Ashes to Ashes

WHEN I OPEN MY EYES, I FIND MYSELF INSIDE THE high school. Everyone’s dressed in pinks and reds and whites. They’re carrying roses, sharing kisses in the hallways.

Oh my gosh, it’s Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day? How can that be? How can a whole month and a half have passed? I don’t think I understand what time feels like anymore. A long time or a short time, it all feels the same to me now.

I do feel something, though. Something magnetic. A pull. A current. A tide.

It takes me to the cafeteria.

And what I see eclipses any pain I’ve ever felt.

They’re together. Lillia, Kat, Reeve. As thick as thieves. Kat’s reaching for food, Reeve’s swatting her hands away, and Lillia is laughing at both of them.

I tear at my hair. Why? Why am I being tortured like this? Forced to watch Reeve move on with his life, watch him get whatever he wants. Watch him take my friends, erase me from the world. He doesn’t deserve to be happy. Not after what he did to me.

The edges of the cafeteria get white, and I begin to lose focus. Which is good, because I don’t want to see this. I was wrong. I was so wrong about everything. We aren’t friends. They don’t miss me; they don’t think about me. If they did, there’s no way in hell this would be happening.

The very last thing that made me feel like I was human, just a little bit human, is gone.

I don’t know how much time passes, where I go, what happens to me after. I come to on my bedroom floor to the sound of laughter. It’s coming from outside, but strangely, it sounds like their lips are right next to my ears.

Kids laugh in two different kinds of ways. There’s the joyous, silly kind that happens when you’re getting tickled by your mom or chased around the backyard by your dad.

And then there’s the mean, teasing kind. The cruel kind of laughter that isn’t funny at all.

That’s what I hear, and it brings me right back to my Montessori days.

I quickly push up off my stomach and walk to the window. There’s a group of kids down on the street below, right in front of my house. I bet they’re coming from the park up the road. Four of them are closing the gap on one boy who’s by himself. He’s walking backward as best he can, though he almost trips on the curb, because he doesn’t want to turn his back on them.

I close my eyes, and in a flash I’m down on the curb.

The one boy who’s by himself, the unease on his face makes my stomach hurt. He’s ten years old, maybe eleven. I can’t tell exactly because he’s tall for his age. Taller than the other kids who are taunting him, but that doesn’t matter. He’s trying not to look scared, but I know he is. I can feel his heart drumming. His hair is long and shaggy and a bit greasy, and he keeps flipping it out of his eyes by jerking his head. His jeans are dirty and they don’t fit him so great. His cheeks are dotted by a few ripe red pimples.

Poor thing.

The other four kids, three boys and one girl, have the energy of a full-blown mob.

“I know you want to kiss her, Benjamin,” the blond-haired boy says. “I saw you staring at her ass.”

“I was not,” the tall boy, Benjamin, says. And then he realizes that he’s been backed into the bushes that edge my property. The other kids quickly surround him. He wipes away some sweat from his temple with his sleeve.

I step between two of the boys and stand next to Benjamin. Even if he can’t see me, I hope he can feel me next to him. I hope he can tell he’s not alone.

The ringleader boy tips his head back and laughs. “Dude! I saw you do it! Are you calling me a liar?” He glances over at the girl standing next to him. “Betsy, he’s calling me a liar.”

Betsy doesn’t look all that into what’s happening, but she’s not exactly stopping it either. She just shrugs her shoulders.

“I’m not calling you a liar, Seth,” Benjamin says carefully. “I’m just saying that you’re wrong.”

Seth slings an arm over Betsy’s shoulder. “So if Betsy tried to kiss you, you wouldn’t do it?”

“No.”

Betsy rolls her eyes at that, and I feel the pang of hurt inside Benjamin. My hand goes to my chest, where my heart would be beating if I were alive. I can really, truly feel it. His hurt, as if it were my own. I’ve felt this way before. The first day of school when I hid in the bathroom. Kat and Lillia were both so upset, their pain radiating through the stall door.

Seth lowers his head menacingly. “So you’re saying that my girlfriend is ugly?”

“No! I’m not saying that!” Benjamin is clearly getting frustrated, and I don’t blame him. “I wouldn’t kiss her because I know Betsy’s your girlfriend.”

Seth nods to the other two boys, who suddenly produce a bunch of folded papers from their pockets. Seth takes them and holds them up, two fists full. “Then why have you been writing her love notes?”

Before he can stop himself, Benjamin looks at Betsy, slack-jawed. Like, Why? Why would you do that?

I grit my teeth. The sky darkens above us, and the wind picks up.

He pleads with Seth, “She started writing to me first!”

Seth nods. “Um, yeah, you dope. Because I told her to. We wanted to see what you would say.”

I glance at Betsy, to see if she feels even a little bit bad about what she’s done, the trouble she’s caused Benjamin, but she’s shaking her head. “Ben, I only wrote you, like, twice, and they were barely half a page. You wrote me every day, pages and pages. You’ve been obsessed with me since first grade. You even said so.”

I feel the heat behind Benjamin’s eyes that comes right before tears. His lip begins to quiver.

Don’t cry, I tell him silently, and every muscle in my body tightens up. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. They are evil. They aren’t worth your tears.

“Oh my God, look!” Seth sounds gleeful. “Crybaby’s going to cry!” He steps closer and closer to Benjamin.

I can taste it. The desperation, the humiliation. The feeling of being so alone. It’s sharp and acrid on my tongue.

I narrow my eyes on Seth and push my arm out fast. That’s all it takes for Seth to fall backward. He hits the ground hard and cracks the back of his head on the curb. It makes a sickening sound. His hands both open up, and the letters fall out.

The other boys look as shocked as he is.

I glance behind me at the tree in my yard. The sky gets darker, and the wind kicks up even more, and the bare branches above us shake and shake.

“You guys!” one of the other boys shouts. “The tree’s about to fall!”

Using my mind, I push harder and harder against the tree. The ground buckles.

“Look out!” someone shouts as the roots burst up through the dirt. Betsy screams, and the boys help Seth up and out of the way before the tree creaks over and snaps in half. The entire thing smashes through the bushes and falls across the street. That sends neighbors running out of their houses.

Benjamin looks behind him. He sees me, and his eyes go wide and scared.

He can actually see me. Just like Lillia and Kat in the bathroom.

“Don’t be afraid!” I call out. “I’m here to help you!” I will help him, because there was no one there to help me.

He takes a step backward, and then another, practically tripping over his sneakers. “Thank you,” he gasps. And then he turns and runs down the street.

“Let’s get out of here,” Betsy says, and turns to hurry down the street in the opposite direction. I lift my hand once more and use my energy to knock her forward, facedown onto the street.

She’s as guilty as the rest of them.

She screams. The boys pick her up. Betsy’s bleeding from the mouth, crying. And her hands are bright red and cut as well. She spits a tooth out into her hand.

Not so pretty anymore, are you, Betsy?

As they disappear around the corner, I realize it. This is my purpose. This is why I’m here on Jar Island. I am an avenger. An avenging angel sent down to right wrongs.

I am not weak.

I am powerful. More powerful than I know.

Me, Kat, and Lillia, we weren’t ever supposed to be a team. All along it has been my responsibility and mine alone. My purpose.

It’s why I’m drawn to Reeve. Because I have a job to do, a score to settle. And once I do, I’ll finally be free.