SWNOVELS Before the Storm: Chapter 68
Everything hurts.
There isn’t an inch of my body that doesn’t ache, dragging me from a peaceful sleep I hoped I could stay in until I recovered. But alas, the human body doesn’t always play the way we want it to.
When I first start to come to, I make no attempt to move, because frankly, I’m in enough pain without movement, adding that in seems like a really fucking bad idea. But then I realize I need to pee, and that’s something that isn’t going to wait. Especially because I actually can’t remember the last time I used the bathroom.
A warm hand envelops one of mine, and I don’t need to open my eyes to know it’s Storm. I can tell because his scent is nearby, and panic isn’t setting in. After everything I went through over the last few days, I should be freaking out, but he gives me the peace I need, especially right now.
“Ayvah?” he murmurs, his voice thick with something I can’t quite place.
I groan as I turn my head toward his voice. The soft pillow shifts beneath my tender face, causing me to hiss out a breath. I force my eyes open and meet his worried gaze. He looks tired, like he hasn’t slept in days, maybe even weeks, and I idly wonder if this mess with Annalise is causing issues within the business which is why he’s not resting.
“Hey, baby girl.” He uses the fingers of his free hand to brush the hair from my eyes. His gaze is tender and full of regret, but other than having to come save me, what does Storm Saint James have to be regretful of?
Probably ever meeting you.
The voice comes out of nowhere, and it’s like a kick to the stomach. I haven’t seen my family in months, and yet it’s still their voices that fill my mind with toxic bullshit.
“How are you feeling?”
I open my mouth to respond, but I can’t force the words out past the array of questions on the tip of my tongue. Where are we? What happened to Annalise? How did they know I was missing? Was it just a coincidence that when they came to raid the place, I was there? The questions are endless and they come hard and fast, not allowing me a chance to think any one of them all the way through.
Storm’s brows pull together and he reaches for a water bottle beside the bed. He unscrews the cap before gently bringing it to my cracked lips.
I drink greedily, the cool water slipping into my dry throat and giving me a moment of reprieve. I can’t remember having anything to drink since the vodka, and that was… how many days ago was that?
Storm pulls the bottle away with a frown and replaces the cap. “You can have some more in a little while. Doc said you were dehydrated, so to give you water in small doses.”
“Doc was here?” I croak.
He nods. “A few hours ago. He checked you over to see if you needed to go to a hospital or whether we could treat you here.”
“Where are we?” I look around the ultra-modern space. It’s sleek and dark, and much like the estate, I’m afraid to touch anything in the event that I break it and owe someone thousands of dollars. That is truly the last thing I need right now.
“Rayne and Emerson’s penthouse.”
“Why did you bring me here? You could have just dumped me at an ER and be done with me.” The words come out harsher than I intend them to, but I don’t think I’m capable of tact right now. Seeing him again only adds to the excruciating pain my body is feeling, so I may as well rip the metaphorical band-aid off, and him break my already shattered heart again.
He flinches at the words as if he finds them physically painful to hear. “Why would I do that, Ayvah?” His voice is low, barely contained anger fraying at the edges of his composure.
“Because, in your own words, all I’ve done since I arrived in your life is cause you trouble. Dumping me at an ER would have solved your problems and meant you could wash your hands of me.” The words hurt as they come out of my mouth. I’ve relived that day so many times. I’ve analyzed every single word he said over and over again, as if I can find something I missed the first hundred times. But the pain never stops. If anything, it gets worse the more time that passes.
Storm closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath. I brace myself for whatever is about to come out of his mouth, because if it’s anything like the things he said the last time I saw him, I need to put what’s left of my battered shields up to protect myself. At least I won’t be blindsided this time. At least I know what to expect when it comes to having my heart torn out and trodden on.
“I didn’t mean it,” he says quietly as he meets my gaze. “I only said those things because I knew if I didn’t make you believe I didn’t love you, you would find a way to stay. You’d talk me out of sending you away, and at the time, I thought you were safer far away from me.” He pauses and swallows heavily. “I have no fucking clue how they got to you, Ayvah. You had a minimum of six men watching you all day, every day. They were reporting to Wynter twice a day with an update on how you were doing. I’m so fucking sorry, baby girl.” The agony in his voice disarms me. A man like Storm doesn’t show weakness, but right now, the man I’m looking at is ready to fall to his knees with despair.
My mouth drops open in surprise. That’s why I always felt eyes on me, because there always were. “I don’t understand,” I whisper. The mixture of confusion and agony has my head spinning. None of this makes sense. Not one single word that’s come out of his mouth since I opened my eyes makes a lick of sense.
Storm drags the chair he’s sitting in closer to the edge of the bed and carefully brushes his fingers down my cheek. “The day before I sent you away, there was a threat. Annalise sent an envelope to the house, you might recall, and it was full of photos of you and my sisters in places we always thought you were all safe, including the estate. My knee-jerk reaction, and one I’ve regretted from the moment you walked away from me, was to send all four of you away. Unsurprisingly, Rayne, Everett, and Elijah didn’t go for it, but I couldn’t have you in harm’s way once Annalise got to you at school. So I did the only thing I knew how to do, and I made you leave at any cost, including tearing my own heart out. Watching you walk away was the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever done in my life, Ayvah. Every bone in my body screamed at me to chase after you. My heart ached to tell you the truth, to tell you that you are everything to me. That my life without you is dark and cold and can barely even be called living. But I had to put you first. I had to give you the best chance of being safe, and I thought sending you to Rawdon, to the town my parents met in, where their oldest friend could watch over you, the safest place I know of, was the best thing for you.”
I know I’m staring at him like an idiot, but he’s just unloaded so much information on me in such a short amount of time, it’s taking a while for the information to process. And more than that, I don’t know if I should believe him or not. Sure he sounds sincere, but I suspect it’s impossible to succeed in the mafia game if you don’t have deceit down packed. “Your parents met in Rawdon?” I’m not sure why that’s what I’ve homed in on, but I suppose it’s probably easier to speak about than the rest of the mess, than dealing with all the emotional turmoil I’ve felt for the last two months.
A small smile tugs at the corners of his lips, but it doesn’t reach his sad eyes. “Yeah. They were caught in a blizzard at the nearby ski resort. They were both there with their families, and they got to talking in the bar, and the rest is history, or so they say. Jan was there that night too. She worked in the bar and I guess they hit it off as well. I knew I could send you there and she would take care of you when I couldn’t.”
Tears well up in my eyes, and I swallow down a painful sob. I thought he sent me there because it was far away from Chicago, but small enough that I wouldn’t draw any attention to myself. But that’s not the case at all. The reality is actually kind of sweet, which isn’t something I ever expected from Storm.
His thumb brushes away the stray tears that fall against my cheeks. “I don’t like it when you cry, baby girl,” he murmurs.
Having him touch me again is a mixture of pleasure and pain. I know how much being close to him can hurt the same way being close to the sun can. And yet when he touches me, it’s like I haven’t just woken up after being beaten and almost raped. It’s like nothing but he and I exist, and that’s so fucking dangerous.
Storm has the power to destroy me, and at this point, I’m wondering if being with him is worth what I’ve been through in the last two months. Can I allow him to tear me apart again?
“Get out,” my voice shakes under the weight of the words.