Annaldra

‘Annaldra.’

At the sound of her name, Ann’s eyes flickered. It sounded distant, but at the same time near, real but unreal, bridging both her conscious and unconscious minds.

‘Wake up, Annaldra.’ This time the voice resonated in her consciousness bringing her back to her senses. Her head felt heavy; a thick mist shrouded her thoughts. She raised a hand to her brow massaging it lightly with her fingers. She could not recall anything.

‘Annaldra, you have done well,’ said the soothing, melodious voice.

Then she realised her eyes were open; the mist was not in her mind; it was all around her, eerie and otherworldly. Am I dead, she wondered, her head lolling from side to side.

‘No, you are not dead,’ said the voice.

But I did not speak. She rolled her head from left to right. In both directions, she saw nothing but mist; even the ground appeared to be mist as though she were lying in a dense cloud. Then from above in the distance a radiant light appeared, getting brighter, dispersing the fog as it neared and came into focus. There in front of her was the most beautiful face she had ever beheld. Not a solid face of flesh, but formed of mist; it was smiling down on her, shining golden like the sun. Even though the light of the face seemed as bright as the sun itself, it did not hurt her eyes; it radiated warmth and kindness and was full of love.

‘Thank you, Annaldra. You saved me.’ The misty angel’s hands reached out and took hers. Instantly delicious euphoria flowed through her like warm rivers of honey bringing blissful contentment to every cell in her body. She was in Heaven.

‘Am I awake?’ She was not sure why she had asked because it did not seem to matter, nothing did.

‘Yes.’ The angel smiled.

Still not convinced she was not in Heaven she asked, ‘Where am I?’

‘You are where you were.’

Ann narrowed her eyes, unsure what ‘where you were’ meant, because nothing about this situation was familiar.

The angel smiled kindly, detecting her uncertainty. ‘You are at the stone circle.’

Ann turned to look again in both directions, but the mist veiled everything. Still confused, she looked again at the angel.

Again, the angel appeared to read her thoughts. ‘I am Danu.’ She smiled.

‘The Goddess—the mother of the Tuatha Dé Danann?’

The smiling eyes of the angelic face blinked slowly, confirming the answer. ‘And the human race, and the winged people, the creeping crawlers, the four legged, the fish and stone people, the magical beings. I am the mother to all that exist through me.’

Ann bowed her head and lowered her eyes, humbled as she realised in whose presence she was. Danu was the Earth herself, the planet, and she had come to her, in what could only be a vision. It was almost too much, and she began to tremble.

‘Do not be afraid. You saved me, like you have saved so many. All the lives that flourish through me have you to thank.’

‘But I do not understand. I broke the geis… I am so sorry.’ Ann clenched her eyes shut, and began inhaling in deep gasps, the memory of the purge returning to the forefront of her thoughts. The euphoria that ran through her veins was mixing with other feelings: negative feelings, feelings of desperation, of anguish, confusing her thoughts, though only mildly. Somehow she remained happy. She should not be, she did not deserve to be, but she was.

Then through her confused emotional state, she heard a tuneful titter. ‘Do not fret Annaldra. Some geasa are made to be broken.’

Ann opened her eyes and gazed on the gracious face above her. ‘I… I don’t understand?’

‘Let me show you.’

Danu’s misty hands, with long elegant fingers, reached for her temples, and instinctively she closed her eyes. Gasping, her back arched as she felt her skin crawling: dirty, itchy skin. Pain racked her body, aching so intensely it was as though she had been flayed. She was burning and could not breathe, getting weaker and weaker; she was sick. No not sick; she was dying. Then as quick as it began, it was over.

Exhausted, Ann opened her eyes and saw the Earth’s face smiling down on her, the horror of what she had just experienced ebbing away as ecstasy retuned.

‘I’m sorry,’ said Danu. ‘Now you will understand what men were doing to me. I was dying.’

Ann nodded, yes, she understood. Danu had shown her, her suffering. It was unbearable. Humans with their gratuitous ways were slowly torturing her to death. If the Earth died, all life that sprung from her would die with her.

‘Already I am healing, thanks to the magik you released from the Moon.’

‘But all those people, do they have to die? Is there no other way, can they not be taught?’

Still smiling, but now sadly, Danu shook her head. ‘It is not only I that suffers at the hands of the human race, others species suffer and cannot flourish due to their greed and selfishness. People are too numerous. They cannot live in peace and I cannot support them. Even if they lived the way I intended for them, their numbers are too great. Humans, have become too crafty and have thwarted my natural defences to rid myself of them. That is why I created an army of the dead, and for one thousand rotations of Ra, you have been part of that plan. I have been waiting, biding my time until now.’

‘I don’t understand?’

‘After you died, I felt Swain’s pain torturing his soul. I knew how much you loved one another. Few are capable of love even half as deep as the love you share. It is so rare and precious. He cursed his soul never to rest until you were reunited. I used his curse to my advantage, creating the geis knowing your souls would find one another again.’

‘But when you placed the geis on us you cursed us!’

‘No, I did not curse you, I used you. You see, the geis needed to break otherwise I could not defend myself. I knew you would break it. It was as certain as the stars shining, or the wind blowing or the sun rising in the east each morning. Your love for one another is too strong nothing can keep you apart. It is as strong as the love Paris and Helen had for one another. Your souls are meant to be together, you cannot fight it.’

Rapture rushed through her veins at the comparison of their love to that of Helen of Troy and Paris, but their love also wrought great disaster; the thought tainted the rapture she was experiencing, but only slightly.

‘You wanted us to break it?’

‘Indeed. Everything has worked out as I intended. You see, using the geis created a realm where I imprisoned the wretched souls that cannot pass into the light. Souls that would do my bidding if freed. The love you and Swain have for one another was the key to freeing them. From the moment you gazed at one another again, the geis started to falter, weakening the veil between the realms as the wheel of destiny began to turn. Consummating your love was the final turn of the key, breaking the geis completely. It weakened the walls so much that when the natural thinning of the veils between realms occurs around Samhain, all the imprisoned souls would break free.’

Ann pressed her palms to her temples and shook her head trying to rationalise her thoughts, but it was hard to concentrate when she felt this good. The memories returned slowly. She had decided to forget Finley. Why, what was she thinking when they belonged to one another? Then she remembered she wanted to kill herself, to leave him again; the notion seemed preposterous now. Danu, herself had said they were meant to be together. ‘So killing myself, would not have worked. Destroying our bond would have been futile.’

Danu smiled sympathetically, blinking slowly in agreement with her.

‘But why didn’t I die, I am not pure?’ she asked.

Danu smiled a knowing smile. ‘Indeed you are not. So few are.’

Her words should have upset her, but instead her radiant smile made her glow inside, warm and contented. ‘So why did the shadows spare me?’

‘You do not know yet, do you?’

Ann shrugged only half caring. ‘Know what?’

‘Why you now cannot shapeshift, and why it is the shadows cannot kill you.’

She shook her head half-assuming Danu had protected her.

‘It is not I that protects you,’ smiled Danu reading her thoughts again. ‘It is your unborn child that protects you. The child’s soul is pure.’

Ann caught her breath, not daring to believe she had heard correctly. ’I’m pregnant?’Her almost silent voice trembled.

The Goddess’ smiling face glowed brighter. ‘It is the unborn child you lost so long ago, only this time it will be born.’

Ann gasped, clutching her belly. I am carrying Swain’s child again. The thought took a moment to sink in. When it did, ‘thank you’ was all she could whisper, her spirit soaring to the stars. I’m carrying our baby, she repeated over and over in her mind. A blissful numbness filled her as her consciousness slowly faded into oblivion.

‘Ann, wake up—waken up, Ann. Are you all right?’

Someone was shaking her shoulder, disturbing her peace. She did not want to waken. She was too content where she was.

‘She’s okay, she’s breathing,’ shouted the voice from above her. ‘Ann, Ann.’ The voice was now softer. She recognised it as Donald’s, but the annoying shoulder shaking was getting more and more vigorous.

‘Aw, go away, Donald, let me sleep.’ She desperately wanted to get back to sleep, to return to the tranquillity of her slumber; it felt so good.

‘Thank god. I thought you were dead.’

Still refusing to open her eyes, she rolled her head from side to side. ‘No Donald, I’m alive and well.’

‘Then you must have a pure soul as well.’

His words made everything come flooding back. Yes, she had just woken up, but before that, she had a vision, and unlike a dream where you clutch at fragments trying to remember, this she remembered in its entirety. She sat upright, and staring at nothing, a distant smile curled one-half of her mouth.

‘What is it?’

She did not respond, remaining transfixed in her daydream.

‘Ann, are you alright?’ he asked again, gently stroking her brow. ‘What were you thinking going beyond the stones, you could have died?’

Ann shut her eyes for a moment taking in a deep breath as she did, then she opened them looking around for the mist, but it was gone, replaced by swirling shadows, dark and murky. Her gaze finally settled on Donald, ‘I had a vision,’ she said, her eyes smiling; she looked a million miles away… somewhere idyllic.

Donald sat beside her. ‘What was it? What did you see?’

‘Danu,’ she said, shutting her eyes again, clinging to the warmth and the joy from within her, while the level of endorphins in her blood still remained high.

‘Eh, the Goddess Danu… as in the mother Goddess of the Tuatha Dé Danann?’

‘Yes,’ she sighed contentedly. ‘This is her doing.’

Donald screwed his face up, but he looked more angry than confused. ‘Eh?’

‘These shadows,’ she said waving her arms above and around her to emphasise what she meant. ‘They are her army.’

‘Fuck’n Danu, you’re having a laugh, aren’t you? The Tuatha Dé Danann’s supreme Goddess is doing this!’

Ann turned to look at him, his reaction bringing her down from her natural high, turning her expression mundane. ‘Yes,’ she nodded as she pulled herself up to rest her back against Goliath.

‘I knew it was them. I told you, didn’t I?’ Donald sprang to his feet. ‘Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!’ he shouted kicking Goliath with each fuck.

‘She’s not one of them. This has nothing to do with my father’s race.’

Donald looked down at her scowling. ‘She’s their fuck’n mother, isn’t she?’ he gave Goliath another kick, only this time slapping it as well.

‘She’s also our mother. She is the mother of everything. Danu is one of many names people have given her.’ Ann placed her palms on the damp, earthy grass and gently circled them. ‘She is the Earth, our planet, and she is alive.’

He was looking at her as though she was mad, his manic eyes wanting her to shut up.

‘Donald, listen it’s not what you think—’

‘Eh? Well what the hell is it then, a fuck’n party?’

’No, but it is bitter sweet. Tunkeeta was right. This had to happen. Trust me… It was the human race or everything, and I mean everything. Either way, the human race was doomed. Danu was dying and if she dies, nothing survives, the Earth would become like Mars. Her life force creates our atmosphere…one that is conducive to life. There would be no weather, well not as we know it. There would just be dust-storms. There would be no ozone, and all the oceans would evaporate. Believe me everything down to the tiniest microorganism will die if she dies.’

Donald was staring at the hole in the ground he was avidly drilling with the toe of his shoe, his face determined and angry.

‘Please Donald, it is the truth. It is her life force that gives life to everything that springs from her.’

‘Say it is true,’ he said looking up from the hole. ‘Why does the human race need wiped out?’

‘Because it is humans who are killing her. People have lost their way. They do not understand the true nature of things. The majority of people have a misguided opinion of themselves, placing themselves above all other life forms… including Danu. In the past, people worshipped her. She was a Goddess, now they see her as a commodity to pillage and take whatever they want from her, taking far more than they need, and eventually it would kill her. Nowadays when a sunset or a spectacular view moves people, they usually credit God with its glory, but it is Danu they should thank for it is her beauty they are appreciating. She is Mother Nature. You, of all people must be able to see that.’

The penny seemed to have dropped; he was looking at her with the same sorrow in his eyes he had when he spoke of Annabelle. ‘But all those people are going to die, what about them?’

Ann shrugged, ‘They will go to Heaven I suppose, or perhaps they will be given another chance.’

Donald flashed a questioning look.

‘You know, they will be reborn… reincarnated—like I was.’

Donald slid down the stone plopping himself beside her. ‘It’s the biblical flood all over again.’

‘Yes, I suppose it is. The Earth is cleansing herself of the unworthy, but this time not everything will die.’

Leaning forward, Donald rested his folded arms on his knees and buried his head in his arms.

‘Donald,’ she said giving his back a gentle rub; he raised his head to look at her, his wolf eyes full of sorrow. ’What Danu has done to save herself has been merciful when you consider what mankind has done to her. She knew it was true, but did Donald? He had not experienced her suffering as she had in her vision. ‘And, well, there will be no one left to mourn the dead. Where ever their souls go, they will all be together.’

‘I suppose,’ he sighed and gently nodded as he stared into the swirling, smoky blackness that encircled them. Now, at least he seemed to be accepting the situation.

Ann relaxed and rested her head against Goliath as she rubbed her belly, flat as it was. She tried not to smile, but it was impossible. Swain’s baby was growing inside her again, the same child they had lost long ago. Thankfully this time she had Danu’s reassurance it would be born. The only thing tainting her future now was Elaine, and Gracie. Her decision to step back and let them get on with their lives had been made before she knew she was pregnant: before she understood the strength of their love—Paris and Helen of Troy; she shook her head in disbelief at the thought.

‘So what happens now?’ asked Donald, breaking the silence.

Ann shut her eyes and smiled uncomfortably. Well, now I am going to tell Finley I want him and that we should be together as I am carrying his child. I know it will not be easy. Elaine will be devastated as I am sure others will be. They will probably hate us, but he was my husband first. But she knew that was not what Donald had meant. Still, the thought burst an eiderdown pillow in her belly, creating those uncomfortable sickly nerves.

She sighed, thinking of the actual answer to the question posed and a smile grew on her face. ‘Well,’ she said, her eyes staring upwards. ‘Tomorrow is the dawning of the next golden age. It will be a magnificent age, an age of magik and plenty, when gods and men will walk the earth together again.’ It was true; she had no doubt the future would be glorious now magik had returned and the gates from the Otherworld would soon be open. Only first, if Finley still wanted her, she had a marriage to destroy, upsetting so many people, people she had grown fond of, her only glimmer of hope being the truth. Perhaps once people heard their story, and with any luck believed them, some might understand, at least a little.

He nodded slightly, looking a trifle pleased at the future she just painted him. ‘We should to go back,’ he said standing up, wiping the dirt from his jeans. ‘Everyone was worried when you disappeared.’

Ann nodded somewhat reluctantly, knowing what she was about to do to Elaine and Gracie, but reached out to accept the hand up Donald was offering. ‘Thanks, Donald,’ she said and linked arms with him.

With a nod towards the wall of shadows looming before them that stood between them and her future, he asked, ‘Are you ready?’

Ann drew in a long, deep breath expanding her lungs to their maximum, holding the chilled air for a moment before releasing it as visible vapour. ‘As ready as I’ll ever be,’ she said and stepped into the swirling darkness.