A Thousand Heartbeats

For the first time in years, I could feel my lungs expand to their full capacity. My shoulders felt lighter. Even the colors in the cave had changed. I was a new man.

Annika pulled a piece of hair over her shoulder and toyed with the end of it, much the way I did with the lock of her hair I had hidden away in my room. I wondered if it would bother her to know I’d kept it.

“So, what would you say?” she asked suddenly. “Two in the morning? Three?”

I nodded. “I think so.”

“How much longer could this possibly last?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. Between the rain and that wind, the land isn’t safe. If anyone else is out there, I hope they’ve found shelter.”

“Under normal circumstances, I would say that Escalus could get through this. He’s very clever. But injured as he was . . .”

I swallowed hard. “I’m sure your brother is alive. If he has half your determination, nothing so trivial as an arrow will take him.”

“I hope you’re right. And I hope your friends are safe.”

I nodded to myself. “I hope so, too.” After a moment, I added, “Should I hope Dear Nickolas is safe? Does it save you heartache if he’s not?”

She sighed. “He needs to live. Our marriage strengthens the family line, consolidates the power, and keeps the monarchy going. Maybe I shouldn’t tell you that,” she said with a sad smile. “But it’s true.”

“So, you’ll marry him, even though you don’t love him?”

“I have to.” Something in her tone was bitter.

It was then that I realized I was on the edge of wanting something I could not have. I wanted Annika.

I wanted her as my own. I wanted her to look at me, and, even with all the horrible things I’d done, find someone she wanted to be with, too. My vague disdain for Nickolas was instantly clear. He didn’t want to stand next to her with his head high, deserving her. But I did.

“Can I ask you something that might be incredibly rude?” I ventured.

“I’m not sure. Seeing as we both might walk out of here alive, I’m hesitant to tell you the truth now.” But she said it all with a ghost of a smile on her face.

“All the same, can I ask?”

She nodded.

“Have you ever been in love?”

She glanced up at me and then away, and I watched blissfully as her cheeks flushed. “Most of what I know of love, I found in the pages of books. But I think there might have been once,” she admitted.

I felt all my hopes crash. Might have been once sounded very distant.

“I was ten,” she began, a bright smile growing on her face. “My mother and I were traveling. We’d gotten a little off course, and we passed by a small house in the country.

“A woman was beating a rug on a line, and her husband was coming out of the house, wiping his hands off with a cloth. And their son . . . he was sitting on the steps with a book. We came up, and my mother asked for directions, but I could not take my eyes off their son. Just before we started off, he jumped up, ran over to a basket, and produced two apples. One for me and one for my mother.

“He handed the apple to me and our fingers touched, and he said, ‘You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.’” She giggled a little to herself, remembering.

But something loud was crashing in my ears, heartbeat upon heartbeat.

“His father said, ‘Son, you cannot say such things to a stranger.’ But I looked at him and said, ‘Seeing as—’”

“‘It’s true, he may say it as much as he likes,’” I finished.

Annika stared at me, surprised, as she should be. I could scarcely believe it myself.

“Lennox . . . How . . . ?”

“You know how.”

Her eyes were welling, watching me in awe. “You’re the boy with the apple? I’ve been telling that story about you ever since.”

“And you’re the girl on the horse. I’ve been keeping you a secret ever since.”

Eyes still glittering with tears, she smiled and shook her head. “So that was your father,” she said sweetly. “I can’t remember much of his face, but I do remember his smile. It left an impression.”

“That means I met your mother, too. I don’t remember anything about her from that day. I think I was too focused on you.”

I had to be blushing. I hoped Annika didn’t catch that.

“It was, what, just a few minutes? But I’ve never forgotten how you made me feel that day.”

I shook my head. “I should have known you were royalty. Who else would answer that way?”

She laughed. “I know, I know. I hope I’ve gained a little humility over the years.”

“You have,” I told her. “Still unmistakably regal, though.” I swallowed, confessing. “Still beautiful.”

She pressed her lips together, like she didn’t want to smile. It was a losing battle.

I wanted to tell her that it meant something. That if she’d only been in love once, and it was with me, then she should consider me now. I wanted to beg her.

And then the ground started shaking.