SWNOVELS A False Start: Chapter 22
I stare at the pole along the top of my tent, hands propped across my chest. I’ve been lying here like this for hours. It started off as me staring up at pure darkness and slowly, as dawn broke, the blue glow of morning seeped in, and now I can see the silhouettes of every pole that makes up this tent.
I’d rather be in the other tent.
But Nadia didn’t want me there. And I think that might be a first for me.
I fucked her like a savage, and then she told me to leave. The girl who has been chasing me down and watching me squirm for months is now pulling back.
Right when I decided maybe resisting this pull between us isn’t the right move at all.
Shit, maybe I even want to be around her. That’s a scary realization for someone who has spent the last several years alone. I think I’ve enjoyed being alone. Usually I grow tired of company, the small talk, the smiling. I like the peace that my spot up here in the mountains provides me. I like the solitude.
The idea of sharing that space and time with someone doesn’t feel quite so off-putting right now though.
But only if that someone is Nadia.
I groan and scrub a hand over my face as my dick swells again at the mere memory of her. The way she looked over her shoulder at me, right into my soul, while I pounded into her.
I tried hard to make it just sex. I even turned her over, thinking that might help me keep a little distance. But with her, it’s just impossible. Her eyes taunt me like those couple ounces of bourbon I like to torture myself with at the pub.
At least I’ve come to the point where I can resist that.
Nadia’s warm coppery eyes?
Fucking irresistible.
I could get lost in those eyes. I’d hit the bottom, and it still wouldn’t be enough. I’ve spent months—fuck, years—telling myself I need to stay the hell away from her because of Stefan. Because I couldn’t do that to him. Because she deserves better than the disagreeable washed-up jock, the town golden boy fallen from grace, the man with a major loose end he has yet to face.
She shines so bright, so golden. She deserves someone to match.
I’m wondering if the beauty is in the contrast. Nothing makes gold sparkle quite like black.
Poetic, you head case.
I shoot up, frantically pulling my clothes on out of the pile I left them in before I fell into my sleeping bag last night. I gasp a little as the cool morning air hits me. A reminder that my days down at the ranch are drawing to a close. At the end of this month comes the end of my contract. And then it’ll be Spot and me sequestered in the mountains.
Alone.
I unzip the flap and burst from my tent, feeling like I need space. Air. Perspective.
I turn away from Nadia’s tent, but then I face the field of wildflowers. Which is no better. She’s everywhere.
I’m a thirty-five-year-old man, for crying out loud, all fucking tied up over a twenty-one-year-old with her entire life ahead of her.
A good guy would walk away and spare her the heartache of a man like me. The things I’ve done. The mistakes I’ve made. She would hate me if she knew. I’m sure of it. She grew up under the thumb of an alcoholic. The last thing she needs is to tie herself to one.
“Good morning.” Mira’s smooth voice pulls me from internally berating myself.
I spin the opposite direction and see her sitting on the back porch of the house, wrapped in a blanket, and sipping a mug of steaming liquid.
“Hi,” I huff, too agitated to say much more.
A smug smile stretches across her facial features. She’s always looking at me like that. I like Mira a lot. But I feel dumb around her. It’s fucking annoying.
“Sleep well?” One eyebrow arches, and she takes a sip, eyes scanning my face. Like if she stares hard enough, she might pry my brain open and see the filthy things I did and said to her sister-in-law last night.
I just grunt and start striding toward the house.
“Not really a morning person, huh? Long night?” Her eyes sparkle, and I work my ass off to school my features. Does she know anything? She can’t. She can’t possibly.
“Just been up for a bit.” I can’t be a total dick to her, even though there’s this raging part of me that wants to tell everyone to leave. That I need space.
I hear a zip and soft steps behind me, but I don’t stop. I need coffee. I need to get on a horse and ride out into the mountains as far away as possible from temptation. For years, I’ve been riding away from alcohol, but this time it’s the tall drink of sexual temptation standing behind me saying good morning like nothing happened.
“How’d you sleep?” Mira asks her as I take the steps up to the house two at a time.
“Great.” I can hear the smile in Nadia’s voice. She’s not struggling to keep it together at all.
And it hits me then. Am I mad because I gave in to something I shouldn’t have, or am I mad I want more, and she doesn’t?
“I hate to do this to you,” my friend starts, looking sheepish as we all share the amazing gourmet breakfast he cooked us, “but I think we’re going to head back down to the farm today instead of tomorrow.”
It’s barely nine a.m. and we’re all sitting at the picnic table on my back porch, the three of them carrying the conversation like this has been a fun little getaway while I sit and mope beneath the brim of my hat.
If any of them notice, they don’t say anything. Which almost makes me laugh. I guess I’m a grumpy bastard often enough for this to not seem out of character, even if the running monologue inside my head is different this time.
“Okay.” I cut through the thick-cut piece of farm bacon without glancing up.
“Sorry man, I know you have a couple more things to do, and I said we’d stay another night.” I see my friend’s cheeks soak up some color before his eyes shoot over to his wife, who is smirking at him.
“I just . . . I just miss Silas. Why doesn’t anyone tell you that once you have a kid, you’ll want to escape them but then also hate being away from them?”
Mira bursts out laughing, and Stefan rolls his eyes.
“He spent weeks convincing me a night or two away would be good for us. And now . . .” She shakes her head and smiles, eyes sparkling with so much love it’s almost hard to watch.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say around a mouth full of food.
“Nadia, you don’t mind giving Griff a drive back down to the farm tomorrow, do you?” Stefan asks.
Her eyes widen slightly before she plasters a smile onto her face, and all I can think is that I shouldn’t have let my friends talk me in to carpooling up here. I could really use my getaway vehicle right now.
“Of course not.”
“Okay, great.” Stefan beams, looking relieved. But Mira still has that expression on her face. Her keen eyes flit back and forth between Nadia and me, making me wonder if she overheard us last night. I get the sense we aren’t fooling her.
I should have shoved my fingers into her mouth sooner.
“Great!” Nadia says, too brightly, and Mira smirks at me before pulling her mug up to her lips to cover it.
Nadia and I tidy breakfast up wordlessly and let the two nervous parents get their shit together so they can drive an hour back down the mountain. We stand a safe distance away from each other on the front porch as they pile into their truck, waving at us as they pull out of the driveway and disappear into the trees around the bend, and then the silence stretches between us.
My eyes trace Nadia’s profile, and she rolls her lips together, standing just a little too still to be relaxed.
I might be fourteen years older than her, but somehow, I can still be awkward as fuck around a girl I like. That she grabbed my clothes and practically shoved me out the door last night is seriously messing with my mojo. Especially considering I haven’t been with a girl I really care about in, well, ever.
The sex was hot as fuck, but I also liked the way my hands looked on her bare back. The way she squirmed beneath me. The way she moaned my name.
I want her moaning my name again, and my name only.
“Stop looking at me like that,” she snaps as a few loose tendrils of golden hair blow across her full lips.
A gentleman would do as she just asked, but I’ve never professed to be any such thing. So, I keep staring. I’m not sure I could pull my eyes away from her even if I tried.
“Like what?”
Her eyes roll and her arms cross, and all that achieves is to push her tits up in a really fucking distracting way. I stop staring at her face, just like she asked me to, and let my gaze drop south.
She cants her head in my direction with a snarky little smile, like she knows how badly I want her and gets off on it. “Like you want to eat me for breakfast.”
I chuckle. I can’t help myself. The girl is direct, and I love that about her. “Don’t be ridiculous.” Her brow goes low, all scrunched up like I’ve offended her. “I’ve already eaten breakfast.”
I brush the brim of my cap and give her my best polite golden boy smile. A tip of the hat, a flash of the white teeth. Straight out of a goddamn movie. Works every time.
This one is no exception, and I can’t help but puff up as I walk away. Because I may have been looking at her like I wanted her for breakfast, but she wasn’t doing any better.
I toss a few parting words over my shoulder as I swagger to the back of the house with Tripod hopping at my feet.
“But I’m ready for dessert when you are, Wildflower.”