Back and Stronger: Alpha's Daughter

The full moon fever was completely upon them now. It was more evident to Sophia now, in the late afternoon, than it had been just that morning.

She could feel the moon and Her magnetic resonance as clear as the setting sun’s radiant, orange heat as it penetrated through the school bus’s half-open windows, and gently came to rest on her face. She closed her eyes and let it warm her eyelids as well.

Sophia tried to take a calming breath. Willing the warmth into the confines of her chest, hoping it would alleviate the restricted feeling there. But breathing deeply could only do so much.

It might very well be her first shift tonight, and she couldn’t get every nerve ending in her body to stop wringing their proverbial hands in anticipation. There was a concoction of trepidation and titillation stirring within her stomach at the very thought. Or maybe she was just hungry. She couldn’t tell for sure. But still. There was no denying the possibility that tonight’s full moon could be the One.

Sophia could sense how it drew her to an obscure place the young female shifter wolf had never gone before, causing her to become fearful of it. Mentally pushing against it. But there was no denying how she wanted nothing else but to give herself over to Her. To allow herself to be enveloped by the moon’s tantalizing tendrils of ascendancy. She felt this more and more as the day’s intermittent hands had ticked by.

Watching the trees, people and houses go by, Sophia was thoughtful and didn’t care much that all the shifter kids in the bus were kicking up a proper hubbub. At least it wasn’t aimed at her this time. They obviously had other things on their minds, the same as she had. And their senses were inevitably standing at attention, after all, as hers did as well.

It’s always been like that. Shifter wolves had an inherent, natural affinity with the moon and Her effectual powers. She was an unparalleled force of nature, and when she called once a month, wolves invariably answered.

Even howling at the moon had become part of a centuries-old tradition. Not in a stereotypical way, but instead an intentional action taken out of respect and fear in equal measure. The moon had power over them like no other force on this earth, so howling in Her honor had become a way of showing their recognition of this, as well as their veneration.

The moon was the symbol and personification of the Goddess after all, so it just made sense. Well, it did to them anyway. Sophia couldn’t know what the humans would think of it, but from what she’d heard of them so far in Human Studies class, they would most likely judge and condemn it. But luckily their opinion didn’t matter here, as the wolf shifters were a society of their own, with their own unique beliefs and traditions.

But even though Sophia, and all the shifters around her, had become used to feeling the effects of the moon on their bodies, moods, and senses from before they could even walk, she instantly knew there was something different about it this time.

The full moon would shortly start making Her ascent, Sophia thought as she watched the sun nearing the horizon. It reminded her of the agonizingly beautiful story of the Sun God and the Moon Goddess – the star-crossed lovers in a perpetual cycle of life, death, and reincarnation together, but ever separated. Never to unite, but love from afar.

It was a sad but alluring tale of true love and sacrifice, which they had been traditionally told as doe-eyed little girls. Still so hopeful that one day they too would find the sort of love the sun and moon shared in their own mates one day. Every shifter trusted in the Moon Goddess to know love when She saw it, and would choose the right mate for each and every one of them. A mate that would love and sacrifice like the sun does for Her every single day. Constant. And without question.

Sophia had been one of them. Once. One of the brightest-of-eyed and bushiest-of-tailed little girls drawn to this romantic story like a moth to a flame. A very eager moth, at that, she’d been – but that had been a very long time ago. A lot of her perceptions about life had changed since then. Understandably.

There he goes, she thought as she watched the mightiest star of their solar system, dimming his light so that the moon could live. His love. So that She could shine brightly in his stead…

Okay, maybe Sophia hadn’t completely given up on love, but it was going to take a freaking miracle to convince her to be anything close to optimistic about the prospect of finding it. Really finding it. One day.

But first thing was first. Sophia was going to have to get through her first shift before anything else. Which by other shifter’s accounts, wasn’t exactly pleasant. But she was used to enduring a lot of pain, so it might just be a walk in the park for her. Though she doubted that.

When the moon was finally to reach the apex in the inky black sky later tonight, only then would She release her call. This was yet hours away, but Sophia could already feel it. The incessant build of it. And that was exactly what was making Sophia anxious to get home and lock herself into her basement room.

Did these new and stronger sensations mean that her first shift might finally happen tonight? Or did it mean that it was close to happening? Maybe she would only shift next month. Or the month after that. But there was no denying that something has changed. She could smell, taste, and feel it in the air. Even the incessant ringing in Sophia’s ears could have been a sign. She couldn’t put it into words. Couldn’t explain the feeling of it all even if she wanted to attempt it. She just knew.

The bus finally came to a screeching stop in front of the middle school, Tibald Primary, where Leo went to school. They were just past halfway home now, so she just had to be patient and remain calm for a little while longer. She would have herself locked in her room soon enough.

The irony struck her just then, thinking how strange it was that her prison and torture chamber could turn around on a dime and become her own private Sanctuary as well.

Sophia couldn’t help but ponder how different things could have been if her mother hadn’t been killed, and her father hadn’t gone mad because of it. Would she have been less fearful? Less weak? Less pessimistic?

However, she was reminded again why she preferred not to let her thoughts dwell on the past, and what could have been if everything hadn’t gone to shit. For at that moment, like it had many times before, it felt like a dagger had pierced her heart instead, slicing from her chest cavity right down to the dark pit of her stomach. There where she would usually hide all her hopes and sorrows away.

For Sophia, these two aspects, normally found on the opposite ends of a continuum, had somehow meshed together. They had become one and the same. This was because Sophia had learned that to have hope, or the expectations of it, was exactly what caused grief and suffering in the first place.

The brighter the light of a hopeful dream, the greater the disappointment and pain that follow when it’s inevitably snuffed out. It was simple really. Basic cause and effect. Or that was what Sophia had personally had come to realize in life.

She’d only been alive for a mere eighteen years, but she felt much, much older. And that wasn’t just due to her body being stiff and tired all the time that made her feel old. The effects of her hard life had been taxing on her mind and way of thinking about things as well. Thinking that had steered her away from her previous optimistic views and dreams. Those were the inner workings of a different, younger version of herself.

Sophia remembered how Mr. Silvino had said to the class once, not even a year ago now, which made her think that he was very wise for a Mathematics teacher from Portugal.

“One day, the optimistic idealism of your youth will give way to something far more useful to you in this life. A good healthy dose of realistic acceptance of your circumstance, as well as your relativity to it. The sooner this happens, the better off you would be. Trust me. Because it is only then that you could think and do something more constructive about it.”

She had no clue what it all truly meant, and the rest of the class had been no different. In fact, she could recall how they hadn’t even appeared to be interested in hazarding an attempt at analyzing and understanding those words. He might as well have spoken some archaic form of gibberish for all they cared.

But it had resonated with Sophia, as she suspected she partly knew what he’d meant by it too. More than any of the other shifters that had been present for it that day in any case. Even if it had been cryptic as hell, it had stuck with her for all that time. She finally understood. Or she thought she did.

“Tibald!” the bus driver called, her shrill voice ripping Sophia from her reminiscences.

Startled, she looked over at the source of the disturbance, thinking she addressed Sophia, but saw that the plump middle-aged shifter was looking outside through the open bus doors, toward the school.

As she too looked there, Sophia saw her little brother talking to a very pretty girl about his own age. Maybe they have class together, she thought, but found her lips doing what it hadn’t done much of lately. She smiled.

And she only felt it growing, widening and tilting up into an impossible curve as she saw the bashful and shy way his eyes gazed at the girl. The bruise on her cheek protested with the foreign movement of the muscles in her face as well, but she didn’t care.

He also thinks she is very pretty, Sophia thought fondly as she watched her brother’s self-conscious behaviour around this girl.

As they said goodbye, Leo gave the girl an awkward hug, slightly jerking in his motions as he did, blushing profusely. She looked a little shyly at him as well, even though Sophia could see that she was a very confident and intelligent young female by nature. And by the way, she was looking at Leo through her lashes, telling Sophia enough about how she thought of him as well.

Not that she was an expert or anything, but it was clear as day. These two liked each other. Very much. It made her heart soar seeing Leo so obviously infatuated with a girl.

As he got onto the bus, he still had a huge smile on his face, his eyes twinkling like the brightest stars in the night sky.

Leo has a crush on a beautiful girl, Sophia thought as he caught her eye, and must have seen her knowing smile there, as he surprised her by simply sticking out his tongue at her as though he’d been able to read her thoughts.

Laughing happily, he walked to the back of the bus to take his usual seat with his friends at the back of the bus.

As they made their way home, Sophia thought that she hoped that girl knew how lucky she was. Lucky to have someone like Leo’s affection. And also so lucky to be excited about a possible crush on a cute and kind-hearted boy.

This was the part of growing up she’d been denied, when she was their age in fact, and she could only pray that they wouldn’t have to find out what it felt like.

Who knew? They might even end up being chosen by the Goddess to become mates one day. Which was a thought that reminded her of her own predicament.

Sophia didn’t know who her mate would be yet, but she knew who she was rooting for when the Goddess decided to grant her one…