A Thousand Heartbeats

My knees went weak, but Lennox was there, arms beneath my elbows, propping me back up in an instant.

“What?” I asked weakly.

“He’s gone,” Mamun repeated.

I didn’t believe it. There was no possible way he could be missing. Not now. I rushed past the guards, holding up my skirts. The doors to Escalus’s room were open and unguarded. I dashed inside. His drawers had been rummaged through, and anything of value had clearly been taken.

I tried to push past my shock to think. Where would he be? Why would he go? What happened here?

Had Escalus been taken? Possibly.

But Noemi wasn’t here, either. If he’d chosen to take his possessions of his own accord, then he probably intended to be gone for some time. And if he was gone, with easily sellable goods, and with Noemi . . .

I turned to run to my room. If he had been taken, there’d be no clues in there. But if he’d left of his own accord, he’d find a way to tell me. I knew him. I knew what he’d do.

I threw open the doors to my room, with Lennox, Palmer, and Mamun on my heels. I scanned every surface looking for a letter. Nothing by the entryway, nothing by the fireplace . . . but there, on the pillow of my unmade bed, was a folded note. Settled upon it, the ring with the royal seal weighed it down.

I held the ring in one hand and pulled the letter open with the other, trying to slow my mind enough to read and understand.

Annika,

I’m sorry. Please, please find the strength to forgive me.

I know we had a plan, but Father’s death complicates things. If he had lived long enough to acknowledge Noemi, it would have been one thing. But with him gone and me being heir apparent, you know the lords will force me to marry for advantage, especially with the near war that just happened on the Island.

And I won’t do it.

I can’t. Annika, I hope you one day get to know what it’s like to find the person who fills the empty spaces in your heart, the person who pushes you to be all the things you wanted to be but weren’t sure you could. That kind of love will make you do unimaginable things. Like this.

I am off to marry Noemi. Even as I write this, she is asking me to reconsider my plan, but I know what will happen if I stay. I pray you will forgive me for abandoning you now. In a few years, when my marriage is well established and I have an heir, I will happily return and take the burden of the crown from your shoulders. If you even want me to by that point. Honestly, what I told you the night of your engagement was true: I’ve always thought you’d be a better leader than me. You’ve thrived as regent, and I couldn’t be any prouder of my talented, brave, intelligent sister. As king of Kadier, I hereby bequeath the title to you.

Long live Queen Annika of Kadier, the fairest and gentlest ruler our kingdom has ever seen.

I beg you again, for my sake and Noemi’s, to find forgiveness for us. I love you, Annika. And, one day, I will come home.

Escalus

By the end of the letter, my hand was shaking so hard I could barely read his name. I was too stunned to speak. I understood all too well what it was to love someone so much that you felt driven to act in ways everyone around you would call crazy . . . but I couldn’t believe he was gone.

My mother was gone.

My father was gone.

My brother was gone.

I was queen.

And all I could think was, You said you were still here.

I looked to Lennox, who was standing beside me, caution and fear in his eyes. I handed him the letter, still unable to speak. He read through it much faster than I did and slammed it into Officer Palmer’s chest, falling to one knee.

“Long live Queen Annika!” he called so loud that anyone passing by would have also heard.

The moment he said that, Palmer and Mamun followed suit, moving down to one knee. Two guards who were just coming to the door on rounds saw the scene and knelt down as well. I felt the full and heavy weight of the crown settling on me.

It was frightening. But I also realized in an instant how much I was going to miss it when Lennox took it back.

I slid the ring with the royal seal onto my thumb, as it was the only finger it fit, and then picked up my skirts.

“Please have guards set outside my father’s door; his body is not to be moved. And please keep the news of Escalus’s departure quiet. I’ll prepare a statement once the dust has settled.” I allowed myself the briefest glimpse at Lennox, but I couldn’t hold his eyes for too long.

“Officer Au Sucrit, if you’ll follow me, please. Officers, now more than ever I expect you to keep an eye on the horizon. For now, I have urgent business to attend to in the library.”

I walked away, holding my head high. I would be queen for less time than Escalus was king, but I would wear it well.

“Annika,” Lennox said quietly. “Annika, let’s go to the library tomorrow.”

I didn’t answer.

“Annika. You haven’t eaten. You’ve been through a great shock. You need to rest.”

I kept walking.

But then, quite suddenly, the floor tipped sideways, and I fell into the wall. Immediately, Lennox’s arms were there to hold me up again. He carefully cupped my cheek with his hand, urging me to look at him.

“Annika. Please. We don’t have to do this tonight.” He swallowed hard. “We don’t have to do this at all.”

I smiled weakly. “Aren’t you happy, Lennox? A lifetime of work is paying off tonight. And so easily! Without shedding a drop of blood, you will have your crown back.”

His lip trembled. “I never wanted a crown. I just wanted to live on the land where my ancestors lived. I didn’t want to have to hide anymore. I could do that. I could stay here. With you. We don’t have to do anything, Annika.”

I reached up, running a very tired hand down his face. “You could. But you won’t. Because at your heart, you aren’t just a gentleman, Lennox. You’re a king. And if you stayed here, enjoying this kingdom while the people you were meant to lead suffer in that castle on the edge of the world, you would grow to hate yourself. The same way I’d hate myself for staying with you once my people are forced to leave this kingdom.”

His eyes locked with mine, facing the truth that we had refused to admit to ourselves.

“You and I, Lennox. We can’t have both. In fact, we can’t have either. Because if we ran off, we’d leave my people and yours in pure chaos. Who knows how many would die because of our cowardice? Do you think our love could survive that?” I shook my head. “One of us must lead, and one of us must go.”

He was swallowing hard, his eyes darting back and forth, finding no answers.

“I can’t . . . ,” he began.

“I know.”

I hoisted myself up, marching on. Lennox, finding no way to refute me, followed silently. I thought about the moments in the cave before we came to an understanding with one another. Even that silence was more comfortable than this one.

I pushed the doors open, surprised to find Rhett right by the entryway. He was bent over, leaning against the desk, head hung as if heartbroken.

But then he looked up. Those eyes did not contain sorrow; they held rage.

“Where’s the key?” he asked.

“You will change your tone,” Lennox commanded.

Rhett stared him down with a level of contempt that sent a shiver through me.

“Where’s the key?” he asked me again, his tone menacing. “You’re the only one who could have taken it.”

“Yes, I took the key. And I have full rights to,” I said, holding up my hand with the signet ring. “I am queen.”

He gaped at the ring, but before he could ask questions, I turned that hand to silence him. I reached the other hand to Lennox, who pulled the key from his coat.

“I’m sorry, Rhett. I need that book. So, stand down.”

Rhett stepped away from the desk and pointed at Lennox. “I don’t know who he is, or how you know him, or what he wants with those books. But he can’t have them. He cannot have them, and he cannot have you.”

“Rhett!”

“I told you, Annika. I told you long ago. You’ve always been mine. No one has loved you better.”

He walked forward, hatred in his eyes. Only once before had he seemed dangerous to me, and that moment came back to mind with perfect clarity. He’d said, without hesitation or irony, that any man who came between him and me was his enemy. I saw now how deeply he meant that.

And I saw that there was a difference in what I was willing to do for love and what Rhett was. But then, could anything this vengeful be called love?

Just as Rhett was about to launch himself at Lennox, the sound of yelling echoed into the room.

Palmer was there, tossing a sword into Lennox’s hand and, surprisingly enough, one into mine. He didn’t bother sparing a glance for Rhett.

Instead, he looked between Lennox and me. “Come quickly, Your Majesty. We’re under attack.”