SWNOVELS A Spinster for the Earl: Chapter 15
“Yes, we had a great time the other morning,” Lucy said, grimacing lightly.
She truly had had a rotten time with Lord Clifton the other morning when he had called on her, especially after he had kept describing his collection of foreign coins non-stop. Having a passion was great, but it had become clear, every time she had spoken with him, that he was more interested in talking about himself than getting to know her.
“Would you like to dance?” he asked, bowing. “I have come by three new coins, and I think you would be very interested in hearing the finer details.”
“Oh my,” Lucy said, faking a smile but unable to stop her top lip from curling back “That is great news.”
“Is it ever.” Lord Clifton beamed.
He was completely oblivious to how much she hated hearing about his coins. Perhaps if he had ever taken an interest in anything about her, then she would have happily listened. But that had never been the case. He was so fake. He had only shown interest when Isaac had.
“Lord Clifton!”
Lucy jumped slightly at the sound of Isaac’s voice. He stepped out of the crowd and placed a hand on the Viscount’s back. Isaac smiled at her, and she could already tell that she had gotten under his skin with all of her dancing. She had never thought she would ever want to make a man jealous, but Isaac had always been one to make her do things she would have never imagined possible.
“Ramsbury,” Lord Clifton uttered, his brow furrowed slightly.
“Weston mentioned he wants to see you.”
“I would love to after this dance,” Lord Clifton attempted to brush him off.
“Really, I do not mind,” Lucy said quickly. “Sounds important. The Westons are, after all, a very powerful family.”
“I would not want to keep him waiting,” Isaac added.
“No, no, that would be very bad, indeed,” Lucy agreed, trying to suffocate an amused grin while Isaac was doing the same.
Lord Clifton huffed, bowing to Lucy. “Save me a dance.” He walked away quickly, leaving Isaac and Lucy together.
Isaac exhaled, looking at her, his face intense when he was usually so lighthearted.
He offered his hand. With a curtsy, she silently accepted his offer for a dance. As the music began, they joined together. Lucy felt her skin hot as his hands brushed against her, one on her back—a little lower than she would have allowed anyone else—and another on her hand.
“You are popular tonight. The unattainable spinster? Dancing? No one would believe me if I told them.”
“Do not call me that.” She rolled her eyes.
“Unattainable,” he emphasized. “But not for me.”
She took a deep breath, just to calm herself down. She’d wanted him to dance with her all night. Once they got to talking, she usually quieted, but she always felt so nervous whenever they started.
“I danced with Lord Langley,” she said.
“But would you meet him in the library?”
Lucy was willing to admit that she liked Isaac’s jealousy. But no, she would have never let Lord Langley kiss her. In fact, Isaac had been the only man who had ever made her dream of being kissed like that.
“You were dancing too,” she pointed out.
His mouth drew into a thin line. “Were you trying to make me jealous?”
She nodded, looking up at him like she was willing him to just kiss her. And she wished he would. She wished they could be the only ones standing there, arms around each other the way they wanted to when they weren’t holding back. What she would give for everyone else to just disappear.
Isaac smiled lightly. “You know that I am looking for a wife,” he said.
She took a deep breath, looking away. “I know.”
“I just don’t think Lord Langley and Lord Clifton are worth your time,” he continued. “They do not deserve you. Really, Lucy, I just want you to be happy, whatever that looks like.”
“Does Miss Barrington make you happy?”
He clenched his jaw before looking back over his shoulder. Across the hall, his mother was deep in conversation with the Barringtons and Adam.
Kitty was a sweet girl, a lot nicer than Lucy. She deserved to be happy, and Lucy couldn’t hate her for harboring any affections for Isaac. He was easy to like, much to Lucy’s chagrin.
“That is a loaded question,” he said.
“How so?”
He shook his head. “What do you think happy looks like for me? Have you ever wondered?”
Lucy had wondered. She had wondered what he might look like as a husband, as a father. She had wondered how he might look at her, so many years into the future. They might lock eyes from across a room and never dare to get any closer. Some attraction faded over time, but for Lucy, her attraction to Isaac had only grown more intense. How could they ever carry on after he married? It was a difficult thought because life with him as a friend had been so much more enjoyable than the life she had lived without him.
Lucy simply nodded, not wanting to push him any further. He wanted to marry, and she could never give him what he wanted. It would be wrong of her to stop him from courting someone else.
She glanced back, this time focusing on Arabella. The Dowager Countess looked less nervous, and watching her dance with Adam was heartwarming. Much more interesting than Lord Langley’s conversations.
“I am glad she is having fun.” Lucy smiled. “I didn’t realize Lord Weston had met her.”
“This was their introduction,” Isaac said. “This is the most social I have seen her in years.”
They moved side to side before they pulled apart for her to spin. She was already missing his touch when they joined back together.
“May I ask why?”
He shrugged. “She had her reasons.”
“Do you not want to speak of it, or are you just afraid to?”
Isaac looked angry for a moment, his brows turned down and his eyes dark. Then, the look just faded into something calmer, maybe disappointed.
“Fair enough,” he relented. “I do not like to.”
“You do not have to talk about it, but if you want to, I am always ready to listen,” Lucy offered, her voice quiet. She worried, as she’d said the words, that she had accidentally confessed just how deeply she cared for him. Somehow, kissing him had felt so much less intimate than some of their conversations.
His throat bobbed as he closed his eyes. He took a deep breath. “My father passed away sixteen years ago,” he began.
“You were so young.”
“My mother took her mourning period, and when she thought she was ready to enter into Society again…” he trailed off, looking over his shoulder at his mother, who was laughing as Adam twirled her around.
But to Lucy, the stares and looks of disgust from others weren’t lost on her. If the Dowager Countess was aware, she certainly wasn’t showing it.
Isaac tightened his hand softly on her arm, and Lucy breathed in sharply. It was such a simple touch, and yet it made her heart ache. To think he found some amount of comfort in her was all she could have ever asked for.
“Then, just when everything was going back to normal, she broke down unexpectedly at a garden party. I was too young to be there, so I only heard from my grandmother. I cannot begin to imagine what it was like to see her daughter sobbing and screaming. Just like that, the ton turned on her.”
“She was just hurting,” Lucy said. “And they speak of her as if she is a monster.”
He nodded. “I do not know if she notices, but the warm welcome from Lady Stratham and Adam has been enough to make her comfortable. I am so grateful for that,” he admitted.
“I would have—”
He shook his head. “If you meet her, I want it to be when she’s in a good place.”
Lucy stilled, feeling a knot in her chest. “Why?”
“Because…” He paused. “Because you are important to me, Lucy.” His face softened, and he tilted his head slightly. “It feels good to tell you about her. I have never told anyone, but you are so different. You always understand.”
Lucy smiled. She had a sudden desire to cup his cheek. Hearing that he appreciated her meant everything to her. She had never felt this way about someone. It was hard to explain and completely irrational. Soon enough, it would pass, and he would be happily married.
Surely, she would be happy to see him with everything he wanted. He deserved as much.
The music brought them back together, and Lucy caught her breath as his fingers subtly trailed over the small of her back and made her shiver. If he knew how badly she wanted him, would he convince her to meet him in the garden? If anyone found out, they could become mired in scandal, but it was hard to think about all the consequences when staying away from him felt impossible.
“I have a question.” Isaac’s voice was nearly a whisper.
Lucy found her chest growing tight with excitement. She had been waiting for a moment alone with him, but it had been a while since they had found some privacy.
“For our third promenade,” he whispered. “If I arrange for a carriage, would you like to meet me at my London house? Late at night, of course.”
Lucy felt her face pale. The suggestion was the most scandalous thing she had ever heard, and yet the risk was nothing if she got to be alone with him again. She’d been dreaming about it, waking up in the middle of the night so desperate for him that she had started to ache. It terrified her all the same, though. Ignorance was bliss.
Would she spend the rest of her life needing the same feeling, one that only he could give her? It was a risk worth taking. She needed him, even if just for one night.
She nodded. “I cannot wait.”
The music ended, and Lucy and Isaac broke apart, their hands lingering on one another for a moment after the other couples had retreated from the dance floor.
It seemed like so many others in the room couldn’t wait to step away from their partners. Dances were polite and cordial. Rarely were they ever meaningful or heavy. Lucy had danced with others before, and she had always been thinking of an excuse to leave, or counting down the seconds until she could reasonably take her leave. But with Isaac, she was only willing the orchestra to continue playing forever.
As they pulled further apart, his fingertips trailed up her spine while he kept his eyes locked on hers. If anyone else had noticed, he might have looked clumsy, and yet for Lucy, it made her shiver and made her chest bloom with heat and fire. It felt good. If it could be better, then she wasn’t entirely certain that she would be able to handle it.
“Do you have a moment to meet me in the library?”
She was certain to ask discreetly. She was desperate for him, and their next promenade seemed a lifetime away. Her eyes shamelessly focused on his lips. They were so soft yet commanding when he kissed her. She couldn’t wait to feel them again.
Isaac looked across the room at his mother, who was still enjoying the company of the Barringtons and Adam. “Can you not wait?” he whispered. “At least I am not the only one. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
Lucy nodded, hoping that no one noticed how foolishly entranced she was as she watched him walk back toward his group. Her chest felt as bubbly as a bottle of champagne, but the nerves weren’t enough to discourage her.
Isaac arrived exactly when he had promised, and despite neither of them exchanging a word, Lucy was already wrapping her arms around him by the unlit fireplace.
“I am so glad you came,” she said.
“I have been thinking about your lips since last we kissed,” he whispered.
Despite his saying so, he hadn’t closed the distance between them. Lucy took matters into her own hands, wondering if he was testing her. She leaned up on the tips of her toes and pressed her lips against his softly. She couldn’t stop herself from shaking. When she pulled back, he was grinning.
“What?” She frowned.
“You are still so timid.”
“I am trying.”
“It is not an insult,” he whispered, brushing his lips against her neck, and she gasped. “It’s cute.” With that, he pulled her flush against him and kissed her, his hands possessively pulling her hips toward him.
Lucy took her time exploring his muscular chest and arms. She could only imagine what they might look like bare, but that would have to wait.
She gasped as his teeth tugged on her bottom lip. That was enough to make her desperate for him. She tugged at his hair, wishing she could spend the entire night locked in here with him.
“Not so timid anymore,” he said between kisses. “Or are you just a quick learner?”
She undid the top buttons of his shirt, pushed his collar aside, and kissed his rough, stubbly neck. It scratched at her lips, but every noise she pulled out from between his lips was worth it. He knew so effortlessly how to make her crumble for him.
Lucy was still learning what he liked, but every gratifying grunt or quickening of the breath was so addicting. She always wanted more.
With a tug on her hips, the two were stumbling back into the navy blue armchair. Isaac was seated first, then he pulled Lucy on top of him. Things got even more heated now that she was in his lap. His hand traveled up from the bottom of her dress and across her knee until his fingers were caressing her inner thighs. She shivered, not fully understanding how such a simple touch could so easily make her feel on fire.
It had dawned on her how ridiculous it was that at one time in her life, she had thought she didn’t need this and that she would never crave it. But Isaac had already changed so much. What would he say if he knew that she needed him like she needed sleep? Too long without him felt wrong. If being with him felt this good, then why should she deprive herself?
Their lips parted, each desperate for air.
“I could kiss you forever,” Isaac murmured.
Lucy felt her cheeks redden and her breath catch in her throat just thinking about it. To know that she was even a fraction as intoxicating as he was amazing. She wanted to make him feel just as good as he made her feel.
That made him laugh.
“Now you are shy?” he teased.
He kissed her once more, and she responded hungrily, knowing that she wouldn’t be back in his arms for a few more days. Then, his lips trailed across her jawline before he pressed one more kiss to the tip of her nose.
His shoulders deflated ever so slightly. “We should both get back downstairs before we’re missed,” he said.
Lucy sighed, bunching his shirt up in her palm before she slid off his lap. In a moment, she would be on the other side of the library door, and no one would be the wiser about her little rendezvous.
But she remembered. She would always remember.
Long into the evening, she found her mind racing to her secret meeting. She wished she could tell someone about it. And not only that, but her next rendezvous was only a few days away. She was nervous, excited, and lightheaded all at once. She knew that this next meeting would be more intense than a kiss. She had spent so long wondering what it might feel like. If there was anyone that could make her feel good, however, she was very certain that it would be Isaac.
Isaac joined his mother in the carriage. The door closed behind them, leaving them feeling exhausted and sweaty, both eager for bed after a night of dancing. Having seen his mother as happy as she had been was well worth the stress he’d initially had. She had seemed to reintegrate back into Society effortlessly, but the empath in him knew that it had probably been very trying and that she likely was very exhausted.
“You had fun, it seemed,” he noted, wincing when his voice still had an awkward lilt to it.
He went into every conversation with his mother on high alert. She likely resented it just as much as he did, but he had forgotten how to have a normal conversation with her because it had felt like she had been dead for sixteen years.
“I did.” Arabella’s voice was soft, and yet she seemed surprised. “Your friend was very welcoming.”
“Lord Weston is my friend for a reason,” Isaac said. “All he ever wants is for everyone to have fun.”
She made a noise in the back of her throat while she reached up, pulling pins out of her hair. It began to slump on her head.
“I need more fun in my life. I feel like I just…” She shook her head, and her brows furrowed in disappointment. “I just completely lost that side of myself. I never expected to find it tonight.”
“I look forward to seeing you enjoy the remainder of the Season. There’s plenty of events.”
“It did not even bother me that people were looking at me. I had been so terrified of it, but once I realized they were looking, I only felt resolved to surprise them.”
Isaac nodded. He held out a hand, and she placed her pins inside. Just when he thought she’d found all of them, she was reaching back into her thick dark hair to retrieve another.
She smiled. It felt like validation. “You looked so perfect with Miss Barrington,” she said. “You both have so much in common.”
“We do.”
It was a lie, however. Isaac had overexaggerated his love of horses just so that he and Kitty could find some common ground. Maybe another meeting would be good. She wanted to go to Weston Downs. Maybe they could have a great time together and finally find something to hold them together.
Isaac wasn’t looking for much. He just wanted to move on to the next chapter of his life so that he and his mother could heal. While he didn’t know if they could ever have a normal relationship, he was still hopeful that one day, things might be a little easier. Tonight was already a very rare moment in their relationship. It felt good. It felt closer to normal.
“And that pretty dark-haired girl you danced with.” Her voice was suddenly quiet, like a string so threadbare that it was bound to snap any second. Isaac clenched his fists. “Very pretty, but you are so much better suited for Miss Barrington.”
“That was Miss Lucy Hale,” he revealed. “I just… I was only saving her from a fate worse than death. You have met the late Lord Clifton, so I am sure you can imagine just how dreadful his son is.”
“I thought that might be her,” Arabella said. She ran her fingers through her hair, detangling it. Isaac pocketed the hairpins. “You love her.”
“No,” he said. “No, absolutely not. No.”
“You do,” she insisted.
“I think I would know,” he countered.
He didn’t love Lucy. He wanted her. He even cared about her. She was a friend, after all, but he was certainly not in love with her. What did that even look like or feel like? It seemed the sort of thing to hit you harder than a speeding horse.
“We are friends.”
“The way you looked at her…” Arabella trailed off, her chest rising and falling. “If only you could look at Miss Barrington like that.”
“Miss Barrington is lovely. I am taking her to Weston Downs. I do not have any delusions regarding Miss Lucy.”
“So then, you must have forfeited the remainder of your promenades?”
He shook his head. “Why should I? Not to mention, that would reflect poorly on her if I were to drop her so easily.”
Arabella sighed loudly in exasperation. “You are only setting yourself up for failure if you continue seeing Miss Lucy. She will not marry you. The more you fall for her, the more you will hurt your future wife. Is that what you want?”
“What? Of course not!”
Isaac was about ready to tell her exactly how he felt about her constant bickering. They had been having such a perfect evening, but here they were, back at stage one, arguing over a spinster yet again. He already knew he had made a huge mistake getting involved with Lucy, and he already knew that he couldn’t muster up any kind of romantic feelings for anyone else. The last thing he needed was a constant reminder of just how much of a failure he was.
He wanted to do right by his family, but no matter what he did, he paled in comparison to his father.
“Mhm.” Arabella nodded.
“I refuse to do this for the rest of the trip. If you so much as met Miss Lucy, then maybe you would understand why she is such a dear friend of mine,” he snapped. “But I do not love her, and I can see a future with Miss Barrington. She would be a great wife and an excellent mother.”
His mother stared at him before turning to look out the window. Her silent, biting glare made it painfully clear that she didn’t believe him in the slightest. He couldn’t blame her. He wasn’t telling the truth at all.