SWNOVELS BELIEVE LIKE A CHILD: Chapter 26
of the day with Ebby and the other staff members at the shelter. They were easy to get along with, and she enjoyed being in Ebby’s company. She was such a patient and sympathetic listener that Alessa was compelled to tell her more about herself. It was as if for the first time, she had discovered her voice. She had something to say, and someone seemed interested in every detail. Alessa was still lonely, but at the shelter, she experienced a brief sense of well-being. Having been stripped of her sense of self for as long as she could remember, she no longer knew who she was. She believed that she was weak and worthless.
Alessa was assigned a room where she slept with three other homeless women. Two were drug addicts, and the third was a raging alcoholic. They were all waiting for a place in rehab. It wasn’t by any means the first rehab for any of them. But at least they had a plan and a place to go to, once room was available. Alessa had no clue what was coming next in her life, and the uncertainty gave her angst. She learned the shelter had a lot of resources and hoped they could help her find a job and an apartment. She might even get her GED, as she had planned earlier. As she drifted off to sleep on her first night at the shelter, Alessa’s exhilaration over the change taking place in her life briefly overcame her uncertainties.
She fell asleep and dreamed that she was sitting in the living room of the house where she had grown up. Everyone around her, even her mother, Caterina, was happy. Alessa could see everyone talking to each other amicably and behaving as a family should. She could hear her sister, Rosabella, laughing and her beautiful hair drifting across the small of her back. Her Uncle Danny was there. He was the man she had known before he moved into their home, the uncle she had once loved.
When she woke the next morning and realized it was all a dream, Alessa experienced an overwhelming sense of isolation. She washed her face and made her way down to the cafeteria for breakfast. Carrying a tray of food, Alessa noticed Ebby sitting in the corner with other staff members. She found an empty table and sat.
Ebby joined her immediately. “Why are you sitting here all by yourself? Is there a problem with your roommates?”
“No, not at all,” Alessa was quick to reply. “I wanted to be on my own this morning. Besides, I don’t have much in common with them. They all have some kind of addiction. I heard them talking about how they would steal things from people and stores to pay for their high. None of them know my story. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t want them to ask me any questions. I’m sure if they knew the stuff I did, they would be completely grossed out by me.”
“I’m sure if they knew what you were forced to do, they wouldn’t give a crap,” Ebby said firmly. “All they care about right now is getting placed in rehab. Everyone knows they have hard work ahead of them if they’re to kick their habits. Besides, why would you care if they did think ill of you? What happened to you is your life. That doesn’t make you a bad person. Unfortunate maybe that you have such a rotten family, but that isn’t your fault.”
“Really?” Alessa said, surprised, crinkling her face. “Well, I was thinking about it last night. Ebby, I’ve probably been with eighty different men at the go-go bar in the past six months. That’s disgusting.”
“You shouldn’t have any shame over it,” Ebby said in a comforting voice. “It’s the facts of your past. It’s all behind you now.”
Alessa thought Ebby had gone mad. “What are you talking about?” she said. “In case you didn’t hear me right, I’ve done horrible things. Look at me, Ebby. I’m a mess! I have no job and no place to live. Who knows what filthy diseases I might have picked up from all those men.”
Ebby refrained from comment. She listened for a while more, taking in the very essence of the young woman. “Things happen, and people do what they need to do to live.”
Alessa was flabbergasted. She expected so little from people. She thought that if Ebby wasn’t going to abuse her or let others abuse her, Ebby might be an angel God had sent to save her sorry ass.
Meanwhile, Ebby was pondering over Alessa’s concern about picking up diseases from all the men she had been with. “I want you to consider getting some medical attention. We can help you with this. We have a very nice gynecologist you can go to. You should also get some blood work and a general checkup done. I can schedule it for you. Does that sound okay?”
“Might as well. I’d rather know now than later.”
Ebby liked her matter-of-fact attitude. She had discovered that while Alessa was apprehensive about her future, she wasn’t afraid of the truth. Alessa had never spared a thought for the risks of disease until that moment. She wondered now how she had lived through the past year without worrying about such things. She must have been walking around in a fog. How could she have been so naïve?