A Werewolf, A Vampire, and A Fae Walk Into A Bar (Book 1 of The Last Witch Series)

"Cool story, bro."

It's the answer I would have given, but it actually comes from AJ, standing in the

doorway, having returned from whatever errand took her away in the dead of night.

"Unicorn blood?" She chuckles. "Yeah, sure, I'll just swing by my uncle's ranch and grab a vile."

Darius studies AJ seriously, as is his way. It's hard to tell if he's annoyed by her sarcasm or wondering--

"Who is your uncle? What's his family line?"

Yep. Wondering if her uncle really has a freaking unicorn.

AJ walks into the kitchen, laughing to herself, and pulls a beer from the fridge. Apparently grandpa didn't finish all his Budweiser before he passed. Jesus, have I not cleaned out the fridge since I moved home? "My uncle doesn't have a unicorn, numbnuts," she responds, leaning against the counter and popping the bottle cap off with a lighter.

Darius bolts to his feet, fast enough to startle even his magical buddies.

"Watch yourself, nymph," he hisses, teeth bared. "Your powers are few and the stakes are higher than you can fathom. Cross me any further and you'll see--"

Rune grabs Darius by the elbow, and it looks like those fae calming powers have at least some effect on vampires. Darius takes a deep breath and then slowly moves back into his seat, like a predator biding his time.

AJ looks between the two for a second, then laughs. She smells a little boozy. I'm starting to think her errand was a stupid one.

"So, what's the plan?" I ask, trying to get the conversation back on track. "One of you goes to your world and comes back with some blood?"

"We can't return until the message has been received," Zev says, shaking his head. "For any of us to show up without the child and no prior notification would send the kingdom into a panic."

"Really?" I ask. "Even if you told people, er, your kind, that you were coming right back to protect the baby?"

Now all three of them shake their heads, solemn looks on their faces. I'll never be able to empathize with the severity of their situations, since I'm the mom of the baby they want to steal, but a small part of my brain recognizes the gravity of what they're dealing with. "Okay, three things need to happen," I say as I turn toward the fridge, lost in thought and also immediately ravenous. I've been working too hard, sleeping too little, and acting as a full-time milk generator for a hungry newborn. I need to eat my bodyweight in carbs. The minute I open the fridge door, AJ sprints past me, through the living room and out the door, yelling, "Don't eat!" on her way out. The guys watch her go suspiciously, then turn back to me.

"She moves, and thinks, erratically," Rune observes.

I nod. That's as good a way as any to describe AJ.

I hear her feet scampering back up the outdoor steps, and she enters seconds later with a giant smile on her face and a massive pizza box in her hands.

"House of Pizza... "I trail off, hoping

I

I'll still be able to chew while crying tears of joy. AJ and I spent half our е

high school years inhaling pizzas from this place. She opens the box, displaying a steaming, extra-large pie covered in sausage and

mushrooms. It's the best gift I've

ever received.

"I thought you might want something other than Rune's salad bar," AJ says. "Also, while I was there I had a couple beers and practiced nymphing, so the pizza was free."

"That's... not a thing," Darius says, perplexed.

AJ just grins. "It is now, bitches."

Oh Lord. Nymph AJ is going to be a lot to handle. But also a lot of fun.

I walk over to her and take the box, mouthing "I love you" as I do. Then I turn back to the guys. Not wanting the Sexies to see what I'm about to do to this pizza, I compose myself and finish my thought from earlier.

"All right, four things need to happen.

fet

First, I'm gonna eat every slice of this thing. Second, I want to know what's actually in this goddamn prophecy you keep talking about. Third, you figure out where you're going to get unicorn blood and then let me know if I can help. But, like, that better not involve killing a unicorn, okay? I've seen all the Harry Potter movies and read the books. I know how that shit ends. And fourth," I conclude, moving toward my bedroom, "I'm going to sleep, waking only to feed my baby, and I don't want to see anyone until morning."

I hear no protest as I walk off, excited beyond measure for the face stuffing I'm about to do. But then, an unexpected blast of nostalgia, one unrelated to AJ, punches me in the gut and stops me in my tracks. The smell of the pizza takes me back a couple decades, to a summer day when I was a child.

I spin around, facing my housemates.

"Sorry, there's a fifth thing. I need to go see my grandma."

Rain only wakes me twice during the night to feed, otherwise sleeping like a little angel because that's what she is. When I get out of bed in the morning, I quickly eat one of the four remaining pizza slices and then sneak into the bathroom to brush my teeth before heading to the front room. I'm not expecting to literally run into a naked werewolf.

I smack Zev with the bathroom door, and he gracefully dodges the brunt of the impact--though it would do little to harm him regardless.

He grins and steps in my direction, not bothering to hide his nudity or the evidence that he's happy to see me.