Bad Love: An Alpha's Regret (Leah and Aaron)

Chapter 330

EMILY

I don't go right downstairs for breakfast. I go across the hall to my own room and into my own bathroom so I can shower Axel's scent and the smell of lust off my skin.

I can't believe I forgot for even a second that I was handcuffed to that bastard's bed.

I can't believe I actually fell asleep, let alone cuddled up to him.

And when I woke up in his arms, was my first reaction disgust or loathing as it should have been?

No, my wolf and my desires had betrayed me, leaving me not only susceptible to his seductions, but returning them with desperation.

Ugh!

I'm so disgusted with myself, I can barely look in the mirror.

I stand under the shower spray for a ridiculously long time.

Anywhere else, the hot water would have run out ages ago, but the mansion's supply of hot water is basically endless, so all I manage to do is end up with wrinkly prune fingers and climb out feeling like a wet dog, all bedraggled and miserable.

I dress and then head downstairs, glad to hear from the chattering housekeepers that Axel has already left the mansion.

Except then I hear someone say something about vampires seen lurking at the Southern edges of Rathborn territory, and I worry for the pack, especially with Aaron gone.

What if the vampires try something because they know we're without our Alpha?

But then I remember how Axel is actually Axiel Mercier, Slayer, and I hate that I immediately feel safer.

Damn it!

Axel shouldn't make me feel safe.

I should be terrified of him.

I am terrified of him, and I need to remember how I maybe need to escape before he finds out the truth of what happened to me when the old Roberts Alpha performed all those twisted experiments on me. Because where Axel and I are concerned, the truth will mean a death sentence for me.

I head into the smaller, informal dining room and find Jessica finishing up breakfast while reading something on a tablet.

"I hope you're on social media and not already taking care of pack business," I tell her as I start putting food on my plate from the buffet to the side of the room.

"Pack business," Jessica sighs forlornly. "I can't even remember the last time I opened any of those apps."

A sharp wave of guilt cuts through me at her words.

I've been so caught up in my own problems and Axel, that I haven't really been pulling my weight where the pack duties are concerned.

I need to do better for my best friend's sake.

"How did you sleep?" Jessica asks me as I sit down at the table.

"Terribly," I mutter into my breakfast, before pouring myself a much-needed cup of coffee.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Jessica says with a frown. "Was it anything in particular keeping you awake?"

"Well, first I had a nightmare," I tell her, trying not to remember the scary details of that dream. "But that wasn't even the worst part. After, I went down to the kitchen to get a drink of water and Axel thought I was planning to escape and go running again."

Jessica frowns, as if she can guess what's coming next. She probably assumes Axel simply locked me in my room again.

If only he had, I wouldn't have found myself in an impossible situation with him yet again.

"I tried to tell him I wasn't planning to leave, but he wouldn't listen. He took me upstairs to his room and handcuffed me to the bed frame."

"He did what?" Jessica demands incredulously, clearly appalled on my behalf.

"At this point, I'm not even surprised at the lengths he's willing to go to in order to uphold Aaron's order to keep me in line."

"But restraining you like that," Jessica says, shaking her head. "That's crossing a line. Anyone would be able to see that."

"Anyone except Aaron," I mumble, thinking my brother would probably find those tactics perfectly acceptable considering the things I'd heard he'd done to Leah before he'd fallen in love with her. "Are you going to tell him?" Jessica asks in a quiet voice.

"Aaron?" I clarify, before Jessica nods. "What's the point? Even if Aaron disagreed with Axel's treatment of me, my brother is in Romania and there's not much he can do from there. Besides, I'm pretty sure Aaron wouldn't disagree with Axel's tactics anyway."

"Sometimes I think these Alphas would do with being taken down a peg or two," Jessica says, leaning forward and saying the words quietly, as if scared of being overheard. "I'm never going to mate an Alpha. Give me a nice Beta-like my brother-any day. There aren't enough truly good men in this world any longer."

"I agree," I say, clinking my coffee cups against hers.

For a second, I think about pressing the issue.

Maybe I can get her to help me convince Aaron I don't need a babysitter.

That Axel monitoring my every move-and punishing me when he thinks I've stepped out of line-isn't helping me at all. Maybe only making things worse.

However, if she's still in a mind of agreeing with Axel because he's acting on behalf of Aaron while he's away, and the Alpha must always be obeyed, then there's every chance she'll simply tell wither Aaron or Axel himself about my complaints, and then I'll end up in even more trouble than I'm already in.

I don't want to keep living like this.

Axel thinks the worst of me-as demonstrated last night when I was punished for something I wasn't even doing so if he knows I'm talking about him behind his back, complaining about my treatment, he would probably just scoff and say I brought it on myself.

It doesn't help that everything that happened last night and this morning has left me restless in a way that's not easy to settle.

I gulp down my breakfast and drain my coffee, and then before I've even made a conscious decision, I find myself walking toward the French doors leading out to the garden.

"Emily, where are you going?" Jessica asks, a hint of worry in her voice.

I turn back and look at my oldest friend.

I know she probably doesn't get it, but I hope she understands anyway.

"I need to run, Jessica. After last night, I just need to shift and get away for a bit. After that, I'll come back and train and see to pack business, just like Aaron and Axel want me to."

Jessica stares at me for a long moment, and I can see her weighing the options.

"Okay," she eventually concedes. "But if Axel asks, I never saw you this morning."

"Thanks, Jessica," I say gratefully, sending her a smile before stepping out into the early spring morning.

The air smells sweet and the sun has just a hint of warmth to it-exactly what I need.

It'll help me forget last night and make everything seem better.

If only I could forget the way Axel makes me feel just as easily.