Acme Time Travel Incorporated - Volume 2

The Gazette Office

Barney sipped his tea and cast a brief glance over at Gabriel.

“You’re looking very tired,” Barney noted.

Gabriel looked up at Barney, who was obviously enjoying this.

“Long night then, was it?”

Gabriel smiled to himself in a non-committal sort of way.

“She looked very pretty, I thought,” Barney continued.

“Who?” Gabriel said, in a tone even he thought was unconvincing.

“You know. The young woman you met up with last night. She was waiting for you after work.”

Gabriel shrugged, feigning ignorance.

“I was just wondering if you had taken her out for the evening, you know.”

Gabriel waited for Barney’s next comment. He was obviously following a train of thought.

“I noticed,” continued Barney, “that you left your bike here last night, so I just wondered ...”

Barney couldn’t stop himself from chuckling at Gabriel’s discomfort.

“So, does she live round about then?” said Barney.

“She lives in Clacton, not far from where I live,” said Gabriel, realising that his plan to keep the whole thing secret had begun to unravel.

Barney pulled his desk drawer open and pulled out an un-opened packet of Digestive biscuits. He would have one (and only one) with this, his second morning tea. Then he would have another one with his 3 pm tea.

Barney fumbled at the biscuit packaging, trying to lever the sealed top open with his fingernail. He always struggled to open a new packet, but he didn’t mind. Someone had said to him that if he used a knife, then he could slit the side of the packet easily, but he preferred to do it this way. He felt that it heightened his anticipation. It increased the pleasure he would get when he finally released the biscuits. The pure joy of dunking his Digestive biscuit into a nice hot cup of tea. He imagined that the pleasure he got from this little ritual must be like the pleasure that people got from participating in the Japanese Tea Ceremony.

Gabriel watched as Barney finally released the biscuits from their tight packaging, pulling the wrapping aside and carefully levering out the top-most biscuit. He knew that Barney took great care not to damage the biscuits as he opened the packets.

“Fancy a biscuit, do you?” Barney asked.

“No thanks, Barney, I had a good breakfast, cheers,” Gabriel replied.

“Oh. What did you have then?”

“Scrambled eggs, fried tomatoes, mushrooms, fried bread ... real feast,” Gabriel recounted.

“No bacon, then?” quizzed Barney.

“No. She’s vegetarian. She doesn’t buy any meat,” replied Gabriel.

“What ... Elsie’s gone vegetarian?” said Barney.

Gabriel looked mystified. “Who’s Elsie?”

“Oh. And there’s me thinking you went for an early breakfast to Elsie’s Café,” Barney said, chuckling to himself as he lowered his biscuit into his tea.

“Er, Barney?” Gabriel said.

“Yep mate.”

“I was thinking of going back to John’s later this evening ... you know, the old guy in the Sunny Vale Care Home.”

Barney looked up quizzically.

“I thought to maybe do a bit of a follow-up. See what he thought of the piece we did on him,” said Gabriel.

“Great idea,” said Barney, “but you don’t need to go after office hours. Why don’t you go this afternoon? You’ve got that write-up to do this morning, but we’re scratching around for the rest of the day. Why don’t you take the opportunity?”

“In fact,” Barney continued, after some thought, “why don’t you take some money from the tin and go and grab a bit of lunch before you see him?”

“Thanks Barney,” Gabriel said.

“Tell you what,” said Barney. “Just in case you meet your girlfriend on your travels, why don’t you take another fiver and buy your lass a bit of lunch as well?”

“Err ... yeah, that would be great,” said Gabriel, feeling as though he was completely transparent.

Barney chuckled, then pulled another Digestive biscuit from the packet.

He had dunked it before realised he had gone over his self-imposed quota.

“Oh bollocks,” he muttered.

Gabriel looked up at him enquiringly.

“Ah well, it’s only a fucking biscuit, after all,” Barney concluded philosophically.