Alpha of Doom

Did you know that the loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.

I find hiding my pain easier then explaining it, it doesn't just go away.

Just because I'm used to the pain inflicted on me doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anymore. Pain reminds us that we are human and not numb, well in my circumstances part human. When I was being tortured being asleep wasn't just for tiredness, it was an escape from reality.

That's why I like to read, it puts me in my own world instead of this dark reality.

When I found out Luca was my mate I was starting to feel hope that I could see the light again instead of being blinded by the darkness that consumed me.

But when he hated me I kept trying and trying because I hated that feeling, now it's slowly coming to pieces and the light is starting to shine again.

But there's always that hole in my chest reminding me that it isn't better and you can get hurt easily.

I've always thought that killing myself would get rid of that hole and the empty feeling inside of me as if I'm hollow.

But the sad thing is that suicide doesn't end the pain. It just passes it on to someone else.

That's why I never try to inflict pain on myself or others, I know that Luca doesn't want me in pain; emotional pain.

But he can't stop what alpha Jones did, I don't know if he can get rid of this constant fear and constant hole deep in my chest.

I just don't know....

"Are you okay?" I look up slowly and nod.

He sighs and walks closer to me inspecting my face, he stops in front of me and stays silent.

"You don't look okay."

"I'm fine" I reply back, he doesn't need to know.

'He's our mate Lily' I sigh.

'And I know that Celeste, I know that.'

"Can you just for one second stop lying to me?" He says getting angry.

"I was just thinking" I say not wanting to get him angry then a whole fight start.

"About?" He questions now persistent.

"Alpha Jones" it's 1/5 true, say if there is five slices of cake and you take one; that's how true it is, just that one piece. So it's practically not true and I feel bad ass...

'Lying ass' Celeste mutters.

"What about him?"

"I'm scared" I honestly say, now this is a 5/5. He gives me a tight smile and nods cupping my face gently in his hands.

"I know that Lily" he whispers removing my hair from my eyes. "But you don't need to be, I won't let anything happen to you; I promise." "You can't promise such a thing" I say.

"How so?" He asks tilting his head to the side.

"Your not always going to be there to protect me, he has the big brains and you have the power and strength- a little bit of brain" I say not caring if I offended him but just trying to get a point across. "Alpha Jones knows how he can sneak past you and the guards to me, he's done it plenty of times Luca; you weren't there" I say.

"I know and one time I found you on the hill with a red hand print on your cheek which made me want to kill someone and the other time you looked like you were freaking stoned Lily!" He pulls at his black hair in frustration "a-and I can't let you get hurt again" he says his voice cracking, I wrap my arms around his neck in a hug.

"You don't want that happening to me but deep down inside you, you know that he's going to take me and do stuff to me..... Bad stuff. You won't always be there to protect me Luca" he looks at the wall behind me as if it's interesting and I sigh grabbing his face so he looks at me.

"I hate this feeling" he whispers.

"What feeling?" I ask.

"Helpless."

I laugh lightly under my breath even though it's not funny "I hate that feeling too, I dealt with it every day for 10 years" I say "and I'm terrified to go through that again."

"I want to give you something" he says pulling out a silver looking heart shaped necklace.

"It's not made out of silver, just looks like it is."

I grin "for me?" He smirks.

"For you" he whispers "turn around" I turn around lifting up my hair, I shiver as I feel the cold metal touch my skin.

I feel it drop to my neck and I let my hair back down, I turn around and grab the love heart.

"It's really beautiful Luca, thank you" I look up at him briefly.

He smiles "I was planning on giving it to you ages ago but I didn't have the balls to, a couple of weeks ago I installed a tracker inside of it covered in wolfsbane so no one can get it out" I nod. "Thank you."

"You're welcome Lily."

"So are you going to tell me what your going to do on my next heat?" He smirks and taps my nose.

"Nope."

Suddenly shame hits deep in my soul as realisation hits me, my face falls.

"What's the matter?" He asks sensing my change in mood.

"If we mate... You wouldn't be my first you know? They...." I trail off ashamed and embarrassed.

"You can't help what they did but they can so I'm going to kill them," he growls,"you're still perfect for me," he says.

"Really?"

"You'll always be... Too perfect for me," he says the last part so lowly I almost couldn't hear him.

But what he doesn't realise is I'm not as perfect as he thinks, I still have my mental and physical scars.

I'm still....broken.