Behind Closed Doors: A Novel

When Jack and I told Millie that we were getting married, the first thing she asked was if she could be our bridesmaid.

‘Of course you can!’ I said, hugging her. ‘That is all right, isn’t it, Jack?’ I added, dismayed to see a frown on his face.

‘I thought we were having a simple wedding,’ he said pointedly.

‘We are, but I’ll still need a bridesmaid.’

‘Really?’

‘Well, yes,’ I said, feeling flustered. ‘It’s traditional. You don’t mind, do you?’

‘Don’t you think it’ll be a bit much for Millie?’ he asked, lowering his voice. ‘If you really need a bridesmaid, why not ask Kate or Emily?’

‘Because I want Millie,’ I insisted, aware of her watching us anxiously.

There was a moment’s awkward silence. ‘Then Millie you shall have,’ he said, smiling and holding his arm out to her. ‘Come on, let’s go and tell your headmistress the good news.’

Mrs Goodrich and Janice were delighted to hear we were getting married. After sending Millie off to wash her hands in preparation for dinner, Mrs Goodrich agreed that it would be best if Millie stayed at school for another fifteen months, until she turned eighteen, as had been planned all along, despite Jack reiterating that he would be quite happy to have Millie move in with us at once. I was glad when Mrs Goodrich suggested it would be nice for us to have some time on our own and I wondered if maybe she’d guessed that we hoped to start a family straight away.

Soon after, we were on our way to Hecclescombe, where Cranleigh Park was every bit as beautiful as Jack had told me it was. It was the perfect setting for a wedding and I was grateful to Giles and Moira, Jack’s friends, for allowing us to use their beautiful home. We didn’t think any of our guests would mind the forty-minute drive from London to be able to spend the afternoon and evening in such a lovely setting, especially as Giles and Moira kindly offered to put up anyone who couldn’t face the drive back to London once dinner was over. After a couple of hours spent deciding on a menu for fifty, which would be cooked and served by a catering company from London, we left for the hotel Jack had booked while I’d been in Argentina.

I couldn’t wait for Jack to take me to bed at last, but dinner had to be got through first, because we only arrived in time for our reservation. The meal was delicious but I was impatient to be back in our room.

I went off to have a shower and, when I came out of the bathroom, eager to make love, I was dismayed to find Jack sound asleep on the bed. I didn’t have the heart to wake him as I knew he was exhausted—he had confessed to me during dinner that he had almost cancelled our weekend away because of the amount of work he had on but hadn’t wanted to let me down. When he eventually stirred a couple of hours later, he was mortified that he had fallen asleep and, gathering me in his arms, he made love to me.

We stayed in bed for most of the next morning and, after a lazy lunch, we headed back to London. Even though it meant that I didn’t see Jack for the whole of the following week, I was glad we’d managed to take some time out from the frenzy our imminent wedding had precipitated us into. And not being able to see Jack gave me the chance to finish the painting I had started for him two months previously. Because I rarely had time to work on it I had resigned myself to giving it to him as a wedding present rather than for Christmas, as I had wanted to do, but with Jack busy in the evenings and my suitcases consigned indefinitely to the back of the cupboard, I managed to complete it in time for Christmas Day. I hoped that if he liked it, it would grace the walls of our new home—I could easily imagine it hanging above the fireplace we’d talked about having.

It was a large painting and, at first glance, it seemed to be an abstract design of different shades of red with tiny shots of silver running through it. It was only on closer inspection that one could distinguish the mass of red as hundreds of tiny fireflies—and only Jack and I would know that the mass of red had been created, not from paint, but from lipstick, which I had then sealed with a clear varnish before completing the painting.

I had never told Jack that I enjoyed painting, and even when he had admired one of the canvases that hung in my kitchen I hadn’t mentioned that I was the artist. So when I told him on Christmas Day—once I was certain he liked the painting I’d given him—that not only had I painted Fireflies myself but that I had created it by kissing the canvas hundreds of times wearing different shades of red lipstick, he lavished so many compliments on me that I was pleased I had managed to surprise him. He was delighted that I could paint and told me that once we moved into our house, he would expect me to cover the walls with my work.

My house sold quickly. I wanted Jack to put the money I received from the sale towards the house he had found for us in Spring Eaton, but he refused, reminding me that it was his wedding present to me. He had discovered the sleepy village of Spring Eaton whilst driving back from Adam and Diane’s one Sunday, and found its situation some twenty miles south of London ideal. Because there was some minor work to be done on the house before we moved in, he didn’t want me to see it until we came back from our honeymoon. When I badgered him to tell me what it was like, he simply smiled and told me it was perfect. When I asked if it was like the one in the picture we had drawn up together, he replied solemnly that of course it was. I told him that I wanted to use the money from the sale of my house to furnish our new home as my wedding present to him and, after a lot of persuasion, he agreed. It was strange shopping for furniture for a house I had never seen but Jack knew exactly what he wanted and I couldn’t fault his taste.

I left my job a month before we were due to be married and a week later, after I complained teasingly to Jack that the novelty of not having anything to do all day long was wearing off, he appeared on my doorstep carrying a box tied with a red bow. Opening it, I found a three-month-old Labrador puppy staring up at me.

‘Jack, she’s adorable!’ I cried, lifting her out. ‘Where did you get her? Is she yours?’

‘No, she’s yours,’ he said. ‘Something to keep you busy.’

‘She’ll certainly do that,’ I laughed. I put her down on the ground and she ran around the hall exploring everything. ‘But I don’t understand what I’m meant to do with her while we’re on honeymoon in Thailand. We could ask my parents to have her, I suppose, but I’m not sure they’d agree.’

‘Don’t worry, it’s all arranged. I’ve found a housekeeper to look after our house while we’re away—I don’t want it lying empty and there’s still some furniture to be delivered, so she’s going to live in until we get back—and she’s going to look after Molly for us.’

‘Molly?’ I looked at the puppy. ‘Yes, it suits her very well. Millie will be so pleased, she’s always wanted a dog. Millie and Molly—they sound perfect together!’

‘That’s exactly what I thought,’ Jack nodded.

‘Millie is going to love her.’

‘And you? Will you love her?’

‘Of course I will!’ I scooped her into my arms. ‘I already do.’ I laughed as she began to lick my face. ‘I’m afraid I’m going to hate leaving her behind when we go to Thailand.’

‘But just think how pleased you’ll be to see her again when we get back. I can already picture your reunion,’ he smiled.

‘I can’t wait to show her to Millie! You’re so wonderfully kind, Jack.’ Leaning towards him, I kissed him tenderly. ‘Molly is exactly what I need to keep me company while you’re at work all day. I hope there are some lovely places to walk in Spring Eaton.’

‘There are plenty, especially along the river.’

‘I can’t wait,’ I told him happily. ‘I can’t wait to see the house and I can’t wait to be married to you!’

‘Neither can I,’ he said, kissing me back. ‘Neither can I.’

With Molly to keep me on my toes, the final weeks flew by. On the day before the wedding, I picked Millie up from school and we dropped Molly off with Jack, who was taking her down to the house that evening to settle her in with the housekeeper. I hated leaving her, but Jack assured me that Mrs Johns, the lady he’d found to house-sit for us, was wonderfully kind and was happy to look after Molly until our return from Thailand. I’d moved into a nearby hotel a few days earlier, after I’d seen the last of my possessions disappear off to Spring Eaton in a removal van, so Millie and I went back there to prepare for the next day. We spent the evening making sure our dresses fitted perfectly and trying out make-up I had bought especially for the wedding. I hadn’t wanted to wear a traditional wedding dress so I’d bought a cream silk dress that reached almost to my ankles and clung to my figure in all the right places, and Millie had chosen a cream dress too, but with a pink sash the exact colour of the bouquet she would carry.

When I put my dress on the next morning, I had never felt so beautiful. The wedding bouquets had arrived at the hotel earlier—pink roses for Millie and a cascade of deep red ones for me. Jack had organised a car to take us to the registry office and when there was a knock on the door at eleven the next morning I sent Millie to answer it.

‘Tell them I’ll be out in a minute,’ I said, disappearing into the bathroom to check myself one last time in the mirror. Satisfied with what I saw, I went back into the bedroom and picked up my bouquet.

‘You look stunning.’ Startled, I looked up and saw Jack standing in the doorway. He looked so handsome in his dark suit and deep red waistcoat that my stomach flipped over. ‘Almost as beautiful as Millie, in fact.’ Next to him, Millie clapped her hands happily.

‘What are you doing here?’ I cried, anxious and delighted at the same time. ‘Has something happened?’

He came over and took me in his arms. ‘I couldn’t wait to see you, that’s all. And also, I have something for you.’ Releasing me, he put his hand in his pocket and drew out a black box. ‘I went to the bank this morning to fetch them.’ Opening the box, I saw an exquisite pearl necklace lying on a bed of black velvet with a matching pair of pearl earrings.

‘Jack, they’re beautiful!’

‘They belonged to my mother. I’d forgotten all about them until last night. I thought you might want to wear them today, which is why I came over. You don’t have to, of course.’

‘I’d love to wear them,’ I told him, lifting out the necklace and undoing the clasp.

‘Here, let me.’ He took them from me and slipped them around my neck. ‘What do you think?’

I turned towards the mirror. ‘I can’t believe how perfectly they match the dress,’ I said, fingering them. ‘They’re exactly the same shade of cream.’ I unclipped the gold earrings I was wearing and replaced them with the pearls.

‘Grace pretty, very, very pretty!’ Millie laughed.

‘I agree,’ said Jack gravely. He put his hand in his other pocket and drew out a smaller box. ‘I have something for you too, Millie.’

When Millie saw the tear-shaped pearl on the silver chain, she gave a gasp of delight. ‘Thank you, Jack,’ she said, beaming. ‘I wear it now.’

‘You’re so kind, Jack,’ I told him as I put it around Millie’s neck. ‘But did you know it’s supposed to be bad luck to see your bride on her wedding day?’

‘Well, I guess I’ll just have to take my chance,’ he smiled.

‘How’s Molly? Did she settle in all right?’

‘Perfectly. Look.’ He took his phone out of his pocket and showed Millie and me a photograph of Molly curled up asleep in her basket.

‘So the floor has tiles,’ I mused. ‘At least I know one thing about my future home.’

‘And that’s all you’re going to know,’ he said, pocketing his phone. ‘Now, shall we go? The chauffeur was surprised enough when I asked him to pick me up on the way to collect you, so if we don’t go out soon he might think I’ve come to call the whole thing off.’ After offering me and Millie an arm each, he escorted us down to the car and we set off for the registry office.

When we arrived, everyone was there waiting for us, including my parents. They had all but boxed up their house in preparation for their move to New Zealand and were set to leave a fortnight after we got back from our honeymoon. I’d been a bit surprised when they’d told me they were leaving so soon, but when I thought about it, they’d waited a long sixteen years. The previous week, Jack and I had met them for dinner, where they had officially signed Millie over to us, which meant that we were now her legal guardians. All of us were delighted by this arrangement and my parents, perhaps because they felt guilty about Jack shouldering the financial burden, told us that they would of course help out in any way they could. But Jack was adamant that he and I would be responsible for Millie and promised my parents that she would want for nothing.

Our guests were surprised to see Jack stepping out of the car alongside Millie and me, and as we set off up the flight of steps that led to the registry office, they teased him good-naturedly about not being able to resist riding in a Rolls-Royce. Dad was escorting me and Jack was escorting Millie and my Uncle Leonard, whom I hadn’t seen for several years, had given Mum his arm. I was almost at the top of the steps when I heard Millie cry out and, spinning round, saw her tumbling down the steps.

‘Millie!’ I screamed. By the time she came to a stop in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the steps, I was already halfway there. It seemed an age before I managed to push through the throng of people gathered around her and I knelt down beside her, not caring that my dress was getting dirty, only caring that Millie was lying there motionless.

‘It’s all right, Grace, she’s breathing,’ Adam said reassuringly, from where he crouched on the other side of her, as I searched frantically for a pulse. ‘She’ll be fine, you’ll see. Diane’s phoning for an ambulance, it’ll be here in a minute.’

‘What happened?’ I asked, my voice shaking, aware of Mum and Dad crouching down next to me. I stroked Millie’s hair back from her face, not daring to move her.

‘Grace, I’m so sorry.’ I looked up and saw Jack, his face as white as a sheet. ‘She suddenly stumbled—I think her heel got caught in the hem of her dress—and before I knew what was happening, she was falling. I tried to grab her but I couldn’t reach her.’

‘It’s all right,’ I said quickly. ‘It’s not your fault.’

‘I should have held on to her more tightly,’ he went on desperately, running his hand through his hair. ‘I should have remembered that steps aren’t always easy for her.’

‘I don’t like the way her leg is bent,’ Dad said quietly. ‘It looks as if it’s broken.’

‘Oh God,’ I moaned.

‘Look, she’s coming round.’ Mum took Millie’s hand in hers.

‘It’s all right, Millie,’ I murmured as she began to stir. ‘It’s all right.’

The ambulance arrived in minutes. I wanted to go to the hospital with her but Mum and Dad told me they would go, reminding me that I was meant to be getting married.

‘I can’t get married now,’ I sobbed, as Millie was carried into the ambulance.

‘Of course you can,’ said Mum briskly. ‘Millie’s going to be fine.’

‘She has a broken leg,’ I wept. ‘And maybe other injuries we don’t know about.’

‘I won’t blame you if you want to call it off,’ Jack said quietly.

‘It’s just that I don’t see how we can go ahead with everything when we don’t even know how badly injured Millie is.’

The paramedics were wonderful. Understanding what a difficult situation I was in, they examined Millie as thoroughly as they could in the ambulance and told me that apart from her leg there didn’t seem to be any other broken bones and that if I wanted to carry on with my wedding, they were sure my parents would keep me informed of any developments. They also pointed out that as soon as Millie arrived at the hospital, she would be whisked away for X-rays so I wouldn’t be able to stay with her anyway. Still torn, I looked over to where Jack was standing talking quietly to Adam and the look of desolation on his face decided me. I clambered into the ambulance and kissed a drowsy Millie goodbye. After promising I would go and see her the next morning, I gave my parents Jack’s mobile number, because mine was in my case, and asked them to let me know as soon as they had any news.

‘Are you sure you still want to go ahead?’ Jack asked anxiously, once the ambulance had left. ‘I don’t suppose anyone particularly feels like celebrating after what’s happened to Millie. Maybe we should wait until we know that she’s definitely going to be all right.’

I looked at our guests, who were milling about, needing to know if our wedding was still taking place or not. ‘I think they’ll be fine with it if we are.’ I turned him to face me. ‘Jack, do you still want to get married?’

‘Of course I do, more than anything. But, ultimately, it’s your decision.’

‘Then let’s get married. It’s what Millie would want,’ I lied, because I knew Millie wouldn’t understand why we had gone ahead and got married without her. The feeling that I was betraying her made fresh tears well in my eyes and I blinked them away quickly so that Jack wouldn’t see, hoping I’d never have to choose between him and Millie again.

Everyone was delighted that we were getting married after all and when Mum phoned a couple of hours later to tell us that Millie was fine apart from a broken leg, I felt weak with relief. I wanted to cut the reception short and go to see her that evening, but Mum said that she was sleeping soundly and, with the painkillers the doctor had given her, she wasn’t expected to wake until the following morning anyway. She added that she intended to stay at the hospital overnight, so I told her that Jack and I would stop off to see Millie the next morning, on the way to the airport.

Although I managed to enjoy myself for the rest of the evening, I was glad when the last of our guests had left and Jack and I were finally on our way to our hotel. Because Jack’s car was still in London, Moira and Giles had lent us one of theirs so that we could get to the airport the next day and back to Spring Eaton when we returned from Thailand. With a garage full of cars, they insisted that they didn’t need it and said we could drop it back whenever we had time.

When we arrived at the hotel where we were to spend our wedding night, I went straight to the bathroom and ran myself a hot bath, leaving Jack to pour himself a whisky while he waited for me. As I lay in the bath, my mind turned again and again to Millie, and I couldn’t help being glad that the day was finally over. With the water beginning to get cold, I got out and dried myself hurriedly, eager to see Jack’s face when he saw me in the cream silk camisole and knickers I’d bought specially for our wedding night. I slipped them on and, with a shiver of anticipation, opened the door and walked into the bedroom.