A Rogue For Four Alphas

Chapter Sixty

As I portion slices onto plates and pass them around, I say, "I came here to say that I'm sorry for overreacting when I moved out. I know you were just trying to be helpful, and-" "No," Damon says firmly, interrupting. "You shouldn't be the one apologizing. I'm sorry for telling you what to do. I was worried about you, and I'm the one who overreacted.

"I regret things that I said, too," Erik offers.

"We're all sorry about how that all went down," Ian adds. "You don't need to apologize."

"I could have handled it better," I say. "I guess we all could have, but I was worried about my sister, and staying here wasn't an option."

"You could've stayed here," Damon says, but his tone is gentle, not argumentative.

"Anyway," I say, after taking a sip of water, "I'm not here because I want anything from you. I'm here because I want you. I'm miserable being away from you. I miss you like crazy."

I must be pretty good at hiding my feelings, because the men look shocked at my admission.

"I know I went off on you, but I have a fear of relationships. I'm sure that's no surprise "I glance at Damon here" and I'm very sensitive about men trying to control me, because I've seen men bossing my mother around for years." "Makes sense," Harry murmurs.

"When you see a lot of bad shit, you expect more of it," Damon says, and I remember him telling me about his brother's drug issues

"But you've changed me," I say. "My one-night-only rule was never a problem until I met all of you. For some reason, I can't get enough of you. I think about you all the time. I never used to like cuddling, and now I have the hardest time falling asleep because I'm not in your arms."

Ian, who's sitting closest, reaches over and presses his hand to my back. No one's touched their cake.

After a long moment of silence, where I'd almost start to panic if Ian weren't touching me, Damon says, "How do you want things to be? Do you want to move back here?"

I look back at him, and around at all of them, trying to gauge their reactions, but not sure what they're thinking. "I don't know. I don't have anything specific in mind. I just know that I want to see more of you. I don't want to run away." "Well ... no matter what we do, we need to lay out some rules," Damon says. His face is completely serious - until he cracks a huge smile. "I'm just kidding."

"Jasmine, we've missed you, too," Harry says, and my heart sings. It's the encouragement I need to give them a bit more of my truth.

"I should also tell you ... I like you a lot. The sex is great - I love the sex - but I have feelings for you.

For all of you. And it scares the shit out of me to even say that, but I want you to know."

"Are you trying to tell us that you loooove us?" Ian asks. His silly grin cracks me up, and I'm grateful to him for lightening the mood.

"I'm trying to say that you're all wonderful men, and I want you in my life. I have so much fun with you, and ... "I trail off, not sure what more to say. They're not giving me a ton of feedback, and I'm starting to worry that I've gone from being a commitment phobe directly to a stage five clinger without passing go. Maybe they just want to have sex, and I sound like I want to get married tomorrow.

"We obviously think you're pretty special," Ian says, and I brace myself for a letdown. "We've never shared a woman before, and it's not the easiest thing in the world, but it felt natural with you." He looks around at his friends. Harry nods in agreement, and Erik has an expression that I gauge as positive.

"We all want you," Damon says bluntly. "We all like being with you, and when things were going smoothly between us, they were great."

"That's the thing," I say. "I don't want to cause any problems between you. That's one of my fears."

"What else are you afraid of?" Erik asks. He doesn't speak often, but when he does, he usually cuts right to the point.

"I'm afraid of hurting your friendship, as I said, and I worry that I'll screw things up between all of us. I have no idea how to be in a relationship -"I look for their reaction to that loaded word, but none of them flinch or frown. "It scares me to think about living with you, but the thought of not being with you is even worse."

"Are you worried that we'll try to control you?" Damon asks.

I shrug. "I don't think so. Not at the moment, anyway. I know you wouldn't intentionally hurt me."

He nods. "You're right. We never would."

"Maybe we do need some rules," Harry says. "Jasmine, would you agree to keep sharing your feelings with us? If something doesn't feel right, will you tell us so we can talk it out?"

I bob my head in agreement. "Yeah. And can you all be patient with me? I'll do my best to trust you and not expect bad things to happen."