SWNOVELS Chapter My CEO 251
251 Fears revealed
(Winona)
I can't move. I can't breathe.
"Jayden?" My voice comes out softer than I intend, almost a whisper, but it's the only thing I can manage. My throat is tight, my pulse pounds in my ears.
He doesn't answer but I see the guilt and confusion in his eyes. He knows. He knows what I heard.
"What-what was that?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady, but failing miserably. My hands tremble, and I clench the bedsheet to stop them from shaking so much.
Jayden runs a hand through his sweat-soaked hair, his fingers, and he looks down. "It's nothing, Winona. Just a nightmare."
"Bullshit it was just a nightmare," I say. "Jayden, you called out Ashlyn's name. You used the safe word..."
He doesn't answer, and that silence is louder than any explanation he could offer. My stomach twists. sit up fully now, pushing the covers off me, and the cold air hits my skin. But I don't care.
wwwwww
The chill in the room has nothing on the icy knot forming in my gut.
"It was a dream then a nightmare with Ashlyn. I'm sure it's just all the pressure lately. Nothing to worry
about."
"You used the safe word Jayden. That isn't nothing. Are you having sex or whatever in your dreams because I'm not giving you sex?"
""No! No, it isn't like that."
"You moan, you groan, you laugh. All sexual. You writhe, pant and say her name and the safe word. Don't fucking tell me you aren't having fetish sex in a dream!
"I'm not! It's not like that." His voice is sharp though his eyes still look dazed. "It's just a one off."
"Stop lying to me. You promised no lies." I can't help the edge of anger in my voice.
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"This isn't the first time, Jayden," I say, my words tumbling out, "It's happened before. You've been saying her name and that word in your sleep for weeks."
"What!? You knew? Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I didn't want this before we were married."
His face changes. A flash of something crosses his features-Anger? Guilt? Confusion? I can't quite tell.
"You didn't tell me?" he asks, his voice a mix of disbelief and accusation. "Now who's keeping secrets, Winona?"
1 flinch at his tone. "Because I didn't know what to do, okay? I didn't want to make it a bigger deal than it was. We have enough going on. I thought it would stop Barnaby said I should tell you-"
1/2
251 Fears revealed
+25 BONUS
"Barnaby! You told the therapist but you couldn't tell me."
"I didn't want to derail our wedding."
He throws the blankets off himself, getting out of bed with an angry huff, he starts pacing the room. "You should've told me. This is the kind of thing we need to talk about!"
"Why didn't you tell me the first time it happened?"
He stops pacing, "Because I...I couldn't. How could you understand this? I can't."
"Jayden, I think we've both let each other down." I stand up now. "I trust you. I love you. But how was supposed to deal with hearing my fiancé say another woman's name in his sleep?" Jayden frowns.
"Not just any woman-her. The woman who tore us apart! The woman who's still tearing us apart."
Jayden flinches, and I immediately feel a pang of regret, but the words are out now. The silence that follows is unbearable.
"I don't know why it's happening," he finally says, quieter now, his shoulders slumping. "It's probably stress. Henry, Judy, the wedding... It's all catching up with me."
"Maybe," I reply, "But that doesn't explain why she keeps showing up in your dreams. What if it's more than just stress? What if there's something you're not dealing with? What if deep down, you still love her?" He lets out a frustrated breath, shaking his head. "No. I don't. You know that. I love you. I'm marrying you,
Winona,"
"But you're having sex with her."
"It's a damn dream, Winona. Not real,"
"But do you want it to be real? That's my question. Whatever you did with her and when you used the safe word, I can't give you that. Is that what you need?"
Jayden doesn't say anything. He just stands there, staring at the floor, like he's trying to figure it out himself. Finally, he sighs and pulls on a shirt.
"This, this is why I didn't want to mention it before the wedding."
"I don't get it. What difference does it make?"
"Because our vows are for better or for worse. After the day felt safer. But if... if you do still love her, or at least still want that sexual darkness, that is something that may stop our wedding"
"Are you saying you don't want to marry me now?"
"No! I'm saying what if you figure out you need more than I can give you, sexually."
"That's ridiculous. I've told you, I don't need that anymore." His frustration spills over.
"But, clearly, your brain, your innermost feelings, your subconscious is telling you differently. Maybe you need to face up to the truth inside yourself. How fucking hard can this be? It's glaringly obvious to me." "I need some air," he says as he pulls on his clothes, walking toward the bedroom door.
251 Fears revealed
+25 BONUS
I want to stop him, but instead, I just watch him leave, my mind racing. When the elevator doors ding, the silence in the bedroom is deafening.
I sit back on the bed, pulling the blankets around me, trying to make sense of everything.
I'm cold, shaken, scared, and utterly alone.
252 Old And Alone