A VERY UN-SHAKESPEARE ROMANCE: ‘A Fake Dad Grumpy Sunshine Romantic Comedy’

Sunshine, sand, and sex.

Robbie wished he could have the girl and all the rest, but he knew better. So he took care of business as he showered, gritting his teeth. He laid his forehead against the tiles and let the cold water pour over him.

Summer had him so hot he was burning. He must have bad luck or something, because how could he meet a woman like her now? When he was pretending to be a single dad with two girls? Maybe he needed to ask Kathleen to send him a four-leaf clover from Ireland because, Jesus, the timing and situation couldn’t be worse. The longer he spent time with Summer, the more he felt like a louse for lying to her.

Part of him knew it shouldn’t matter. He was doing what he had to in order to protect the girls. Besides, he and Summer were just two ships passing in the night. Feeling guilty was a wasted emotion when they would never see each other again after this trip. He just needed to force the other crap out of his mind and enjoy her as much as he could safely allow.

Safely allow. What a joke. He was a raging inferno of lust mixed with a rare desire to get to know her better. Idiot was too soft a word for him. He needed to remind his brothers he might need them to knock him out soon.

Spying his erection, which was growing even though he’d taken care of business only moments earlier, he wanted to kick something. He gave an audible growl instead.

An answering hiss sounded behind him. He swung around and slipped on the wet tiles, landing hard on his ass. “Ouch!”

Miss Purrfect fell into a crouch and bared her sharp little white teeth, giving another angry hiss. The water from the showerhead rained down on him as they continued their standoff, Wet Naked Bruised Alpha against Bitchy Clever Cat.

“Okay, that’s it!” He shoved off the floor, wincing at the pain from his fall, and grabbed the shower wand, turning and spraying it in her direction. The cat shrieked and darted out of the bathroom.

“Chicken!” he shouted. “Freaking furball. I’m showering in here.”

He lowered the wand to his side, stretching to ease the sharp pain in his ass. Cursing again, he eyed the dripping mess of the bathroom. God, he hoped he’d gotten that cat wet, but now he was going to have to clean this crap up. And he had a grapefruit-sized bruise swelling on his butt. Terrific.

He spied the cracked door. How in the hell had the cat gotten in here? He knew he’d closed it behind him, not wanting any little children—Cassidy mainly—to come wandering in and find him naked. Jesus, he wasn’t a prude, but that wasn’t something he wanted either one of them to endure. He secured the shower wand back in its holder after turning off the faucet and grabbed a couple extra towels to mop up the floor. Muttering cuss words under his breath felt good, and when he finished his cleaning, he heaved the towels in the corner as hard as he could.

Erection now gone, he pulled open the door to his bedroom, determination in his every step. He was done with this. The cat. This stupid not a vacation vacation. Lying to Summer. All of it.

A light rap of knuckles sounded on the door. “What are you barking at in there?” Tim asked loudly.

“Yeah!” Cassidy repeated. “Barking.”

Groaning at being asked to explain himself, he tugged on some shorts and crossed to open the bedroom door. As he let his brother and Cassidy in, he tensed. “That cat is still in my room. Otherwise, this door would be open too.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tim said, clearing his throat. “Robbie, you don’t look well.”

What the hell did he care how he looked? He scanned the room. “It has to still be in here. You’d better come out, you damn furball.”

“Language,” Tim cautioned, pointing to the little cherub in his arms who was grinning at him.

“I’m past that.” He grabbed a pillow, and that was when he saw the vomit on the other side. “Miss Purrfect puked on my bed! Oh, you are so going to get it.”

“You’re in big trouble,” Cassidy cried out—at him or the cat, he wasn’t sure.

“Robbie—”

He started beating his mattress with the pillow. “Come out you little—”

“Hey!” Tim practically shouted as a streak of white fur raced out of the room with an angry meow.

“You chicken,” Robbie cried, taking off after the cat.

Tim stepped in front of him before he could leave the room. “Stop this! You know when you asked us to hit you when you started acting like an idiot? We’re there. Except the cherub is watching so I can’t clock you. Get ahold of yourself.”

He ground his teeth. “Cover Cassidy’s ears.”

Tim shook his head and stood his ground. “No. If you give in to old tendencies now, it’s going to resurrect old patterns. You’re an adult. Use your nice words.”

If a child hadn’t been present, he would have picked his baby brother up and hauled him into the shower and hosed him down. But Cassidy was still smiling and drooling, her light brown curls sticking up all over her head, clearly amused by the situation.

Was Miss Purrfect like this at home?

“Look, that cat not only vomited beside my pillow, but it hissed at me in the shower!” He forced a tight smile at Cassidy as she babbled. “That feline is totally out of control. Is she like this at your house, Cassidy?”

She laughed and nodded. “Yep, with Daddy.”

Okay, that made him feel like total shit. He spun away. Now he was in the same category as a suspected money launderer and home-wrecker. Terrific.

“Out of the mouths of babes.” Tim was clearly trying hard not to grin, and it made Robbie’s teeth hurt. “I’m telling you, Robbie. Feed her or cuddle her. That’s the only way you’re going to bond with Miss Purrfect and get over this battle. Because look at you. Beating a mattress with a pillow like a— Don’t make me say it. Right, Cassidy?”

His brother nuzzled Cassidy’s neck, making her shriek with laughter as she cried, “Miss Purrfect loves cuddles. Like me.”

He was not cuddling some stupid cat. But he could fight the urge to glare at his brother. Cassidy might get scared.

“Do you need a hug?” Tim’s mouth tilted into a grin.

“You’re lucky you have a human shield.” He went over to his bed and started ripping off the bedsheets, his nose scrunching at the smell. “Great! Now I’m going to have to wash these.”

“Housework is never done.” Tim gave Cassidy a smacking kiss on the side of her neck. “You finish up and then join us on the beach. Your lady friend is all freshly showered and ready to give her next surfing lesson. Billie is already out there with Reagan, talking to Summer and Clarice. Oh, and by the way, Miss Purrfect can open doors.”

“Sh—” He was proud he’d broken off mid-curse before Tim could open his mouth. “Tara would have a smart cat.”

“Miss Purrfect is so smart,” Cassidy said, sending him a shy smile. “Like me.”

“I’ve yet to meet a dumb feline.” Tim glanced at his shorts. “We’re changing into our swimsuits, aren’t we, Cassidy? You might do the same, Robbie.”

“I haven’t checked out the jellyfish situation yet.”

Tim made Cassidy into a human airplane and headed toward the door while she made the corresponding buzzing sounds. “You’re not the only one with eyes. Besides, the water looks better today. Didn’t you notice on your run, or were you looking at other things?”

He glowered at his brother.

“Plus, we’ll be in there with them,” Tim continued with a laugh. “Robbie, nothing is going to happen to the girls. You might take a minute and calm yourself down.”

He took a deep breath. “Fine. I’ll see you shortly. But that cat had better not mess with me, or I’m telling you, I’m locking it outside.”

“Don’t do that,” Cassidy burbled out. “Miss Purrfect sleeps with me.”

Tim planted a kiss on her cheek as his eyes blazed with disapproval in Robbie’s direction. “He’s just kidding, sweetheart. Now, let’s go change into a swimsuit and find your princess wand. Maybe you can make fish appear in the water.”

“I want a whale!” Cassidy cried out.

“Whatever you want, cutie pie,” Tim said, patting her back. “You might want to grab your wand too, brother.”

He flipped him the bird since Cassidy wasn’t looking. “Already done.”

“Jeez, and that didn’t help?” Tim winced before tipping up the little girl’s chin. “Cassidy, we’re doomed. Doomed! The frustrated Prince Robbie has no place to quench the fire in his hot sword.”

Robbie went over and closed the door with an audible click, proud of himself for not slamming it. God, when had his baby brother become a nutso Shakespeare act? His brothers were going to pants it out of him if he kept this up after they returned to Boston.

After they returned to Boston…

God, what were they doing? Holed up in Familyville with two girls, hoping to evade the bad guys who were over twelve hours away in Boston. He was going crazy at the lack of movement. They had over a week before Tara had agreed to call it. Nothing had happened yet to break open the case.

Give him a chance to break the case open. He could knock some heads together. Interrogate some bad guys. He wanted to…

Fisting his hands, he tapped his bare foot on the plush carpet. This waiting game was killing him, all right. God, he’d have given his right arm to be going through the door of a violent drug dealer’s hideout.

Or better, on a real date with Summer.

He rubbed the back of his neck. Tonight was as close as they were going to get to that, and the prospect already had him losing his mind. How was he going to stop himself from doing something stupid?

Then it hit him. He could time their date. Yeah, that was right. Thirty minutes for a cocktail and then another thirty walking along the beach. He couldn’t do something stupid in under an hour, right? Then he’d bid her good night and head inside.

To his freshly laundered sheets.

He hung his head. God, who was he kidding. He didn’t want to roll around in his sheets alone. He wanted Summer to be there with him.

“Not happening, man,” he told himself.

Grabbing his swim trunks, he changed and headed to the kitchen to grab a snack before joining the others outside. The air was still like breathing through a wet blanket and the sun was raining down in hot waves as he trudged through the sand to the happy party. Reagan was already standing on the surfboard, trying to stop it from rocking on the ground. Her little sister was running back and forth across it, Tim bent at the waist to make sure she didn’t trip. Billie stood cozily beside Clarice, his hand tucked casually around her waist.

And Summer…

She was wearing another eye-popping bikini, this one in a sexpot red that highlighted every sweet little part of the body he wanted to put his hands on.

She looked up and smiled as he reached them, putting her hand on Reagan’s shoulder to steady her. His earlier anger started to drain away, and in the moment, he knew he was in real trouble.

His father had always said his mother had possessed the power to calm him down when he was at his most pissed off. Son, when any of you find a woman like that, you’ll know she’s a keeper.

He took a half step back, reeling from the shock. Summer’s gaze narrowed in response.

“Look at me!” Reagan cried out, her extended arms teetering slightly. “I’m balancing.”

“She’s a fast learner,” Summer said after a long moment, finally looking away from him and gently positioning the girl’s shoulders. “Remember, Reagan. Keep yourself angled straight on the board. Your feet are going to want to move. It’s the set of your shoulders that is your helper. Now bend your knees and tighten your belly. I’m going to rock the board a little.”

Summer continued her instructions as his mind buzzed like an old emergency broadcast system, emitting one solid ear-grating note. A warning of potential tragedy. He was falling head over heels for a woman under false pretenses. And there was no way he could tell her the truth…

Once Tara’s situation was resolved, they’d be out of here so fast it would make his head spin.

Would he tell Summer the truth once everything was resolved? The only good reason for doing that was if he thought they had a future together. That would mean long-distance dating—assuming she didn’t punch him when she found out he’d been lying to her the whole time. Even if it was for a good reason. You never could guess with women.

Hadn’t his sister, a cynical girl from Southie, all but kicked out her now-husband for not being totally truthful to her before they got engaged? And they’d been together for a while, doing the whole dating lovey-dovey thing. He and Summer—

“Hey, bro!” Billie called, his brow furrowed. “Why don’t you take Drool Baby from Tiny Tim here and see if you two can make a whale appear?”

“I have my wand,” Cassidy cried out, running over to her red bucket tucked in the sand beside a half-made sandcastle the tide hadn’t completely destroyed.

He met his baby brother’s concerned gaze. Tim crossed his arms and stared at him, his usual jovial smile absent now. God, was his mood that much of a vibe killer? If so, why were they giving him baby duty? Wouldn’t a beer be better? Kids usually ran away from moods like this, didn’t they?

A soft thunk landed against his leg. He looked down. Cassidy was beaming at him, drooling with her angelic smile. She thrust out her wand and then pointed to the ocean. “Whale! Now!”

Then she started running into the surf, shrieking in delight as the water rushed over her bare feet. He had no choice but to sprint after her, scooping her up and heading into the ocean. When he was waist high, she slapped the water with her wand and then started laughing when it sprayed them both in the face. He gritted his teeth, keeping an eye out for jellyfish.

He stewed. She played. From the cheers on the beach, the surfing lesson was going great. He did his best not to watch Summer and her sweet and sexy form. But her laughter stopped his dark thoughts in their tracks. Then he would gaze at her and be unable to think of anything else, his heart beating heavily in his chest.

Cassidy hugged him a few times, taking him down an even deeper emotional rabbit hole. There was a weird sweetness in his life right now, one he’d never experienced before, and it was making him go out of his ever-loving mind.

Tim and Billie finally accompanied Reagan and Summer into the ocean with the surfboard, and Robbie watched as the water lapped at Summer’s skin. He wanted to be that water.

Billie hoisted Reagan onto the board, and he and Tim held her arms while she practiced balancing more, with Summer caging her waist to make sure she didn’t slip. Clarice was on the beach, he noted, taking photos with her phone.

His blood chilled.

Cassidy caught him in the neck with her wand, making him wince. What was he going to do about those photos? Surely, she wouldn’t post them on social media. Especially without asking permission.

Dammit! He’d hoped there wouldn’t be anything awkward like this. Certainly, he could say he believed in privacy for the girls. He wasn’t on social media as a cop, but his brothers? How was he supposed to explain Tim’s and Billie’s reticence? They had social media accounts.

Shit.

“Where’s my whale?” Cassidy asked, laying her head against his chest.

He didn’t want to tell her that you couldn’t summon a whale with a magic wand. Hardened cynic though he was, he knew that was akin to telling a kid Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny were the biggest parental lies in kid history.

He wasn’t even a father and here he was beginning the journey of lying to a kid. Hell, and he was already lying to the woman he was attracted to.

This was the worst pseudo vacation ever.

“The whale’s sleeping.” He started walking toward the beach. “Maybe he’ll come around later. After you have lunch and take a nap. Okay?”

He kissed her cheek for extra measure, feeling like super slime for lying.

“I’m taking Cassidy in,” he called to others. “Reagan, you’re doing great!”

He knew his enthusiasm wasn’t up to his normal, but she was impervious, thank God, as she balanced on the rocking board while three protectors helped her find her feet.

Clarice was waiting for him when he strode out of the water. “I have some great photos of Reagan surfing. Do you want me to send them to you? Maybe their mom would like to see them?”

“Mommy!” Cassidy cried out, waving her wand.

He halted, trying to find his polite smile, the one he used when he had to deal with customer service people or assholes from the FBI who wanted to horn in on his cases. “Thanks. You can send them to my phone, but call me a concerned kind of guy. I’d prefer none of them be posted on social media. In case you were posting about your vacation. I’m a cop, and I’m a little nervous about stuff like that.”

Her big brown eyes widened. “I would never put photos of someone else’s kids on social media. Especially without asking.”

He punched up his smile and patted her arm companionably. “Thanks,” he said with an earnestness he didn’t have to fake. “Some people don’t understand. Even my bros laugh it off, so I’d appreciate you not sending them any photos. It’ll save me from having to knock their heads together later if they ignore me and screw up.” Okay, that was a total lie too.

“Of course!” She blew out a huge breath, practically grimacing. “Trust me, I get why you’d be protective about that. There are a lot of sickos online. I have creeps messaging me all the time. Oh, never mind. Anyway, if you’ll tell me your number, I’ll text you right now.”

He nodded with another lying smile taxing his mouth. Crisis averted. “Great.” Reciting his number to her, he patted her again on the shoulder. “Thanks, Clarice. That was very thoughtful of you. I’m sure their mother would love to see them.” That much was true at least…when she finally came out of hiding.

Walking off, he tucked Cassidy up higher on his chest so she could see her sister over his shoulder. God, he deserved a medal for lying under fire, and damn if he wasn’t proud of himself.

He’d had her send the photos to his real phone, which was tucked securely in a Faraday bag with Internal Affairs to make sure no one could track them.