A Thousand Heartbeats

Escalus had his own knock. It was amazing how two seconds of sound could lift my entire mood.

Noemi bounded over to the door, grinning from ear to ear. I kept my seat by the window, embroidery hoop in hand.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. “I assumed you’d be joining the stone hunt.” I gave him a pointed look. Last year, he carried around half the stones in his arms and ended up with about twenty children trying to climb him and steal them back.

“Oh, that’s been over for hours. Did I find the most stones again? Yes. Yes, I did. But I then noticed my sister didn’t make it downstairs for dinner and thought she might need a little something. For you, miss,” he said, handing a huge chunk of raisin bread to Noemi. She lit up like the sun, taking it in her hands.

“Thank you, Your Highness.”

“Not at all. The least I could do. And this one is for you. They’re still warm,” he added, setting my piece on the windowsill since my hands were full.

“Why were you in the kitchens? Did you miss dinner, too?”

He plopped down across from me, rolling his eyes in exasperation. “No, but I ran from Nickolas shortly after dessert. He’s trying to get me to look at some design he has for a fortification. Says he’s been studying the borders and thinks we could use some lookouts.”

“Hmm. Is he right?”

“Who knows? Where’s mine?” he asked.

“In the basket.”

Escalus reached down and pulled his own needlework out of the notions basket and settled back on the stone bench beneath my window. We were given unique educations; we liked to share them.

“That’s coming along quite nicely, Your Highness,” Noemi said, looking over his shoulder.

He set it on his knee and looked up at her admiringly. “Why, thank you, Noemi. See, someone here appreciates my raw talent.”

“Noemi has to say that,” I teased. “She’s not about to insult her future king.”

Escalus looked at me in mock outrage. “That’s not so! Tell her, Noemi.”

She shook her head. “I wouldn’t go around insulting you, sir, but I also wouldn’t give you praise where it isn’t due.”

“See?” he insisted.

“Oh, hush,” I muttered at him, winking up at Noemi.

He chuckled to himself, going back to the stitching of another circle in his design. It looked like he was making a succession of rings growing around one another, each one using a different stitch that he’d mastered. I tended toward flowers and rosy colors; he preferred symmetry and blues.

“Father had such a good day,” he commented.

“I know. I wanted to spend more time with him, but . . . I was just on edge.”

He kept his head down but looked up at me. “Anything you want to talk about?”

“Not yet. I’m trying to decide if I’m being childish.”

Escalus smiled and shook his head. “How could you think your behavior about this childish? Marrying for your kingdom’s sake is so . . . noble.”

“Is it?” I scoffed.

“Annika, Nickolas has the strongest claim to the throne should something happen to Father or me. Being married to him keeps anyone who might have ever doubted us from having a single cause for war. And if something happens to me, your place on the throne is secure with him as your consort. It’s difficult, I know, because he’s so . . . so . . .”

“I know.” There wasn’t a word for the air that Nickolas gave off. Boring wasn’t strong enough and neither was stern, but wicked was maybe too far. Whatever the word, it was hard to cast it in a positive light.

“Well, we can acknowledge he’s . . . lacking in some ways. But he’s strong in others. Clever, a good hunter and rider. He’s wealthy, not that you need it.”

“He has nothing I need. Nothing I want.”

“Hmm.”

“What?” I asked, peeking up to see my brother smiling.

“It’s just that saying it that way makes me wonder if there is someone who does have something you want.”

I rolled my eyes. “For goodness’ sake.”

“You can tell me.”

For a split second I thought of Rhett and his proposal. He didn’t care about my rank or the impropriety of the offer. He simply wanted me. I could admit there was something appealing in that . . . but I couldn’t say that aloud.

“I wouldn’t have to. If someone had stolen my heart, you’d figure it out long before I did.”

He laughed. “And don’t I know it! Noemi, how many times has she told you about that boy with the apple?”

“I stopped counting!” Noemi called from the side chamber.

“For a ten-year-old, it was rather romantic,” I argued as Escalus chuckled. I heaved a sigh. “I was only trying to say that there were standards in my head. They’ve gone down significantly now. I feel like all I can hope for is kindness. And maybe affection.”

“It will come,” Escalus assured me, though his tone was cautious. “More than just affection came for Mother and Father.”

“Do you remember a season when they weren’t warm toward each other?” I asked, looking up from my stitches. “Were they just happy from the first day, or . . . ?”

“Well . . . I remember Father got sick once. Deathly sick. You were really young. And Mother insisted that she tend to him herself. I don’t know if it was love or duty that motivated her, but they came out on the other side of that with a different attitude toward one another. After that, he just worshipped her.”

“I can’t imagine a scenario in which Nickolas would worship me.”

“I’ve got it!” he said, putting the sewing aside. “We need to poison him!”

“Escalus!”

Behind me I heard Noemi giggling. She walked over, stopping beside me, and I reached up, wrapping an arm around her waist.

“I do believe that’s illegal, Highness,” Noemi teased.

“Not a lot, just a little!” he countered before turning back to me. “He’ll think he’s sick, and you can take care of him, and then you’re all set.”

I shook my head. “Terrible idea.”

“Amazing idea. Come on, Noemi, what do you think?”

“I think . . . ,” she began with a sigh, “that it’s a pity your sister wasn’t born first.”

I doubled over with laughter, and Escalus’s whole face scrunched up, amused. Noemi ran her hand down my back a few times before carrying on with her tasks, and Escalus and I fell into a comfortable silence for the better part of an hour. It was a relief to me that he never needed me to fill a space with words.

But he then reached his limit and rubbed at his eyes. “That’s all I can take. Where’s your sword?”

“Same place as always.”

He reached under my bed and pulled out the sword. Ever since I accidentally cut his arm, the rule—our rule, anyway—was I practiced my sword work with cloth strapped around the blade.

I never asked where my sword came from. I assumed it was either one he’d used when he was younger and handed down to me, or that he had it made especially for his little sister in secret. Either way, I loved it.

He pulled it out and spun around, hitting the post of my bed.

“Hey!”

“I didn’t hurt it. Up now. Time for a lesson.”

I set my embroidery down and took a big bite of the bread he had bought me, walking over as I chewed.

“Show me your stance.”

I put my feet shoulder width apart, digging the balls of my feet into the parquet floor.

“Good. Where do your hands go?”

I raised them to the right of my chin, acting as if I was holding the hilt of my sword.

“Shoulders down. Good. All right.” He handed the sword off to me. “Your turn.”

I took a long, slow breath and stepped, using the post of my bed as a target. Unlike Escalus, I didn’t try to hit it. My goal was to come up on it with enough force that I could take a chunk out if I did, but with enough control that I could stop before it could happen.

Escalus watched patiently, correcting my form and offering encouragement. We only went a few minutes before I pushed too hard. My sword clattered to the floor as I winced in pain, grabbing my thigh.

“Annika!”

“My lady!” Noemi came running, but she was too late. Escalus had swept me up, setting me gingerly on the bed.

“I’m fine. I just have one wound that’s not healing well.”

Escalus’s clear, trusting eyes looked deep into mine. “I never imagined it could get that bad between you two. Even at his worst, I . . .”

I could tell I was bleeding, and I tried in vain to keep the blood from spreading on my shift. “I know. But I can either spend my lifetime hating him for it or come to peace. Forgive.” I sighed. “You should go. I’m in capable hands.”

Escalus looked up at Noemi, who nodded, saying wordlessly that she would protect me. Goodness knows what would happen if anyone figured out a way to bribe Noemi. She knew every last secret.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” he said sympathetically. “Hopefully with a smile.”

“Of course, I shall bring my smile.”

“Good. Because I miss seeing you be you.”

I looked up at him, trying to seem hopeful and thinking of our words to one another the night before. “I’m still here. Always.”