North x Northwest

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“What didyouget?”

“You are misunderstanding it! Yes, this is absolutely not what you think…”

Ed, who was just around the corner, attempted to hold her hand. But when Lil simply hit his hand away, his hand stopped mid-air before trying again. Lil, however, felt repulsed. She associated Ed’s hand with Mireille’s, so she instinctively swung her hand back at him.

“Don’t touch me.”

Ed’s face twisted in pain. Even though her slap wasn’t powerful enough to cause any physical injuries, it still hurt. And witnessing Lil behave this way broke his heart.

‘No, this can’t be. She can’t be this apathetic towards me…’

“Please…”

“Tell me.”

Lil wasn’t sure why she hadn’t run out yet. She figured she either wanted to hear an explanation or she tried to gather more reasons to convince her mind to hate Ed.

Ed exhaled hesitantly. For a moment he was just standing there, with his head drooping seemingly out of resignation and his tightly closed eyelids…

Every one of Ed’s actions confused Lil.

“I was told that you were in possession of an artefact… At first, the Duke didn’t know the necklace was an artefact, however, his recent investigation had identified the possibility of it being one, so to me…”

“The Duke… did Rene Mireille tell you that you could have the necklace?”

“…”

“So if he hands you the artefact, what will the Duke get?”

“…”

Ed couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth. A minute ago he had been determined to explain everything to the fullest, but seeing the obvious answer in front of him, his shoulders slumped dejectedly. Not only Ed saw it, but Lil did too.

“Say it with your own mouth.”

“I really…”

“Hurry!”

“I swear I never meant to take you to the Duke…”

“Hah!”

“…”

Lil’s temples ached and her face seemed to boil to the point it would melt.

‘After all, Ed recognized me the moment we met in Amiaeng…’

From their very first meeting in Amiaeng till now, all her doubts and all the questions she asked herself along the way, were all answered at a terrifying pace. Now, there wasn’t a single situation that didn’t make sense anymore.

“You even knew me before Amiaeng. Which means, all of this was your plan, after all? To make me be a part of your game?”

“I’m sorry, but…”

“You knew everything! You knew…”

“..!”

Lil’s chest tightened.

She felt dizzy for a moment and stumbled. It was a similar sensation as when she passed out a few days ago. Before she knew it, her body fell helplessly backwards and Lil reflexively grabbed around her. Fortunately, her forearm found a chair that could support her body. At the same time, however, Ed had grabbed her other arm, but Lil pushed him away with all her might almost immediately.

“Don’t! Don’t touch me!”

“…”

Lil turned cold. As firm as an anchored ship, she secured her heart.

‘No more change of direction and I no longer will be blown away by Ed’s gust of wind…’

“You treated me like an object and sugar-coated the whole situation with your sly mouth.”

“…”

Despite how hard she tried to deny it, Ed’s touch left an afterglow. She was naturally reminded of him holding her body and rubbing his lips against hers. As soon as shame took over, a sensation of irritation crept up her throat and, whether it was nausea or a cough, eventually burst out of her mouth. After throwing out several chunks of breath, Lil tried to raise her body, using the support of the chair and stand upright again.

‘My strength is draining away, it’s as if I’m getting closer and closer to losing consciousness…’

She wiped the cold sweat from her brow with her arm. Although there was still a lot of resentment left, her body couldn’t keep up.

Facing Ed, Lil muttered weakly.

“…I can’t understand you…”

Looking pale himself, Ed cautiously clutched a handkerchief from which he had no idea where it had come from. Upon noticing the handkerchief that Ed was holding out for her, Lil instinctively brought her own hand to her mouth.

“Butler! Lord Grits! Elodie!”

While Lil was checking the bloodstains on her hand, Ed called for his servants at random. Lil stroked her lower lip. When she checked her palm again, there was considerably more blood than before. As she stared at her palm, that, due to a dizzy spell, multiplied in two and then three, she spoke so softly that it appeared like she was talking to herself.

“…I told you back then. That if you were planning on telling me the truth, you would have told me at some point…*”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, so please don’t…”

Lil didn’t even look at the handkerchief Ed was anxiously holding out. Ed similarly seemed reluctant to approach out of the fear that she might snap again. Lil found that fact rather fortunate, for she didn’t want to lose her mind over this as well.

“You should’ve told me so back then instead of being exposed like this… Like getting caught.”

Lil’s nasal passages became sour and hot liquid flowed out. Although her consciousness gradually became hazy, Lil stubbornly wiped her face with her hand.

Ed turned even paler upon seeing Lil’s worsening condition and spewed out hasty answers.

“Because when I started seeing the real you*, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I had barely made it that far, and that’s why I became even more afraid of telling you. Because everything we had built up so far might’ve gone to waste… I wanted to know what you thought of me and what was on your mind. I got greedy, damn it… It was my greed that I shouldn’t have had, I know that… but that’s the kind of spirit I deceived you with…”

“What kind of tricks can’t you sell with that mouth of yours? I’m starting to get sick of it.”

Ed was holding his breath and Lil sensed it. She stared blankly at his wet cheeks.

‘Those are probably water droplets from his wet hair that hasn’t dried yet.’

However, they had been falling since a while ago. The hand clutching the handkerchief hung down as well. Ed remained deafeningly quiet for a while as if he was enduring something. Eventually, the hand holding the handkerchief formed a fist and stopped shaking. It was then that he let out a voice that was pressed down by his unsteadily shaking throat.

“You…”contemporary romance

“…”

Ed wiped the corner of his eye as if the water had finally become too bothersome for him.

“…I never thought I’d fall in love with you.”

“…”

Sobs were mixed with his words as Ed clearly struggled with his breathing.

“I didn’t know that…”

A group of servants burst into the room, causing a small commotion. In the meantime, Lil’s demeanour turned even colder, like she had been hit with cold water in the middle of all the noise. A sudden realisation came to her…

“Then I was nothing but your plaything before that…”

“No!”

“…”

Lil coldly took her eyes off Ed. She turned around, wiping the blood dripping down her chin.

“Please…”

“Thank you for confirming.”

***

When Lil returned to the boudoir, she packed everything at random. Elodie, who had followed her through the wide open door, wandered around the entrance, not knowing what to do. As maids carrying towels and a water basin trailed behind her, Elodie nervously looked down the corridor and asked one of the girls.

“…Where is Levi? Didn’t I ask you to bring her?..”

“…The Viscountess of Bonfi came to see the doctor. Miss Levi seems to be still in the southern building…”

“…But this is an urgent situation concerning the Madame, so ask for forgiveness and bring Miss Levi quickly! Now!..”

Regardless of the whispers, Lil focused herself on gathering her clothes and packing her weapons when she suddenly realised they were all paid by Ed.

She cursed inside.

‘Even the clothes I’m wearing are no different…’

She pulled at her sky-blue dress smeared with blood with a desire to tear it apart.

“Damn it!”

‘Even so, I can’t just take off my clothes and leave this residence naked.’

Lil looked around her and grabbed the stack of bills. She ripped Ed off, using the value of her necklace as an excuse, but upon seeing the Retiro seal, she immediately threw them away. She’d rather get her necklace back and sell it somewhere.

‘I’ve been relying on others this whole time… I don’t have any possessions here, the only thing that is truly mine is my body…’

A sense of hopeless desolation came over her. Lil felt dizzy for the umpteenth time and had to steady herself with the help of the desk. Through her clouded vision, she could faintly see the blueprints of Gualtiero.

‘The day the merchants from the Western Continent enter the Devito Harbour will be Roahn’s busiest day. I only have a week left before that. But can I really get the job done on that day?

Mireille’s followers are probably already camping in Roahn to complete their deal. Knowing Mireille, he would do anything to achieve his goal. That’s the kind of man he is…’

Lil also realised why Ed, till this point, had kept his whereabouts a secret and why he had placed both her and himself in the restricted west wing without a single outsider.

‘Ed really didn’t intend to hand me over to Mireille… He occasionally tried to explain how he had ended up aboard the Bell Rock. Whenever this happened, I was the one who said I couldn’t afford to listen to such things. Instead, I prioritised our mission regarding Gualtiero above all else. That being said, he didn’t appear to be pushing it either…’

Lil instantly cut off all speculation about Ed’s ‘sincerity’ and resolved not to think about why Mireille had hired Ed to find her. She believed there was nothing she could do if she speculated by herself, and she was determined to save her crew first.

‘I had planned to go back to Sesbron anyway. I was even prepared to be taken back to the Duke the moment I pulled off my necklace in front of Sagastar… That’s right. Ed’s involvement doesn’t really change anything.’

In the end, Lil left the boudoir without a single bag…

***

Reference:

“…I told you back then. That if you were planning on telling me the truth, you would have told me at some point…” = Chapter 185, Lil said this in their first real fight after she woke up from her coma. Back then, Lil had the feeling that Ed was blaming the whole ordeal on her.

“Because when I started seeing the real you, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you…” = Ed refers to the moment the necklace stopped working and he got to see Lil as a woman.

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