A Thousand Heartbeats

“No sign of her,” Blythe admitted, her tone conveying her frustration.

“And you?” I asked Inigo and Griffin.

“Nothing,” Inigo added dejectedly as Griffin simply shook his head.

“Any sign of an animal?” I asked.

“No,” Inigo began, “but that doesn’t mean one didn’t get her. It’s unlikely that she could have made it through that forest on her own.”

I nodded in agreement. “That’s it, then,” I said. “Back to the castle. I will take responsibility. She was lost on my watch, and you all searched tirelessly. The blame is fully mine, and I will accept it.”

“We can stand with you,” Inigo offered. “At the very least, present a united front. Not your fault that girl is sneaky.”

For the second time today, I nearly smiled.

“I appreciate the offer. Truly. But she was under my guard, so it falls to me. Let’s get going. And drink carefully,” I added. “My water fell off somewhere.”

“Do you want to look for it?” Blythe asked.

I shook my head. “No. I want to get back to the castle and get this over with. Let’s move.”

I pushed through the forest quickly, keeping them to the south as I had promised. Once we broke through and cleared the field, I stopped at the edge of a bank of trees.

“Something’s wrong with my saddle,” I called. “Keep going, I’ll be right there.”

I hopped off, looking at the forest in the distance, squinting. After a moment, I saw a flash of black whip between the trees, heading southwest. Well, what do you know? She could take orders.

I reached up to the neighboring tree and snapped off a thin, low-lying branch. I was sure her mother would be interested in hearing all about this.

Kawan drummed his fingers across the arm of his chair. I imagined he liked to think of it as a throne, but it was really just the oldest, biggest chair in the castle. And this was no throne room, no ballroom. It was a mess hall. “So, she’s gone?”

“We couldn’t find a trace of her,” I lied. I kept my tone calm and clear, projecting it as if I didn’t care who in the room heard. “Based on the timing, we ought to have crossed paths. If she wasn’t there, she’s lost or dead.”

He lifted the hand that had been doing all the drumming into the air. “But we have no body? Nothing to send back to their wretched king?”

“No, we do not. I do not. The blame is mine.”

He stood, eyes narrowed, and took four steps to close the space between us. “I’m dying to know, Lennox. What exactly did you achieve from this mission?”

“We have learned that we can decimate their family,” I insisted. “Surely now we can—”

Kawan pulled his hand back and slapped me across the same cheek he had this morning, only much more forcefully.

“You have exposed us! Your father at least was alone. As was our man who abducted their queen. You took a team and brought her to my castle! You have given away our position and our numbers in one spectacular moment of idiocy! It’s possible that all our efforts are for naught now. Do you want to get your land back or not, son?”

I clenched my fist. In my periphery I saw my mother sit upright on her seat, knowing Kawan had gone too far.

“I am not your son,” I muttered, my icy glare digging into his. “I will be your soldier. I will be the hands that get bloody so yours don’t. I will be the leader of whatever mission you choose. But I will never, ever be your son.”

He narrowed his eyes, daring me to challenge him again. “Everything here is mine. It would be wise of you to remember that.”

Perhaps I should have held my tongue. But being unnecessarily humbled by Kawan twice in one day was a little too much for me.

“It’s funny. You say everything is yours. When will the work be yours? I’m the one who keeps your army in line. I was the only one with enough guts to kill a queen. I’d love to know how you can possibly claim anything here as yours.”

Never a man for words, he rounded quickly and punched me square in the nose, and I stumbled backward into Inigo’s waiting arms.

“If you don’t want to find yourself at the end of my sword,” he snapped, “you will learn your place and stay there.”

My place. For years now, my place had been filling the gaps where his cowardice would not reach.

My eyes went over to my mother. If she was sad to see her son bleeding, she hid it well.

“Get out of my sight,” Kawan spat.

“Happily.”

I shrugged myself out of Inigo’s arms and moved from the room, head high and blood trickling down my neck. I stormed around the corner, unaware that Inigo, Blythe, and Griffin were on my heels.

“Here,” Inigo said.

I turned, and he was holding out a handkerchief. Typically, I wouldn’t have bothered, but it felt like a lot of blood.

“Thank you. And thanks for catching me.” I held the cloth up to my nose and looked to the three of them. “You didn’t have to stand behind me, and you didn’t have to follow me out. He hates me, always has. If you stay too close, you will eventually feel his wrath.”

“I think everyone gets a dose of it anyway,” Griffin observed.

I gave a short chuckle, which hurt to do. “I’m sure I’ll be given another task soon to make up for this failure. And it will be even more dangerous than this one, since he’d just as soon see me die as succeed. If you would rather not go, say so now.”

“I’m in.” Inigo crossed his arms, deciding right away.

“I’ll speak for Andre and Sherwin. We’ll all go,” Griffin claimed.

I looked to Blythe.

“You already know.”

For the first time in years I wasn’t alone. Part of me was terrified by the idea, by the possibility of being known. But war was on the horizon now—with my missteps exposing us, it had to be—and if we were going to make it, I was going to have to depend on someone.

“Thank you,” I said. And I took their cautious smiles as an informal agreement.

We had a team.