A Thousand Heartbeats

I’d had a hunch that mentioning my femininity and my soft upbringing would send Lennox into confusion. Sometimes even unpredictable people are far too predictable.

I waited until I was sure he was long gone, then I pulled the pin back out of my hair. I thought of Rhett sitting closer than he knew he ought, of how much care he took with his work. I thought of him trying to make me laugh.

Click.

One cuff loose, one to go.

I switched hands. I wasn’t as good with my left arm, and it was indescribably painful to use, but still.

This time, I thought of Escalus. I thought of him with his needle and thread, so thoughtful and quiet. I thought of him behaving the exact same way with a sword. I thought of how, if he were here, we would be focused on rescuing each other. It seemed that was all we ever did.

Click.

With that, the shackles were off.

I went to the foot of my bed and pressed the bar over. I’d managed to gain a little over an inch, forcing the bar to sit at a slant. It might just be enough. It wasn’t going to work in this gown, though. Too bulky. I started pulling out pins and untying laces, peeling off the outer layers of the dress and throwing my riding coat aside. Once I was down to my shift and my stays, I thought I might have a chance. I looked myself over, wondering if there was anything else weighing me down.

There was.

I took my engagement ring off and left it neatly on my pile of discarded clothes.

I hoisted myself up, turning my head sideways to fit it through the opening. I stayed on my side, getting my arms and shoulders through, bracing on the other side of the wall. The cut on my arm throbbed with the effort, but I kept silent, working away. It was hard to believe the room was actually blocking that much of the wind, but it was. I wished I’d had a way to get my dress out with me, but it wasn’t worth risking going back in now. I needed to put all the space I could between Lennox and me.

I pressed again. My hips were stuck. This was going to hurt, too. I pushed, shimmying a millimeter at a time.

“This is possible,” I told myself again. It was painful work. I was sure my arm was spilling blood. My linen shift was getting torn by the rocks, and I could feel them digging into my hips. I felt my old wounds being pressed, and, even if they didn’t open, it was a searing sensation against my skin.

But, pain or no, I was going to escape. I would not be trapped; I would not be killed like my mother.

He’d said she was buried here. If I hunted, I might be able to find her. Lennox was right that there were things I wanted more than escape. I wanted to know everything. I wanted to know all of what she said to him, and why he seemed to remember it all too well. I wanted to know how she looked, and I wanted to go plant my tears by her headstone.

But I thought of Escalus. If nothing else, I needed to get home to warn him and Father that a war was on the horizon.

Once my thighs were through the window, my legs came out easily, and I flopped onto the ground very sloppily, aching so much that it was easier to crawl than walk.

I hoisted myself to my feet all the same. I had to move. I had until dawn at best before he realized I was gone. If I could get a horse, this would be so much easier, but I couldn’t count on that. I needed to lie low and just keep moving.

My underdress was white. My stays were white. I might as well have been a torch in the night. I dug my hands into some freezing mud and raked it over my clothes and skin, trying to blend in with the shadows. The chill was already making its way into my bones.

Move, Annika. Move, and you’ll be warm.

I saw no guards, no soldiers making rounds. But why would they bother? No one knew they were here. They were predators, not prey.

I stayed as low to the ground as I could, looking back over my shoulder too many times to count. Once the castle grew small, I moved faster. In the distance, I saw the thick tree line.

I laced my way through the trees, knowing there was open land on the other side. It felt like it took far too long to make it through that one patch of ground, tripping over roots and hitting a tree more than once. But, eventually, I saw the field. That treacherous forest was going to be waiting in the distance, but if Lennox could make it to Kadier, then so could I. I looked up, hunting for the north star, searching the sky for landmarks. I got my bearings, and I ran. I ran until my legs burned. I ran until my lungs might explode. I ran until my body was nothing but strained muscles and aching nerves.

And then, for my life, I kept going.