Before I Rise

Em’s POV

My nerves were shot and my mind was going about hundred miles per hour. I was constantly going back and forth with myself on whether or not I wanted a peaceful night, or go down the rabbit hole. After spending an hour sitting on my bed and staring at the sleep serum, I finally decided to head down to the pack kitchen to make some hot chocolate. I thought maybe if I drank one of my favorite drinks while in the bathtub, I’ll finally be able to make up my mind.

The conversation that I had with Elder Morgan earlier haunted me for the rest of the day. The fact that I may or may not have a witch ancestor was blowing my mind. I didn’t feel like I was special in any type of way. I felt human. Part of me wondered if Elder Morgan was reading more into this than she should.

I haven’t said anything to anyone about what Elder Morgan shared with me. I wanted to talk to Marcus, but he woke up late and had to rush off to patrol. I missed him alot. I so badly wanted to tell him what was happening. He always had this way of calming my mind and making me see things in a logical way. I didn’t want to share this with anyone and then have them go tell him. I wouldn’t want him to hear about this from anyone other than me. I had a gut feeling if he found out through a third party, he wouldn’t be happy about it. I also didn’t want to add any unnecessary stress to him.

The door to the kitchen suddenly opened, pulling me away from my never ending thoughts. An instant smile graced my face as soon as I saw who had walked in.

“Hey stranger!” I excitedly called out to her.

She walked up to me as she rubbed her eyes. “Hey Em.” Alicia said as she pulled me into a hug.

We haven’t had any time together, just the two of us in a very long time.

“I’m making hot chocolate. Do you want some?” I asked her, as we pulled apart.

She nodded her head. “Sure, that would be nice. What are you still doing up?”

I let out a deep sigh. “I’ve been having problems sleeping since Marcus started night patrol. I thought maybe some hot chocolate might cure it.”

I handed her a mug and tried not to look directly into her eyes. I wasn’t totally lying to her, but I also wasn’t telling her the whole truth. I didn’t like the fact that I had lied to her.

“Yeah, I’ve been having trouble sleeping too.” She confessed to me.

I raised an eyebrow. “You have?” I questioned her, curious as to what could keep my feisty best friend from a good night’s sleep.

“Yeah, I often lay in bed all night staring at my ceiling or crying. Sometimes both.”

My heart ached at her confession. “Does this have to do with Alexis?” I asked her.

She nodded her head and ran a hand down her face.

“Unfortunately it does. Ever since I realized we were mates, I’ve been having trouble sleeping alone. It’s like my body and soul long for someone to sleep next too. It honestly sucks.”

I thought for a few seconds before an idea came to me.

“Well, since we both are having a hard time sleeping alone, how about you and I have a slumber party? We can snuggle up and watch a movie.” I suggested to her.

Her eyes lit up as she nodded her head. “Yes please! I feel like I haven’t had any time with you. Though, I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to actually stay up. I feel like I haven’t had a good night’s rest in weeks.”

“Oh don’t worry about that. I’m so tired I can barely see straight.”

She hooked her arm around mine. “Your room or mine?” She asked me.

“Let’s do yours, for old time’s sake.”

She clinked her mug against mine before pulling me to the direction of her room.

As soon as we arrived, she began to shove clothes and shoes into her closet that was already overrun with various articles of clothing. She was the only person I have ever met that insisted on having clothes for every season. Apparently our area of the world has four, which means a shit ton of clothes for Alicia.

“Sorry about the mess, I haven’t really had the energy to do any cleaning or organizing.” She confessed to me as she attempted to straighten out her vibrant yellow bedspread.

I rolled my eyes at her. “I literally don’t care what your room looks like. I’m just happy to be spending time with you, and that I won’t be sleeping alone.”

I pulled out the little bottle of the sleeping serum and placed it on the bedside table before climbing into bed right next to her. We both clearly had the same idea as we turned onto our side to face each other.

“What’s that?” She asked me.

“I got it from Elder Morgan, it’s supposed to help with sleeping.”

She cocked up an eyebrow. “Wow, you must be having trouble sleeping if you are tempted to take that. I took it once and slept for about twelve hours. That thing is no joke.”

“Yeah, she said that it was fast acting. I’m still not a hundred percent sold on taking it though.”

“What made you ask for it?” She asked me.

I debated for a few seconds on whether I should tell her or not. I was still set on telling Marcus first, but I also didn’t want to lie to my best friend.

“I’ve been having nightmares ever since Marcus started working nights. Morgan thinks it has to do with the fact that Marcus isn’t next to me.”

“Do you want to tell me about them? Talking about them to someone I trust usually helps me. Maybe if you talked about it, they would go away.” She suggested.

I quickly shook my head. “No, I can’t. I… I don’t want to talk about them.”

Her face softened and she grabbed my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“That bad?”

I nodded my head. “That bad.” I gave her hand a squeeze back before changing the subject. “Enough about me. What’s going on with you and Alpha G.I. Jane?”

Her laugh echoed around the dark room before she grew quiet.

“Absolutely nothing. She barely says anything to me when our paths cross. Though, I’ve been doing my very best in avoiding her. I’m scared that the next time she and I are alone, she’ll finally grow the balls to reject me. I keep hoping if I just back off, that maybe she’ll realize that she does want me.”

I felt anger grow inside me. I had hoped that after our conversation Alexis would finally make a move towards fixing things with Alicia. At this point, I wasn’t sure what else to do.

“Well if it makes you feel any better, did you know I headbutted her and broke her nose?”

Alicia gasped before laughing.

“You did what? How did I not know this!” She continued to laugh, making me laugh right alongside her.

It felt nice to have this moment with Alicia. It almost made me believe that everything was normal. That there wasn’t a group of wolves that wanted to murder us in our sleep. Or, a reflection in the mirror that wanted to choke me out every time I shut my eyes. This moment felt exactly like the ones her and I had shared countless times before. That was the magic of Alicia. The two of us could be smack dab in the middle of a shit storm, and that girl would still make me laugh somehow.

She let out a big yawn as soon as the laughter died down between us.

“I think I might actually fall asleep.” She said as she wrapped the blankets around her.

I sat up and grabbed the vile, contemplating whether or not I should do this. After debating with myself, I took the top off and downed the substance in one gulp. I didn’t want to test Elder Morgan’s theory until I was sleeping alone.

I laid back and snuggled into the pillow. Within seconds I was fast asleep, finally feeling peace in all this madness.

However, that quickly went away as I felt myself being violently grabbed.

“EM WAKE UP!”

My eyes flew open as I inhaled as much air as I could. The lights were on in the room, allowing me to see who had woken me up. Alicia’s fear stricken face was directly above mine. I quickly sat up and pushed her away as I wiped the tears from my face.

“Are you okay?” Alicia asked me.

I didn’t answer her as I sprang up from the bed and ran into her conjoined bathroom. I flipped the lights on and went to the mirror. My heart plummeted when I saw the bruises on my neck. Tears ran down my face as the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. The serum only stopped me from seeing everything, but the actions still took place.

Alicia hesitantly walked into the bathroom. Her eyes grew when she finally noticed the markings on my neck.

“What the hell? What happened?” She asked in disbelief.

I turned towards her and collapsed into her arms. I clung on to her as if my life depended on it.

“I’m so scared Alicia.” I choked out to her.

I wasn’t sure what scared me more. The fact that the serum didn’t work, or the fact that I was going to have to go through that mirror. I was scared that once I did, I wouldn’t return.

Alicia rubbed soothing circles on my back and rocked me in her arms.

“It’s okay Em. Just tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can help.”

I shook my head at her. “You can’t help, this is something I’m going to have to do on my own.”

She squeezed me tight against her. “How about you explain to me what just happened and then we can see if I can help or not. Please Em, let me help you.”

I didn’t say anything for a while. I still wasn’t sure if telling her would do any good. I knew deep down in my heart that no one could help me with this. If Elder Morgan can’t, who can? Though, maybe it would help in a way to finally tell someone close to me about what was going on. If I couldn’t tell Marcus, I could at least tell Alicia.

I finally cleared my throat and began to explain everything to my best friend.