Accepting My Twin Mates

Evgeniya

“There he is," the sonographer moved the transducer wand over the gel on my stomach.

The monitor displayed her movements, a black and white grainy image and a roundish void cradling a precious little white bean shape. My pup.

There's our tiny winkle; Ewa wagged softly and spoke even quieter.

The small point of the cursor on the screen slid across the image of my pup, placing points along his length.

“He's a good size, twenty-four millimetres to be exact,” the technician raised an amused eyebrow at both my mates. “But considering his parents, it's no surprise he's on the larger range.”

“That's my boy,” said Astennu, who sat at my side, gripping my left hand and kissing the back of it.

“Hey, he's half mine,” Badru griped from behind my head, stroking both sides of my neck.

“Guys? You're missing the baby," I interrupted the dispute forming that my bladder and stomach didn't have time for. 'm tired, hungry and I feel like I'm about to pee myself, so shut up before I knock your heads together and sit on you!

That's not the threat you think it is; Astennu nipped at the thin skin of my hand where his lips connected.

“Is that his arm moving?" Badru's face sparkled in wonder, especially his sapphires for eyes, completely ignoring his chance to make a dirty and kinky innuendo.

“It is. And you see this little flicker?” Our sonographer moved the cursor around a fluttering grainy area. “That's the heart. Its not very visible as this is still pretty early to be doing a scan. ll switch transducers and we'll see if we can pick it up.”

She switched out the wand device for one a little narrower and began moving it around, watching the screen as a blurry wave formed, frowning.

“Is it bad?" My panic spiked that something might be wrong despite the fact I could sense the reverse.

“No no, nothing like that,” she warmed her features. “It's hard to locate, is all, with it being early, but it's there under all the interference”

She turned the sound up, holding the wand on the side of my stomach and switching pressures to find the best angle. A muffled thudding bumped away, unclear yet present, enough to spread a comforting warmth that pooled in my abdomen. “We'll hear it better at the next scan. Ten to twelve weeks is usually when we try for the heartbeat,” she removed the wand and handed me some paper towels to clean the gel off.

“So that's it? Evie's A-Ok?" Astennu took the five prints held out to him.

“Sure is. Pup and mother are perfect”

I could've told you that, nour el-ain, Badru kissed my cheek from behind now I had sat upright.

“Can we get a few minutes alone in here?" I asked the technician, aware that any minute, the transport for my mates would be picking them up and we were cutting into the wire.

“Yeah, all the time you want” she finished her clean-up of the equipment. “It's a little early for regular appointments, so you have plenty of time."

The sonographer had come into work in the early hours as a courtesy to us, knowing the pressing timeframe we had. But before any of that, I needed the bathroom. I required a full bladder for the sonogram to give the best picture possible and the pressure was pushing my restraint.

With an empty tank, I breathed a sigh of relief, a relief that was about to shatter because, while my mates had their obligations, I had a personal one of my own. It would be easier not to tell them a thing, to leave them unaware and let them find out on their return, but they had had enough two-faced people in their life and I wasn't about to be another.

“Tam said the cars are on their way to pick us up” Badru leant forward on his knees from his chair, studying the pattern on the vinyl floor.

Astennu gave me the little stack of photos, his fingers lingering against mine. “I knew it was coming, but I can't believe we have to leave you so soon after getting you back”

“At least you know where I am this time...and what I'l be doing" I sucked a sharp breath between my teeth.

“What are you up to?" Astennu spoke slowly and full of suspicion, his eyes narrowed and pinning me.

“Ym just going to have that shitty conversation with your mom... and maybe pay a visit to the cells"

“Absolutely f*****g not!” They said in identical unison, pitch and hot temper.

“Well, that went over like a fart in church, Evva snorted dryly. “It's cute they think we're gonna obey!

“I wasn't asking permission,” I girded my loins for an argument. “Id rather we didn't part fighting, but I'm going”

“Why?” Badru pleaded, a note of exasperation in his tone, and crossed the room to me. “Why do you wanna be anywhere near him?"

“Because if anyone is gonna tell him the truth about Marceau, it should be me. I'm never gonna have the chance to carve my pound of flesh from that wolf..” I swallowed and screwed my eyes closed, the familiar collar about my neck tightening whenever that name was mentioned. I refused to let that name hold any sway over me. “That man... Marceau, he didn't touch me exactly, but he made me do things in front of him so he could watch... that's why I freaked out on the plane when you suggested leaving the bathroom door open.”

“Evie,” Badru circled his arms around me, pressing my back to his chest. “I'm so sorry, I shouldn't-"

“It's ok," I snuggled back into the crook of his neck. “You didn't know and were just being my adorable pervert”

Astennu ran his nose along mine, stroking my jaw and chin with a feather touch of his fingertips. “I hate the idea of you going anywhere near Isaac... but I won't fight you on it”

“Good. And when you come back, we'll talk baby names and start making that dream house of ours ready for when we can build I fiddled with the printouts in my hands, shuffling two out of the stack. “Take one each with you? To make sure you'll both be careful and come back to us both... I don't want anything to happen to you."

Fat tears burned and spilled their way down my cheeks and they fell harder at my frustrations that the damned things dogged me at every twinge of emotion.

“f**k sake! I'm over being pregnant with these hormones.”

“I don't know” Astennu ran light knuckles to collect my tears and flashed me a pair of disgustingly cute puppy dog eyes. “I kinda like you being all sensitive and squishy."

I pulled back, glaring. Sensitive? Fine, I would concede that sometimes my skin was on the thin side when I pretended it was thick. But squishy?

“You gonna threaten to sit on me again?” That wonderful clean-shaven jaw of his teased.

“You can sit on me instead if you want?” I felt Badru wriggle his brows as he kissed my neck and adorned the new mark that lay there with his lips.

Underwear and pants weren't enough to keep the dampness pooling or the throbbing unnoticeable. My stomach rumbled, my thighs were aching from clenching and damp patches were rapidly forming; here came the wave of “horngry’ again.

“Can you two stop being so damn... attractive,” I pushed at their chests..their very hard and solid chests, adorned in perfect dashes of chest hair and rippling in muscle under their shirts.

“Because it's making you all squishy?” Badru didn't let me move a step away, his nostrils flaring in response to my scent and his eyes swirled black.

“We're gonna have to go,” Astennu released a shaky breath, leaning in to kiss my lips. “We'll be careful, if you promise to do the same?”

“will

I was in for a long day. It was either spread all the stress and shitty conversations out or rip it all off in one go like a band- aid.

First, no deed could be done on an empty stomach

I stirred the pot of raspberry yoghurt in front of me in so many circles I could have churned butter from it. I sat with my back to the main kitchen trying to catch a straight train of thought of what I would tell Qamar and what the hell I would say to isaac. What sort of closure did I even want from him? Rub it in his face that all a decade of shady dealings landed him with was a cold cell?

“Let me; Eva paced relentlessly on the matter. “Because of him, we lost our snacks again when I'm at my horngriest. I got a few choice words!

You can't speak, wolf!

“Don't need to, these have all the words I need, she flexed her elongated clawed paws.

The door behind me clicked open and I glanced over my shoulder, recognising the berry and mint scent well before I saw her, Lucy.

“Raspberry yoghurt?"she lifted the tub, spoon and all, that I had barely touched. “You wanting to relive the highlights?"

“As long as no one dumps it on me this time. I'm cool with not looking like the Franken Berry Monster jizzed on me again.’ We both chuckled as she leaned next to me on the high worktop, ignoring the staring eyes at the back of my head. All the pack knew was that I was taken, along with my father, and that the Alpha was now imprisoned with Astennu and Badru taking his place. Not that it took much to put two and two together. That was an issue to address, but not until my mates were back and their mission uncompromised.

At least my father was cleared of any misgivings that the old-minded pack could have.

“You want some proper breakfast?” She nudged my side and began rattling around the pans for the hob. “I'm making a batch of poached eggs, so long as they aren't triggering your nausea, are they?”

“Not yet" I watched as she began to boil the water and set up her eggs ready to crack into the bubbles.

I wiped my hands after buttering slices of fruit toast while Lucy plated up the first serving of poached egg with a tomato sauce and mozzarella, returning to the rest of her cooking.

“You taking these to my dad after it's done?”

She hummed in response and I slid one of my pictures over the counter.

“Is this a sonogram?!” She practically bounced and turned the picture around in every which way. “What am I looking at?” “The little bean shape is the baby,” I leant over and pointed my index finger along the small white shape. “And that little line is the arm.”

“Does your dad know you got this? He didn't say anything,” her thumb traced over the printout.

“No, it was a last-minute thing...before Astennu and Badru left," I sighed, a frown and bad mood creeping back in as the memory of their car disappearing out of sight played. The further away they became, the more my marks pulled and ached to be returned to their counterparts.

“There's a favour I need from you,” I peered around to make sure we were clear of eavesdroppers. “Distract my dad? I need to do something today that he isn't going to like”

“I kinda wanted to get him out of the pack house anyway," she worried her bottom lip, sending it bright pink. “He didn't sleep well last night and wouldn't talk about it. Wait, why do you want him out of the way?"

“Isaac”

Her mouth formed a large soundless “0, her large hazel eyes wide. “Yeah, he might say a few words about that, and probably some Russian swears too.”

“Hence the distraction and he can't be too mad if I show him his grandson, can he?"

I followed after her, helping her carry the two trays to her room. My father was awake and dressed, greeting me with a warmth that would never grow old. I fiddled with my locket incessantly, twisting it around the chain and spinning it the other way.

“Your mother did that when she had nerves” my father waved a finger at my twiddling. “What is it"

Here went nothing and, with my held breath, I took the deep plunge, expecting a similar blow up that my mates had had. “solnyshko, you had better no say you go near mudak vol that sold you,” his dad tone and stare were out in force.

I didn't know what the Russian slur he used meant, but I knew who it was in reference to.

“Dad, I'm going-"

“No.”

“Yes.

“No.”

“Keep going. I think you're winning; Evva interjected at the argument stuck on a merry-go-round.

“Dad, I just had this out once and if my mates can't convince me against it, neither can you."

“Then I go with you"

“Not” I raised my palms up when he moved forward. “If you go, you'll paint the cell with his internal organs.”

He huffed, folding his arms in a sulk that was all too similar to myself. “You say as though it is bad.”

“It has a certain appeal, I won't lie I chuckled darkly.

But I couldn't do that to Qamar. She would feel it and would carry the scar of it forever. They were marked mates, their bond was sealed and permanent, a pain my father knew first-hand.

“If I show you this, will you sulk less?” I showed him his copy of the sonogram, watching as the storm grey of his irises melted to blue.

“Moy luchik?” he whispered in Russian, dropping to the edge of Lucy's bed. “My little sunbeam...you will be careful solnyshko” he lifted his head up from the picture, a glisten of moisture in his eyes. “I no like it...but I will allow."

I held back a gust of laughter. “Well, that's very kind of you. And I will be careful’ I repeated once more for the day.

“What was his play gonna be, ground us?’

I don't know, Ewa. Our old room's down the hall, so maybe?’

While he gazed down at the picture like it was the most precious possession I could give him, I kissed the top of his head and mouthed a thank you to Lucy for keeping him occupied, however she planned on doing it.

I closed the door behind me with a sigh of relief. Two down, two to go.

“We should have rented the sonographer’s office out like a movie theatre and done this in one go; I yawned to my wolf, regretting making responsible decisions and wanting to climb back into bed and mimic a blanket burrito.

I was beginning to think fighting a bunch of underground werewolf slave traders was the easier fight and that my mates lucked out.

“We learned the lesson the hard way and there's no going back now; she was resigned. “Be thankful our morning sickness hasn't stirred. But if you can go full Exorcist at the cell, that'd make my day.

At the door to the Alpha wing, my hand hovered over the door handle, undecided about what I should do.

Should I just walk in?

Did I knock?

In all the instances, I had been with my mates, so the permission, as it were, was already granted. Was it in poor grace to breeze through the door like I lived there... did I live there now, until my home by the lake was built?

Since the Luna had warmed to me, I opted to let myself in, but called out her name, which still felt most alien to not add in “Luna’ to address her.

I heard her reply echo from the upstairs level and went looking, momentarily rushing back to the door to take my shoes off before I ventured further into the house. She was on the top story and second floor of the wing, in a cosy sitting room that overlooked Mount Rainier from one window and Crystal Mountain from the other. From my time working in the Alpha wing, I knew it was my mates’ former nursery when they were pups.

In the middle of it all, Qamar knelt among a stack of soft items, all new baby clothing, and clear plastic tubs, filled with her keepsakes, her face nestled in a crudely crocheted blanket.

“I never was able to master crocheting,” she held up the little dark blue blanket that resembled a squashed square and had dropped a few loops. “Did everything go ok? You and the pup are fine?"

“Yeah,” I joined her in kneeling on the floor, taking out a sweet little cot mobile from the open box in front of her and spinning the little stuffed animals and leaves. “The sonographer said he’s big for his stage of development, see?”

I handed over her copy of the ultrasound, keeping the last one for myself. Qamar's onyx eyes sparkled, her plump red lips pursing a held-back sob. I twirled the crochet hook that tumbled out of the attempted baby blanket, the idea of trying my own inspiring a certain appeal.

“I remember getting my first one of these and seeing my two babies I thought 'd never have. Did you get to hear the heartbeat?”

“No, not quite” the twinge of disappointment returned. “The technician couldn't pick it up clearly, but there's always the next scan.”

“When you hear it, you'll never forget that sound. Isaac welled up, he..” Qamar abruptly stopped herself, her fingers sealing over her lips as though she had uttered something forbidden without thinking.

“It's ok. Astennu and Badru struggle saying his name too," I gripped her hand. “I'm gonna go see him. I kinda want to show him personally what he's lost. Do you, maybe, want to come, too?”

“No. No, I can't. Not yet,” her lip quivered, a single tear falling. “The last time I saw him, I gave his face a decent slap. I'll never forgive him for arranging to separate you and your pup”

“That was never going to happen...Marceau had no intention of sending my pup anywhere. Qamar, there's things you need to know about that man,” I was already dreading my next words.

The longer I left it, the harder they would be to say.

Her gaze remained fixed on the blanket in her hands, clutching the misshapen bundle of crocheted yarn tight and tight with every word. She stayed quiet, not even a sob, the only sound was her irregular breathing and her only movement was a flow of tears.

“Was I wrong to tell you?" I worried, thinking I had made a huge mistake and it should have been left in one of those “ignorance is bliss’ subheadings.

“No. I appreciate you telling me," she replied robotically in a meek voice.

She hastily stood, the items in her hand dropping carelessly to the ground and almost tripping her up as she brusquely left the room.

“Wait, Qamar!" I called out and rushed after her, shaking out the pinched nerve in my leg from kneeling on the floor.

“Ym alright, habibti (darling);" she paused by her bedroom door. “I just need a second or two. If you do go... to talk to him... tell him."

“will I said to a closing door.

“Thanks for doing this with me, Tam," I stared at the growing prison compound as we passed the gates and approached. “Like I would have let you go near Isaac alone,” she squeezed my arm where she held onto it at the crook. “And your Alphas phoned me about your plan before they boarded their plane, so I would have been waiting here no matter what"

The wolves on duty respectfully nodded, the odd one dropping “Luna’ to their address. I knew I had to get used to hearing the title, but it didn't stop it from feeling like the most bizarre word.

“Ok Evie, it's game time, Tamlyn stopped me once we were inside and at the sealed gateway of a corridor. “No one has heard a peep out of him. He just stays quiet. So don't be surprised if your convo is one-sided. And, obviously, I can't tell you what he looks like, although Suzanna tells me he's sporting some lingering bruising from Astennu going ape-shit on his hide. You ready to be a badass b***h and regal queen?’

I woke up exhausted, sore, like I had fallen from a tree and hit every branch, sweaty, nervous and like I could eat my own arm. All I wanted was to bask in a moment of peace as a newly marked she-wolf with my mates and, instead, I was in a cold prison about to talk to a man I wouldn't piss on if he was on fire. A “badass b**h’ and “regal queen’ persona seemed like far away skins to be worn by another.

You're tensing. Are you having second thoughts? Or are you getting stuck in your head again thinking you're not up to the title? Tamlyn rightfully guessed.

For a wolf who was blind, she saw straight through me.

I can do it! I affirmed more to myself and opened the gate as she instructed.

We stopped in front of the solid cell door, blood rushing to meet my ears and my heart pounding against my ribcage. Tamlyn, through her sense of touch, showed me how to open and close the gate to give me my space, but remained in earshot, should I need her.

I slowly swung the heavy door open, revealing a huge frame, a crackle of Alpha aura and a mass of black hair that could have belonged to my mates, if it weren't for the paler skin. When he lifted his head, his dark blue sapphire eyes, hooded in dark circles, did a double take, widening to saucers. His hair hung lifeless and unkempt and his beard was in wild disarray. He was a far cry from the Alpha I had known, stripped back to the bones of the wolf he once was. The glimpse of some bruising, shaded green and yellow, peeped from under his beard and shaded his temples; Astennu’s handiwork.

“say the word and I'll add a few of my own; Ewa balled her paws, flexing her knuckles. “I bet I could spell out d**k weasel in fancy cursive with a few well-placed punches!’

“Tl take your word for it; I took a deep breath. “But our pup needs you to keep it civil’

We were on the very cusp, verging into dangerous territory, with regard to shifting. For our son's sake, Ewa needed to keep her cool.

“I take it I'm the last person you expected to see?” I stepped into the doorway, wrapping my arms around my shoulders to keep the shake out of my frame. “Guess you thought Id still be in some basement cell under Marceau’s lock and key?" Through his silence, I could tell by the way his gaze flickered over my shoulder on either side he was expecting there to be a certain two bodyguards with me.

“If you're hoping to see Astennu and Badru, they're headed back to France to locate some of the rogues’ families. There were a few who had their children held against them to make them fight. Some had mates too”

“Did you have any idea what that man did with rogues?” I asked when Isaac's line of sight trained back to the wall

“You didn't want to know, did you?” I took a guess since he wasn't going to answer. “The people Marceau held were made to fight in literal pits for the rich to bet on. I won't lie and say all the rogues there were innocent. They weren't. Some were awful... some were innocent, just trying to raise their families, their pups. They thought they were doing what was best out of the limited choices they had for their kids."

just as Tamlyn warned, this had settled into a one-way conversation. Maybe if I kept talking, something would provoke a response from him.

“There were no she-wolves in that compound other than me, so I don't know where Marceau kept them... or what they were made to do," I swallowed a vile shudder. “Did you ever think about that? 've seen the ledger you kept, you sold a couple of she-wolf rogues to him. Did it never occur to you that they could have been assaulted...like your mate?”

Isaac's head snapped up, the same deep blue pulse illuminating his eyes that my mates got when they were riled up.

“Yeah, she told me what those men did to her" I nodded, finding it difficult to look into a pair of eyes so hauntingly familiar. “You are no better than those men. You did the same to those she-wolves."

Avery bitter and cold penny seemed to drop with him.

“He's got an anvil about to land. Tell him; Ewa pushed, wanting to twist the knife further.

“The men that assaulted your mate...they weren't rogues, they were Marceau's men. Well, his father’s to be accurate. It was Marceau’s idea to torture one of the survivors of River Lotus pack and let them go, so they'd spread the word it was rogues.” “That's impossible," Isaac spoke for the first time, shaking his head in denial and paling.

“If that's what you want to tell yourself I shrugged. “Fine. But the truth is, you dealt business with the man who had your mate raped and tortured, and all the while he knew, and laughed behind your back. How many times did he eat at your table with your family?”

“No; I heard him mumble under his breath, continuing to shake his head as he plummeted down the rabbit hole of denial. An uncomfortable silence dropped, Isaac's quiet hyperventilating the only melody to the depressing atmosphere.

“I'm pretty certain Marceau was put on your path because you were meant to stop him, but you let your hate of rogues cloud your judgement and you never saw the real monster under your nose. Your sons fixed your mistake, though. I don't think you realise how hurt they are by what you've done. I see the physical pain written on their faces when someone mentions you around them. I can almost feel it”

“They aren't injured...are they? My boys weren't harmed?"

His boys? I had to bite back a scoff.

“No, nothing permanent. Badru took a hit of wolfsbane for me and my dad. He saved us both...us three” I stroked my stomach, feeling a little flutter.

“My grandson, he's alright?” Isaac's sight set where I gripped my lower half.

“He's not your grandson,” my hackles raised in a wave of protection. “You lost that privilege. But, if you must know, yes, he's perfect. Not that you'll ever be meeting him and I don't think you'll find much support or sympathy, even from Qamar. That little deal you made with Marceau? He was all too happy to tell me he wasn't giving you my pup. My son would have been made to fight like a slave, or that psychopath might've raised my pup to be like him. Astennu and Badru could well have never met their own pup”

I had had enough, I was drained, I was holding back a thin veil on my patience and I was about to slam the cell door closed to walk away forever, when I felt the stiff gloss paper in my pocket crinkle. It was my last, but I could obtain a dozen more with a single mind-link.

“This isn't a gift," I pulled out my final copy of my sonogram, sliding it across the concrete floor, landing it at Isaac's feet. “It's a reminder of what you've lost and that you did it to yourself”