Adventure of Exiles

He slowed down as he was at the grove between Lisa’s house and his.

He took a deep breath and listened to the sounds of nature around him. Birds chirping, cicadas buzzing.

He could see the full moon tonight.

A twig snapped behind him.

He stopped and focused.

Without missing a beat, he dodged as a pinecone flew past where his head was.

“You got to try harder than that.” Felix commented.

“Ah, come on does literally anything surprise you?” Lisa called out as she was walking over.

“It would help if you weren’t as loud as an elephant.”

“That’s not very nice to say to a lady.”

“Who says I’m nice? Besides you aren’t a lady, you’re a pain.”

“Aww. Thanks, I’ll take that as a compliment.” Lisa replied with a smug grin.

“So where are you going?” She asked as she stood beside Felix.

“Home.”

“Why did you leave so suddenly? We wanted you there.”

“I have my reasons.” He replied as he kept walking.

Lisa got out in front of him. Staring at his face intently.

“What now, woman?”

“Your eyes.”

“What about them?”

“They seem sad.”

“Sad? What the underworld does that mean?”

“It’s the look in your eyes you always have when there is something you don’t want to talk about. You try really hard to avoid things.”

“What are you a mind reader? I’m fine.” He replied as he walked past her.

She got in front of him again. This time with a pouting face.

He rolled his eyes.

She then suddenly head butted his chest.

He gave out a slight grunt of disapproval.

“Tell me how you are feeling!” She yelled.

“Quite down, woman! Are you trying to get me in trouble? A woman’s voice crying out in the middle of the night?”

She just took her head of his chest and stared Felix down with her arms folded.

“Alright, alright. I hope you know I’m not good with talking about this feeling sort of shit.”

“Try me, Felix. Come on.” He followed as Lisa led them to an overturned log.

They sat down on the log.

Felix took a deep breath as he sat, “what do you want to hear?”

“Whatever you want to tell me. What’s bothering you, Felix?”

“Fine. Just remember you asked for it.”

“Okay.”

“You’re lucky, Lisa.”

“Well, that’s not exactly what I was expecting.”

“I am jealous in a sense. A loving family like that...sometimes I wish I had that.”

Felix rubbed the back of his neck, “you know the loneliest feeling? Being surrounded by smiling faces and knowing you don’t belong. No matter how much joy is in the air.”

Felix waited for a moment for some smartass comment or something like that. Instead, Lisa just rubbed his back.

“Ok, that’s not what I expected.”

Lisa laughed, “I can surprise you once and awhile. It’s good you are opening a bit. When something bothers you, you shut up like a clam.”

“Is that a real saying? Or it is a silly regional thing?”

“Nope. It’s a Lisa thing.”

She kept rubbing his back. “You know...grandpa said something similar before when I was young girl. He sat me down by the barn and said the loneliest feeling was feeling like a stranger among friends and family. The feeling you don’t belong at once you considered home. The familiar feeling and comfort of home has been lost.”

“...sounds about right. How did he deal with it?”

“You don’t. You live with that feeling. It’s a part of you.”

“Not helpful.”

“He told me when he was younger not too long after his war, he left Kurkenburg for Gaul. Returned to battlefields were he previously fought. Tried to make amends.”

Felix grunted. He couldn’t even envision going back to Illyria where he fought.

“You know grandma Eileen was so livid when he left. Apparently just one day out of the blue he just left without saying goodbye to anyone. She tried to find him but couldn’t. She decided then to wait back in Kurkenburg for him. Until a year later she received a letter.”

“A love letter?” Felix asked.

“Not exactly. He was apologizing to her. Apologizing for being so reckless and stubborn. For leaving and he didn’t expect to have her waiting, but he was coming back to Kurkenburg.”

“At least he had the decency to apologize.”

“Yeah well, she was furious. Grandma Eileen had a long talk with grandpa when he got back.”

“She gave him hells, didn’t she?”

“Oh, she did.”

Felix sighed, “going back to Illyria isn’t exactly on the table for me right now. There is reason I need to stay in the kingdom.”

“What about going back to Breslow?”

Felix thought about it for a moment.

He felt Lisa’s soft hands on his.

“You are trembling.”

He looked down, “I guess I am, aren’t I?”

“What’s wrong Felix?”

Felix looked at her, “I am so familiar with Breslow. I know those back streets like the back of my hand. I have friends still back there...but it hurt being there. All the people I fought with and lost. Without my mother there I transferred out as soon I possibly could. I ran. I can't do what Jakob did, I couldn’t go back. Forced to stay and stare back at what brought me to this point. I don’t like it. Felt like I would be sliding into a pit. The only option was to move forward, to not think about it. Pressing forward was the same as running from my mistakes.”

“That doesn’t seem healthy. I think it’s ok to stop and cry. It’s the way we learn and grow. As you said, moving forward is the way of the warrior. It doesn’t mean you have to be strong all the time.”

Felix looked out into the distance, “I can’t think of the last time I cried.”

Lisa started hitting his arm.

“Hey, hey! What’s that for!?”

“That’s so unhealthy! That’s not normal!”

“It’s perfectly healthy. I keep all my emotions in until I am like eighty years old and then I can shed a single tear maybe.”

“That’s not healthy. Crying is healthy. It’s natural and healing in a way.”

“I don’t feel the need to. Crying doesn’t fix anything.”

“How are you not dead yet?”

“I don’t know. Not from lack of trying.”

She punched his arm again, “you’re impossible.”

She then sighed and smiled. She wrapped her armed around Felix. “Hey, Felix. Look up to the sky.”

Felix looked up. It was a vast array of stars. The moon was shining brightly in the night sky.

“Sometimes I would go out of the house at night and just look up into the night sky and just think about the world. All the possibilities, the stars. It’s comforting in a sense.”

Felix just looked at the night sky. It’s been some time since he looked up into the sky like this. Breslow was too crowded with tall building and smog from the foundries. He often just passed out when he was out campaigning with the ravens.

“What could you possibly need comforting about?” Felix asked.

“A lot of things! But there is something in particular that bothers me. You can’t laugh.”

“You heard about my problems. So go on.”

“I’m afraid of not amounting to anything. Just living a boring life in a sleepy town in a peaceful province. I want to go see the world, but life gets in the way and the years pass by the harder that dream seems to be reality.”

“So why not do it?”

“Because I have a responsibility here. My dad and grandpa need me here. The farm has been in the family for generations. The town is my home and a lot of people come for my help as an alchemist. That’s why I was drawn to you I suppose. You have done so much and traveled so far my life must seem so mundane.”

Felix let that soak in for a moment.

He smirked.

Lisa hit him over the head.

“Gods woman! What was that for?!”

“I told you not to laugh!”

“I’m not laughing.”

“You were smirking.”

“Fine. Maybe a little but this definitely counts for abuse or something.”

Felix let out a deep breath.

“Look you got nothing to worry about. You already have a life you should be proud of. You touched the lives of so many around you and your alchemy? That’s something special. It’s all magical mumbo jumbo to me.”

Lisa just nodded.

“Besides, you aren’t dead yet. You can still go out into the world someday.”

“What makes so confident in that?”

“You. You are amazing. I’m confident in you. You are going to accomplish great things. I’ll be cheering for you know.”

He looked over to see Lisa tucking herself with her knees and then quietly said, “...thanks, Felix.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Felix looked back up at the sky, “I got some things to take care of in the near future but after that we should go.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

“You would agree to go so far that easily?”

“What can I say? I’m a free spirit.”

Lisa hit him, “and the food? I want to bring back the recipes.”

“As long as you aren’t cooking it. Fine by me.”

“You’re so mean, Felix.”

Felix laughed.

After a moment, Lisa started laughing too.

They were like that for a while until Lisa stopped to ask,

“Hey Felix, can we stay like this for a moment. Just stargazing like this. We don’t have to say anything.”

Felix nodded.

They stayed to stare up at the night sky until it was time for Lisa to go back home.