A Thousand Heartbeats

This was not the worst pain I’d ever felt in my life, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. I kept my hand pressed down hard over the wound, hoping to literally hold myself together.

The sword had managed to hit right between the boning of my stays, splitting it and me in one fell swoop. Nickolas didn’t bother moving gingerly, running as fast as he could with me in his arms off to my room. Blood was trickling out, warm and wet, and the wound was stinging with every breath. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to just stay calm.

The door had been left open, no doubt from when Officers Palmer and Mamun had heard the commotion downstairs, and Nickolas brought me in quickly, shutting the door behind us.

Then he locked it.

He stood with his arm against it for a while, catching his breath. And the first thing he chose to say to me was, “I cannot believe you.”

“I did what I had to do,” I told him plainly, pressing my hand over the wound. “I need something for the blood. There should be handkerchiefs in that drawer.”

He shook his head. “‘Save the king’? What on earth does that mean?”

“That man has a claim to the throne. That’s all I can say at the moment.”

“The guard?” he asked incredulously. I realized that I hadn’t given away Lennox’s real name nor his identity. And I had no intention of sharing it now.

“I know it sounds crazy. My father . . .” I raised a hand to brush back my hair, not remembering that it was covered in blood until it was too late.

“Your father is dead,” he said mercilessly.

“I know.”

“And soon, your brother will be, too.”

Ice trickled down my back as I looked up at Nickolas, seeing something eerily familiar in his eyes.

What was it? Something stronger than determination. Something deeper than love. It was intense, consuming, and, most worryingly, frightening. It was the same look in Rhett’s eyes when he charged at us in the library.

There was a name for this look: obsession.

I finally understood.

Nickolas would never have been satisfied with me. He would never have been satisfied with being called a prince. He wanted the crown and nothing less.

In an instant, his posture changed. The stiff way he typically held himself around me melted, and he crossed the room with a lazy gait, kneeling in front of me.

He reached back, gripping me by the hair he’d always hated down. Right now, I wished it was up, too, so he’d have less to hold.

“You almost got out of my grasp once, but not this time.” He smiled at me, delighted. He reached into his pocket, pulling out two golden bands. Wedding rings. “If you want to live, put this on.”

I wasn’t his. I never would be. But I wasn’t strong enough to fight back at the moment. And I had to live long enough to get back to Lennox, to support him when the crown was turned over. So, I took the ring and slid it on my finger.

“We’ve been talking about the wedding so publicly, it won’t be hard to convince the rest of the palace we were already secretly married. What’s mine is yours; what’s yours is mine,” he said with a wicked grin.

“This is not going to end the way you think,” I warned, feeling a little light-headed but refusing to let him see that.

“Always so difficult,” he said. “Difficult and distant. That’s going to change. You and I? We need each other. I need an heir to cement our lines. And you? You need to live.” There was something maniacal in his eyes, but I forced myself to stay calm. I could get out of this . . . I just needed time. “Your brother, however, is standing between me and a crown, so I intend to take care of that little nuisance now. And what a perfect alibi,” he said, holding his arms out.

I took a little comfort in the fact he didn’t appear to know Escalus wasn’t in the palace. He, at least, could be spared.

“I have been trying to get to your brother since the second we got off that boat. I knew your father wasn’t long for this world, but Escalus? He’s younger, more determined. But you just had to keep your maid by his side, didn’t you?”

Nickolas rose, jerking me back by my hair one last time and leaving me on the floor. “I’m sure she’ll be off hiding in the middle of this chaos, and one of these animals has probably already killed him. But just in case, I’ll be off to finish the job. Stay put,” he ordered. “Unless you want to end up like him, you’ll learn to listen to me.”

I shook my head at him, keeping my secrets and guessing at his. “Does Kawan know he’s working with such a snake?”

“Kawan?” he asked.

I looked away, uninterested in the game he was playing. “You’ll fail with or without him.”

“I need no one. Not their leader, not you. I’ve been preparing for this moment alone all my life.” He looked down at me, taking me by the chin. “And if you want to stay alive, keeping your mouth shut will be the first thing you learn to do.”

He walked out the door, locking it behind him.

I pitied him if he thought it was really going to be that easy to keep me down. I went to my closet, using my sewing scissors to cut off my gown and stays. I folded a hand towel against the wound on my abdomen, wishing I had something better to treat it with. I shoddily laced up new stays, using the pressure to hold the towel to my stomach, shrugged into another dress, and prayed it was enough to keep me upright. I was a bloody, sloppy mess. But I had work to do.

I went to the door, peeking through the keyhole. Nickolas hadn’t even been smart enough to post someone to guard me. I’d picked this lock before, so many times that I could do it in less than a minute by now. I ran back into my room, reaching under my bed. I grabbed my sword, strapping it to my waist as I headed back to the door, pulling a pin from my hair as I went.

Everything hurt. My ribs, my head, my heart. I was delirious from the day, and my hands were not as steady as I’d have liked. I used to think about Rhett in moments like this, his firm hands on mine, leading me, showing me just where to apply pressure. Now I pictured Lennox. His untidy hair first thing in the morning, his mischievous smile, his scrunched forehead when he was deep in thought.

This is possible, he told me.

“This is possible,” I told myself.

I closed my eyes, focused again on the feeling of the latches. And, in a matter of seconds, I felt it give.

The hallway was empty, and I had to make a dangerous decision. How was I going to help? How was I going to save everyone?

In the end, I could only see one way. I clutched the hilt of my sword and ran.