Awake At Dawn: Chapter 18
“YOU SHOULD PUT this on.”
One of Noah’s brothers, the tall one with wavy hair—Sully, pretty sure—dropped a purple-and-gold jersey on the table. I stared at it, confused, before I dropped my spoon into my cereal bowl and picked up the jersey.
“I was going to wear my Knights jersey to the game,” I said, and Chloe nodded.
“Me, too,” she said proudly.
She sat next to me at the kitchen table, keeping me company as I tried to blend in with Noah’s family while grazing the breakfast bar his mom had put out this morning.
I looked up at Sully, only to note that mischief danced across his features.
“You can wear whatever you want to the game,” he said before leaning in to whisper. “This is just an experiment.”
“What’s that?”
Noah emerged from the basement with a duffle bag slung over his shoulder, and his attention immediately trained on the jersey in my hands. The jersey that wasn’t his jersey. His eyes blazed with annoyance, and I dropped the jersey like it was suddenly hot to the touch. Sully snatched it back up.
“Just a little hometown patronage,” he said, all singsongy in his efforts to push his brother’s buttons.
“She’s not wearing that,” Noah said flatly, staring his brother down.
“I’m not,” I assured him. “I’m wearing what I always wear when I watch your games.”
Noah’s eyes flicked from Sully to me, and then they softened. My breath hitched. I hadn’t been able to see his face last night when he wrapped his arms around me, but I imagined it looked a little bit like it did now. Tense but gentle. Like how his hand had smoothed over my stomach tenderly, even while his body had been rigid with arousal.
I woke up this morning feeling that arousal again, pressed into my back. At some point in the night, I returned to his arms. And waking up there, feeling him all around me, had sent me fleeing as soon as my eyes opened.
I needed a little intermission, a little breather to figure out my game plan.
I’d tried last night. I’d tried to get him to break, even just a little bit. But he seemed determined to ignore the parts of me I wanted to give him. Instead, he kept showing up for me in other ways, talking about my doctor appointments and giving me shirts to sleep in.
But I wondered if he realized what he was doing. He was trying to protect me from tasting something that could never be, but a hand job in the middle of the night wouldn’t be what would ruin me when this was all over.
I wasn’t giving up yet, though. As determined as Noah seemed to be, I was equally convinced it would be a loss to waste an opportunity. This was my only chance—probably for a long time—to feel something good in a man’s arms. I knew it would be temporary. I didn’t care.
Noah’s lips parted like he was going to say something, but then they pressed together again when he realized his whole family was listening. So he just nodded and stepped backward toward the front entryway.
“See you all after the game.”
“Wait, wait!”
His mom jumped from a kitchen barstool as she rushed to give her son a hug, muttering words of encouragement while simultaneously reminding him to be careful on the field.
It tugged at my heartstrings, especially when Noah smiled at his mom while reassuring her. Anne London was at least a foot shorter than him, which meant he had to lean down to kiss her forehead. Afterward, she stood there with her dog-printed apron and her mousy brown hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun, watching as he stepped back and waved at the rest of us.
“Go get ’em!” Theo called while Sully put his fingers in his mouth and whistled loudly.
“Can’t wait to see those big plays!” Blake hollered.
Noah’s smile cracked wider before he disappeared through the front door.
I crossed my legs, resisting the urge to go after him, to give him my own few words of encouragement. But I knew his family would read into it, so I settled for sending him a text.
I’m looking forward to watching you win games in real life.
NOAH: Don’t jinx it, Em.
Fine. Good luck out there ❤️
That better?
NOAH: That’s the best.
NOAH: I’m sorry I have to leave tonight.
Don’t worry about it, Noah.
It might be a little weird without him tonight, but by the time the game was over, I’d probably come back to the house, pass out, and wake up to catch the return flight with Chloe. I was more worried about how I’d spend the time between now and the game.
“Well, there he goes again.”
One of the London brothers’ voices pulled me out of my phone, and I looked up to find that the mood had deflated considerably around the breakfast table.
“Always leaving us to go do his big, cool things,” Blake sighed, leaning back to sling an arm around over the empty chair beside him.
“Blake,” Anne warned, flashing her oldest a stern look.
But Sully picked up where Blake stopped regardless. Except unlike his brother, he was looking directly at me.
“It’s probably good that the two of you aren’t dating,” he said with this sort of all-knowing expression that unnerved me. “His ability to have a relationship extends to football and that’s it.”
I flashed him an unfeeling smile, feeling more prickly than I probably should at his implications. “You know so much about dating, Sully. Tell me…how’s your love life doing?”
Blake and Theo wrapped their hands around their mouths, hollering their approval through closed fists before breaking into laughter. But my lips flattened as I stabbed a strawberry from my plate.
“Our family isn’t lucky in love, so you’re right…it’s not just Noah who isn’t dating,” Sully said with a shrug. A light grin played on his lips, telling me he wasn’t bothered much by the ribbing. “None of us seem to be built well for it. But I stand by what I said: he’s always going to go where the football goes.”
“California for college,” Theo listed. “Massachusetts for the big leagues. I wonder if he’ll ever come back home.”
The words were wistful, but the delivery dripped with roguish teasing. Theo dropped his chin in his hand, elbow propped on the table to hold it up.
“Stop with the drama, boys,” Noah’s dad droned while he scrolled on his iPad with his glasses poised on the tip of his nose. “He’ll be back later tonight.”
“And he’ll be two mil richer, too,” Sully quipped. “Or something like that. I did the math once and divided his salary per game.”
“Man, wouldn’t that be nice,” Theo laughed. “Two mil richer plus girls waiting to help you spend it.”
“Seriously,” Blake said, but his tone wasn’t facetious anymore. His expression had turned slightly spiteful as he went back to eating his breakfast. “Can you imagine making seven figures in one day, and all while playing a kids game?”
“It’s not even one day,” Sully pointed out. “It’s just a couple hours.”
“Some of us actually have to work a full day to get paid,” Blake muttered.
“Some of you seem like you have no idea how professional football really works,” I snapped, putting my fork down with a forced calmness I didn’t feel. “Maybe you’ve never asked your brother what his days are really like, but he’s putting in work and time and energy into his career every single day for hours upon hours. And yet, his whole life isn’t football. Chloe, how many nights do you spend with your uncle Noah every week?”
She scrunched her face up, her cereal spoon pausing on the way to her mouth. “Maybe three?”
“At least three,” I emphasized. “And he picks her up from skating practice, and checks in on Nat, and takes care of a puppy he rescued, and he actually doesn’t love always leaving to do his cool, big things. But do you know the only away game he’s been excited for this season? This one. Not to mention he’s—” I cut myself off before drawing in a shaky breath. My heart pounded with the adrenaline of confrontation, and I hated it. I really hated it. “Sorry,” I muttered, immediately backpedaling. “Sorry, I—”
“No,” Anne interrupted. “No, you’re absolutely right, Gemma. Noah has worked incredibly hard to get where he is, and we know that.” She glared at her other sons, muttering something else under her breath that I couldn’t hear. But when she turned back to me, her expression was gentle. She had the same green eyes as Noah. “I’m very proud of him.”
My smile felt wobbly as I let it inch up my face, trying to show Noah’s mom that I appreciated her. I nodded and cleared my throat.
“Thank you so much for breakfast.” Grabbing my dirty dishes, I stood from the table. “I think I’m going to go freshen up a bit, if that’s okay.”
“Of course it is.” Anne jumped up, taking the dishes from me, which I let go of reluctantly. “Are you okay with going into the city early before the game? We wanted to show you the best places to eat in Minneapolis.”
“I would love that.”
I flashed her another smile. I didn’t want the Londons to think that I wasn’t grateful for their hospitality or that I was rude. I rarely ever snapped at people who weren’t my own siblings, but I hadn’t been able to handle it. Noah did so much for other people, and his brothers were making him sound like someone who couldn’t be counted on, like someone who only cared about himself and money and sports.
I paused at the top of the stairs leading to the basement, realization washing over me.
They were making him sound like the person who Noah thought he was.
And suddenly, I understood everything all too clearly.
I spent my whole makeup routine worrying that Noah’s brothers would act differently toward me after my outburst earlier, but I quickly learned my concerns were unnecessary.
It was a cold, gray day. An eerie mist trickled down from the sky, but the London family didn’t let it stop them from showing me around the city. We went to a microbrewery that had plenty of nonalcoholic options and then a trendy Minneapolis restaurant, and all the while, they couldn’t have been any nicer to me. Sully continued to make jokes, Theo’s relaxed attitude remained constant, and if anything, Blake’s cool confidence had reduced into something that resembled guilt.
And not only that, but they wouldn’t leave me alone.
“I’m gonna use the bathroom quickly,” I told the group as we entered the stadium and passed by a women’s restroom. “I’ll meet up with you all.”
“I’ll wait for you,” Blake replied without hesitation.
“Go ahead, Gemma.” Theo halted next to his brother. “We’ll be right here.”
Sully also stopped, agreeing with a nod.
“I can find our seats,” I assured them, noting how eagerly Chloe was pulling at her grandparents, not wanting to wait. “It’s really okay.”
“The boys can wait with you, and we’ll meet you over there,” Noah’s mom decided with a smile, giving in to her granddaughter’s impatience as Chloe dragged them away.
“I’ll be quick,” I promised the brothers. Darting into the bathroom, I went as fast as possible and refreshed my lipstick before reemerging to find them all still patiently waiting for me. Blake looked flustered while his brothers were elbowing him, snickering slightly.
“Did I miss something?” I asked.
Blake shook his head. “Just saw a friend.”
I cocked a brow. “A friend?”
Sully snorted. “A friend. Okay, Blakey.”
“Delaney is as much your friend as Gemma is Noah’s,” Theo added under his breath.
“Hey—” I started, despite my stomach flipping at the insinuation. But Blake was too quick.
“You guys know she’s engaged,” he muttered, and the mood immediately dropped.
Ouch. Noah and I might not have a future, but at least I didn’t have to deal with seeing him with someone else. Just thinking about it caused a stab of pain that shocked me with how strong it was.
“Come on,” Blake encouraged. “Let’s go.”
Obediently, we all started walking in the direction of our seats, and the brothers simultaneously converged around me. When I flashed them a bemused expression, Blake’s lips curved into a lopsided grin.
“Sorry, did you not realize you were getting a protection detail today?” he chuckled.
“I did not,” I laughed. “And it’s really not necessary.”
“Our brother would disagree,” Theo said before putting a hand on my back to steer me away from a concession stand I’d been about to bump right into as we walked. He dropped his hand as soon as my path was clear. “But don’t tell him I just touched you.”
“Oh, let’s tell him,” Sully jumped in, mischief sparkling in his eyes again. “Just for fun. See what happens.”
“He’s not going to care,” I insisted as we made our way to the center of the field and descended the steps toward the first-row seats Noah had secured us.
My roommate had a clear protective streak, but it focused mainly on the baby. Plus, it was fueled partly by fear of my brother.
“Mhm,” Blake hummed as he walked behind me. “You just keep believing that.”
I tried to ignore his words, especially when they made my stomach jump into my throat.
When we found the right row, we filed into our seats. Chloe bounced up and down excitedly on my right side while Blake stood stoically on my left. Meanwhile, my eyes immediately started scanning the field for Noah. I found him stretching further down the sidelines, and I realized I should have gotten a drink to sip on. My mouth ran dry at the sight of his muscles flexing under all that football gear as he limbered up.
“I’m sorry about this morning,” Blake said, startling me because I was so in my head about how hot his brother was. “We were acting like jerks, and you were right to call us out on it.”
“I didn’t mean to snap,” I rushed to say, looking up to find his intense, brown eyes staring at me. He had more of his dad in him than Noah did. Darker hair, brown eyes, sharp jaw. He was equally handsome, just in a different way. There was more of a broodiness to him. “I’m sorry that I did.”
He shook his head. “Don’t be. I love my brother, and I’m proud of his success. I think sometimes I just get a little…” He turned to squint at the field while he tried to find the word. His eyes trailed Noah disappearing into the locker rooms ahead of the official start.
“Jealous?” I offered, flashing a teasing smile.
Because that whole conversation this morning reeked of jealousy.
“Yeah, I guess so,” Blake admitted. “Sometimes it’s hard not to be when your brother is famous and has it all, and you—” He winced, cutting himself off. “Sorry, it’s not about me. I was acting like an ass and just wanted to apologize.”
“You don’t need to apologize to me,” I said. “But Noah might pick up on more than you realize. He’s one of the best guys I know, and I don’t think he sees that about himself.”
Blake nodded, a solemn understanding to it, like he really was taking my words to heart. But then a brow rose as he glanced at me.
“One of the best guys, huh? Tell me about these other good guys.”
When all I did was laugh breathily, he shrugged. “Just trying to scope out my brother’s competition for him.”
“It’s not like that.” I shook my head. “The only other good guys I know I’m related to.”
Blake suppressed an amused grin. “Good to know.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell Blake that it didn’t matter, anyway. Noah and I…we weren’t like that.
We fell into compatible silence as I replayed his words. And when my curiosity got the better of me, I turned back toward him.
“What were you going to say before? When you were talking about how your brother is famous, but you…”
“It’s nothing.” Blake’s lips twisted ruefully. “I just dated a girl recently who turned out to be using me to get to him and dumped me when she realized it wouldn’t happen. I felt like such a fucking fool. But it’s not Noah’s fault I fell for that trap.”
“Oh my God,” I murmured, wide-eyed. “Seriously?”
He nodded and then shrugged, trying to brush off the obvious pain in his eyes.
I leaned toward him with a whisper. “You know, if you ever move to Massachusetts, I have four sisters.”
Blake laughed, a lightheartedness returning to his expression. “And a terrifying older brother, I hear.”
“Eh.” I waved that thought away. “Let me deal with Julian.”
“I think you’ll already have enough to deal with when he finds out you’re…” He paused to clear his throat. “Living with his friend.”
I groaned. “Don’t remind me.”
“Okay.” Blake nodded with ease. “I won’t. Do you want anything to drink? I think I’m going to grab a beer.”
“If you see anything that’s alcohol- and caffeine-free, I would love that.”
“On it.” He saluted and slid past his brothers, who shuffled down and started chatting with me in his absence. They didn’t apologize like Blake did, but they loudly cheered their brother on as he reemerged onto the field and strode to the sidelines in front of us.
We screamed with excitement, and almost as though he could hear us, Noah turned to look at the stands. But his eyes were on the wrong part of the row, and I bounced eagerly on the balls of my feet as his gaze traveled over faces until he eventually found us.
He smiled.
First, at Chloe.
Then, at his mom.
And then, finally, at me. And my green-and-white jersey.
Once his eyes caught on me, they seemed reluctant to move away, and I felt stunned by his attention. His public attention. I smiled, and he smirked, finishing his long, perusing look. By the time he turned back to the field, my cheeks were flaming. Up until this moment, I’d been shivering from our walk around an unseasonably cold Minneapolis and thankful for the dome covering the stadium. But now, my insides felt molten, warm, fuzzy, and I wouldn’t mind a burst of cool, fresh air.
Sully elbowed me playfully, but I tried to ignore it, focusing instead on the game.
It was a fantastic game, even if I hated watching Noah take hits up close. He played brilliantly, though. It was honestly one of his best games. Ever.
But my favorite part wasn’t watching him play for the Knights or beat Minnesota. It was watching him play for his family. It was watching him wave to his niece and glance over to our row with giddiness in his expression. It was watching him confidently stride across the field in those tight pants that made my mouth water.
Just getting to see his excitement was contagious. Anticipation ran in my veins, even after the game. My body seemed to vibrate as we returned to the lake home. I wasn’t sure why or what I was excited about, but I couldn’t shake it. I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
So when Blake told me we were going out to celebrate at a bar nearby, I couldn’t have been more ready.
Especially when I learned that Noah was on his way back to join us. Apparently, I’d been cold this afternoon for a reason, and the light mist that had accompanied the dreary weather resulted in a layer of ice on the tarmac that had delayed Noah’s flight out of Minneapolis, meaning he got to spend another night here. With his family. And me.
My body tightened at the thought of sharing a bed with him again tonight. Or would we go back to our separate rooms? I didn’t know what to expect, but I did know that I was embarrassingly excited to see Noah.
“Should I change?” I asked Blake as we walked into the house. “What’s the dress code?”
“The dress code can be whatever you want it to be, Gemma,” Sully slid in before his brother could answer. “But if I might suggest something flirty and fun?”
“Flirty?” I repeated, pushing down a nervous giggle. “Please. I have no intention of trying to pick up guys tonight. Did you forget I’m pregnant?”
“I know one guy in particular who doesn’t care that you’re pregnant,” Theo muttered as he brushed past me. When I looked up at him, he winked.
And that little sign of awareness made me say something I really shouldn’t have.
“So…you’re saying I should wear the dress that Noah specifically told me not to pack?”
Sully’s eyes lit up. “Absolutely.”
This was a terrible idea, but with the other London brothers nodding encouragingly, I retreated to the basement to find the dress. By the time I’d laced the bodice up and tied the neckline into a tiny bow, a knock sounded on my bedroom door.
“Em? You almost ready?”
My breath caught in my throat at Noah’s voice. Wordlessly, I grabbed my jacket to attempt to combat the cold air outside and walked to open the door.
“Fuck.”
The rough word slid slowly from Noah’s lips, drawn out as his eyes looked me over from head to toe. And then, almost as though it was unbearable to look at me for a moment longer, Noah hung his head, pinching the brim of his nose.
“Hi, Noah.” I grinned. “Good game tonight. I knew I’d get to watch you win in real life.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he groaned. I wasn’t even sure he’d heard what I said. He lifted his head again. “Gemma, I told you—shit. You have to change.”
“Your brothers told me to wear it.”
That had been the wrong thing to say. Noah’s eyes flared.
“That is the last fucking thing I want my brothers to see you wear.”
“Oh, come on. I could think of worse things.”
So many worse things. Sure, this dress showed some cleavage and was on the shorter side, but it wasn’t scandalous by any means. Honestly, I wasn’t sure why Noah reacted so strongly to it. But I also wasn’t sure if it mattered.
He stared at me, daring me to continue. To prove my point. Almost as though he wanted to see what would be worse.
Or he wanted me to change into sweats, either one.
“I didn’t think you’d be one of those guys who tried to control the things a girl wears,” I tsked when it was clear Noah intended to remain silent.
He crossed his arms over his chest. “I couldn’t give a shit what girls wear.”
I raised a brow. “You didn’t want me to wear the Minnesota jersey this morning.”
“I think my reason for that should be self-explanatory.”
Part of me wanted to make him spell it out anyway. But we also needed to get back to the point at hand.
“And now you don’t want me to wear this dress,” I added.
“Fine.” Noah ran his hand through his hair, which looked damp from his after-game shower. My eyes roamed over him, checking for injuries from the game. But he looked good. Really good. Especially when he gripped the top of the door and leaned toward me, intensity rippling through him. “I don’t care what other girls wear. I care what you wear. But only because it’s unseasonably cold as hell out there, and I also know how fucking hard it’s going to make it for me. And I am so cl—”
He snapped his mouth shut, pressing his lips together in frustration.
So close.
I cocked my head to the side. “Harder, huh?”
Noah’s jaw clenched as his hand dropped back to his side. “Yeah. Harder.”
With a playful shrug, I looked away from his face because its intensity made it hard for me to think.
“Well, I don’t have any other dress options, so I guess you’ll just have to figure out a way to solve that problem.”
I couldn’t help it. My eyes sought his again. They were shining, alive with heat and exhilaration.
If I thought I was riding a high from his game, I could only imagine the adrenaline coursing through Noah’s veins. Tonight—what was going on here—was dangerous. But I’d never been so excited to get a taste of this version of Noah.
I dared to step toward him, noting how the green flecks in Noah’s eyes seemed brighter tonight. He bit down on his bottom lip, letting it slide slowly through his teeth as he considered me with a hooded gaze.
“It’s okay,” he muttered finally, gruff but seductive enough that I felt a flush work up my body. “Like you, I’m pretty used to taking care of things on my own.”
My mouth ran dry, and just when I was about to ask Noah how, exactly, he liked to take care of things on his own, we were interrupted by a holler from upstairs.
“You two coming?”
“Yeah, be right there,” Noah called without looking away from me. His voice lowered as he added, “You’re not going to change, are you?”
I shook my head with a smirk before brushing past him to go upstairs and meet his brother.
Behind me, I heard him swear under his breath.
But he followed me anyway.