SWNOVELS Always Red: Chapter 36
It had been two weeks since the incident with Beatrice-Rose, and almost every day after that, I woke up to the feel of Caleb’s fingertips gently caressing my cheek.
“Hi, Red,” he said softly. “Good morning.”
He was sitting on the edge of the bed, and when he leaned closer, hovering over me, a lock of his hair fell over his eyes. “Dreaming of me?”
He propped his hands on the bed, caging my body, and I could feel the heat radiating from his skin. Green eyes peeked at me from between the strands of his bronze hair.
I covered my mouth with my uninjured hand, smiling up at him.
He sat back, his lips stretching into an amused smile as he absently brushed my hair from my eyes.
“I’ve kissed you so many times in the morning. I already know what your morning breath smells like.”
I groaned, turning my face away from him as he tried to pry my hand from my mouth.
“Caleb!” His name came out unintelligible.
“What was that?” he teased, then let out a deep laugh.
If there was ever a morning person, it was Caleb.
“You have to speak clearly so I can hear you,” he added.
Playful Caleb was irresistible. His hands moved to my waist to tickle me, but not before he accidentally brushed my arm. I winced.
He pulled away quickly, his eyes widening in concern. “I’m sorry, Red. Did I hurt you?”
I shook my head, reaching for his hand to pull him back to me.
Caleb had been more attentive than usual after the incident. He kissed my hair, his lips skimming ever so gently down my arm where the bullet had grazed it. Instead of sitting beside me on the bed, he moved to the floor, looking at me with worry.
“I’m just going to sit over here so I don’t hurt you again,” he said apologetically.
“I’m fine, Caleb. Really.”
My sleep-addled mind cleared, and I realized where we were as I took in the unfamiliar room.
He leaned against the dresser behind him, bending his leg and resting his arm on his knee. His green eyes continued to study me. As usual, he had picked up on the change in my mood.
“You didn’t say much last night when we got here,” he observed.
Here was his family cabin five hours outside town.
“Don’t tell me you’re missing my mom already. You spent a week together in Saskatchewan, and now you’re best friends?” he teased.
I gave him a big smile. We weren’t best friends, but Caleb’s mom had been quite apologetic for believing what Beatrice-Rose had told her, and she’d started warming up to me. Caleb had been very happy about that, and so was I.
“I do miss her,” I said. “And we would have spent more time together if you weren’t so clingy.”
“Clingy!” He pouted. “Who’s clingy?”
“You wanted to take me to all your meetings so you could keep an eye on me.” I rolled my eyes. “Remember?”
I rose from the bed, walking carefully to the en suite bathroom to brush my teeth. Caleb followed me.
He couldn’t possibly know what this town meant to me. How it had made me sick to my stomach as we drove past the welcome sign.
He lifted his shirt and scratched his stomach as he leaned against the doorjamb. “Is your leg still bothering you?”
I shook my head, but I didn’t look at him. “Not anymore.”
He sighed, pushing away from the doorjamb to kiss my shoulder. “I already made pancakes.”
He knew me well enough to understand that I needed to be alone to gather my thoughts. He also knew that whatever was bothering me, I would tell him when I was ready. Before Caleb, I was much, much different. I wouldn’t have thought of sharing my problems with anyone else.
His lips lingered on my skin as he looked up and met my eyes in the mirror. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen, Red.”
I smiled at him. “Okay.”
Caleb was just placing a plate of eggs and bacon beside a tall stack of pancakes by the time I entered the kitchen. His smile was huge as he stretched his arms out in a grand gesture, showing off the food he had prepared.
“A breakfast for my queen. Should you reward this loyal servant with a kiss?”
I let out a small laugh, kissing him on the cheek.
“Wait. That’s it?” He tapped his lips.
I kissed him on the lips.
He shook his head. “But you missed a spot.”
Laughing, I playfully pushed him away.
Sitting on one of the stools at the island, I looked around the kitchen. Like the rest of the cabin, it was spacious and had a charming, homey feel to it. Natural light came in through the wide glass windows. Caleb had opened a few to let in the morning breeze, which blew the white curtains and brought in the smell of flowers and grass.
“This looks good, Caleb. Thank you for making breakfast.”
He poured tea in the cup he’d placed in front of me. “I want to make breakfast for you every day. Want some eggs?”
My heart melted. I could only nod.
“Pancakes?” He gestured.
I nodded again.
“I made one in a perfect round shape. No, there are two,” he said excitedly, like a little boy. “Here, you can have them.”
My throat tightened. “I love you,” I whispered.
“Red.” He kissed my forehead. “I love you.”
We ate breakfast together, and he entertained me with ridiculous stories that had happened at his work. I was glad he seemed to really enjoy working.
“Is there a bug on your plate?” Caleb asked.
I startled, realizing I had been drifting in my thoughts. I looked up to discover him watching me, his green eyes patient.
“Caleb, would you like to take a walk with me?”
“Yes,” he answered automatically, but then he paused, blinking at me. “Am I in trouble?”
Even with the dark thoughts now clouding my mind, he could still make me laugh. “I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me what you’ve done to put you in trouble?”
“Uh-uh.” He shook his head, grinning at me adorably. His dimples winked. “I’m not playing this game with you.” Then his eyes widened. “Wait.” He paused. “Are you in trouble?”
I laughed, and it sounded strained even to my ears. Trouble. There was trouble, all right.
“Let’s go, Caleb.”
“Sure. Let me just get my keys so I can lock up.”
“No need,” I said offhandedly. “People don’t lock their doors around here.”
He looked at me curiously, giving me an uncertain smile, but he didn’t comment.
Outside, the sky was a clear cerulean blue. It was pleasantly warm, and dew sparkled like diamonds on the trees and grass. There were no paved roads here, just a trail and the forest surrounding us. Birds and crickets sang.
Caleb walked beside me, uncharacteristically silent. His head was lowered, his thumb and index finger rubbing his bottom lip.
I reached for his hand and laced his fingers with mine. He turned his head to smile at me, his eyes clearing from the thoughts in his mind.
“Where are you taking me?” he asked, angling his head as he tried to read my expression.
“Nowhere special. Just walk with me.”
“Anywhere,” he said, squeezing my hand. “What…” He paused, and I felt the muscles in his arms tense. “You never told me what happened when you visited…her at the facility.”
He’d never asked me about Beatrice-Rose since the incident because he knew I wasn’t ready to talk about it. But since I visited her yesterday, I was ready to talk about her.
“I only saw her briefly.”
“Why did you even visit her at all?” He sounded confused and frustrated.
I had asked Caleb to visit her with me, but he had refused. He said he wasn’t ready yet.
“Ben told me what Beatrice-Rose’s dad did to her pet rabbit and how her mom abused her emotionally. Maybe that was what motivated me to visit her at the clinic,” I explained. I needed Caleb to understand because I didn’t want anger to control him. He was too soft-hearted to let anger fester inside him.
“I felt compassion for what she had gone through with her parents because, like her, I know what it’s like to be abused by a parent. God only knows, I might have turned out the same way if my mom hadn’t loved me and protected me from an abusive dad. And maybe, just maybe, Beatrice-Rose was seeking forgiveness for what she had done. If not, I just wanted to send the message that if she ever wanted forgiveness, my door wasn’t closed to her. That I understand.”
“Is that what you told her?”
I nodded, remembering that brief moment of connection and understanding between us when I told Beatrice-Rose this during my visit. “She asked for you,” I said.
“I don’t know if I can forgive her. If she… If you…” He took a deep breath. “I couldn’t bear it if something much, much worse happened to you. If…”
I rubbed his arm. “It’s okay, Caleb. I’m safe now.”
“If it were up to me, I’d have sent her to prison for what she did to you.”
“She’s sick, Caleb. She needs help. The clinic is a form of prison too.”
He lowered his head so I wouldn’t see his eyes, as if he was ashamed by what he had just said. “I know. I think I’m still angry. Once I realized that Beatrice-Rose had you,” he continued, his voice deepening, “I don’t even remember how I got there. Everything was a blur. When I saw that gun pointed at you, when I saw you bleeding…” He rubbed both his hands over his face.
“Caleb—”
He stopped suddenly and pulled me to him as if he was afraid to let me go. “I will never let anything or anyone hurt you ever again. I can’t lose you, Red. I can’t bear it. I won’t.”
I closed my eyes, burying my face in his neck and wrapping my arms around his torso. My heart constricted from the pain I heard in his voice.
“I won’t go anywhere, Caleb,” I whispered.
He seemed to calm down, and we continued our walk. I thought we were just walking with no destination in mind, but I realized that my feet were leading me to a particular place.
My heart started to pound when I saw a familiar bend in the road. Somehow, it looked more ominous than I’d remembered. A giant black rock jutted out of the ground onto the side of the road. It used to hold a sign, but the sign was gone now.
My palms began to sweat, and I pulled away from Caleb’s grasp, but he held on firmly.
“I’m here, Red. Right here,” he promised.
I smiled back at him, nodded, and continued to walk until we stopped in front of what was once my home with my parents. I recoiled at the sight of it, at the ugliness of the decaying house. My mom’s garden, always immaculate, was now a home for weeds and garbage. Most of the windows were broken, holes perforated the walls, and the roof was completely gone. Cold now, I wrapped my arms around my torso, my steps faltering.
“Red?”
I swallowed, but my mouth had dried up. My legs felt leaden, every step heavy, but I continued to walk toward the house.
“Stop,” Caleb said, alarmed. “What is it?”
I closed my eyes again. Maybe I was dreaming. Maybe I wasn’t actually standing in front of my childhood nightmare. For a moment, I let myself drown in the ugly memories.
“Come back to me, baby.”
When I opened my eyes again, it was Caleb’s face I saw in front of me. His green eyes showed kindness and honesty and, most of all, love.
“Where’d you go?” he asked, cupping my face in his hands so he could look into my eyes. All I wanted was to hide.
“Just…memories.”
“Do you want to tell me?”
“They’re not good ones.”
“I’m okay with that.”
I pulled away from him and faced the house again, as if I could will it to disappear.
“I remember…” I looked up, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill. “I remember the feeling of my mom’s fingertips when she wiped my tears. The way her voice broke when she told me not to cry. But I couldn’t stop crying.
“He had already left us by then. We were forced to move out of our house because she couldn’t pay the mortgage. She thought I was crying because we were leaving our house in the country and moving to the city. But it wasn’t that.
“I was crying because I felt relieved. I was happy that he wouldn’t be able to find us again. That he wouldn’t be able to hurt us anymore.”
“Your dad,” Caleb whispered.
“Yes. She had a friend in the city, and we stayed there for a bit until my mom found a job. But she was still waiting for him. Still hoping he’d come back.”
“Did he?”
“Yes, but I was in school when he did. I never saw him again. He found out we were staying at my mom’s friend’s house, and he broke in. Stole what he could. My mom’s friend kicked us out after that.
“After everything my dad had done, my mom stayed faithful to him. She withered away, pining for him. I never understood her.” I took a deep breath. “Until I met you.”
I faced Caleb. His eyes were intense, full of questions. “I never understood how loving someone can consume everything until I met you. You’ve shown me that, Caleb.
“But what I never understood was how she could still take him back after everything he’d done to her, to me, and I want you to know that I would never stay with someone like my dad.”
“I’m not like him.”
“I know.” I smiled at him, touched his face. “God, I know. I’ve never met anyone like you, Caleb. Never.”
He lowered his head so his cheek rested against mine. I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of his skin, smelled the soap he had used this morning to shower. And the unmistakably wonderful scent that belonged only to Caleb.
“I love you, Caleb.”
“I love you more, my Red. I promise no one will hurt you ever again. And remember that you kicked the asses of those who tried to.” He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, caressed the side of my cheek. When I opened my eyes, he was smiling at me. “My strong, brave girl. You can face anything, and this time, I’m with you. I’m always with you, baby.”
I let out a deep breath, holding his hand as I faced the house again. “This was the house where I lived with them, Caleb. With my mom. And dad.”
He fell silent. I wanted to look at him, but I felt embarrassed. Ashamed.
“It’s ugly as sin,” he said after a moment.
A surprising laugh bubbled out of my throat.
“You know what I think about this place?” he asked.
“Why don’t you be honest and tell me how you really feel?”
He grinned at me, placing his hands in his front pockets as he started to walk away, whistling.
When he kept going, I frowned at his back. Was he going to just walk away? I guessed he’d shown me what he really thought about the house.
I rolled my eyes and was about to call out to him when he suddenly stopped. He looked down at the ground and bent to pick up something. When he turned around to face me, he was holding a huge rock half the size of a basketball.
“Watch me, Red,” he said cheekily, dimples flashing.
He grabbed the rock with both hands, raising his arms up as if to throw a shot.
“And three points for Lockhart! Boom.”
The sound of glass breaking felt like freedom as he flung the rock at the house.
I choked out something between a laugh and a cry.
“Phew! I’m still the MVP.” His smile was proud as he bent to pick up another rock. “Here. Your turn, Red.”
What the hell?
I snatched the rock from his hand, and taking aim, I heaved it as hard as I could. It smashed through a window, and the sound of glass breaking woke something inside me. Something dark and heavy and huge was stirring inside me, straining to let loose. Once I started, I didn’t want to stop. The more I threw rocks at that dilapidated house, the lighter I felt. I searched for more rocks and kept throwing them at the house until I was breathing hard. When I finally threw the last one, I felt a form of release so sweet, so light that it brought me peace. It was like a heavy burden had been lifted from my chest.
“That’s my girl.”
I smiled up at him, dusting off my hands. “Thank you.”
“It’s just a house, Red. It can’t hurt you. Your dad can’t either.”
I looked at him questioningly.
“I asked Clooney to look for your dad.”
“What?”
“I didn’t want him bothering you again.”
“Caleb…”
“He’s dead, Red. A few years ago. Your mom must have known. They had to notify next of kin. He was living on the streets, homeless. Breaking and entering, stealing, dealing and using drugs.”
His brows drew together when I remained quiet. My throat had gone dry.
“I told you I won’t let anyone hurt you anymore. I had to make sure that after the incident with Beatrice-Rose…” He took a deep breath. “If you’re mad at me—”
The breath whooshed out of him as I threw my arms around his neck. I wanted to answer him, to thank him and pepper him with kisses, but if I spoke, the tears would come.
“You’re not mad at me?” he asked after a moment.
I shook my head, my arms tightening around him. He couldn’t possibly know how much this meant to me. I had been wondering about my dad for so long, afraid that he would come back and hurt me again. Afraid that he wouldn’t, and that I’d never know what happened to him. Now I did.
“I will always keep you safe.”
“Oh God, Caleb,” I choked out. “I love you. I love you so much.”
He stroked my hair gently, pulling back so he could hold my face in his hands. Leaning closer, he kissed my forehead. “That’s what I love to hear from you every day, my Red.”
“I’ll say it every day.”
“I’ll make sure you say it.” He grinned, kissing me on the lips. “Let’s go back. Wanna watch a scary movie?”
I’d learned something new about Caleb. He loved scaring himself.
We walked back to the cabin and settled on the couch in front of the TV. Caleb picked Evil Dead, The Descent, and Jeepers Creepers.
He was adorably loud and hilarious, covering his eyes or staring wide-eyed at the screen during the scariest parts. Not even halfway through the first movie, he grabbed a blanket to cover our faces, his arm wrapped around my waist to glue me to his side.
Every time I screamed, it was because Caleb waited for the movie’s silent, suspenseful parts, and once I was completely absorbed in the scene, he growled and poked my ribs to scare the hell out of me. It worked, but I did land a few playful slaps in retaliation.
By the time the first movie ended, his cheeks were flushed, his long and lean body plastered to mine. By the time the third movie ended, I jumped up from the couch and threatened to electrocute him in his sleep.
He laughed, scooped me out of the blanket, and dragged me into the kitchen. It seemed like he’d grabbed all the food from the fridge before he dragged me again, this time outside to the garden, where we ate on the blanket he had spread on the grass.
It was a beautiful day.
A very beautiful day with my Caleb.
“Red?” he said softly.
It was hot, with the sun hanging high in the sky. Caleb had removed his shirt to battle the heat, and he’d twisted my hair into some crazy semblance of a ponytail.
We lay side by side on the blanket, staring up at the clouds, but when I turned my head to look at him, he was staring at me. His green eyes looked incredible in the sunlight, his lips pinker than usual. He rolled to his side to face me, his gaze lingering on my mouth. I licked my bottom lip unconsciously.
“I feel married already,” he whispered.
When his eyes lifted to mine, my breath caught in my throat. He was so beautiful.
“Should we just elope?” he asked.
“Kar would kill us,” I said breathlessly. “She’s planning everything.”
My mind wandered as I watched his teeth catch his bottom lip.
“Yeah,” he agreed. He was smiling. And it was a knowing smile.
The bad boy knew what he was doing to me.
“What else do married couples do?” he continued. His voice low now, deeper. His fingertips leisurely skimmed along my arm.
I swallowed. “We should wash these dishes.”
His pink tongue peeked out to quickly lick his bottom lip. “No. Something fun.”
I squealed as he grabbed my waist and pulled me on top of him.
“Something really, really fun, Red.”
“Caleb!” I placed my palms on either side of his body and pulled myself up. “It’s…it’s daylight!”
“Yeah. I noticed.” His green eyes danced with a naughty glint. “Know what else I noticed?”
His chest was warm, his scent intoxicating. His touch drove me insane as his palm stroked the exposed skin on my back, then moved down to my ass and squeezed before his fingertips slowly, slowly made circles along my inner thigh.
“Caleb…”
“I noticed,” he began, not stopping his pleasurable touch, “that even in my dreams, I know what you feel like. How you smell, how your eyes light up when you see me. I know you.”
His hands gripped my waist, moving me so that I was the one under him now.
“I know that face so well. More than my own. Your moods, what you like and don’t like. I’m drawn to you, and I can’t stop myself. I don’t want to. I want to keep knowing everything about you for the rest of my life, Red.”
“Oh, Caleb.”
“Now I want to show you something. Take a walk with me?”
Choked up, I could only nod. He rose and then helped me up.
Caleb was silent as he held my hand while we walked. I didn’t know where he was taking me, but I knew I would go anywhere with him.
The sound of water met my ears even before we reached the lake. I knew this place, this forest. I played here all the time when I was a kid and wanted to escape.
How did Caleb know about this place? It was hidden, a secret oasis that only the locals knew about.
I looked at him curiously. Releasing my hand, he walked ahead of me. A wooden bridge stood a few feet above the lake, and Caleb took his time crossing it. When he reached the middle, he stopped. A slow, tender smile appeared on his face as he looked down at a certain spot.
I had no clue why my heart started to pound, except that it all looked so familiar.
He crouched, removing his shoes and folding his long, lean body so he sat on the edge of the bridge, dangling his legs down. His feet disappeared into the water. He looked into the distance and seemed to be lost in a memory.
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I sat beside him. And then he turned to look at me. The sun was shining so brightly behind him that for a moment, I couldn’t see his face, but I knew.
“Do you remember, Red?”
I did.
I knew him.
Oh God.
“Hey, Batgirl.”
A choked sob escaped me, and I covered my mouth with my hands.
“Even when we were kids, I was drawn to you,” he whispered, pulling my hands from my mouth so he could kiss my palms.
“It was you,” I murmured.
He nodded.
“The boy who gave me the peanut butter sandwich.”
“I always had this feeling that I knew you somehow,” he said. “But I didn’t know why until the tree house. You were standing on the bridge just like you did when we were kids. And I knew. I just knew.”
“You…you were my very first friend.”
His smile was wide and happy. “And you’re my first love.”
I looked down into the water and spotted a big rock embedded in the bottom of the lake. Behind the rock were two fishes lazily swishing their tails, protected from the current. They made me think of the boy with the peanut butter sandwich.
“Red?”
My heart was beating wildly against my chest as I looked at him.
“I’d never been sure about anything in my life until you came into it. Thank you for giving me the best gift. The best gift I could ever receive in my entire life is your heart. I will take care of you, protect you, love you for the rest of my life. That’s my vow to you, my Red.”
Slowly, I pressed my lips to his and let him feel how much he meant to me.
“I thought I wasn’t waiting for anyone. But I was. And it’s you. It’s you, Caleb.”
I blinked, and the tears I was holding back fell down my cheeks. He smiled at me, wiping them with his fingers.
“I never thought I would find you, Caleb. Not in this life. But I did. And I want you to know that you are the best thing that ever happened to me. The best thing.”
He took a deep breath, his shoulders relaxing as if a huge weight had been lifted off them. “I love you, Red.”
He stood up, held his hand to me palm up. “Pancakes?”
As I stared at the face of my beloved, I knew without a doubt that I had found the one who was made for me. I smiled up at him and placed my hand in his.
“Pancakes.”