SWNOVELS A False Start: Chapter 34
I’m hiding out in Cowboy’s stall at Cascade Acres. He’s all tucked in tight for the evening. The swelling in his leg is all but gone. I’ve brushed him to a perfect shine, given him a massage, done the stretches with him that Griffin showed me, oiled his hooves, kissed his soft nose, and held his head as he snuggled up against me in a bid for even more cookies than I already spoiled him with.
I turn in toward him, nuzzling against his shoulder and wrapping my arms around his neck. He’s like the biggest, warmest, most comforting teddy bear. I told him everything that happened today as I worked on him. He sighed and let his long lashes fall shut. No judgment, no opinions, just a nuzzle against my pockets because he knows I am the ultimate bearer of treats.
Who knew this horse would become the friend and confidant I’ve never had? I mean, I’ve always liked the horses, but Cowboy is different. We’re kindred. Both discarded, both underestimated, both with so much potential and more to do.
My plan is to give him the next few months off while I start school and have Billie do some work with him. I’ll only be an hour down the road, but I know my days will be full with my courses and studying. I’ll still take a lesson every weekend. But hopefully by the time my spring semester wraps up, those riding lessons will be on Cowboy.
Maybe we’ll jump, maybe we’ll spend our lives doing trail rides. I don’t really know. I just know he and I are in it for the long haul. I’ll follow his lead.
Peeking down at my watch, I realize that I’m officially late. I’ve cooled off since earlier, but I’m still dreading facing everyone. After one more kiss pressed to my horse’s dark mahogany neck, I leave the stall, locking it behind me and trudging up the sloped driveway, straight to the chaos that is Sunday dinner.
Except tonight, I’ll be facing both men I spent the afternoon avoiding.
My mind flashes back to when Griffin told my brother he’s in love with me. My heart flutters at the memory, but my stomach drops like I’m being ripped in opposite directions. I want to explore whatever this is with Griffin. I want to be able to tell him I love him back. But I know—I know—the timing isn’t right.
I can still see the way my brother gaped at him right as my jaw fell open. It was one thing for him to whisper it against my skin, and another entirely for him to profess it to my brother in such plain terms.
Truthfully, it’s huge. Epic. But I still have this niggling feeling that it isn’t quite right. Like we deserve a cleaner start than this. Like we both still have a metric ton of shit to work out, and maybe neither of us should bring that into a new relationship. Like we were damned if we do and damned if we don’t.
Seeing that beautiful, conniving woman threatening him was living, breathing proof of that.
But my days of running away from my problems are over. I can face this because I know I’m strong. I know I’m capable. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.
I reach out to grab the handle, but the front door is jerked open before I can apply any pressure. Mira stands in the entryway, smirking at me. “I was just coming to look for you.”
I give her a closed-mouth smile. “Here I am. You found me.”
She snorts. “It’s fucking awkward in there. Come join the fun.”
I groan and tip my head back as she wraps an arm around my shoulders and tugs me into the house with her, enjoying this way too much.
“Come on.” She squeezes me. “It won’t be so bad. Everyone here loves you.”
My chin dips to my chest, and I try not to laugh at the ridiculousness of the way she emphasized that word. “Good God, does Stef tell you everything?”
She chuckles, eyes twinkling with amusement. “Literally, everything. You know he’s a stickler for honesty.”
I roll my eyes and kick my shoes off before following her into the open kitchen and out onto the back deck where my brother is barbecuing. Violet and Cole’s two girls are frolicking in the yard with Silas, peering into a mesh cage while squealing happily about the bugs they’ve captured in there. Cole and Violet are sitting beside each other, chairs pressed impossibly close. “Why don’t you just crawl into his lap, Vi?” I joke as I step through the sliding doors.
Violet’s cheeks flush but Cole hits me with a wolfish grin. “Great idea,” he says as he picks up his petite wife and drags her onto his lap, completely ignoring her weak protests and surprised squeal.
They’re fucking adorable.
My eyes snag on Griffin, sitting at the head of the table spinning a can of soda water between his hands, watching me. But his expression isn’t a happy one.
I offer him a shy smile. He winks back from beneath the brim of his hat, and I realize that it’s a tell for how he’s feeling. On days he’s feeling confident and like he could take on the world, he’s got his hair slicked back, looking like a hot, young, bearded Keanu Reeves. But when he wants to hide from reality, that dirty old cap gets pulled out, the brim shadowing his eyes like it did the first night we collided.
“Hey, Stef,” I call to his back. “Smells amazing.”
“Hey.” His reply is stiff.
Super fucking awkward.
“That’s my Nana’s tandoori chicken recipe!” Mira calls from the kitchen.
“Nice!” I call back, genuinely excited to try it out. Because everything her Nana makes is incredible. “How’s Billie?” I ask as I flop down in a chair at the wrought-iron table. Mira slides me a soda water. Pineapple. My favorite. I can pretend I’m on a tropical vacation.
“She’s good. Babies are good. Long labor that ended in a c-section. They’re resting up at the hospital in Garnet Ridge for now. Hank and Trixie are there with them.”
I smile as I sip the bubbly liquid. This little family out at Gold Rush Ranch is really something to behold. My heart squeezes at the thought of Billie showing up on Hank’s front step, looking for a job as a runaway teenager. And now she’s here, living her happily-ever-after with her hot husband on her beautiful farm, with Hank acting as the father she never had.
My eyes prickle at the beauty of it.
“Did you go see her?” I ask.
Violet pipes up. “Not yet. Giving them some space.”
Cole cuts in to add, “I called to congratulate them, and all they did was bicker about what names they were going to pick and whether Vaughn was going to trade in his ‘bitch baby’ sports car for a safer option.” He huffs out a laugh and rolls his eyes. “Like they haven’t had nine months to figure these things out.”
Everyone chuckles, even my brother’s shoulders shake.
Mira leans back with a sigh, staring up at the sky. “I think I’d be worried about those two if they weren’t at each other’s throats. It’s like foreplay for them.”
Cole groans and hides his face in Violet’s icy blonde hair. “Pass.”
Violet giggles and changes the subject. “How’s Cowboy, Nadia? I peeked at him when we arrived. He looks incredible.”
I grin, preening under the compliment about my horse. “Thanks. He’s good. I’m hoping to get some training on him this winter, so maybe he’ll be ready for an amateur like me next summer.”
She nods. “It’s a good plan. Giving him this time to unwind. Why not send him to Griffin? Some time up in the mountains and on the trails would be perfect for him.”
Stefan goes still and glances over his shoulder at the table. The first time he’s done so since I arrived. “Well, I don’t know. I thought maybe—”
“I think that’s a great idea, Violet.” Mira smirks before taking a sip of her wine, and now my brother turns all the way around to give her the full weight of his scowl. She ignores him. “Don’t you, Griff?”
He nods with a forced smile. “For sure. Happy t’help.” He bridges the words together.
“Nice. We’ve got a room full of big talkers here tonight,” Mira announces with a laugh.
Stefan’s shoulders drop, and his expression softens as he takes his wife in, throwing her a bone and tossing out a joke. “Almost makes me miss Billie.” He winks and everyone laughs, knowing there is no replacement for the space Billie’s personality takes up.
The night carries on in a similar relaxed fashion. Stefan and Griffin are quiet and the rest of us carry the conversation. Even the usually quiet Cole steps up to fill the void, because easy as the company is, not even one of us is oblivious to the unspoken tension. When we finish eating, Stefan shoots out of his chair and flees to the kitchen, insisting on cleaning up—as he always does.
But this time, I follow him because I hate this strain between us. He’s the only true family I’ve got, which means the big dummy is stuck with me.
“Are you going to keep ignoring me?” I ask as I stride straight into the kitchen with an armful of plates.
“I’m not ignoring you.” He flicks the tap, letting steaming water fill the sink.
“Don’t be a dick. You’re my only family. I can’t handle you being mad at me.”
He turns then, looking at me a little sheepishly. “Every single person here tonight considers you family. I hope you know that. And I’m not mad at you.” He runs a hand through his hair, eyes flicking around the house like he’s searching for a word hidden in one of his bookshelves. “I’m worried about you.”
I blink at him, not having expected that response.
“I love Griff like a brother. But he’s got some matters he needs to attend to before I’m going to look kindly upon him loving you.” He spits the word out, clearly a little wounded because we kept this from him. “I don’t want you to get tangled up in that. And most of all, I don’t want you to get hurt. You’ve been hurt enough for one lifetime. I’ve let you be hurt, and I’m trying to figure out a way to prevent that from happening to you again without being an overbearing fucking douchebag.”
I laugh. I can’t help it. He barely swears, and it cracks me up every time he does.
“Stop laughing! It’s a hard fucking balance!”
I fall back against the edge of the counter and flatten my hands against my face, shoulders shaking with laughter.
“God. You’re such a pain in my ass. I love you so goddamn much. It’s almost annoying.” That sobers me a little. Stefan and I have a lot of years between us. In many ways, we’re united by our upbringing. In other ways, I’ve only come to truly know him recently because he was lucky enough to escape the hellhole that was our childhood home while I was still younger.
“I love you, too.”
He groans and then closes the space between us, folding me into a firm, brotherly hug as he rests his chin atop my head. When he pulls away, he holds me by the shoulders, green eyes pinning me with their sincerity.
“I want you to be careful. I want you to put yourself first. I want you to consider the implications of getting involved with a man this much older than you, one with demons big enough to rival your own. One who is about to get dragged into the media. And I really, really want you to go to vet school. I want to watch you walk across that damn stage at your graduation, a huge fuck-you to the monster who raised us. I want the world for you. Every dream, every goal. I want you to have every opportunity our mom never got.”
His fingers tighten, squeezing my shoulders in a way meant to be comforting. “You got that?”
I nod, trying to keep the tears at bay.
I got it all right. He has no idea how perfectly aimed that shot was. Becoming my mother. A perfect strike to the spot that makes all my defenses slam straight back into place.