SWNOVELS Chapter CHAPTER THREE
Those who operate in the grey areas of life, inevitably meet unscrupulous people. Van was no exception to this rule, though it would have benefitted him greatly if he was. You see, to create grey, we need both light and dark. For every light in the Universe, a shadow is cast, spreading darkness into those who are easily influenced. One of the dark influences, which Van had encountered in his less legitimate business dealings, was a crime Lord, who went by the name of ‘Mondo’.
Mondo was a Gustovarian, a multi-organism form of life, that share a hive mind. They are comprised of a grotesque collection of four to six Gustopods, which form an over-weight, slimy, patch-work humanoid shape. The Gustopods think and act as one, making them an obdurate species, to-boot. In Mondo’s case the central driving force of the cluster was that of greed and malevolence. He controlled a space station in the lawless zone of the Orion Galaxy’s outer rim. From this point he kept tabs on all the criminal activity that permeated the sector. His involvement, however, did not end with information trafficking, he also made his own sizeable contribution.
Mondo was a notorious torturer and was rumoured to be behind some of the most infamous crimes in the Orion Galaxy. Using proxies to carry out his insidious machinations, he had accrued a moderately-sized criminal empire, long before Van had even left his home planet.
The two first met when Van found himself in the undesirable position of having information that Mondo wanted. For reasons, known only to the slimy mound of flesh, Mondo had chosen not to simply torture the information out of the unfortunate privateer. Instead he opted to spare Van the fatal cruelty he had enjoyed wreaking upon so many before him. He acquired the information through empty promises and gained a useful new stooge to use in his nefarious schemes.
In the beginning, this arrangement had been mutually beneficial, until Van was tasked with an impossible mission. The ensuing failure had placed him right where he didn’t want to be, in Mondo’s debt.
Mondo told Van that the only way to avoid a horrifically painful death, was to pay him the alleged cost of the failed job; 2,000,000 credits. To pay this back, Mondo had reduced the cut that Van got from any job he was tasked with, by 70% and reduced the number of jobs that he gave him. This, in turn, lead to Van being at Mondo’s beck and call whenever he so wished, unable to deny his increasingly dangerous orders. Van knew he had to cut this parasitic relationship off. To accomplish this, Van had started taking any job that would pay, legal or otherwise, to settle the debt and sever his ties, without losing his life.
After nearly a year and a half of repayment, the debt had been reduced to a, comparatively, miniscule 20,000 credits. Van had taken a job transporting meat products for a private buyer, to pay off the last of the debt, but to do so, meant he had to turn down a job from Mondo. The job was to pay 40,000 credits meaning that even if Mondo had asked for a financial apology for denying him, he could throw in an extra 10,000 and walk away in profit. The events following the completion of this final job had landed Van in an unfavourable position, to say the least.
While the ship refuelled, Van needed to pull a miracle out of his arse, and fast. How was he supposed to get himself out of this one? Van thought back, was there anything that Mondo put more Importance upon, than money? Not that he could think of, but that had given him another idea. Mondo had been adamant that the job he had wanted Van to do, couldn’t be done by anyone else. This was not only odd, but it could also work in Van’s favour. If Mondo needed him for a job, he wouldn’t exactly kill him, at least not before the job was over and he could just transfer the money rather than going back to Mondo’s station. It was a long shot, but it was all he had without having to put too much effort into it. All there was to do right now, was to relax, if he could.
Van reclined in a sofa plant in the central compartment. He put his feet up and sighed deeply. “D00D, I’m gonna have to deal with Mondo soon, could you put some local broadcast waves on so I can zone out for a while, please?”
“Sure thing, Van.” Echoed D00D’s disembodied voice, “let me see what signals I can pick up. You know Van,” he continued, “I do worry for your wellbeing, when you have dealings with that amorphous thug.”
“I appreciate that, but you know this is the only safe way to get rid of him.”
“I am aware of that, I just wished my objections to be noted. Ok, I have 112 signals that I can show you. What are you in the mood for?”
Van pondered this for a moment. “Show me some; comedy, a gameshow, an action flick and, how about something saucy, just for variety. Base the choices on my previous preferences.”
A large holographic screen was projected in the air, in front of Van. The screen contained four smaller projections, each with a different show being displayed. The comedy show appeared to be a sitcom with mushroom creatures in it, complaining about the love triangles they were apparently trapped in. The gameshow saw two half-man, half-cat creatures, wrestling in some kind of orange sludge over a huge ball of yarn. The action flick depicted a bizarre war movie, in which legions of jellyfish people were fighting against an army of giant squirrels with guns. The exotic show was, unspeakable. I am reluctant to share the details, but suffice to say; it involved lot of tentacles and some kind of food. Although Van would have usually chosen this cinematic abomination, he thought better of it with there currently being a visitor on the ship.
He finally settled on the gameshow, he’d already become emotionally invested in the contestants. The portlier of the man-cats was now stood on his opponent’s back, forcing his face under the orange sludge. He appeared to be surfing on the skinny cat-man, as he writhed and thrashed in a desperate attempt to move the colossal weight that pinned him. The crowd laughed and cheered as typical, light-hearted gameshow music played in the background. The sludge soaked living-footstool seemed to be getting tired, his thrashing lacked energy. Then… He went still… Shit just got real.
Van sat up sharply. Morbid curiosity surged through his every fibre. Mondo who, right? A bell sounded, signalling the end of the fight. A very clean looking, ginger cat-man, wearing a pin striped ‘zoot suit’, came into view on the screen. He was holding a pencil thin microphone and standing in front of the exuberant audience, he let out a short chuckle;
“Ah-ah-ah. Well, there you have it folks. Another strong victory for our reigning champion, next up; the lightning round. Join us after the break for the defiling of the corpse, all right here on ‘Don’t touch my fucking yarn’. Now a word from our sponsor; ‘Family First Insurance’.”
Van’s jaw dropped this is a ‘family’ show!? He had no idea where the broadcast was coming from, but he knew he had to visit. The first order of business before any of that though, was to use the toilet and get snacks before the show came back on. Before he could go about either of these now crucial tasks, however, Dallas entered the room and walked over.
“Hey man”’ he said.
“Hey”, replied Van.
“So”, he began, “you know when we’ve finished refuelling, could you take me to this station in the Mia solar system? It’s not too far, only 100,000 light-years or so. I think I know a guy who lives there and might take me further after I see the local sites. Plus I’m poor as shit and he owes me one.” He chortled again.
Van sighed, he had forgotten that he was supposed to take Dallas to somewhere of his choosing.
“Sit down”, he said to his excited passenger, “there’s been a change of plans.”
Van explained his strenuous financial position and explained his related fear of being force-fed his own genitals until he choked to death. Dallas understood that a detour was probably the best thing for everyone on-board the Bessie’s health, especially him, so didn’t mind the delay in his travels. He also explained that Dallas would be safe, as long as he stayed on the ship. In truth, he had no idea whether he’d be safe or not, but knew it would be better than the alternative, unsure as he was that even he himself would end the visit in one piece. After this lengthy and very detailed explanation, the two men sat in silence.
“Right”, said Dallas, breaking the silence, “So what d’you wanna do while we wait?”
“Have you ever heard of ‘Don’t touch my fucking yarn’?” asked Van
“No”, replied Dallas
“Then you, my new friend, are in for a treat.”