A Guide to Surviving Against Monsters

This wasn't the same place as before. In reality, I had crashed on my couch the second Luca had found my apartment building and dropped me off. However, in this space, I was surrounded by black. It wasn't the white realm where I could speak with him. It was different, one where I had only been for glimpses at a time.

I spun in a circle, staring at the shadows. My senses heightened, but I still couldn't see, hear, feel, smell or taste anything.

It was Nothing.

After getting tired of standing, I sat down and pulled my knees into my chest, resting my chin on them. I stared at nothing, unable to feel anything other than regret.

In these shadows, I saw them. The people that had died for me, or because of me. All the wrong choices, hovering around. Unable to be changed or righted. They stared back at me, haunting my thoughts. It was almost amusing.

"What do you want?" I asked the memory hanging over my shoulder. "I don't even regret you that much."

But do I comfort you?

"Nothing here comforts me."

Do I hurt you less?

"Sure."

The memory hanging over my shoulder was bittersweet.

My first day of the Academy. The end of my childhood and the start of my beginning.

It acted like a cat, the swirl of shadows resting around my shoulders as I stared at nothing. I could see my body in its regular state, and I was even still dressed in my soaked clothes. Part of me was tempted to call on the flames, but it felt wrong.

Do you hate me?

"I blame that day for a lot of things."

But why? Don't you like your power?

I shrugged. "Besides safety, what does it give me? Aren't people supposed to live their lives knowing that they're taking risks?"

Do you not take risks?

"Risks are certainly a lot smaller since I went to the Academy."

But your gifts are incredible, are they not?

"Their price wasn't all that incredible."

But what price is the right one when you get what you got? What they gave you?

"I didn't ask for this," I sighed, getting to my feet. The memory stayed stuck to my shoulders, almost like a shadow as I walked through the haze of Nothing.

At one point, I stopped by a smaller memory. One with Wendy, when we were in the Academy together.

"Why are you so nice, Emmy?"

The words drifted through my ears as I reached for the memory. They were familiar -- they were ones that I repeated to myself since I'd started solo hunting.

Are you still a nice person, Emmalyn?

The memory on my shoulder was starting to get on my nerves. I sighed, letting my hand fall to my side.

"I'm not nice to most people," I admitted, "but... I like to think that when people are lost and desperate, they see at least hope when I come around to save them."

And that's being nice?

I shrugged, moving on from the memory. "It's as close as I can get to it these days."

And what about that?

I looked around me, trying to deduce what it meant. I spotted a dark memory, one that seemed to surround itself with another layer of dark shadows.

I didn't need to go toward it to know what it was.

"One of my darkest moments," I said softly, "my parents' death. What about it?"

Does it not bother you?

"Of course it does."

Then will you cry at the sight of it?

"No," I said gently, "of course not. I have moved on from that loss."

But how can you move on from them, Emmalyn?

"I don't know," I smirked, my eye lighting up purple. Flames coated my body, pushing away the shadows and the taunting, desolate memories. The one on my shoulder was thrown into the abyss of black.

I was like a beacon, glowing purple as I stared one of my worst memories in the face. Since I was pushing them all away, I felt my mind stirring, and knew I would wake up soon.

The last memory to recede was the definition of dark, and I could feel the bruise it had left on my soul as I stared in back in the face.

"Maybe... It had to do with my death."