A Thousand Heartbeats

In my head, I sang the Kadierian anthem seventeen times. And then all the anthems I knew for other countries. Then every dancing song, every ballad, and even every drinking song I’d learned behind my father’s back. The hours stretched on and on, and the steady rain was starting to make me sleepy.

To stay awake, I tortured myself with questions. How much time had passed since the battle? Did Escalus survive that hit? Did someone get him back to a ship? The tears filled my eyes as I asked the questions that scared me the most: Was I an only child now? Was I the heir?

“When you were a child and your parents told you to go to bed but you didn’t want to, how did you fight it?” Lennox wondered aloud.

“Ah, so we’re in the same predicament,” I said, a tired smile gracing my face. “Good to know.”

“Eventually, we’ll have to sleep. This storm isn’t moving.” He looked over his shoulder to check again.

He was right. The storm outside was a torrent the likes of which had never graced Kadier, with so much rain I bet the rivers were overflowing and roots were coming loose. “I’ve never seen anything like this. It’s so . . . violent.”

He scoffed. “You’ve never known violence in your life. Lucky you. I’ve dealt with little else.” He turned, burning his eyes into mine.

“It certainly shows,” I replied. “You hand it out as if it were candy.”

“I can’t help it if everyone around me has a sweet tooth.”

I glared at him. “Fighting with you will work to keep me awake. Give me an argument, and I’ll be up for hours.”

“Hate arguments, do you?”

“Despise them!”

“Can’t imagine why. You seem to excel at confrontation.”

I finally looked away. “I rarely win, and then I’ll spend the next several days thinking over what I could have said differently. I lose sleep over it. So there, fight me. Insult me.”

“Very well. Where should I start?” He considered this. “You are nothing next to your brother. How about that?”

I flicked my eyes over to him and watched as he smiled, thinking this would get under my skin.

“I know,” I admitted.

His shoulders slumped. “That’s not how arguments work. You’re not supposed to concede the point; you’re supposed to insult me back. Tell me I’m haunted or something. If I’ve riddled out some of your secrets, you must have found some of mine.”

“Maybe I have,” I lied, looking up at him through the fire. “And I’m sure I’ll find words for you later. But on this point, you’re right. I’ll never be Escalus. I know it, my father knows it, the kingdom knows it. If he’s dead . . .” I could hardly think it, let alone speak it. “I was prepared to assist him, prepared to marry Nickolas even. But this . . .” I was saying far too much.

“Ah, yes. That pathetic stump of a man who deserted you in the Forest.”

“That’s the one,” I admitted with a sigh.

He laughed. “And are you still marrying him after that? I didn’t think someone with your level of . . . dignity would allow it.”

“He’s expressed deep regret over his decision,” I told him with a shrug. “And I have to take him at his word.”

“No, you don’t,” he said emphatically. “You don’t ever have to take a man at his word. Take him at his action. If he abandoned you once, he’ll do it again. A man like that is selfish through and through. If you were smart enough to get out of my grasp twice, don’t be stupid enough to marry someone like him.”

I narrowed my eyes. “I hardly think you’re in any position to comment on my private life. Especially since you . . .” I shook my head, turning away. I could feel my lips trembling, but I refused to give him the satisfaction of making me cry. I turned to strike. “If I’m to take a man at his action, then it’s easy to label you, isn’t it? Murderer. Monster. Coward.”

He made no attempt to deny the first two offenses I laid at his feet, but then, so quietly I nearly missed it, he said, “I’m no coward.”

For a moment, I felt a strange sense of embarrassment, like I’d broken an unspoken rule. I couldn’t look at him.

“Tell me,” he finally said, the pomp back in his voice, “what will Dear Nickolas say when he learns you’ve spent a night alone with me?”

I found the courage to meet Lennox’s eyes, and he was smiling, amused again by my circumstances. I smirked right back.

“He won’t. One of us will be dead before we leave this cave. I don’t intend for it to be me.”

Unflustered by my proclamation, Lennox continued to stare at me, the fire reflecting in his eyes and his face saying this was the most fun he’d had in ages, teasing me.

“Was that argument sufficient to keep you awake?” he asked.

“Yes. Thank you.”

Lennox stood and stretched, gazing up at the ceiling, the carvings in the wall, the rain outside. Then, shaking his head, he walked around and slid down the wall of the cave, settling in a few feet away from me.

I looked at him warily.

“I’m just resting. Take it easy.” After a long sigh, he leaned his head back. “Do you need to argue some more?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think I could if I tried. I’m exhausted. And you know what else? I really don’t feel like dying tonight. I’m not in the mood.”

I could see he was suppressing a smile.

“Neither am I, to be honest.”

“Then can we please call a proper truce? When the rain stops, you can attack me and avenge your kingdom . . . whatever you like,” I said, gesturing my hand gracefully through the air like this was all nothing. “But please let me rest.”

He looked down at me with those startlingly blue eyes. I hated to admit that he was rather handsome. His windswept hair, his too-pink lips. There was something about him that grabbed my gaze and held it.

“Whatever you might think of me, I was raised a gentleman, and my word is my bond.” He took off his glove and extended his hand. “You have my word that no harm shall come to you while you sleep.”

His tone was different. As if it would offend him on the deepest level if I didn’t believe him. I wasn’t sure how much he could be trusted . . . but this promise I didn’t doubt.

Cautiously, I reached my hand out, too. It was swallowed up in his. I could feel every callus he’d ever collected as it wrapped around the entirety of my hand. “And you have mine, as a princess and a lady.”