A Walk Amongst Shadows (Book 2)

XXVII

I slept restlessly that night. Tossing and turning, dreaming about Eloise. The expression on her face as she attacked me, the mangled body of the man she had almost killed, the cracking of my rib, it was all too much. I woke up tired and anxious.

“You feeling up to going back into the city today?” Aris asked me later in the morning as we sat across from each other eating breakfast.

“I don’t have a choice,” I hung my head over my cup of tea, “they’ll be furious with me if I miss another day…”

“Another? You haven’t missed any.” He sounded annoyed.

“Yeah, I guess…”

“I’ll go with you if you like.”

I nodded, always happy to have his company.

“And listen, you don’t have to go anywhere if you don’t want to. If you need a day off, take it. What’re they going to do?”

I shrugged and smiled weakly. “Probably blame me for anyone that dies.”

He sighed.

“I know, I know, that wouldn’t be my fault…” I assured, though deep down I still wasn’t sure if I believed that to be true or not.

“Well, if you’re sure, I suppose we should get going.”

He kissed me on my cheek and grabbed our empty plates. I got up to help him clean. I was struck by how mundane this moment was. Eating breakfast, cleaning dishes, talking about my day. It all felt so wonderfully normal. I did my best to revel in it as we finished clearing the table before we turned to set out into the world. Afterall, who knows how much longer it would be before another incident like last night happens. Not today. I told myself. Today will be a normal day. And such was my mindset as I followed Aris out the door.

Only I didn’t get far. No sooner had he opened the door did he stop dead in his tracks. I ran directly into him.

“Rose.” His voice was stern. I saw his body tense as he widened his stance so I could not move around him. “Get back inside,” he ordered calmly.

“What? Why? What is i-” I asked shoving my way past him. I instantly fell silent in shock as I looked past him. I felt my blood turn to ice. He tried to hold me back, but I shook free of him, getting a clearer view. A large wooden stake had been driven into the ground beside the path that led up to our front door. Atop the stake sat a severed human head. The sound of flies was deafening as they buzzed in and around the gouged-out eyes. Dried blood caked the sides of the face. I held my hand over my mouth, suppressing the urge to gag as my stomach turned. Aris moved quickly to inspect it. I stayed close to his side, scanning the area for any hidden threats.

“There’s something written here…” Aris observed. We took a few steps closer. I quickly saw that he was correct, but the word was not written, it carved deep into the skin of the forehead.

MINE

“Eloise,” Aris concluded. I felt my heart sink as I immediately recognized the dirty blond hair of the man I had saved the night before. My efforts had been in vain. “Go inside, I’ll get rid of this.” He waved me away.

I complied, not sure which was worse, the stench or the sight itself. I walked on shaky legs back inside the house and sat down. I was in such a state of shock I could neither cry nor get angry. I just sat there, waiting for Aris to come back inside.

“If she ever shows her face here again…” I heard him swearing under his breath as he walked back inside. I hadn’t kept track of how much time had gone by. He wiped some sweat off of his brow. I noticed dirt on his hands.

“What did you do with him?” I asked solemnly.

“I buried it deeper into the woods. Not really sure what else to do. Figured we could burn the stake later.”

I nodded, thankful he spared me the dirty work.

“Are you okay?”

I shook my head, feeling my eyes stinging as I did so. “Not really, no.” I felt a few tears on my face.

He pulled me to my feet and gave me a comforting hug. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

I pulled away and wiped my eyes.

“Perhaps it would be better if you stayed home.” He intended the words a comfort but it stirred an air of annoyance within me.

“No,” I snapped, a little harsher than I intended. “I’m leaving.” I stood abruptly and made my way to the door.

“Rose, wait!” He called after me.

I made my way towards the door, ignoring the churning in my stomach as my eyes scanned over the spot where the severed head had been moments earlier.

“Rose, stop.” Aris put his hand on my shoulder anchoring me to the spot.

I turned to face him. “I’m going to work, okay?” I felt flustered as I spoke. “I need a break from this!” I gestured to the hole in the ground where the stake had been.

“I know, Eloise can be-”

“No not just her, everything! Magic and gods and-”

“Shadow walkers…” he supplied.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes in exasperation for a moment.

“Not you. I didn’t mean it like that.”

He smiled, but I could tell my words had stung.

“I just need things to feel normal.”

He nodded.

“Would you rather I stay here?”

I shook my head.

He nodded again, looking a little reassured. I chastised myself for my carelessness. I knew Aris had always been afraid of driving me away. That the life of a shadow walker would be too much for me to handle. Had he been right all this time? Could I continue to deal with the chaos that came with shadow walkers? Aris seemed to regard the events of the past few nights as nothing more than commonplace, but I couldn’t shake any of it. The sight of the man Eloise had mangled, the way she had looked when she herself was murdered, the way Aris had looked that night in the city… Stop it Rose. I forced the image out of my head. I hadn’t really allowed myself to think much about that night, mostly because I still wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I forced myself to carry on conversing with Aris as we walked towards the city, hoping he wouldn’t notice my lack of attention.

“I’ll be around if you need anything, alright?” He said as we approached the apothecary.

I looked up and nodded at him. He gave me a quick kiss on my forehead before turning to leave. I tried to call out, but he was gone almost instantly. I sighed and touched the place on my arm where his hands had been. I felt guilty. I considered going after him but was distracted by the faces in the apothecary door staring at me. Great. I thought to myself. They’ve been expecting me.

I was careful to keep to myself. Avoiding the gazes of the women working in the medicine room as I made my way towards the patients. As soon as I opened the door, I heard the sound of disgruntled voices. They were muffled, but I could still make out what was being said.

“I don’t understand how you expect us to continue working here. Do you realize that people are actually accusing us of witchcraft?!”

I froze. I didn’t recognize the owner of the voice that spoke, but I heard Evangeline reply,

“People forget that healing has deep roots in magic. I will not deny the citizens of the royal city help if we can provide it.”

“Well, I have no intention of associating with someone who lies with demons.” I realized it was Isadora she was speaking to. I felt my heart sink and my face flush. For a moment I felt a fire burning in my veins. I’ll show you demonic. I thought. The image of me bringing her to her knees in agony flashed across my mind. Just like the Elders. I remembered the way their eyes pleaded for relief. Luckily, my thoughts were cut off by Evangeline’s stern words.

“Well, no one is forcing you to be here. I suggest you either make peace with our dear Rose or kindly pack your things and leave.”

Hearing her defend me in such a bold manner warmed my heart and I felt myself relax ever so slightly. Before I could do anything else, Evangeline appeared before me. Startled, I gasped and clutched my hand to my chest.

“Rose,” she hesitated, no doubt trying to assess whether or not I had overheard her conversation. Her expression softened to that of pity. “I’m sorry you had to hear that. Don’t pay any mind-”

I held up my hand. “It’s okay. I know what people here think of me.” I hadn’t intended my words to sound so glum.

“Just know that I will not stand for that…” she trailed off. I imagine she had intended her words as a comfort, but it hardly mattered.

“I think I may take today off…” I stated averting my eyes from hers, “if that’s alright?”

Evangeline nodded. “Of course, just…” she paused until I looked up at her, “promise me you’ll come back.” Her eyes shone like a small child missing her mother.

I nodded before turning around and making my way out of the apothecary. I didn’t know where exactly I was going. I didn’t want to go back home and I certainly didn’t want to remain here. A part of me wanted to find Deja, she always seemed to know what to say. But I didn’t feel like searching the building for her. I certainly had no desire to face Isadora. I was disturbed by the way I had responded to her words. I’ve never considered myself to be a violent person. At least you didn’t act on it. I told myself.

I found myself wandering aimlessly through the streets and noticed I had come upon the library. I decided to go in, hoping that perhaps I could distract myself if only for a moment. Much to my surprise, I felt at ease the moment I walked through the doors. I had gotten quite familiar with the library as of late. I suppose there is comfort in familiarity. Silence. The thought rang clearly in my head. After all the noise of the last twenty-four hours I finally found silence. I had made my way through several large collections of magical literature spanning topics of its history, its uses, its origins. Aris had been helpful, offering corrections where history failed and helping demonstrate particular theories in practice. I had loved every minute of my time spent here. I could have never in my wildest dreams imagined such a reality could be my life. Given how much of a struggle I had faced over the past few days, it was a good reminder of all I had to be thankful for.

“Slow day at the apothecary?” I heard Aris ask from a nearby reading nook.

Startled, I turn to face him. Seeing him again warmed me. I shook my head in answer to his question.

“Not exactly…” I sat down beside him and quickly regaled him with the events that had transpired at the apothecary. He looked annoyed.

“I’m sorry, I know that is the last thing you need right now after, well everything.” He was trying to be delicate.

“I figured maybe I could find some distraction here.”

“Well by all means, don’t let me keep you from that.” He flashed a smile at me and my heart skipped a beat.

I collected a few books of interest off a nearby shelf and began to read. It had been a little while since I studied anything magic related, and I cursed myself for it. Reading about it felt like home. I found myself once again marveling at the gift I had been given and all the possible applications for it. The world around me quickly faded away and with it, my problems. I’m not sure how much time had passed in utter silence before I spoke again.

“So, you mean to tell me that there have been life mages that used their abilities to see?” I asked, astounded at the words I had just read in the small volume I held.

“Let me see that…” Aris walked around me and read the passage over my shoulder, “hmmm” he grumbled as he read.

“What is it?”

He sat down beside me and took the book into his hands. “Fascinating. It sounds like there have been accounts of mages using their ability to perceive life forces around them as a way to navigate without seeing…” He trailed off as he continued reading and frowned slightly. “Sounds like it took some doing…” he furrowed his brow as he finished the rest of the page.

“How so?”

“Here, read it for yourself.” He handed it back to me and I quickly read over the page.

“All life forces carry a signature,” I read aloud, “the trick is learning them.” I nodded, I had gotten rather good at reading magical signatures. “But paying attention to movement of signatures can be just as important.” I continued reading aloud to Aris.

“Essentially, the author is saying that life magic flows differently depending on who or what it is in and when the mage is able to discern the difference, he will be able to see without looking,” he concluded.

I nodded, but was unconvinced.

“I didn’t think such a thing would be possible...”

“It would certainly appear so.” I read on a little further. Hoping more information would follow.

“It says that a mage can accomplish this by concentrating on the intensity of life magic and the way it behaves.” I raised my eyebrows. I had never tried to sense magical energy in this way before. It seemed impossible.

“So, I’m guessing this technique works best in nature, not a city.”

“That would make sense…” My mind raced as I thought of all the different applications for a technique such as this. “You up for trying it out?” I asked, grinning at him.

“As long as you don’t expect me to show you how it’s done. This is just as new to me as it is to you.”

I hastened my pace as we left the city, excited to test out this new theory. I read over the chapter several times before leaving just to make sure I absorbed as much of the information as I could. Aris seemed less excited about the endeavor, but accompanied me along nevertheless.

“So, what exactly is the plan?” he asked as we passed a couple of older women who scowled at us with disapproval.

“I don’t know exactly… But the author mentioned that it works best outside. The closer to the city the harder it will be to sense anything other than people.”

“Sure, but how do you even plan to begin?”

“Like I always do.” I shrugged. “Start by sensing what’s around me and then pay extra attention to what’s not there.” As much as I wanted to be able to figure out another new application for my magic, I wasn’t even sure if this was possible. After all, who knows how trustworthy the author of this book was. We made our way to our usual spot. I don’t know how this place came to be my unofficial place for all things magic, but something about it just felt right. As we neared the center of the clearing Aris spun around and faced me.

“So… what do we do now?” I bit my lip as I thought about how I wanted to proceed.

“I-I’m not sure… I guess I could give meditation a try. Maybe that will help me get in the right headspace”

He snickered at me.

“What?” I quipped.

“You hate meditation.”

I sighed. He wasn’t wrong. I have only been able to tolerate meditation enough to focus on sensing. But as I’ve gotten better at controlling it, I’ve needed the intentionality less and less.

“I know,” I rolled my eyes as I sat criss-cross at the base of a nearby tree. “But it’s helped me before, I don’t see why it wouldn’t help me now.”

“Mind if I join you?”

“As long as you promise not to distract me” I shot him a glance, he laughed.

“When have I ever been a distraction?” He winked.

I raised a brow at him, feeling my face flush.

“Fine,” he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, “I’ll be good, I promise.”

I shook him off and closed my eyes. It took forever to quiet the flood of thoughts racing through my mind. Relax, stop thinking, this is never going to work, focus, focus, focus, is he staring at me? I look ridiculous, I feel ridiculous, ugh stop it, just quiet your mind, stop over thinking, why am I so bad at this? STOP! I opened my eyes and took a deep breath. Aris already seemed to be in another world. Apparently, all that time in the shadow realm was good for something after all. I closed my eyes. Don’t worry about it. The harder you try the less likely it will work. Ugh you’re doing it again. Stop, stop, stop. I sighed and leaned my head back on the tree, exasperated.

“Problem?” I saw a grin twitch across his otherwise serene face. He opened an eye at me and grinned.

“How is it so easy for you? We’ve barely even started…”

“That’s part of your problem right there,” he said matter-of-factly, “you’re rushing yourself.”

I nodded. Of course I was.

“Here, I have an idea.” He rummaged in one his pockets and pulled out a piece of flint and steel. “Help me out.” I did as I was told and grabbed some nearby dried leaves and small sticks. A few moments later he had a small fire going. We sat back and I stared blankly at him.

“Now what?”

“When I first became a shadow walker, it was damn near impossible to find peace. I had wretched, horrid thoughts running through my mind constantly. I tried everything in my power to drown them out. It wasn’t until one night in the shadow realm. I found myself staring into a fire.” He paused at the expression I made and laughed. “Relax, it was from a torch on a wall, nothing infernal.”

I laughed.

“Anyway, I noticed that the longer I stared into the fire, the quieter everything got. I think having something to focus on helps everything else fade away.” He smiled; a thoughtful look played in his eyes.

“Fascinating,” I commented as focused on the tiny flames. I took a deep breath and tried to let the rest of the world around me fall away. Aris was right. The flames were mesmerizing, and I found myself falling into the coveted trance-like state a proper meditation can provide. Only it didn’t last long. I suddenly saw myself amongst the flames, burning, tied up to a pyre. I gasped and my lungs filled with smoke. I couldn’t seem to breathe. I flung myself back away from the fire, choking as I tried to inhale. My lungs seemed to be operating on their own accord. I felt his hand on my back steadying me. I felt tears on my face. This had all become entirely too familiar. I cursed and threw a fist into the ground in frustration.

“I thought I was over this,” I gasped as I slowly regained control of my breathing. “It’s been weeks since my last nightmare…” I ran my hand through my hair wiping it away from my face.

“I’m so sorry,” his eyes were wide and full of remorse. “I should’ve known. I mean, fire?” he shook his head.

I smiled.

“It’s not your fault… I mean how many fires have I been around since leaving the village? This has never happened before.”

“Come here,” he sat criss-cross and pulled me into his lap. His arms enveloped me and I felt myself relaxing completely against him. He kissed me on my neck and spoke softly into my ear, “try again, I’m right here.”

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. I found myself breathing in sync with him. As a few more moments passed by I noticed the beating of his heart. For a blissful moment everything was quiet. Just like when I first started sensing it all came back to me. I kept my breathing steady, in line with Aris, careful not to break my concentration. While I was able to sense the life all around me, I was hardly able to notice where one signal ended and another began. It all sort of ran together. I was certainly not able to see anything. I pushed myself a little harder, but nothing. I’m not sure how long I sat there searching, sensing, for, well, anything before finally giving up. I slipped off of Aris’ lap and sat beside him.

“Perhaps another day,” he encouraged. I rested my head against his shoulder.

“Yeah, maybe.” I straightened up against the tree. “Should we head home then?”

“We could, or we could make this a proper fire and enjoy an evening outdoors?” he suggested.

“That sounds amazing actually.”

The sun had all but set completely by the time we had made a proper sized fire. The evening was cool, perfect weather for our little camp. We sat side by side on a log and admired our handiwork.

“You know, I don’t think we’ve done this since our hike down the mountains,” I reflected as I mindlessly poked at the base of the flames with a twig. I pulled it back and watched a tiny flame bobbing around the tip and then sputter out.

“Good to know we haven’t lost our touch,” he smiled. I stared into the flames and remembered the flashback I had earlier. I didn’t understand how I could be so calm now in their presence.

“Tell me more about the shadow realm.”

“You haven’t asked me about that place in a long time,” he sat back looking mildly surprised.

“Probably not since our last fire,” I chuckled. “But to be fair, I feel like all I did back then was ask you questions.”

He laughed. “Yes, yes you did. I don’t think you’ve stopped,” he teased.

“I’ve just found more people to pester.” I grinned.

“You’ve come a long way. I am very proud of you.”

I shrugged him off with a thanks.

“Now,” he clapped his hands together, “what else would you like me to tell you about home?” he winked as he said the last word.

“I mean, I know what it is. But what’s it actually like?”

“Thinking of planning a visit?”

I laughed. “Not exactly, just sometimes the way you talk about it… I don’t know, it sounds like it could be just another village somewhere.”

“You’re not entirely wrong,” he began, “it’s definitely not like any place here. But it’s also not so foreign either.”

I raised a brow at him.

“On the surface, it looks very much like this realm. But when you look closer, you can see it.”

“See what?”

“That you are in a much darker place. My father is quite skilled in the ways of illusion, but even his best work will bear his signature.”

“Elaborate…”

“Say you have spent your life devoted to father, once you die, you go to his realm. He will create a world for you to inhabit that has everything you could ever want. He will use his magic to keep you happy and dissolve any doubts or fears you have about being in his realm.”

“Sounds like a dream,” I commented.

“That’s the idea, but just like with dreams, sometimes you wake up, become lucid.”

“Does that happen often?”

“No, and even if it does, most are content to, well, go back to sleep if you will.”

“I imagine the dark god is good at keeping everyone down there enticed.”

He nodded slowly.

“Is it the same for shadow walkers then?”

“Quite different, we all see what father wants, the paradise he has created for himself.”

“So, when you say you visit the shadow realm you quite literally mean you are visiting his realm.”

“Precisely.” He nodded.

“What’s it like?”

He thought for a moment. “Pretty much exactly what you’d expect a dark god’s kingdom to look like.” He chuckled.

“Oh, so modest then,” I retorted sarcastically. We both had a laugh.

For the first time since this morning everything felt right again and I reveled in every part of it. Things were simpler when it was just Aris and me. Nobody from the city scoffed at us, no other shadow walkers prying into our affairs. As I settled into bed beside him that night, I was reminded of all the time we had spent together since leaving Wren’s Glen and felt an immense gratitude. I felt foolish for ever doubting him.

“Aris,” I spoke softly, looking up at the ceiling as I laid flat on my back.

“Yeah?” he responded.

I rolled onto my side so I could see him properly. “About what I said earlier today… I didn’t mean to suggest that I was upset about you, or us, for that matter… I-” I stopped speaking as he lifted a hand to caress the side of my face.

He leaned in and kissed me lightly on my lips. “I know.”

“Are you sure about that?” I asked, eying him carefully.

“I admit I was a little concerned this morning. I was afraid the actions of my brethren had scared you off.”

“They scared me, but they didn’t scare me from you.” I clarified.

“Are you sure about that?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

I smiled. “Very.”