SWNOVELS Beautiful Sinner: Chapter 26
THERE IS NO NORMAL NOW. Normal was a bleak chapter in my life when I thought I had everything I needed. Then Cadence careened in and shuffled up everything.
Now we exist in this new definition of normal, and it’s ours. I sleep at the house every night, and ironically, I’m feeling more connected and revived at the church than ever before. My homilies come with ease. The scripture speaks to me in new ways I never realized were possible; as if, for the first time, I am hearing a language I didn’t know I could speak.
Every spare moment is stolen by her. Kissing her in the barn every morning until I can hardly breathe, sneaking her away into my office after Mass so I can fuck her with my collar on because it drives her crazy. Each night we take turns crawling into each others’ beds, and even when there is no sex, I’m still just happy having her close, knowing she’s mine. Living in bliss on this side of that forbidden line we crossed.
I keep my job up at the church, and she continues killing it at the house. Bridget can’t stop talking about how good she’s doing, how much she thinks Cadence should start thinking about her future, take some classes, consider a business of her own.
We don’t talk about the future, not anymore. That conversation in the shower came at me like a punch in the face. I don’t know what I was expecting her to say, but it wasn’t that. I thought she’d talk about the hotel or opening her own. But kids…
It’s really not so surprising now that I think about it. Cadence would be an amazing mother. It’s the giver in her, the selfless nurturer who is always putting others first. I’ve seen her with the little guests that occasionally come through, the way she plays with them in the parlor, pulling out the board games or running around the yard. Like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
But hearing her say she wants kids puts a thorn in the crown of our relationship. And it suddenly feels like it’s hanging around as a constant reminder that we have an expiration date.
And it may be coming a lot sooner than I expected.
Cadence and I share a bathroom, one which I barely used before since I liked to get ready for work at the rectory. But since everything has been uprooted, I find myself showering and rushing in the morning to get to the church. Without a toothbrush, I start to rifle through the drawers hoping Bridget stocked extras.
The small drawers are mostly full of Cadence’s makeup, hair things and whatnot, but it’s a little pink disk that catches my attention. It’s not the fact that she owns birth control that shakes up my whole fucking morning—I mean, it’s a good fucking thing she does, regardless of my religion’s outdated views on the stuff—but my curiosity gets the best of me, and I open it.
The good news is that according to the dates on the package, she’s taking it.
The bad news is that she’s almost out.
Is it any of my fucking business how or when she takes it? Absolutely not. I took that risk on my own, but it feels a little like opening Schrödinger’s birth control pack. I didn’t know before today how long we had until we had left to be reckless, but now that I know, my head is spinning.
Last week’s conversation put these thoughts in my head. It’s making me see things I definitely should not be seeing, especially after one fucking month together—in a very forbidden, extremely secret relationship.
But still…the vision of her with a rounded belly, full with my child…
My brain is all kinds of fucked up today.
Even at the church, sitting with the morning bible study, I can’t stop thinking about it. The young mother whose baby I just christened two months ago is nuzzled against her chest. I imagine it’s Cadence and a tiny dark-haired infant with green eyes and full lips.
I never thought about children before, and I’m almost forty-five fucking years old. It’s bad enough I’m asking Cadence to keep whatever this is between us a secret. It’s a whole other level of fucked up to ask her to put off her dreams of a child…or to raise one alone.
“Father Callum.” I lift my head from the blank stare I’m holding over the sleeping baby.
Every member of the group is staring at me, waiting for an answer to their question, a question I didn’t even hear.
Looking back down at the scripture, I find the passage highlighted for today’s reading and manage to pull some bullshit out of thin air. It seems to be enough because the congregation looks happy. The woman with the daughter smiles and nods.
The group lingers around for coffee and donuts like they usually do, and I spot movement by the front door. Just then, my phone vibrates in my pocket, and I open it up to find a picture of bare legs just below a very short skirt, spread wide over my desk.
Cadence: Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
Jesus Christ.
I clear my throat and pocket my phone. How the fuck am I going to get these people out of here? They’re busy talking to each other, and it’s mostly just the keeping up town gossip and boring small talk with a few of the retired farmers. They wouldn’t even notice if I was gone, so I make busy work as if I’m cleaning up and need to tend to something important.
A moment later, I’m stalking down the hallway, but instead of being in my office where she was supposed to be hiding, she’s coming out of the ladies bathroom.
“Oh hello, Father,” she says coyly, and I suddenly don’t give a shit that twelve to fifteen of my congregation are standing around the corner, only fifteen yards away. I press her body against the wall and reach up her skirt to palm her warm cunt.
Her eyes pop open and she tries to push away. “What are you doing?” she mouths. She looks at the corner cautiously, waiting for someone to burst in and see us. Honestly, so am I, but I don’t give a fuck.
I pull her panties aside and slip a finger in, absorbing the sound of her muffled moans against my chest.
“Callum, stop,” she gasps, but she doesn’t complain as I begin to circle her clit with my finger. She clings to my arm, and I watch her face change with every movement of my hand under her skirt.
Voices come closer, and we can hear their conversations clearly. They stop just beyond the hallway, caught in another meaningless diatribe, but I know our time is short, so I hurry my progress on her soaking sex in my hands.
She presses against me, caught between the desire to come and the need to flee.
“Come all over my hand,” I whisper in her ear, and her jaw hangs open like she’s fighting for breath. I’m striking hard now, slipping in a second digit as she writhes. My heavy dick grinds against her just as the conversation outside stops. Any moment, someone will round that corner and see me finger banging my young American employee. The secret will be out, and we won’t have to hide anymore.
But then again, I know it’s this filthy thing we’re doing that makes her seize up in my hands, biting back her cries as she soaks my hand. I love the way her thighs clench together as she comes, a vice grip on my wrist like she never wants me to pull it away. We’re both high on the forbiddenness of it.
Just as the footsteps approach, she shoves me away and disappears into the bathroom. I force my hands into my pockets as Bonnie Yeager, the pub owner’s wife and volunteer in charge of our bible study treasury looks up from her clipboard.
“Oh, Father Callum,” she says with a smile. “I just need your signature on these purchase orders.”
I smile at her and try to keep her eyes on my face so she doesn’t notice the way my pants are fighting against my painful erection. Taking the clipboard, I send her a forced smile.
“Did you enjoy today’s discussion?”
“Always. And it felt so appropriate this week. Sometimes the Lord answers the questions we didn’t even know we were asking. Isn’t that right?”
After signing my name, I nod along. “Yes, He does.”
At that moment, Cadence walks out of the bathroom, and I see how Bonnie smiles at her with a little less sincerity as she does with me. Then her eyes travel to her short skirt before returning to my face.
“Hello,” Cadence declares cheerfully and looking so natural I’m impressed.
Bonnie returns the cordial greeting, and we all stand there awkwardly before Cadence finally looks at me and says, “Father Callum, I’m sorry to bother you at work. I need the keys to the van to pick up the groceries for the house.”
My little actress looks too perfect as she speaks, her hands behind her back and staring at me like I’m her boss and nothing more.
“Oh, of course.” I pat my pockets, pretending I’ve misplaced them. “They’re in my office.” Then I turn to the older woman. “Have a blessed day, Mrs. Yeager. Thank you for taking care of these forms.”
“Thank you, Father Callum.” She beams at me with no word toward Cadence as she turns and leaves. As we walk to the office, we listen for her footsteps and the sound of the big door closing before I shut Cadence in my office. I’m not done with her yet.
But as I reach for her, she swats me away.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” For the first time I notice the blush to her cheeks and the smeared lipstick she tried to fix in the bathroom.
“What are you talking about?”
“Do you realize what would have happened if we were caught?”
“I am very aware of what would happen.” I cross my arms and lean against my desk. I feel a fight brewing between us, and I can’t tell if I love it or hate it. She doesn’t shy away from arguing with me, but at the same time, it’s impossible to get anything through to this girl. She’s all talk but doesn’t listen.
“No, I don’t think you are, Callum. So let me tell you.”
I try to reach for her hand, just to touch her while I can, but she pulls away again. “Do you think you’ll be blamed for anything? Do you think for one second this town would condemn their perfect priest? Why would they, when they can place all the blame on the new young American girl who swooped in and tempted you to sin?”
I can’t help but smirk at her. “You did though, didn’t you?”
“That’s not funny.” This time she lets me pull her body closer. “I would be a villain, Callum. They would make it miserable for me to stay.”
“I wouldn’t let them.” I press my forehead against hers and steal her lips.
“I think you want to get caught,” she murmurs as I squeeze her soft body in my hands.
“So what if I do?”
“What would happen to us?” She asks the one question that turns our back and forth play into a serious conversation about the future, the off-limits stuff.
I pull away and take her face in my hands. “I honestly don’t know.”
There’s something about her questions that have me wondering if her real question is: would I leave the church for her? Would I marry her if I could? Would I choose her over everything else?
It’s a lot. Too much to contemplate, and we don’t talk. I just strip off her clothes and make her hum with pleasure all the while thinking about that little pink case in her bathroom drawer that’s almost empty.