Before I Rise

Em’s POV

After a very long day at the mall and many purchases later, we were finally back home vegging out on pizza and snacks while watching romance movies in my room. There was a huge debate on what kind of movie we should watch and of course I was the tie breaker.

“I seriously love me some Ryan Gosling.” I looked over in time to see Julie roll her eyes and fake gag in reaction to what Alicia said. Gosh I love these two.

I was trying really hard to get in the mood for this and just relax, but I’ve been wrapped in my thoughts ever since Julie brought up rejection. I was going to bring up my questions to the girls when we got home, but the more I thought about it the more I got scared. Did I really want to know more? What if it’s bad? What if it changes…

“EM!” Alicia screamed at me while snapping her fingers in front of my face to get my attention.

“Hey, where did you go Em? You’ve been really spacey since the mall. Is it about what I said?” Asked Julie, concern written all over her face.

Realizing this was the perfect opportunity to bring this subject up, I decided to open up about what was going through my head. “Honestly, it is Jules. I can’t get what you said out of my head, it made me realize how little I really know about the mate bond. Heck, how little I know about you guys. I just so openly accepted everything because it was just easier that way and I was overwhelmed with losing my memories. I should have asked more questions when I first got here and now I’m kicking myself for it.” I let out a deep breath when I was finished, already feeling slightly better.

“Em we are both so sorry. Marcus asked us to show you around and explain things to you. I guess we’ve done a great job at showing you around, but a shit job in explaining things to you.” Alicia grabbed my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Ask us anything babe, anything you want to know we will tell you.”

“Well the biggest thing is the mate bond. I know it has something to do with soulmates, but how does it exactly work? Do we choose our mates? And I have so many questions about Marcus, I don’t even know where to start.” I explained to her.

“Jules, why don’t you explain the mate bond since you have a mate. When you’re done, I’ll explain the whole Marcus situation to her.” Julie nodded her head in agreement and cleared her throat.

“Our Moon Goddess chooses mates and creates the mate bond between two people. It is up to the couple to nurture that bond and allow for it to grow, or they have the choice to reject each other and destroy the bond. Rejection is an option, but not a common one. Our Goddess believes in free will and allows us to choose our own paths in life. When a new soul is formed, she will find another soul that matches it, kind of like a puzzle piece. Your mate’s weakness is your strength and your weakness is your mates strength. It’s a total balancing act. Mates can be werewolf and werewolf, human and werewolf, or werewolf and another supernatural being.

“When we first come across our mates, their scent attracts us and draws us to them. It will be the most amazing scent you will ever smell. It will ground you and make you feel safe whenever you are around them. The next thing is when we make eye contact with our mate. As soon as that happens, our wolf will confirm that’s our mate. Then comes my personal favorite, the sparks. Every time we touch our mate we feel sparks. They will intensify once a pair completes the mating bond and mark each other. To complete the mating bond you have to basically have sex and mark each other. The mark forms after you bite one another, typically on the shoulder or neck, it makes your souls intertwine with each other. It allows the mated pair to feel each other’s emotions and will also let our mate know if we are injured. If our mate dies, our souls will feel as though it is being torn apart. You will always feel like you have a piece of your soul missing. It’s also why you feel horrible every time Marcus’s avoids you. Your soul is taking it as a small rejection since he hasn’t completed the mating bond with you. That’s basically everything you need to know for now. Do you have any questions Em?” Julie asked me after finishing.

I did have questions, a ton, but my head was trying to process what she said. It confirmed that he really did feel those sparks and for some reason that made me feel worse. How could he just completely ignore it?

“So if Marcus can feel the sparks and hundred percent knows we are mates, why hasn’t he just completed the mate bond with me? Is he in love with someone else?” I started to worry even more. That thought hasn’t even crossed my mind until now. There just had to be someone else! Or he just simply didn’t want me. That last thought hurt me even more than the first.

“Alicia, I think you need to explain this to Em. He is your cousin after all and you two are close. I am going to go get some more drinks for us and check in with Jacoby.” Julie got up and walked out, giving Alicia and I some privacy. I began to get nervous and anxious for what Alicia had to say.

“Listen, I am going to explain this to you and help you understand Marcus more. When I do, I just need you to sit and listen. Let me get it all out. There might be some things that will upset you when you hear it, but just let me finish and then you can ask questions if you want.”

“Ok, sounds good.” I replied to her, as I adjusted in the bed so I could properly face her. “I’m ready. Tell me everything.” Alicia nodded her head as she turned to face me.

“Growing up, Marcus and I were best friends since we were only two years apart. Every summer my parents would send me here to stay with my aunt Annie and Uncle Lucas, who were Marcus’s parents, and Marcus and I would play together from sunup to sun down. Marcus was such a happy child and so much fun to be around. My aunt and uncle absolutely adored him in every way possible, they were the perfect family. Then things drastically changed, and it was so sudden Em.

“A few months after Marcus turned 5, there was a big rogue attack on the pack in the middle of the night. The whole pack was unprepared, which was surprising since they usually were always ready for stuff like that. During the attack, Marcus’s mom was killed right in front of him. She had ran into Marcus’s room to grab him and take him to one of the safety rooms while Lucas went outside to help fight. Marcus was under the bed hiding while his mom tried to fight the fucking rogue off, but it was no use.

“Lucas came in right after Annie was killed, he was literally a few seconds too late. Ever since that night, Marcus has blamed himself for his mother’s death. He feels like he should’ve done something to protect her. He shut down after that night, he barely opens up to anyone and is all business like all the time. It also didn’t help that his father went off the rails after losing his mate. It’s pretty common for a mate to never fully recover if they lose their other half. Lucas was no exception. He began drinking heavily and neglected his Alpha and fatherly duties. Marcus was completely put on the back burner along with the pack. Jacoby’s father had to basically take over and try to fix and hold the pack together. He was also the one that trained Marcus as Alpha when he turned 18. Typically in the werewolf world, the next Alpha is 21 when he takes over, but Jacoby’s father was so overwhelmed trying to be Alpha and Beta that he decided to have Marcus transition earlier than usual. Lucas left immediately after Marcus took over and we haven’t seen or heard from him since.``

Alicia took a deep breath, signaling she was done talking, and reached over to wipe the tears that had fallen down my face. All I wanted to do was find Marcus and hold him. My heart broke for Marcus in so many ways. I could not imagine the pain he went through and was still going through. The fact that he was able to rise to the challenge and become a good leader, made me respect him in a whole new way.

“I hope that helped you in understanding why he hasn’t fully accepted the mate bond yet. I also really hope it shows you why we need to give him a push and make the first move. So what do you say, are you finally on board for my master plan?!” I busted out laughing at Alicia. That girl would not give up until I agreed to it.

“Ummmmm, not entirely. But, it does give me some things to think about. Thank you for sharing that with me Alicia, it really does mean a lot.” I said as I gave Alicia a hug.

“Of course Em!”

“If you don’t mind me asking, which one was your blood relative? Annie or Lucas?” I asked her.

“Annie was my father’s sister, they were really close. She always wanted a daughter and always treated me like one. There's a rumor that they were trying to conceive before she died. I often wonder if they did have time to conceive, if it would have been a girl. It would have been nice to have a girl to grow up with. I’ve got two brothers and always wanted a sister.” Alicia looked down, sadness written all over her face.

“When did you move here?” I asked her, trying to change the subject.

“Right after I turned 16, so 3 years ago. My dad thought it would be good for Marcus to have a family member around him that he was close to. Now I have no desire to go back, this is my home now.” She explained.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here and I am so grateful we met. You and Jules have done so much for me.”

“Awww Em, I’m so glad we met too! Now, let’s get back to my master plan. We need to pick out an outfit for you!” Alicia jumped off my bed and started going through the bags of clothes we bought.

I chuckled and just kept watching her as my mind wandered back to what she told me about Marcus. There was just so much information to process. One thing was certain, I definitely needed to talk to Marcus and slowly start breaking down his walls that he built up around his heart. Maybe Alicia was sort of right, perhaps the Alpha does need a little push.