger and better. Did I say ‘bigger’?” Rhonda chuckled.
The two girls fell into conversation and discussed what the upcoming weekend would bring. Alessa found her friend’s presence immensely comforting. Rhonda always seemed to understand her and knew the right thing to say in a situation. In Rhonda, Alessa had found a piece of her own self missing—a wise but wild soul with the courage to soar to heights beyond anyone’s imagination. Rhonda wasn’t fearful of anything or anyone. Alessa wanted so much to be like her, to have her confidence and her ability to stay grounded. Most of all, she longed for Rhonda’s strength.
When Friday night came, Rhonda and Alessa headed down to the Rope for a keg party. By the time they got there, the guys were tapping the second beer keg.
Alessa looked at the teens around her. She leaned into Rhonda. “All these girls are huddled together like a pack of morons. They look so ridiculous, sitting around, drinking beer, and gossiping about each other,” she whispered.
Rhonda met Alessa’s eyes and smiled wickedly. “Yeah, and then every once in a while, one of them makes out with one of the guys so they can run back to their circle and tell the rest of the drones whether or not the boy is a good kisser.”
Rhonda and Alessa took a cup and stood next to the keg. While they were filling their first beer, they saw Carl approaching from a path to the Rope. It was dark by then and they could make out that he was walking with someone. When they reached the opening, Rhonda and Alessa recognized Carl’s companion; it was Denise.
O God, Alessa thought to herself, the last thing I need is Carl turning Denise against me.
Denise seemed different that night. She was quieter than usual. And then Alessa saw that Carl was holding her hand. Having noticed Alessa staring at the two, Denise smirked at her, as if to say, “Screw you!”
Rhonda was oblivious to what was going on. She was drinking her second beer already, and the boys were flocking to her like flies to a garbage can. Alessa wandered into the woods to pee, but as she found her spot, she heard footsteps coming down the path behind her. She paused and saw Denise approaching. As Denise drew closer and sensed Alessa’s fear, her face brightened with gleeful malice. Denise thrived on the girls fearing her. It was the only power she could exercise over her limited, pathetic existence.
Denise walked up and stood so close to Alessa that she caught a whiff of Carl’s musky cologne. It was a sweet, masculine aroma that made her gut twist in knots. The tension hung thick in the night air.
Denise broke the silence. “Listen, bitch. Carl asked me out and we’re together now. If I ever find out that you’re with him again, I’ll kill you. I told you before that you were a slut. Someone like Carl isn’t going to stay hooked up with a slut.”
With one quick motion, she poked her fingers into Alessa’s sternum, causing her to stumble backward.
Denise was an emotional vampire, feeding off of Alessa. It made her swell with delusions of power.
Denise stepped closer. “You got a problem with that? You wish you could kick my ass. I know you want to hit me. So, go ahead. Try it.”
“No, Denise, I don’t want to hit you,” Alessa replied. “I hope that you and Carl are happy together. Really.”
Denise sneered at her, inched closer, and punched her in the stomach. Alessa doubled over, winded, and tried to catch her breath.
“You’re so freaking pathetic,” Denise declared. “Little Miss Innocent, living in her perfect little world.”
With that, she slapped Alessa across the face, turned on her heel, and walked away. “Later, bitch,” she yelled over her shoulder as she walked back down the trail to the Rope.
Alessa gathered herself before she returned to the crowd. All she could think about was the “perfect little world” Denise had referred to. She realized that she had become so skillful at hiding the truth about her life that others thought it was perfect. Alessa’s stomach was sore and her face still stung from Denise’s slap.
The moment Rhonda saw her, she ran over to her. “Where were you? I saw Denise come off the same trail about five minutes ago. What happened? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a quick shot to the stomach and a hard slap to the face. The way I see it, I got off easy.” Alessa tried to smile and make light of it and ease Rhonda’s worry, but it wasn’t working.
“Why did she hit you?”
“Because she and Carl are going out now and I was being warned to keep off her turf. She’s an ugly, rotten bitch and has to threaten people to keep them away from her man. I hate her, Rhonda. She’s a bully! She’s like a guy, you know. I don’t see why Carl would even want to be with her.”
Rhonda looked at her. Then she said something that would stay with her for the rest of her life.
“Alessa, you’re a very special person. Inside you, there is energy, a force waiting to come out. People see it. People can sense it, when they are around you. You have an appeal that’s different, an attractiveness that makes others wonder what makes you tick. You’re a mystery to people and that intimidates them. It’s what you are on the inside that makes people like Denise jealous and fearful of you. There is a power, a quiet storm within you, and people sense that. Before I got to know you, I had seen it, too. It’s why no one talks to you. You have something they all lack, and that’s heart and soul.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Alessa said, tilting her head.
“Someday, you’ll understand. I don’t know how, but you’ll eventually see the person that everyone else does.”
Rhonda’s words penetrated deep. They made Alessa nervous and uncomfortable. Suddenly, she realized that Rhonda was describing a survivor. Although she never thought about it, Alessa understood now this was exactly what she was. She didn’t know that being a survivor had gotten her through each day. Now, she understood her inner strength and her dormant power. This awareness was the precious gift Rhonda would give her and one for which Alessa would be eternally grateful.