A Pinch of Cinnamon

Spencer’s POV

The snow swirled around as the wind teased it. I gazed out of the frosted window; happy I was warm inside. It was bitter cold out and we all decided to stay bundled around the fire watching Christmas movies. It was February, but who cares. I could hear my mother humming to herself while she baked cookies. Warm chocolate chip cookies sound great right now. I smiled a bit to myself at how cozy I currently felt.

“Sweetie, do you want some cocoa while we wait for the cookies?” My mom’s melodic voices drifted over the noise of the television.

“Sure! That sounds great.” I walk to the kitchen and grab some large mugs. My mom sets some milk to warm on the stove while I find the powder. I scoop some powder into each mug while mom turns off the stove and carefully pours the milk into each mug. Setting down the pan in the sink, she opens a cupboard and takes out a glass jar. I smile seeing the cinnamon sticks.

“We can’t forget these.” She places a stick into each mug, and we use them to stir the cocoa. The cinnamon adds a bit of spice to the smooth, richness of the cocoa. It always manages to bring a smile to my face. A family tradition from as long as I can remember. My grandmother always used to swear by it. She said cinnamon could make any dish just a bit better. Obviously, she had never put it in spaghetti sauce.

Mom and I collapsed onto the couch with our steaming mugs of chocolatey goodness. I slowly sipped it, the warm fluid washing over my whole body. My stomach felt so warm once I swallowed. A smile remained on my face the rest of the night.

*******

My eyes fluttered open, a heavy weight on my chest. I struggled to rise out of bed. My whole soul felt weary and tired. Ever since Nick stayed the other day, I’ve been struggling to get out of this pit of despair. Outwardly, I try and act fine, especially for Jay’s sake. I know if Nick realized I was struggling; he would no doubt be beside me in an instant. His care is something I’ve been growing used to. I don’t know what he sees in me. He is deserving of someone so much better than me.

Ever since that cinnamon hit my taste buds, I was thrown into the past. Then, I realized the date coming up and it just made things worse. I’m not sure I can pull myself out of this. I can’t have Jay see this. He would be so confused, and it hurts my heart. I’ve tried desperately to keep going. My energy has waned, and I can barely handle chores. I realize I should be blessed to be living right now, to be able to be a mother to my amazing son. I realize I should be doing everything for him that I possibly can. But I feel like I just can’t keep going.

*********************

Nick’s POV

I’ve been unsettled ever since I left Spencer’s. She acted a bit differently, that light that normally is shining in her eyes was dimmed. She didn’t even blush when I kissed her cheek goodbye. Maybe she doesn’t want me around anymore? My heart physically hurts, and I feel sick to my stomach just thinking it. I haven’t seen her in two days. I’ve texted her and she gives short replies, further causing the worry in my gut to intensify. I need to see her. I just feel like something is wrong and I can’t place it.

It was midmorning and I had just gotten out of the shower from my run. I could hear giggling downstairs and my heart leapt in joy as I distinguished Jay’s voice. I missed the little guy, but this also means I can see Spencer. I scramble downstairs but slow down as soon as I reach the kitchen, hoping to make it seem like I wasn’t desperate to come see them. Confusion fills me when all I see is Mom and Jay.

“Hey dear.” My mom glances up as I enter. A look in her eyes I couldn’t quite distinguish. Sadness? Worry?

“Hey, Mom.” Jay’s head snaps to mine, a giant smile appearing on his face, instantly making me feel better.

“Nick!” He hops off the chair and comes racing towards my open arms as I crouch down. I quickly scoop him up and kiss his cheek.

“How’s my little man doing?” My mom watching us, smiling wistfully.

“I miss you.” Jay threw his arms around my neck, squeezing as hard as he could.

“I missed you too buddy. So much.” My heart warmed at how much he has taken to me. I put him back on his chair and walk around the counter to my mom.

“Where’s Spence?” The worry in her eyes intensifying causing dread to fill me. “Mom?”

“Um. She said she wasn’t feeling well and asked if I could watch Jay. Have you talked to her?′ I sigh.

“Sort of. I texted her this morning asking how she was, and she just said fine. Something has been off ever since a few days ago. She doesn’t really talk to me anymore.” I try to keep the sadness out of my voice but it’s there regardless. The thought that maybe she no longer wanted me around was causing me pain. I try not to dwell on the fact that she didn’t ask me to watch Jay. My mom frowns at my words.

“I think you need to go check on her. Something is not right. She wasn’t totally with it today when I picked up Jay, but she brushed off all my questions. Please go check on her Nick.” This is concerning. Even my mom has noticed a difference.

The dread continues to fill me as I run to my truck and head to her house. What if something is seriously wrong with her? I can’t lose her when I barely even have her.

I reach her house in record time and jerk my car to a stop, quickly jumping out. I don’t bother knocking, I’m far to worried for that. The house is silent. All the lights are off and if it wasn’t for her car being in the drive, I’d think she wasn’t here. Maybe she is out on a horse checking fences. My mind tries to come up with scenarios that aren’t as worrying. I walk silently through the house. There are dirty dishes in the sink which is unusual for her. She likes keeping things clean because of Jay. There is also a plate of half-eaten toast on the counter and the plate Jay normally eats from is there too. She didn’t even bother cleaning up. Something is very wrong.

I climb the stairs, taking them two at a time. Her door is open, and my heart is in my throat as I walk towards it. Her room is dark, the shades drawn, but I can still make out her bed. She wasn’t in it.

“Spencer?” I call out into the silent room. I strain my ears, waiting for any sound. A muffled sob comes from the bathroom, causing my heart to sink. Quickly, I go to open the door, only to find it locked. I can hear her crying on the other side.

“Spencer, please open the door.” No answer. I’m getting frantic now. What if she harms herself? I ram the door with my shoulder a few times before it breaks open and I instantly look over her body.