Chapter 93
Jojo:
Mel and I returned to bed after our discussion. Despite the money I had been sent, it was hard to relax and think straight. I had to decide for the baby I was carrying, it was growing with every passing second. I continued to turn and toss in bed. I couldn't sleep, or do anything at all.
Mel seemed to notice it. She sat up in the middle of the night and tapped my right shoulder. I jerked up immediately before I turned to her. She had sleepy bags underneath her eyes, I could tell she was stressed. She had spent long hours at work the previous day and I knew she would be working throughout today as well.
She flashed me a sad smile and stretched a hand to squeeze my thigh gently.
"Are you alright? You can't sleep?"
Was I alright?
I shook my head as I looked at her. I did not want to cry, but I could not help it. Tears flooded my eyes again. Valerie was sleeping on a smaller bed close to us, I did not want to wake her up.
I looked around our cubic room and heaved a long sigh.
"I've just been thinking about the baby, Mel. I think I finally know what I want to do. I mean, I believe I have finally been able to make a decision."
It was as though the sleep had vanished from her eyes immediately. Her brown orbs brightened as she stared at me, and she clutched her pillow firmly to her chest. I could not tell if it was a reflex or if she was doing it on purpose. "What... what have you decided to do? You must remember that it is only you now, Jojo. Nobody has the claims or rights to tell you what you want to do. Alright?" Mel spoke. From her tone, I could tell she was still very sleepy. I cleared my throat and sat up, leaning my back against our wooden headboard.
"I have decided that I want to keep the baby, Mel..."
She opened her mouth to protest, but I made sure that my voice was quicker. Mel had a strong power of persuasion, she could give me a million reasons why I needed to get rid of the child, and all her reasons would make excellent sense and put mine to shame. This was a decision I had to make by myself and for myself.
"I have decided to get a job. I would get a job and I would not mind working full-time. I would do whatever I need to do to make sure the child is comfortable, and..."
"Jojo. Jojo, wait." Mel cut in. I noticed how she turned to me and gestured her hands, asking me to calm down. When I stopped to take a deep breath in, she flashed me a proud smile, although I could see the sadness hidden in the corner of her eyes.
"I know that it is not easy, Jojo. To be honest, I cannot imagine being in the position that you are in. I would not know what to do, or where to go. But you are strong Jojo, I know because I've seen you fight the worst of things and come out victorious. But, love... this is a child's life you're talking about. If you give birth to this child, he or she would be a massive responsibility. And your mother is still there, her bills need to be paid, and she needs to be taken care of. The responsibilities would be enormous, Jo."
As I said, Mel knew how to make sense of everything. If I had not made up my mind already, I would have felt very stupid just by listening to her.
I heaved a sigh and stretched my hand to her. It was my turn to squeeze her thigh gently, just to let her know that I was sure of what I was doing.
"What's the worst that can happen?" I chuckled, but it was obvious she did not find my joke very funny.
"A waitress job cannot take care of all these things, Jo. You're swimming in dangerous waters." She spoke calmly, I could hear the fear and uncertainty in her voice. I could feel it in my heart too.
What if I was making a mistake? What if I realize the mistake when it is already late? What if I want to turn back later, but there's nowhere to turn back to? What would I do then? Would I look back at this moment and regret the words that came out of my mouth? Or would I be proud that I had taken a step to fight for something for the first time in my life?
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"I know, babe. That is why I plan to enroll in a night school in a community college. I could get my GED after I write my exams. Hopefully, before our baby..." I touched my stomach and rubbed it fondly. She stared down at me and shook her head. I was happy to see her face brighten with laughter. But we were both careful not to wake Valerie up.
"... would be big enough to need a lot of money, especially when I need to start saving up for his or her college funding, along with Valerie's, I should have gotten a degree good enough to get me a better job. I have this all figured out, babe." Mel seemed impressed. She nodded as she smiled at me.
"And you're sure it's not pregnancy hormones putting all these thoughts in your head? I mean, I know it is your first time getting pregnant and you might suddenly feel like you have this strong connection to the child's soul, but..." "Mel!" I called out, laughing gently. She stopped talking and turned away from me. I could tell she cared about me, she was always genuinely worried about me and it made me love her all the more.
"I never wanted to be a mother at this age, I never saw it coming. But now that I am one, I might as well be a mother my child would be proud of. I know I'm not making a mistake; I can feel it." My confidence seemed to assure her. She chuckled as she kept her gaze on me.
"So, where do you plan to begin work? Do you have somewhere in mind?"
Excellent! You see, this is why I loved Mel, among many other reasons. She was so quick to think of ways forward.
"Well, I was thinking Mrs. Smith's."