SWNOVELS Chapter 345
Chapter 345
Chapter 345
I can’t bring myself to name what I’m feeling.
If I do, it’s putting too much power behind the emotion.
“Axel, why did you break the bond?”
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I didn’t mean to blurt that out, but once the words are out there, I
watch him flinch.
But he keeps walking.
Axel?” I try again.
He doesn’t answer right away, and I swallow down the lump in
my throat. But I don’t turn back. I follow him into the annex. To the
far end, pushing into the bathroom after him and not caring if he
wants his privacy or not.
He washes himself in the sink. The blood sluicing off his arms and
chest.
I wait as he cleanses away the remnants of the fighting. I want to
help him. To take the towel from his hand and care for him myself,
but I know it’s not what he wants right now.
“Why, Axel?” I repeat. “Is it because of what happened to me?
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Because you knew I would be some broken, fragile mess?”
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He hurls the last of the rags aside and steps forward. He catches. my upper arms, his expression fierce.
“I don’t think that about you at all, Emily,” he says in an intense tone. “I think you’re strong and resilient. I think you’re amazing. Instead of being broken by what you went through, you let it make
you stronger. Not many people can claim that.”
I let a wan smile tug at my lips.
Not many people have been through what I went through, and I
have trouble agreeing with Axel’s assessment of me.
“Then why?” I whisper this time, looking up at him, searching his
expression for the truth.
Axel looks torn for a second and I think maybe he’s not going to
tell me after all.
I don’t know where to go from here if he can’t be truthful with me.
But then he seems to give in to whatever thoughts are going
around inside his head.
“It wasn’t about you at all, Emily,” he says gently, pulling me closer still, holding me properly now, his touch tender. “Well, it was, just not in the way you’re thinking.”
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“Then explain it to me,” I say, daring to lift my hands and rest them
on his chest, enjoying how I’m in his embrace in a way I never imagined I would be.
“I can’t ever have a mate,” he says, and a shadow enters his gaze, one that’s sad and haunted. “I’m centuries old, and in all the time, the Moon Goddess never once granted me a mate. I understood why. I live a dangerous existence. And I’m immortal. What good would it do to have a mate for a single, mortal lifetime, only to lose. her and then maybe lose myself in the process. How would I go on living and upholding the peace between wolves and vampires if I went mad from grief over losing my mate?”
I’m startled to realize I’ve never considered things from this
perspective.
Now, it makes total sense why he rejected me.
He was trying to save both of us from the inevitable pain.
“That sounds very lonely,” I tell him in a quiet voice, and a hint of gratitude crosses his face at my understanding.
“But that wasn’t all,” he continues. “I’ve made many enemies
over my long lifetime, and I will no doubt make many more in the
future. If I had a mate, any of them could easily threaten or use her
against me in countless terrible ways.”
My heart melts for him as I realize that all this time, I thought Axel’s
decision to reject me had been selfish, that he was some kind of
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hateful person who simply didn’t want to be with damaged goods
like I am.
Except he was trying to protect me.
His reasons for rejecting me were the least selfish ones he could
have come up with.
“I understand,” I say, and I realize it hurts that my mate has been
put in such a terrible position, and there’s nothing I can do to help
him.
“You do?” he whispers, as if he can’t quite believe it, or doesn’t
know what to do with the fact.
I nod emphatically.
“The last thing I want to do is make your life harder, and that’s all
I’ve been doing these past weeks.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Emily,” Axel replies. “I played my part in it as
well.”
He draws me into a hug, and for a moment, we stand there holding one another.
I can feel the new trust and depth of our relationship blooming
between us.
Axel won’t be in my life forever.
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It’s just not possible, I see that now, and that’s not counting my secret standing between us that would change everything if Axel.
knew.
But while he is here, I want to enjoy having my mate in my life, even if he can’t claim me and we can’t be properly mated like most wolf couples.
But Axel was right about one thing.
I don’t understand why he’s lived centuries, and then out of
everyone in the world–past and future–the Moon Goddess
thought it would be a good idea to pair us together.
Everything about it is impossible.
“I’m sorry,” I say, and he pulls back to look down at me with a
quick smile.
“Why are you apologizing? It’s not all your fault.”
“I know, I just feel terrible that I’m the one the Moon Goddess
gifted you, and we can’t even be together.”
“You need to stop selling yourself short, Emily,” Axel says as he
cups my face in his large hands. “Out of everyone I’ve ever known
over my long, countless years of life, I can see why the Moon. Goddess picked you. I think you are a gift, Emily. I only wish I was deserving of you.”
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Emotion surges hard through me, and instead of answering, I lean up and close the distance between us to kiss him.
Now that we’ve reached this new understanding, the kiss is so
much sweeter, so much better, so much more of everything.
Maybe Axel can’t claim me.
Maybe we can’t be together in the long run.
But just maybe I can know what it feels like to be loved by my
mate.
B
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