SWNOVELS A Dose of Pretty Poison: Chapter 9
Most days, I love my job. Watching the kids get so excited about learning something new and seeing themselves improve is so rewarding. But then there are days like today. Days where everyone seems to be in a bad mood. It’s full of acting out and temper tantrums galore, and let me tell you—it’s not easy picking a screaming, flailing child up off the ice.
All I know is that I’m ready to get my car back from the mechanic and then go home to take a shower that may or may not be hot enough to burn me. It may be a pointless one, being as my hair will smell like smoke after the bonfire tonight, but I don’t care. I’m going to do it anyway.
I’m texting Mali as I leave, venting about the day and how a kid’s mother asked if she could leave her four kids, including her six month old baby, at the rink while she goes to get her nails done. My thumbs dance across the screen as I type what she will consider to be a novel, but it all comes to a halt when I walk directly into something hard.
The smell of his cologne registers before anything else, and his hands warm my skin as he grabs my waist to steady me. Keeping my eyes closed for a moment, I pretend to need a second to compose myself, but really, I’m just enjoying being this close.
“You okay?” he asks, dipping his head down to look at me.
I force myself to focus. Lord knows I look desperate enough when it comes to him. Mali has always said I should play hard to get, but clearly, my mind goes by its own agenda.
“Yeah,” I reply. “Yeah, I’m good.”
He releases me and smiles. “Good. Don’t want you getting hurt.”
Hayes disappears into the rink, and all I can do is wonder if there was some kind of underlying meaning to that statement.
I SHOULD’VE OPENED MY damn mouth. Should’ve straight up asked him if he was planning on coming tonight or not. Maybe then I wouldn’t be torturing myself with the will he or won’t he game. Sure, I bet I could just go ask Cam, but the last thing I need is to give him any indication that something is going on between Hayes and me.
I can’t even figure out what’s going on with us for myself.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m crazy. He plays hot and cold so much that I start to think I’m imagining the want in his eyes when he looks at me, or the way it feels like his restraint is hanging by a thread. I thought that after wanting him for so long, my mind was playing tricks on me by showing me something that’s not there. A cruel case of wishful thinking, in a way.
But if that were the case, the kiss at the party would have been the beginning and the end to our tragically premature love story.
There has to be something more to it. I just don’t know if I’ll ever get the chance to find out what it is—especially if he keeps avoiding me like a plague.
THE FIRE CRACKLES IN front of me, mesmerizing as the wood turns to ash. You would think we’d get bored of this at some point, but we don’t. Not even a little. I could sit here all night, just watching it burn.
“This is perfect,” Mali says happily as she kicks her feet up onto my lap. “We’re young, beautiful, and we’re sitting around a fire with a glass of wine.”
My brows furrow as I look around. “Mal, we don’t have glasses of wine.”
“We should fix that then, shouldn’t we?”
Chuckling, I roll my eyes and push her feet off me. We stand up to go get some wine and are distracted when the guys start to cheer.
“Look who it is!” Owen remarks. “It’s Casper the friendly ghost.”
“Fuck off. I was busy.”
That voice. The one that has me wanting to sigh in relief and stop breathing all at the same time. I look up and sure enough, Hayes walks over and does a bro-handshake with Cam.
“Busy? Is that what we’re calling it now?” Lucas asks.
Not going to lie, I hate the way they all seem to think he’s been banging some chick. Then again, he could have been. I wouldn’t know any different, and even if he was, do I really have the right to be mad about it?
At Lucas’s words, Hayes locks eyes with me for a second then forces himself to look away. He laughs, not entertaining him but not denying it either, and I try my best not to let it fuck with my head.
“Guess he’s done avoiding you,” Mali says quietly.
I exhale slowly. “I wouldn’t be too sure.”
IT FEELS GOOD TO have everything back to normal. Don’t get me wrong, there are subtle differences, like the fact that Hayes has yet to speak directly to me since he got here. But he’s here, and my standards may be a bit low right now, because I’ll take it.
“Did you guys know they renovated the billiards place over on Main Street?” Hayes questions.
I pretend to chew on my sleeve in order to hide my smile. The shock on his face when I sank three balls at once was priceless. If I had a picture of it, I’d set it as my background.
Cam looks surprised. “That place is still open?”
“Yeah, and they did a damn good job fixing it up.”
Owen hums, taking a sip of his beer. “I’ve always wanted to have sex on a pool table.”
The timing is horrible. I’m mid-swallow with wine still in my mouth, when I inhale. Immediately, I start coughing. Mali chuckles as she pats my back like I’m a child.
“Lai, baby,” she says with a condescending tone. “We drink the wine, not aspirate it.”
But she has no idea that I’m picturing the way my body was pressed between the pool table and Hayes. And judging by the way he plays with his bottom lip as he stares down at his beer makes me think he’s picturing it, too.
Note to self: Add sex on a pool table to my Hayes Fuck-It List.
“We should go play one night,” Lucas suggests. “But don’t be surprised when I kick all of your asses.”
The guys exchange a look before busting out into hysterical laughter. Owen’s face turns red as he gasps for air, and Cam is almost in tears.
“Dude, every single one of us has beat you at pool before,” Hayes tells him.
Lucas scoffs. “That’s not true. I know for a fact that I beat Owen.”
“The fuck you did,” Owen retorts.
“I did!” Lucas argues. He looks over at Cam. “You were there. Don’t you remember me beating Owen when I played him at pool?”
Cam squints. “Not quite, but I do remember my sister making you look like an amateur.”
Chuckling, I tip my glass of wine toward Lucas. “Cheers.”
“That’s not fair,” he complains. “She can outplay any one of us.”
“Can’t argue with you there,” Owen agrees, and Cam just hums.
But Hayes looks directly at me, talking directly to me for the first time all night. “You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you, Rochester?”
I shrug nonchalantly. “One of these days people will stop underestimating me.”
His grin widens, and I’m not sure if it’s admiration or fondness in his eyes, but it’s definitely something.
THE PROBLEM WITH WINE is that I rarely drink it. Which means, when I do drink it and ingest almost an entire bottle to myself, it hits me hard. And wine drunk Laiken is different from beer drunk Laiken. She’s happier. More carefree.
Mali and I dance around while Owen plays the harmonica with the same skill level of a toddler blowing raspberries. She holds my hand and spins me around, and when I fall onto the ground, she lies beside me instead of helping me up.
“Can we just sleep here?” I ask, staring up at the stars. “The sky makes me feel so small.”
Mali hums. “I’m down with sleeping out here. It sounds rustic.”
“Okay, one, sleeping in the backyard is not rustic,” Cam tells her. “And two, you guys do know there are snakes that live in the woods back there, right?”
The two of us screech in unison as we jump up and go sit back down in our seats. Cam and Hayes both chuckle and tap their beer cans together.
Assholes.
INSOMNIA IS A BITCH. There’s really no nicer way to say it. At first I thought I just couldn’t sleep because I was drunk, but the room stopped spinning when I sobered up a couple hours ago. And still, I can’t seem to shut off my brain.
Mali sleeps soundly beside me as I roll over and check the time on my phone.
Three a.m.
I heave a sigh and rest my arm on my forehead. At this rate, I probably won’t fall asleep until sunrise. Thankfully, I don’t have work tomorrow morning, so when I do eventually drift off, I’ll be able to sleep in.
Maybe I just need some fresh air. Mali’s body heat has been making me a little too warm since the second we got into bed—around the same time she drunkenly mumbled something about wanting to buy a porcupine and teach it to stab people that get on her nerves. She’s a nut even in her sleep.
Sitting up, I slip out of bed and wrap a throw blanket around me. The lowered part of my ceiling has always been my favorite thing about this room. It’s why I wanted the attic in the first place. It makes it so the skylight is low enough for me to be able to stand up through it like my own personal balcony. Plus, it’s easy access to the highest part of the roof.
I carefully climb up and out onto the roof. The cool night air is a little bit of a shock, but as I sit down and snuggle into the blanket, I quickly get used to it. The stars all shine so clearly above my head. The storm that’s coming won’t be here for another couple of days, so I’m enjoying the view while I can.
Scooting down a little, I lie on my back and take a deep breath. It’s so calm out here. So peaceful. I may have been drunk earlier when I told Mali that the sky makes me feel small, but I was serious. There’s something relaxing about it.
A few minutes go by and I’m listening to the sounds of the crickets chirping along with a couple owls in the distance when I hear someone climbing up the roof—and I don’t need to look to see who it is.
Hayes lies down beside me, but neither of us turn to look at each other.
“Can’t sleep?” he questions, right as the silence is starting to be a little too much.
There’s something about Hayes awkwardly stating the obvious that has me chuckling. “What was your first clue?”
He nudges me with his elbow. “Don’t be a smartass.”
“Can’t help it,” I answer. “It’s my default.”
Just lying here with him has my emotions going haywire. He didn’t have to come up here. I didn’t even know he was out here, let alone still awake. It’s three in the morning. He could’ve gone back in through Cam’s window and I never would’ve known any different. But instead, he came up here on his own.
“I’m glad you‘re back,” I tell him softly.
He hums. “Well, I couldn’t exactly leave Cam to think I suddenly hate him or something.”
“Oh, don’t worry. He just assumed you were having a fuck fest.”
It’s meant to be a joke—an attempt to lighten the mood a little and support the lie that the idea doesn’t feel like a blowtorch to the heart. But the sharp look on his face tells me he doesn’t find it funny, so I try to distract him.
“Hey, did you know that there’s an app you can download on your phone and it uses the camera to show you what stars you’re looking at?”
“I wasn’t,” he tells me, not fooled for a minute. “Sleeping with someone, I mean.”
Relief floods through me. “Okay.”
It’s only quiet for a few seconds before I continue, despite everything in me telling me to shut up.
“Even if you were, though, it’s none of my business.”
He doesn’t answer, and it’s so quiet I start to wonder if he fell asleep, but as I turn my head to check, I find him looking back at me. There’s an undeniable urge to kiss him coursing through my veins, but I can’t.
Not without having some idea of what’s going on between us.
I break eye contact and turn back to the night sky. I can’t watch his face while I ask the question I’m about to ask. I’m afraid of the answer, but I need to hear it.
“Can you honestly say I’m the only one that feels something here?”
My voice comes out almost broken sounding, and you can hear my confidence starting to falter. But I know he hears me when he sighs.
“Please don’t make me answer that.”
“Why?” I turn my head to face him. “Because I won’t like the answer or because you won’t?”
You can see it in his eyes—the way his pupils dilate and how he keeps glancing down at my lips. He’s fighting a mental battle in his head, trying to figure out if he should listen to the angel on his right shoulder or the devil on his left. And as he turns on his side and lightly places his hand on my face, I think I can figure out which one is winning.
My heart pounds against my rib cage as I stare back at him. He tucks my hair behind my ear and his jaw ticks.
“Fucking hell,” he whispers. “I don’t stand a chance when it comes to you, do I?”
I want to ask what he means. Make him expand on that statement and give me something to chew on later when I let my thoughts run wild. But before I can ask, he takes the words right out of my mouth by pressing his lips to mine.
If I thought the kiss at the party was good, this puts that to shame. He pulls me in by the back of my neck and his thumb rubs over my cheekbone as he makes every single part of me come alive. Guiding my mouth open, his tongue meets mine, and the quiet moan he lets out confirms everything for me.
I am definitely not alone in this.
As I throw a leg over him, his hand moves from my face to my side, and he grips my waist to pull me closer. I drag my nails down his back, loving the way his breathing quickens.
Things start to get heated, and I’m sure if we weren’t on a roof, clothes would be coming off right now. We grip at every part of each other that we can, and Hayes deepens the kiss like he can’t get enough. But soon after we start grinding against each other, he stops everything.
“Fuck,” he grumbles, his forehead pressed against mine.
I don’t say anything as he sits up and runs his hands over his face. It’s overwhelmingly quiet, neither one of us knowing what to say. The one thing I do know is that he won’t look at me. I watch him look up at the sky, then in my direction, but never back at me.
He drops his head in defeat. “This is why I was trying to stay away.”
I’m sure there’s something to be said. Something to stop him from going back into panic mode. And maybe if it wasn’t dead ass in the middle of the night, I’d be able to think of it. But I’m too stunned—just as confused as he is, if not more so.
He stays in place for another couple minutes and then all but whispers “Goodnight, Laiken” before sliding down the roof and slipping back through Cam’s window.
And any chance I had of going to sleep tonight disappears along with him.