0 Celsius: To thaw a frozen heart

3 days have passed and there is no trace of her.

I have contracted top of the investigation teams but it felt like Sapphire Brown vanished from the surface of the earth.

"You bloody get paid for this work!! I want her within next 24 hours if not get ready to loose your job!"

Cutting the call I threw the phone on the couch and tried to calm myself.

The dread feeling in my heart was escalating each day and my mind again and again took me back to her.

The file in front of me had all that they could get on her.

Her house address...her work address.

The club told that she left the same day I met her...her house or should I say a single small room was locked since last 3 days and no one knew where she was.

An idea came to my mind and I grabbed the car keys and made my way towards her address.

Anything I can get on her would be enough.

The locality I reached was at the outskirts of the city...my car couldn't go ahead and I had to park it behind.

This was the most dangerous area to live in with murders and rapes a very common scene.

Thinking that Saph lived here made me wonder just how difficult her life would be.

I reached the address to see a room with broken wooden frame and smell of garbage making it difficult to even breathe.

Breaking the lock I made my way inside to be welcomed with a small room with an old box TV..one single bed and a wall covered with hundreds of pictures.

I moved closer to examine them and what I saw made me freeze with shock.

There were our pictures from those times when we were together.

Some were my alone while others were of us together.

Each picture had a happy memory and I smiled remembering that time.

My hands automatically lingered on her smiling face

How beautiful she looked

But then a picture caught my eye that made me stop.

It was a latest one with me and Andrea hand in hand smiling at the camera.

Was she trying to explain herself that I have moved on with Andrea.

Looking around I ransacked all the racks and drawers but didn't found much.

Finally when I was going to leave after taking some of her photos along with me my eyes locked on something lying under the pillow. Pulling it out it was a beautiful diary.

A very elegant design covered the book cover and the words written on the first page filled my heart with nostalgia and longlines. "Personal diary of Aurora Sapphire Brown"

Flipping through the pages of the diary at once my eyes saw how her handwriting changed from a kid to an adult...as the dates and years passed with a flip my hand stopped on her last entry ........ Date 27th Feb

Time :2 am

I can't sleep again...

The medicines are of no use when his eyes haunt my nights...

Those cold eyes were again looking at me with hate...

Hate is nothing new. I am used to it now...but his hate matters

His every word and every look matters.

But diary you know what the best part was?

He protected me!!

He stood in front of me when another man looked at me...

And his touch was enough to make my day.

The bruise on my arm he left is a token of his touch and I can still feel his strong grip on me.

I know you must be thinking I am crazy cherishing a bruise like it was a hickey but diary you don't know what all love can make you do.

Especially when it is a long lost one and has no future.

He is expensive...I know.......I am rubbish under his feet...but when he touches me he changes this rubbish into gold.

Well that's enough I won't bore you with his talks again like I do every night

I will tell you something else...

Like today I had a sandwich!!

It was expensive...but worth it

Those left over foods are so bad and not to forget those stale breads.

A hot filled toasted sandwich felt so good..

My co worker gave it to me as a gift for doing his shift.

But it will be the last I get...

I will not go back to that club again....

I don't want him to come back in search of me.

Even though I know he won't come back but still I can't take risk...

He should not look back at me now..

He doesn't deserve someone like me...

And yes last night I saw their new picture together.

Wow miss Andrea looked so good with him...

She is so beautiful!!

They both look so good together like they are meant to be!!

Jealousy...no I am not jealous...I would be the biggest fool on the earth if I compare myself with her.

It will be a disgrace to her if I compare us...she is a queen...

Just few days are left by the way. They are getting married.

They both deserved the best and are the perfect couple...

I just hope he forgets me..

Even though there is nothing in me to be remembered off. Or love about but if he forgets me I guess I will finish this book with peaceful and a happy end.

I will be happy just by knowing he is happy

Oh sorry again I came back to him...you must be bored listening to the same thing I tell you every night.

Okay so....let's write today's poem...

I don't know if tomorrow or any day after I will be able to continue you because you know my reasons...but for now here it is....

I wait for you every day

I long your touch every night.

Don't know why I want what I don't deserve

But your eyes makes it feel that everything is right.

Love is a small thing to gift you by a lowlife like me

But sorry that's the only thing I can afford in this life.

You don't need to accept my gift

It demands no reciprocity

But just remember that once you met a girl that no one cared about.

A girl that was invisible to this world and one day became an illusion.

Remember her as mistake or a lesson but please do remember the lonely one.

Sapphire Brown was not as rare as the blue gem Sapphire nor was she something special to be adored and kept.

She was just a piece of coal that got burned and came down to ashes to be flown away with the wind and disappear just like she never meant to exist.

Ps It's raining outside now and I think the medicines finally decided to work. Goodnight dear diary.

As soon as I completed the entry on the page a sob broke out.

Teardrops landed on the diary as my fingers traced each word she wrote.

I don't know if I have the heart to read my Saph's diary.

To imagine and feel each and every day of her life.

But I had to do it

I need to know her secrets to know the answer to the question

Where are you now?

...000