Ashes In The Mouth Of Grief Novel by Bailee Parker

My relentless questioning amplified the emotions stirring inside Ian.

Filled with guilt, he muttered painfully, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

Beyond those words, he couldn’t say anything else.

I stared at him and said sarcastically, “Now you’re saying sorry? Who was it just now, acting so arrogant, calling my dad a thief and saying he was a disgrace?”

“You’ve known my dad for so many years. You know what kind of person he was. Don’t you have any sense of that?”

“He was honest and kind his whole life. He never took a penny that wasn’t his, even if he was wronged or bullied. He would just smile and let it go. How could you think someone like him would steal anything from Julia?”

“Did you really think so little of him?”

Ian’s face was filled with anguish. “No, it’s not that. I just…”

He wanted to explain, but he didn’t know how to continue.

With tears streaming down my face, I let out a laugh. “Why aren’t you saying anything? Is it too hard to admit?”

“Are you trying to say you just cared too much about Julia, so you lost your mind and crossed the line?”

“Ian, don’t you find yourself ridiculous?”

“Is it because my dad and I treated you too well, were too forgiving, that you forgot you’re a married man?”

“You keep saying you only see Julia as a sister. But how many times have you left our home for her? How many times have you quarreled with me over her?”

“Every time we fought because of Julia, my dad would always console me. He said you were a good man with boundaries and responsibility, and that you would never cross the line. He constantly urged me to trust you, to be more tolerant.”

“No matter what, my dad was always on your side, always thinking of you, always defending you.”

“But what about you?”

“After causing my dad’s death, you slandered him. You called him a disgrace, wanted to hold him accountable, and then desecrated his ashes!”

“You’ve done everything possible to hurt him. Now what are you sad about?”

I was too heartbroken for my dad. My accusations were endless.

Ian couldn’t argue against a single word I said. He just kept crying.

He looked like a child being scolded for doing something wrong.

“I’m sorry, Daisy. I wronged you and Dad, but I truly didn’t do it on purpose,” Ian said. His eyes were red and looking at me with a hint of hope, as if he was waiting for my forgiveness.

I finished gathering the ashes from the ground and stood up. I looked at him coldly and said indifferently, “Don’t apologize to me. I will never forgive you.”

Ian struggled to stand up. His body swayed as if someone had taken away his strength.

Seeing this, Julia finally couldn’t bear it any longer. She spoke up for Ian, “Daisy, can’t you see Ian is already in so much pain? Why are you still pushing him? How can you be so heartless?”

Hearing this, Ian turned around and slapped Julia before I could say anything.

“Shut up!”

Ian glared at Julia with fierce eyes, as if they were about to burst into flames.

“Ian, you… you hit me?”

Julia covered her face, looking at Ian in disbelief.

No matter what the situation was, Ian would always protect Julia unconditionally.

He couldn’t even bear to say a harsh word to her.

But now, not only did he not appreciate Julia speaking up for him, he even hit her.

Julia was completely stunned. The Ian she saw now seemed like a stranger.

“It’s all because of you!”

Ian’s anger exploded. With red eyes, he roared, “Daisy’s dad has been dead for seven days. What’s with the surveillance video you had? You said you saw him with your own eyes yesterday. What’s going on?”

“Why did you lie to me?!”

My dad’s death had dealt a massive blow to Ian.

At this moment, his heart was filled with endless guilt and pain.

And the source of all this was Julia.

It was only now that Ian finally realized everything Julia had said before was a lie.

And he, because of his blind trust in Julia, had made a huge mistake.

At this moment, he hated Julia to the core.

The look in his eyes as he gazed at Julia no longer held the tenderness of the past, only hatred and anger.

Faced with Ian’s questioning, Julia felt guilty.

“I… I don’t know,” she stammered. “Ian, I didn’t lie to you.”

“You saw the surveillance video too. You said yourself that the person in the video looked just like Daisy’s dad.”

“You were so close to her dad, and even you got it wrong. It’s normal for me to make the same mistake, right?”

Julia’s words were like a heavy hammer, striking Ian hard.

He had been looking for a way to vent the overwhelming emotions inside him.

He wanted to find an excuse for his mistakes.

But he realized there was none.

Julia was right. The one who made the mistake was him.

The one who didn’t believe in my dad was also him.

In all of this, he bore the inescapable blame.

Ian suddenly went limp, standing there helpless and in despair.

He looked as if his soul had left him. His eyes were completely devoid of light.

I ignored them and took my dad’s ashes to the burial site I had chosen in advance.

I buried my dad’s remaining ashes, hoping he could rest in peace.

After the burial, Ian arrived.

He knelt in front of my dad’s grave, lighting incense for him.

While crying uncontrollably.

He had always been so proud. But in this moment, he was brought low, humbling himself with no regard for his image, filled with painful remorse.

“Dad, I’m sorry. It’s all my fault…”

He knelt in front of the grave. He was crying, letting his tears flow freely.

“Now you’re apologizing? Don’t you think it’s too late?”

“Do you think my dad can hear you?”

I looked down at Ian. My eyes were cold, devoid of any emotion.

Ian stood up, his eyes bloodshot. He said to me, “Daisy, I really didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t think things would turn out this way.”

“Tell me, what do I have to do for you to forgive me?”

I looked at him. I was expressionless, not wanting to say another word.

Suddenly, it was as if Ian thought of something. His eyes lit up as he said to me,

“That’s right. Didn’t Dad always want a grandson? Let’s go home and have a child for him, okay?”

“Once the baby is born, I’ll bring the child here to apologize to Dad. When he sees it, he’ll be happy, and then he’ll forgive me.”

Ian and I had been married for so many years. I had asked him many times to have a child.

My dad always hoped for a new life in the family.

But each time, Ian refused, saying he was too busy with work.

If it had been before, hearing Ian suggest having a child would have made me so excited that I would have forgotten all his mistakes.

But now, I only found it laughable.

I looked at Ian with cold eyes and said indifferently, “Ian, don’t you find it ironic to say this now?”

“From the moment my dad died, our marriage was over. Do you really think I’d still have a child with you?”

Ian froze, as if he couldn’t accept this fact.

“That’s impossible, Daisy. I know you love me. You wouldn’t be willing to end things like this, right?”

His voice was panicked, and his eyes were filled with a pleading look as he stared at me.

He was begging for mercy.

Seeing him like this, I couldn’t help but think of the person I used to be.

I used to be like this, too, during the countless days Ian ran to Julia.

I prayed at midnight every night that he would come back to me.

But all I got were one empty night after another..

“Ian, I really did love you, and I didn’t want to leave you.”

“But it was because I loved you too much that every time you ignored me for Julia, it hurt me even more.”

“You probably don’t understand what it’s like to have your hopes dashed.”

That kind of disappointment feels like someone carved a piece out of your heart.

No matter when you think about it, it still aches.

My deep love for you gradually faded away during all those nights you never came home.

“If it weren’t for my dad telling me every day to trust you, to have faith in you, would have divorced you long ago.”

“Ian, ask yourself honestly. If I stayed out every night because of another man, argued with you, and ignored everything about you, could you stand it?”

“The only reason I put up with you for so long was because I didn’t want to make my dad sad. But now, you’ve caused his death.”

“You destroyed our marriage with your own hands. You destroyed this home.”

Ian shook his head, unable to accept it. “No, I don’t believe it. Daisy, let’s start over.

Everything that happened before was my fault, but I promise you, I have never done anything to betray you. Julia is just a childhood sister to me. I only took care of her because of her poor health, as an older brother would. But I never crossed

the line with her, really. Believe me. I promise you, I won’t see Julia again.”

“I’ll try my best to be a good husband. Let’s have a child together, and raise our child to adulthood, okay?”

“Dad is already gone. I don’t want to lose you too.”

As he spoke, Ian reached out to take my hand.

I–instinctively pulled away and said coldly, “It’s too late to say these things now.”