Awake At Dawn (Wildflower Series Book 2)

FUCK, THIS WAS not how I wanted this to go. And not how Gemma wanted it to go, either.

Within a matter of minutes, I went from feeling on top of the world to being sick with dread.

Julian stormed down the hallway toward me, and I braced myself to take a few punches that I deserved. I wouldn’t apologize for everything that had happened with Gemma, but I would apologize for lying to Julian. For keeping this from him. I could see that beyond anything else in his eyes, there was hurt. Pain. Distrust. So I’d take whatever hits he had to give.

But just when I was about to step around Gemma to meet him, she shuffled in front of me.

“Julian, stop.”

Julian didn’t stop. He kept plowing ahead, barely meeting his sister’s gaze.

“Move, Gemma,” he warned. “He doesn’t get to walk away scot-free after getting you fucking pregnant.”

But Gemma didn’t move. Not out of the way. She was very much in the way, shuffling in front of me like a protective shield, not letting me get around her.

God, these Briggs siblings were stubborn.

Gemma put her hands out, bracing them against Julian’s chest as she pushed him back. She stood tall as she faced him, but her voice was small when she spoke. Soft.

Sad.

“He’s not the dad, Julian.”

Christ, why did it feel like a stab to the chest to hear her say that?

Ten minutes ago, she’d been calling me fucking Daddy while I slammed my cock into her so hard she probably felt it in her throat, and I’d never, ever felt anything like it.

Now, I felt like I was free-falling.

And fast.

Jules froze, angry eyes flicking up to his sister. And then to me. He held my gaze, and all I could do was harden my jaw. I didn’t want to confirm that what she was saying was true. I couldn’t figure out how to say the words I’m not the dad, even though it might save me from getting my ass beaten by one of my best friends.

When my reaction didn’t give anything away, Julian raked a hand through his hair and probed harder.

“Who is, then?”

“He’s not in the picture,” Gemma said flatly. “And he has no interest in changing that.”

Julian’s expression turned murderous, but at least this time, I knew it wasn’t directed at me.

His next question was, though.

“You didn’t get my sister pregnant?”

“No,” I answered stonily.

Julian didn’t look relieved like I thought he might. Probably because the fact remained that even though I hadn’t gotten Gemma pregnant, someone had. And I could practically see the gears whirling in that ginger head of his. His calculating eyes wandered over us, no doubt taking in our flushed faces, messy hair, and all the other signs that would give away that we had just had sex.

Best sex of my goddamn life, too. I never imagined I could come that hard.

“You didn’t sleep with her?” Julian pressed, staring straight at me because he knew the answer.

Guess this little reprieve was over.

RIP my fingers.

Both Gemma and I were silent, and that split second of hesitation was all Julian needed to lose it again.

His face grew into a shade of red that had to be detrimental to his blood pressure as he threw his hands in the air.

“You’ve been fucking my pregnant sister? God, what the—what the hell⁠—”

“Julian, stop.”

Gemma tried to approach him again, but Julian whirled on his sister.

“Don’t tell me to stop, Gems. Don’t tell me to let this go. You’re pregnant.” His voice echoed in the hallway, loud enough for anyone in the goddamn building to likely hear. And I could see how it made Gemma’s body shake, the slight tremor that didn’t go unnoticed. “Jesus Christ, I can’t fucking believe this. How the⁠—”

“Julian,” I snapped, finally dodging in front of Gemma to get in my friend’s face. Because I understood he was pissed and working through some big feelings, but how he was speaking to Gemma wasn’t going to work for me. “Watch your fucking mouth when you talk to her. Got it? And lower your goddamn voice. Now.”

Julian physically jerked back like I’d punched him, his face wiping blank before he took a deep breath and seemed to pull himself together. He stared at me, his eyes narrowing slightly before he turned on his heel and started pacing. He watched the floor move beneath him as he walked.

“Where do you live?” he asked, shooting Gemma a quick look before training his eyes on his feet again. His tone was calmer, more in check, and I relaxed, stepping aside so he could get the answers from her that he needed. As long as he didn’t yell at her, that was fine.

“What?” I heard the breathlessness in Gemma’s voice, like she was struggling to process what was happening.

“You dodge all my calls, so I went to your apartment today only to be told you no longer live there. I came here to find you. When did you move out?”

“End of July.”

Julian’s steps faltered. He stared at Gemma.

“It’s October,” he croaked. “Gems, where—where do you live?”

Guilt continued to swirl in my gut. I could tell just how much the question killed Julian to ask—that he hadn’t known where his sister lived for three whole months.

Gemma could tell, too. She was trying so hard to stay poised, to not wither beneath Julian’s look, but her expression was so close to crumbling. God, I wanted to wrap my arms around her. I’d never wanted to touch her as badly as I did now, but I didn’t know how that would be received when Julian was right there. When he was already so pissed.

Gemma took a deep breath. “I’ve been living with Noah, Julian.”

“You’ve been—you’ve been living with Noah?” Julian hissed the words as he momentarily paused, stunned as he stared slack-jawed at both of us. And then he continued to pace the width of the small hallway, back and forth as he muttered under his breath. “No fucking way is this real. When I saw my sister in the stands of a football game halfway across the country on fucking national television, I knew there was something she wasn’t telling me, but this? This is⁠—”

He broke off, shaking his head.

Shit.

I didn’t even think about that. Whenever my family attended my games, especially in a big group like that, they always ended up on some kind of screen, either at the stadium or on TV. I never even thought that someone might see Gemma standing with them.

And based on Gemma’s reaction, she’d never thought of it, either.

Gemma brought her hand to her mouth, her eyes wide. “I was…what?”

“They panned over to show Noah London’s family, and wouldn’t you know, my sister was right in the middle of them,” Julian grumbled, talking to his feet. “Funny, I don’t remember her mentioning anything about going on a trip with one of my best friends.”

“I don’t…understand,” Gemma stuttered. “That was weeks ago. Why are you…why now?”

“Weeks ago,” Julian repeated with a humorless laugh before he lifted his hurt gaze. “It was weeks ago. And I would never have known if I hadn’t watched the recording of the game today.”

“You record my games?” I cut in, surprised.

Julian’s eyes flicked to me, brows furrowing together. “Of course I record your games. I don’t always catch them live, but I watch all of them. Every single one.”

Fuck, he just had to add to the guilt, didn’t he? I needed him to stop looking at me like that. Like he did when he was my captain in college and I did something fucking foolish for him only to be disappointed in me.

His look turned into a glare.

“I didn’t realize you were going home after all of them to sleep with my sister behind my back.”

“Cut it out, Jules. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I’ve been a shitty sister.” Gemma stepped toward him, and even though I could hear the tears clogged in her throat, she jabbed a finger in his chest like the little fighter she was. “But do I need to remind you that you were the one to sleep with my best friend first? You remember that, right? You remember sneaking around with her and not telling me, right? You remember how I reacted?”

Julian had the presence of mind to look sheepish at Gemma’s accusation. But only for a second, and then a flare reignited in his gaze.

“But you knew, Gemma.”

She scoffed. “I suspected something was going on between the two of you, but I didn’t know.”

“No.” Julian shook his head, his voice gentler because he was about to talk about Juni. “No, that’s not what I meant. You knew I was in love with her. You knew she was endgame for me. I wasn’t using her; we weren’t just sleeping around. We were trying to find our footing as a couple before telling our family.” His eyes drifted to me. “Is that what’s happening here?”

His question dropped into my gut like a rock. I didn’t know how to answer that, didn’t know how to say the thing that would make this all better. And the worst part? Julian knew. He knew I’d always been too afraid of my own goddamn feelings. He knew we weren’t finding our footing as a couple because that would mean I’d have to commit to being one.

And I’d never done that. Not since I’d known him.

But that didn’t mean I couldn’t. Didn’t mean I wouldn’t. Especially for the woman next to me.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, that would convince Julian what this actually was—even if I was still wrapping my head around it—but Gemma spoke first.

“Julian.” Gemma’s voice was soft and nervous, and I looked at her only to see a sheen in her eyes. They looked glassy, and fuck, it tore at me inside. “Please. Stop. You’re being unfair. I never expected that from Noah, and he never expected that from me.”

My heart sank.

Of course she didn’t.

Of fucking course she didn’t expect anything from me.

Of course she didn’t think I was relationship material.

I was just some guy who could fuck her until she screamed and made all those pretty little sounds that meant nothing at the end of the night.

Except they didn’t feel like nothing to me. Sometimes when she breathed my name, it felt a whole lot like more.

“I’m an adult,” Gemma continued. “Capable of making adult decisions.”

Julian sucked in, chewing on his cheek as he considered his sister.

“I know you’re an adult.” His words were just as soft. “But just like you knew me, I also know you.”

I hated how he was talking like I didn’t know her. Like I had no idea what Gemma’s wants and needs and feelings were. Like I wasn’t the one who’d been there for her for the past three months.

And then, almost like she could read my mind, Gemma went to bat for me again. She was pleading for Julian to understand something I didn’t even comprehend.

“Noah’s done so much for me, Julian. He’s gone to my appointments, held my hair through my weeks of morning sickness, and gave me a place to live when I couldn’t afford my old place anymore. You don’t understand the full situation. I owe him more than I know how to put into words.”

She checked back at me, her eyes imploring, and I supposed it should make me feel good to hear how grateful she was. But I felt empty inside. Especially when she looked back at her brother and added, “I know he’s your friend, but he’s also become mine.”

Friend.

There was that fucking word again.

I didn’t want to be Gemma Briggs’ fucking friend.

Julian knew it, too. He looked from Gemma to me, noting how my jaw clenched.

But I couldn’t say anything, not without launching into a whole new conversation. A conversation I definitely didn’t want to have in front of Julian. So I stepped forward, wrapping an arm around Gemma’s back and gripping her side like I’d done so many times before. Then I leveled with Julian, saying the one honest thing I could.

“I would do anything for her…anything.”

Julian’s eyes wandered my face, and I didn’t know what he saw there, but I had to swallow hard when I noticed the pity leak into his expression. Remorse.

“Noah…” he started, but I didn’t trust what he would say, so I cut him off.

“She’s done so much for me, too,” I said. “She’s been watching Winnie. That’s partly why she moved in. And she came to Minnesota because Nat couldn’t come at the last minute, but my niece still wanted to go to my game with my family. Gemma volunteered to fly with Chloe instead.”

Julian frowned, looking back at his sister. “You volunteered…to fly?”

Gemma cleared her throat. “Well, I didn’t want Chloe to miss the game.”

For the first time since Julian appeared in front of us, his lips twitched with a smile.

And then it vanished a second later.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Gems?” he asked, sounding resigned. Sad. “Forget about sneaking around with London. I’ll talk to him later.” He glanced at me before addressing Gemma again, opening his arms, palms up in a sign of surrender. “But why didn’t you tell me I’m going to be an uncle? I could have helped. With everything.”

Gemma stepped toward him, and I reluctantly let go of her. I supposed I’d have to get used to sharing her more now.

“Because I was scared,” Gemma whispered, choking on the words. “I was scared of what everyone would say. I was scared to let everyone down. I’m…I’m scared, Julian.” She walked forward into Julian’s awaiting arms, and I knew, even as she cried, a part of her was healing. This secret had been killing her inside. It had been killing me, so I could only imagine what it had done to her.

“I’m sorry, Gems. Fuck, I’m so sorry.” Julian wrapped his arms around his sister, holding her tight. He ducked his head, murmuring something in her ear as she buried her face in his chest. She nodded, squeezing him tighter. Her shoulders shook as tiny sobs released from her throat, muffled by Julian’s shirt. “It’s gonna be okay,” Julian breathed. “I promise it’s gonna be okay.”

Julian propped his chin on her head. He held my gaze over Gemma’s head for a long, hard moment, and I knew he was looking right through me.

“Thank you for taking care of her.” He took a deep breath. “Even if it was behind my back.”

His words held little heat. The anger had seeped out of him.

“Always.” I hadn’t been lying; I’d do anything for Gemma Briggs. “And thank you for apologizing to her. Because I don’t ever want to hear you talk to her like that ever again. Got it, Jules?”

A flash of shame showed on Julian’s face as he nodded. His gaze held mine, and relief washed over me because I knew we understood each other. Yeah, he’d just been lashing out and trying to prove a point like the fucking lawyer in him, but hearing him say what he did to her and imply that I’d been using her had cut straight to my goddamn core.

It was never like that.

Julian tightened his hold on his sister, his eyes flicking down to her and then back to me.

“Do you know who did this?” he asked.

I nodded gravely.

Murder reentered Julian’s eyes.

“We’re gonna pay him a visit, right?”

I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded again.

Because fucking finally. I’d been waiting for this.

Julian nodded back, his lips zipped tight. I could tell he was holding his tongue on Gemma’s account. He wanted to know more. He wanted to know everything. But Gemma was still sniffling in his arms, and talking about that sperm donor was the last thing she needed right now.

“Em,” I said softly and watched as Julian’s eyes widened at the nickname that had become so normal for me. For us.

Or maybe his reaction was for my tone. For everything he heard in my voice.

Fuck it, I didn’t care.

Gemma lifted her head, looking back at me with watery, exhausted eyes.

“Let’s go home,” I said before my eyes momentarily flicked to my friend. “Julian can come, too, but let’s get you home.”

“I—” Julian’s attempt to say something on behalf of his sister was cut short by my glare. I didn’t know what was going on between Gemma and me, but I knew one thing with absolute certainty: if Julian thought he was going to take her from me, he was dead fucking wrong.

To my immense relief, Gemma gave me a wobbly smile.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

I kept waiting for her to say home like she did when we were leaving the gym twenty minutes ago. Let’s go home.

But she never did.